Month: October 2004

A man should conceive of a legitimate purpose in his heart, and set out to accomplish it. He should make this purpose the centralizing point of his thoughts. It may take the form of a spiritual ideal, or it may be a worldly object, according to his nature at the time being; but whichever it is, he should steadily focus his thought forces upon the object which he has set before him. He should make this purpose his supreme duty, and should devote himself to its attainment, not allowing his thoughts to wander away into ephemeral fancies, longings, and imaginings. This is the royal road to self-control and true concentration of thought. Even if he fails again and again to accomplish his purpose (as he necessarily must until weakness is overcome), the strength of character gained will be the measure of his true success, and this will form a new starting point for future power and triumph. .

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing. Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, love does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

well… i woke up for school at 630 today… i took a shower got ready… blah blah… i wanted to go surfing today really bad… i looked outside it looked shitty… i called the surf report waves were 1-2 ft occasionally 3ft set… and choppy… more depression… its a friday…. so… i went back to bed… ………………….i have work at 500pm… i get to work like a friggen mexi bussing and get paid POO for it (is 9.00 poo?) i need to find a new job. or two new jobs… although i like pyros… 6.75 aint cuttin shit…………………………. ……..i didnt fail any classes this marking period… and only 1 D… damnit……. ………….when youre hurt? how do you show the person who hurt you? i never like hurting people… but sometimes shoving the brutal truth of their errors in thier face seems to get the point across.. my intentions are never to hurt the person… just show them my hurt… blah blah… emo shit. ………..

today… i looked for apartments… all day… im starting to realize that its gonna be impossible for me to afford to live in a decent neighborhood free from shootings drug busts and rapes… the search continues… i think we’ll get an additional 4th roomate… we’ll see btw… girls are really dense

Going out tonight with a special someone… catching something to eat and who knows what else…

stressful week…letting a loved one go is never easy
 

Manipulation is the scariest most dangerous tool a person has in thier arsenal of reasoning. You manipulate by using a persons own vocabulary and understanding against them. The victim ends up compromising what they want, which usually coincides with their morals and ethics and logic, for the other persons benefit. The victim ends up rationalizing themselves into contradicting what they initially thought to be true. Manipulation is selfish. Often times its so difficult to decipher as manipulation. Its easy to agree with the person. Once youve learned to see manipulation, and see through manipulation, you actually see a persons true character come into light. THeir selfish desires are revealed and they become ugly.
What pisses me off even more than someone trying to manipulate me, unknowing that i see through the selfish desires, lies, and deceit, is when a person is fully aware that i see through the bullshit and they continue to manipulate. Its unbelieveable. They have no convictions. They dont even think twice about what their saying. They say anything for you to put down your walls that protect your insecurities so a hint of trust can thrive. From that trust spawns the manipulation. What saddens me through it all is that when someone actually continues to manipulate, despite knowing that im not at all stupid and i am fully aware of the circumstances at hand. What happens is a steady decline of trust is lost towards the person… which leads to the demise of any respect for them. Even more hurtful is when someone you love does it.
Someone i loved attempted to manipulate me recently. I saw through it all. I saw a glimpse of thier true character. she continued, completely in denial of the fact that we both knew how wrong she was. She denied me in order to save herself from destruction even though it would have been the right thing to do. Pride and stubborness also upset me. People need to get over themselves. Be real.. and mean it. cut the shit facade that you unveil to the public on a daily basis. It all comes back to insecurities. People will stop at nothing to prevent themselves from being hurt. I hate hurting. But i think its selfish as shit to hurt others in order to save yourself from hurt. Get depressed hurt yourself. Deal withit. Dont let the public know. thats my deepness for today.

I have yet to find/meet/be with a woman whos willing to be 100% real with me. Women have issues called insecurites. Why the insecurities prevent them from admitting their wrong is another topic that pisses me off. How do you know when you found the one for you? How do you know you havent passed them by already? How do you know you arent in the process of messing up something genuinely good? :confused: Whenever you’re confused just know its the womens fault.