We have breakfast and Damhán drives us to the post office around the corner so I can mail a box and some letters and pick up a package. There was no parking, so Damhán would have to circle the block (in hindsight there is parking. She also didn’t have her phone on her, which I didn’t know). When I got out of the keyless entry car I accidentally took my keys. The car still runs until it’s turned off.
There was a single worker at the post office, and a line of like 6-7 people. It took about 15 minutes to get to the front, then they had to measure and weigh it, then figure out how quickly I needed it to arrive. I texted Damhán that it was going to take a bit. I also called her. By the time I paid for shipping and mailed the car I was walking back to the street and see Damhán walking my way. I was surprised and asked if she found street parking. She did. She told me she was worried cause it took so long and I took the key. She asked me if I picked up the package. I realized I totally forgot. I was bummed. She was really upset that I forgot the package. I told her it was a mistake (my personal package) and I was super bummed. She expressed how upset she was I forgot the package. I told her it wasn’t a big deal, I could go back later, and that she was making me feel bad.
This is when the conversation turned bad.
She said “Are you serious? This is about you and your feelings?”
I was confused. She said she had a right to be upset, and I said sure she did. She waited, and I accidentally took the keys. It was a mistake. She said even if it was a mistake she could be upset about it. And I told her that’s fine, but that it shouldn’t come at the expense of wanting to make me feel bad, and put me down like I’m incompetent or something.
She was beside herself. I was being so selfish with my feelings. She said I was unbelievable and she didn’t want to talk about it. I said I don’t know why you’re upset.
When we got home she went inside. I followed after her. She gathered her things to run some errands and I sat quietly on the couch. As she prepared to leave she stopped to tell me how she felt, she told me she was very upset at me, that all I thought about was my own feelings, that I didn’t listen to her feelings. I told her I had no idea what she was talking about.
She told me how she was upset because she had to drive around for 15 minutes, without a key in the car, that I forgot the package I went there to pick up, while her dog was with some strange dog at the house (dog sitting a friends dog…what?), and how I made this out to be all about my feelings.
I said I understand. But also that I was pissed that she thought I was trying to upset her…. That I had no intention of getting her upset. But that she was taking it too personal, that I made a mistake. She told me I was interrupting her, that I didn’t care about her feelings, only my own. I said I did know how she felt, that she told me and I could tell her. She said I could never possibly ever understand how she felt… Ever.
I didn’t say anything. I forget what else happened. She left.
What set this episode off, I may never know. According to her it’s all about my feelings, and I’m insensitive. I understand why she’s upset, even though I feel like any other person would understand that shit happens and mistakes occur. And that her getting upset and her effort to make me feel bad just brings everything down, it’s not constructive. I apologized. I don’t now what else she wants.
William Dare 