Libraries are nothing more than tombs filled with epitaphs and eulogies of great men. The living flock to universities to find some common truths among the confusion that can provide some unifying meaning, e pluribus unum- out of many, one. Men spent their lives entertaining fancies about their ephemeral existence and the ether in which they swim.

I rack my brain thinking about life’s questions. Just when I abandon the pursuit and turn away, I find myself faced with even more vexations. I cannot run. Its as if I am suppose to walk in the darkness and knowingly tread on unfamiliar ground. I want to be sure, but there is no security.

blah blah blah. where are my muses?? inspire me! I can’t wait to start school. I need challenge. I need some social exposure, some stimulation.

I am free. I have to remind myself of the bigger picture. Sometimes I tend to lose sight of why I’m doing what I’m doing. I have to remind myself that I am free and that the actions I’m undertaking are a result of a prior choice made on free will. My continual commitment of that choice, reflected through daily disciplines, is apart of a greater freedom I’m seeking to achieve. I cannot forget the prize. When running a marathon, or any great race with great rewards, I suppose its easy to forget why your running. I must not lose sight of the finish line, even if I cannot see it. I must visualize what it looks like to finish victoriously and strong.


I’m always trying to evaluate my strengths and weaknesses. Just when I think I feel that I’ve mastered progress in a particular subject, I’m humbled by the realization that I don’t know anything at all.


All day long I contemplate what I must do and hesitate to do it. I just want to be. Life is a choice. It’s about the moment. Its about choosing to let go of your past, consider the future, and live in the present. I choose to be content, fulfilled and joyful. I appreciate the current situation. I am grateful for who I am and what I have.

Why do i consider so much? Why can’t just let go. Forge ahead and blaze new thoughts, relationships, realities.

paradox and reason

Lifes vicissitude’s are the only source of hope. The Heracleitean argues the irrefutable law of non contradiction held by Parmenideans. How can there be no change? As the philosopher of antiquity said “You cannot step into the same river twice”. How can we maintain a rational perspective if the very foundations of logic are undermined by the plain observation of change?

Paraphrasing from Robert Fogelin’s “Walking the Tightrope of Reason”:
The law of noncontradiction states: It is not the case that something is both the case and not the case. Or… to simplify… ‘if we let “~” mean “it is not the case that” and if we let “&” mean, reasonably enough, “and” than:
Substitute whatever you like for the proposition, you will still have a true statement- even if the propositional value is false.
This seems so trivial that one asks what is the point? Ofcourse something cannot be and not be at the same time. Yet, if this law is true, the whole world would be static and unchanging. Nietzsche said it best in ‘Will to Power’ #584:
The Law of Noncontradiction [tells us that] the true world… cannot contradict itself, cannot change, cannot become, has no beginning and no end. This is the greatest error that has ever been committed.

Can something be and not be, simaltaneously? Do we not live in an ever changing world? One cannot be rational and reject the law of noncontradiction. You would think in circles and never establish a point. Following any assertion or denial, one must ask if it matters whether we interpret it as an assertion or a denial. Aristotle handled those rejecting the law of noncontradiction in the following way: In interpreting what I say, you may add the phrase ” It is not the case that” to the front of any senence I utter. Do this as you please, for it will in no way alter the significance of my discourse.

This life of ours is lived simply on faith. We use the law of noncontradiction to establish the law of noncontradiction. We have no foundation on which this logic ultimately rests. There is no demonstration or proof which delineates the law- it is taken on faith.

Reality is a paradox. We live life as rational, logical beings, yet we drift among a sea of flux. Some argue on the side of Heracleitus , as Nietzsche, Emerson, Whitman and others did, rejecting the notion that there are absolutes in life. Even modern philosophers, try as they might, and as rediculous as they seem, to reject science as a dialectical illusion-ironically enough as they type on thier computers.

To me, this justifies that there is a God. For such paradoxes to exist, in which my rational and logical processes are found to be hallow and misguided, would cause me to break down. My faith, ultimately, must turn to God. That higher power, the infinite consciousness transcending supermetaphysical contraints, is my only source of guidance. Rejecting him and my world begins to literally fall apart. Placing my faith in Him produces an unparalelled fecundity in life. That is where my faith is planted.

Write more later…


Damn this world. Meaning. All I’ve strive to accomplish and for what? At the end of the day I’m still pitted against the vacuum of emptiness, a void. Where is the meaning? The pursuit of meaning just might be more meaningful than the goal I’m reaching to attain.

Where is my mind? Despite all the philosophers of antiquity, all the poets past and present, no matter how eloquently stated- nothing remains certain. No matter how much is written, no matter how long the debates rage, there is still little evidence that the life of an individual is worth any more now than when he started. Even after examining the assets accumulated, the people touched, the love kindled, one is still forced to face the ultimate reality which nullifies all efforts- death. This is a nihilistic state that I’m literally dying to escape.

So I’m faced with the care of my direction. All my energy has seemed to have left my limbs, the muses departed, leaving me with the reflection of a boy, scared and alone. I once cherished the kindled relationships with other human spirits above any other ideal. Now there seems to be a shallow reality that they are as lost as I. Meaning…

I’m trying to adopt a different tone. This nihilistic feeling leaves me powerless. I’m learning to shun the idea of expecting anything from life, but embrace the expectations that life holds for me. That may be the only escape from this mental torture.

I’ve sabotaged my integrity with illogical optimism. I need to regain footing and stand again with a renewed sense of purpose. I need to be confident in my ability to reach swelling heights of achievement. I am here and, like a tree, I will never question how high I am destined to grow.

write more later.

panegyrical beauty

“Do you know the land where the lemon trees flower,
Golden oranges glow in the dark leaved bower,
Where a gentle wind blows from an azure sky,
Unruffled the myrtle grows and the laurels rise high-
Do you know the land?
There, only there with you, my beloved, I long to go.”

Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
The Mignon Songs
from the novel “Wilhelm Meisters Lehrjahre, 1783-1796”


So. I’ve been thinking alot this summer. All sorts of new insights. Still in Houston. It gets hotter every day. Today’s heat index was roughly 106deg. hmm…

Not much to get out at the moment. I like thinking too much. Its not a bad thing as long as it doesn’t interfere with me doing what I need to do. There’s a proverb about acting on knowledge: “there are those examining the roots, while others are gathering the fruits.” I want to gather the harvest. When things need to happen I need to shut my thinking off.

this keyboard is horrible. the keys are so stiff. typing is giving my fingers a workout. its loud too- not good for a library. four more weeks.