Xmas Bom NVille

On the 25th of December a Tennessee man drove his RV to 2nd Ave downtown Nashville and parked it between an AT&T telecommunications facility and historic businesses and residential buildings.

Around 4:30am a series of loud bands stirred local residents to look out there windows, but they saw nothing and went back to bed. Around 5:30am these loud bands were heard again, this time prompting residents to call the police. When authorities arrived they were greeted with an automated message echoing from a loudspeaker located somewhere along 2nd Ave North. They cautiously approached the source and identified it coming from the RV. The message was “There is a bomb in this vehicle. If you can hear this message, evacuate now. If you can hear this message, evacuate now.” Police called the bomb squad and began investigating the area.

At around 6:15am the loudspeaker began counting down. “This vehicle will explode in 15 minutes. If you can hear this message, evacuate now. If you can hear this message, evacuate now” down to “This vehicle will explode in 14 minutes. If you can hear this message, evacuate now. If you can hear this message, evacuate now.”

Police created a perimeter and told folks walking their dogs to keep a safe distance, while attempting to wake sleeping residents and evacuate them to safety.

In the last moments of the blast the speaker repeated “This area must be evacuated now. This area must be evacuated now. If you can hear this message, evacuate now. If you can hear this message, evacuate now. If you can hear this message, evacuate now.”

Soonafter a half ton explosion rocked downtown nashville, devastating twenty one buildings, and carving a hole into the AT&D Bellsouth telecommunications building, and knocking out cell service for the region.

Fortunately no one was hurt, except for the man behind the wheel who wanted to end his lonely life in a big way, while taking methodical pains to avoid causing harm to others.

As I was watching the nieces and nephews unwrap gifts, I received a text from the property manager who helps me sublet that read “Explosion downtown Nashville. Heading to the area. Will let you know if your apartment was damaged.” I was confused and stunned as I processed words, and stepped to the living room to turn on CNN, which showed a live aerial image of 2nd Ave N, with a headline that read “Nashville Christmas Explosion”, and at the focal point of these images was my very own apartment building.

However, my apartment was directly impacted by the blast. Fortuntely, I was in Florida visiting family. In addition, my loft was located on 1st avenue south, so as far as I know it wasn’t directly impacted.

It’s been more than three weeks since the explosion, and I still don’t have permission to enter my building and survey my unit for any damage. Insurance will pay me about $6k for move out fees, and up to $15k for any damages.

My hope is nothing is damaged, and I can move out, and move on.

Piece of Death

When someone close to you dies, a piece of you dies. And it can be hard to really appreciate the magnitude of that loss.

It takes a lot of time. Usually years. The initial grieving period can be days or months. Then there is a lull, and life more or less resumes… but it never resumes the same way, though you don’t notice how.

But you go on living life, and you’ll bump up against the absence, and it will twinge and prick as a reminder of what was, and will never be again. And we involuntarily retreat from these moments and memories, turning away from those triggers, and stuff these feelings in dark corners, seemingly manageable for the time being. There is peace. Or an illusion of peace.

Months or years or decades later there is an unexplainable exhaustion that takes over. And the body and mind finally relent and a flood of emotion and memory washes over, and you realize all the unresolved pain that’s been waiting for you.

Loss is strange. The grief manifests in weird ways. Relationships. Work. Spiritual.

I have idea how to accelerate the grieving process. Just time and love I suppose. And psychedelics.

X Dream

I had a crazy dream last night.

I dreamed that I was living and working in a community supporting SpaceX and Elon Musk’s various ventures. Various complexes of office and living space colored in white and red, filled with engineers and physicists and programmers devoted to the mission of Musk.

The day came where they were ready to start colonizing Mars.

But no one wanted to be the first to go.

So Elon said, “I will go” and prepared for launch in stoic style.

He suited up and everyone watched as he climbed aboard the gleaming Starship.

He was alone in the capsule, digital screens adorning surfaces of the brilliant white circular cockpit, reflecting off his spacesuit visor.

There were crowds surrounding the lunch site. Murmuring legions of energized believers in this new martian colony. The richest man on earth, the greatest visionary who had ever lived, was now taking the maiden voyage to Mars.

Excitement pulsated throughout the diverse crowds

The countdown began.

Take off.

Elon, strapped to the rocket, soared toward the heavens

Until it became but a gleaming speck of sparkling light

Suddenly a catastrophic alarm sounded.

The image of Elon’s face nested in the cockpit flashed on the mega screens

In the next instant his visor was blown off from a vacuum, leaving him exposed to the void of space

The rocket began a controlled descent

Onlookers grabbed one another and started yelling uncontrollably

Running to eachother with frightened tears

Eventually the rocket began its controlled descent, intelligently maneuvering a soft landing a mere hundred feet from the launch site

Amongst the outcries I ran across the asphalt runway to the cracked pod, and quickly disengaged the locking mechanisms

I dove into the capsule and retrieved Musks icy body.

I quickly dragged his rigid body gently to a safe distance and with others proceeded to remove the sheaths of ice crystals from his body and face

There was a collective pause and everyone held their breath as they looked on intently.

An Indian man brought his head to Elon’s chest and with his fingers held Elon’s wrist to check for signs of life

I cradled his body.

The Indian man looked at me with a thousand mile stare

I gently laid the body down and backed away, inching away from the disbelieving crowd

I turned to the on lookers who were studying my face for signs of hope

I cast my eyes down and began to walk away through the crowd

wails began to emanate until the chorus of cries filled the air

Hysteria soon followed

Our greatest mind has perished! What will humanity do now! Where will we go? How will we go on?

It was the most tragic event the world had seen

The world was at a standstill of mourning

Governments ceased to function

Businesses stopped operations

The collective humanity reached for one another in comfort

I lost him too, was the sentiment

Elon Musk is dead

I cried, and cried.