Fresh Start

The past year has been insane. I resigned myself to a year of immediate gratification at the close of 2012, determining that thinking and overanalyzing was doing me more harm than good. I started a new job on January 14th, 2013, and I’ve worked there for a full year now.

Now that the year is up, I feel refreshed.

I’d like to recap on the past year. And I almost wish I journaled more, since my experiences were so colorful, but I made a commitment to be as unreflective and reaction oriented as possible. What did my life consist of the past year? Work, working out, sex. The last four months I began a serious relationship, but I’ll get into that later.

A brief recap:

At the start of 2013 I began a new job as a sales engineer for the world’s largest industrial automation company. My previous job was in the healthcare IT consultancy industry working as a financial analyst, which was otherwise a glorified accountant. I made $35,000. I hated the job, and I could barely support myself given my student loan debt.

As is customary when I find myself repulsed by life’s circumstances, I sat down and outlined a list of goals, desires, and chief aims which include deadlines for their attainment. I wanted a lot more pay, increased autonomy, and a greater day to day challenge. Within 4 months I secured my current job, and at the close of my first year I can say I achieved all those things: tripling my income, the freedom to decide my weekly work and travel schedule, and endless potential for problem solving. So that was a success. However, there were many mistakes made. For example, despite earning over 100k a year, I managed to spend every last dime. I also failed to cultivate new and old friendships, leaving me in the same social standing as I was a year ago.

This upcoming year my goal is to track every penny that comes in and out of my bank account.

It is not how much you can spend, but how much you can save: this is what makes you wealthy.

I clearly had it all backwards my entire life: even though cerebrally I knew the only way to accumulate wealth was to save it, my behavior was bent on instant gratification, probably as a direct result of my decision to live in the moment. Now that it’s all out of my system, I am on to clearer financial goals. Namely: spend as little as possible. Instead of finding excuses to spend, I will find excuses to save. My satisfaction will come from saving, rather than spending.

I dated heavily at the close of 2012 and 2013. This casual dating lifestyle led to countless sexual encounters which eventually manifested into a voracious appetite for sex. At the start, I thought I had to impress the women with my chivalry. I spent hundreds of dollars a week on lavish dinners and drinks. I was very conscientious about treating them with respect and kindness. Unfortunately, my success rate at impressing them was abysmally low. Worse, I was spending all this money for nothing. I noticed some women would just call me cause they knew I was naive enough to take them out again. This got tiring and I grew frustrated with women, causing me cast them all off as pathetic leaches. This led to an exploration for other means to procure sex while skipping the formal charades, and soon I found myself exploring prostitution which, with mixed satisfaction but guaranteed sex, lasted for several months.

However, I still had hope that a good woman existed out there, so I continued dating but I figured I’d stop wasting my money on them. As a result I’d take them out to cheap restaurants, or I wouldn’t buy them anything. Soon enough I realized that the majority of girls liked being treated like dogs. Naturally my confidence grew with my success, but the whole process of “winning them over” seemed to be tiring. This opened the door to an entirely new lifestyle.

On one occasion I got a message from a woman who was very upfront about her agenda. She wanted sex. The catch was she had a boyfriend. This caused me to raise an eyebrow, but the proposition of no strings attached sex seemed appealing, so I accepted her drink. During our date she opened my mind to the world of swinging. I never did follow up with this woman, but pandoras box was opened. My curiosity led me to discover a community of couples who indulged in this lifestyle, so I soon got connected. I would receive invitations from couples young and old inviting me to have sex with them. Usually the husband or boyfriend wanted to watch me railing and pleasuring his wife. They referred to me as the stud, or the bull. This lifestyle was purely sexually, no strings attached, and it complemented my lifestyle geared for immediate gratification. No useless charades and wasted money: just sex. And plenty of it.

My dating life declined as my sexual needs were satisfied. I didn’t end the search altogether, though. While I viewed most women as vapid leaches, I knew that good woman existed out there.

That is when I met her…