Thinking about

I spend a lot of time thinking about power. Will-power. Power structures. Language games. The human condition. Moral systems. Self-preservation. Perception. Paradigms. Framing. Cognitive biases. Consciousness, the ego, self. Conceptual patterns. Abstractions. Laws of physics. Laws of thought. Relations, relationships, logical forms. Love. Actualization. Creation.

These are some prevalent themes in my life.


I fucked this girls brains out with you in mind, my love, and really enjoyed it. I fucked her for 45 minutes straight until she was screaming and bleeding all over my dick. Then her husband came back from the bar and he watched me skull fuck her and choke and gag on my cock until she nearly passed out. Then I proceeded to fuck both her holes while she was on top of me, while strangling her neck until she was blue in the face. Her husband was jerking off while I was doing this and playing with her pussy and ass. We then double penetrated her while I slapped her in the face harder and harder. I made her cum while pile driving her with my cock, spreading her asshole open with my left hand, and choking her out with my right hand. She convulsed and gushed and squirted all over. She was about 31, 5’5, petite, blonde, beautiful smile, cute personality, and very submissive. She worshipped me. Worshipped my body, my charm, my wit. And she named me Thor, and just kept telling me she felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

I fucked that girl and I fucked her harder than she saw coming. I dominated the fuck out of her. She was a helpless slut. I was imagining it was you. Just to see how I felt about it. I checked out from any feeling. The first 45 minutes I seduced her with full on love and affection. I don’t think her husband gave her that kind of loving attention in years. It showed as she stared into my eyes and smiled and ran her hands along my body. It showed in her little moans as I kissed intimate places of her body. It showed in her moans as my rock hard cock fucked her deeper than she had ever been fucked. I asked her what she liked. She said she liked being covered up by a big man and losing control. I grabbed her throat and she breathed in deep and looked me in the eye with a smile. I asked if she liked that, as I tightened my grip. She bashfully nodded. I knew she was just another pathetic piece of trash whore that would love me to fuck her world up.

She asked me when the last time I had a good blow job was. I said how to you mean? She said, you’re so big. I imagine you get a lot of teeth. I laughed. I said I don’t usually complain. She was eager and willing to please me. She tried her best to impress me with her dick sucking skills, and did a good job at it. I don’t think she ever had a cock like this. I was the second guy she’d been with other than her husband in 7 years.

Her husband came in and was drunk. Nice looking guy. Pleasing on the eyes. Out of shape, but not unseemly. He was a professional property developer. 6’1. I was naked and my big cock hung between my legs. My body is incredibly impressive. And I’m god damn attractive. I could tell that, even though he knew he was in control, he was intimidated by me. I stood up to greet him and looked him in the eye and shoot his hand. I made him feel at ease with my conversational skills. He made out with his wife, asked her if she’s been enjoying herself. She said yes and threw her arms around him and kissed him passionately. He fondled her ass while this was happening, then told her to get on the bed. He sat in the chair. He said for us to continue. I resumed my seduction.

Fast forward.

As I skull fucked her, I watched her body convulse with the gag reflex and gasp for air, then grab handfuls of her hair again and ram my cock back into her throat. I kept thinking, this is what you wanted. And I hate you for it. Her husband loved it. He grabbed her head and held into onto my cock as he fucked her from behind. He enjoyed watching his wife get used by my big cock. I slapped her so hard last night. Sometimes she’d have a blank stare in the eyes. It made my dick really hard.


Palo Alto, CA. 78 deg. Warm. Dry. Blue skies.


I’m 222 lbs, 12% bf, leaner and bigger than I was three months ago, due to regular meal planning and intense exercise.

The business is growing strong. We’ve increased sales by 100% month to month from last year. The CRM is fully up and running, and the QB/ accounting integration has been slow, with many delays in recent weeks, but inching along nonetheless. My only concern is product development. We have a new product releasing in August, but otherwise there’s nothing definitive on the schedule. We have two products in the works, but they’re still in the concept stage, and no word on when they’ll be finalized. I want six new products by the years end.


I am restless, as per usual. A feature of my experience that I have accepted as permanent, and totally unrelated to my fulfillment.

Am I fulfilled? Yes. Am I restless? Yes. Always.

Patience is a game that I am inconsistent with.

There are chapters of your life you just want over, simply because you want to move on. Emotional chapters. Chapters involving relationships. They may not ever feel “over”, but sometimes you must let go. It’s hard. But nothing in life that’s worthwhile is easy.

Continue reading “adfectus”