Month: March 2009

Fast: Day 4

I woke up not too hungry today. I haven’t drank my lemon mix for 14 hours. 4 days without food.

I’m gonna help a friend pick up a washing machine right now.

The fast is going well. Yesterday was the hardest day by far… and it wasn’t even that bad. My energy levels are a bit low… but overall consistent throughout the day. I fall into deep sleeps when I do fall asleep. My cognitive abilities are a little duller tho I’m still able to think critically and participate effectively in class.

Its crazy how much time i have on my hands. Its weird not eating… not spending time preparing or actually eating. I do spend a good amount of time thinking about it tho. and the slightest mention of food causes me to salivate uncontrollably. ha. not too bad. as long as i’m not thinking about it i’m alright. I think today will be easier.

Holding back

The only reason we hold back is because we think we have an endless amount of chances or that there will always be one more. But as time disappears into the past and life goes on, those chances will run out, and you’ll either live with: Eternal happiness for being brave, or eternal regret for holding back

You cannot bring prosperity by discouraging thrift.
You cannot help small men by tearing down big men.
You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
You cannot lift the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer.
You cannot help the poor man by destroying the rich.
You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than your income.
You cannot further brotherhood of men by inciting class hatred.
You cannot establish security on borrowed money.
You cannot build character and courage by taking away man’s initiative and independence.
You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves.”
— Rev. William J. H. Boetcker

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not. -Thomas Jefferson.

When we spend our life focused on our needs, we are never satisfied, and our deepest needs never seem to be met. But when we pour out our life and focus on how we can serve others, we find not only incredible fulfillment, but our deepest needs are met as well. Learning to serve leads to the “happily ever after” finish you’ve always dreamed of.

Sin will take you further than you ever thought you’d go
Keep you longer than you ever thought you’d stay
And cost you more than you ever thought you’d pay

Sometimes, when God doesn’t give us what we want, we say that God didn’t answer our prayer. I would say that He did, because “no” is as much an answer to prayer as “yes” is.

The hardest thing in this life is being yourself when the world is trying its hardest, day in and day out, to make you just like everyone else.

Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are and your reputation is merely what others think you are!

why fast?

well… there are a variety of reasons… but primarily for the health/ wellness benefits…as well as the exercise of will power. I’ve never not eaten before so I consider it a personal challenge. Regarding the health benefits- considering my body has continually been ingesting chemicals nonstop as well as toxins the past 22 years, I think doing a cleanse is definitely called for.

Also– I’m not totally fasting. i’m doing the lemon cleanse (http://www.falconblanco.com/health/cleansing/lemoncleanse.htm)

I’ve read a variety of reasons to fast. one is health– when your body is deprived of calories it begins to conserve any energy it can by excreting anything that would hinder this… which includes flushing toxins as well as dead and sick cells. After about the third day your body enters ketosis, which is when it starts breaking down fat… which is where many toxins and toxic residue resides. I eat healthy and workout and don’t have too much fat on me. but during ketosis when fat is being broken down many of the toxins are excreted.umm…. theres more… hmm..
I hear that its spiritual as well… so much of our day, consciously and unconsciously, is spent thinking about food, getting or preparing it, and after the third day this hunger disappears and apparently a certain clarity comes over you. You feel rejuvenated, your energy levels stabilize. while your heart rate is lower and you feel a little more mellow, you don’t have the ups and downs. hm…. also the sheer fact of overcoming the first 1-3 days of not eating and willing yourself to overcome that obstacle is refreshing (after the third day hunger dissipates). its exercising a hidden and deep will.
I also read its good emotionally… hormonally your stablize… especially since toxins are flushed.
I’ve also read research and peer review studies that it increases your longevity. I’m sure there are other benefits I missed but this is just a few of my reasons.

Also- I think there are safe fasts and unsafe fasts. I researched a bunch from the plain water diet to the juice diet– and its important to do preparation before hand with your diet and health. The lemon cleanse is a happy medium that apparently effectively cleanses your system while providing you with the nutrients you need to function.

also- its not like a fast like this is by any means starving your body. A pound of fat provides 3,200 calories. The average american burns less than 2,000 a day. the great majority of people have at least 12% bf… or at least 10 pounds to spare.

Familial Traits.

Looking back on my childhood I remember spending time with my father as he worked around the house, ran errands, and traveled. I am told that my favorite two words as a child were “what’s that?”. Every time we were together I was given the unique opportunity to learn something new because, as it seemed, he had all the answers. He himself was a curious boy which caused him to never settle for a quick response. As a result, he was always digging up a deeper understanding. What was distinctly unique and frustrating about our relationship was that he never just told me an answer. He would ask questions in return that caused me think for myself, and implore my own understandings. It was never easy getting to the bottom of something with him. There were times where his questions would frustrate me to the point of anger. I just wanted to know! Looking back I value this relationship. I have adopted his inquisitive nature of always asking questions when I was given an answer.

Describe a trait or characteristic that has been passed along to you by your family. Tell us why you like or dislike this aspect of yourself.

Looking back on my childhood I remember spending time with my father as he worked around the house, ran errands, and traveled. I am told that my favorite two words as a child were “what’s that?”. Every time we were together I was given the unique opportunity to learn something new because, as it seemed, he had all the answers. He himself was a curious boy which caused him to never settle for a quick response so he was always digging up a deeper understanding. What was distinctly unique and frustrating about our relationship was that he never just told me an answer. He would ask questions in return that caused me think for myself, and implore my own understandings. It was never easy getting to the bottom of something with him. There were times where his questions would frustrate me to the point of anger. I just wanted to know! Looking back I value this relationship. I have adopted his inquisitive nature of always asking questions when I was given an answer.

Suppressed

I feel suppressed. How do I feel. Today I didn’t do much. laid around. watched movies. thought. no reading. read the news. the world is overwhelming. ate out with my best bro brand. blah. I need passion. I feel like meaning escapes me. I don’t believe in much anymore. thats the truth of it. My God seems to be in my head. my world is created by me. It seems so dull. So figured out. Is it so easy? or so hard? blah.

what messages am I sending the world. I feel like people are constantly sending messages. i feel like Im constantly judging. why do i second guess my thoughts. it drives me crazy. spring break has been lazy. not too much drunken debauchery. i would like to think more. think more about the important things. less about the mundane stuff. i need to think with purpose. read more. st patty’s day was rough.

pw well

So I did a tremendous amount of homework today.

My childhood friend Paul Winters died on his motorcycle on Saturday. He was 21 years old. It was unbelievably shocking. I’m still in shock. School has been hectic. Finally on top of things. Spring break starts on Friday afternoon. I’m leaving tomorrow night to attend pauls funeral. It’ll be unbelievably sad. He left behind two beautiful older sisters who thought he was the awesomest brother ever. And two amazing parents. I can’t imagine their pain. Just like that… their son is gone. Dead. Never again. Man. It leaves me with a sinking pit in my stomache. It makes me feel hallow. Like a painful vacuum that sucks my inhibitions. It makes me feel emotional. Just like that… gone.

So i’ll be in New Jersey till sunday… It’ll be nice to catch up with childhood friends. My father hates me goin back there. He wants me to be around successful people. Apparently he thinks that small town has got alot of nothin in it. Although a funeral isn’t the happiest occasion to see ones that are missed, its an appropriate and necessary excuse to visit.

Because I’m leaving tomorrow night… I rescheduled my mid-terms. I take three exams tomorrow. I have two papers due by friday. It will be madness. I just finished 90% of the work due tomorrow. I have calc II hw but thats no big deal. I love this math stuff.

I have been very…’good’ lately. I would use the word good because I’m maintaining a positive attitude, my feelings have been consistent, and my expectations reasonable. I feel like I float around everywhere I go, just doing my thing. People never disappoint me. I, however, have been finding that I disappoint myself when I don’t follow through with consistent action… aka discipline. Working out has been good. Grades are great. I need to apply to like… 5-8 more schools. I’m sorta apprehensive about that. I really wanna go somewhere great and excel. Wherever I go I will succeed, because I am committed to succeeding. Whatever that means. I never give up.

I do need to be more diligent with my day to day work. Get enthusiastic about it. I have been pulling myself away from the crowd recently. I prefer withdrawing to my cave..some call it a room… or the library. I just want to eliminate distractions. Eliminate any dissonance around me that would interfere with my desires, priorities and intentions.

Words are special. It astounds me that understanding the full meaning of a word can change your perceptions. Our understanding of this world is because of words. we discover it through words and their relationships with other words. What I was saying is that in order to communicate, you must use words that the other person full understands in regards to your message. I feel its mystifying when I feel like what I’m saying is so clear and precise, yet people don’t, or just can’t comprehend its significance or magnitude.

I have much more to say but I need to finish up calcII before I sleep in preparation for a full day of exams followed by a five hour drive to NYC. woot!

Transfer Schools

Still in the process of filling out transfer applications…

*Vanderbilt University
*University of Virginia
*Tulane University
*American University
*Fordham University
Babson College
Bentley University
Bryant University
Emory University
New York University

**Florida State University
**University of Central Florida
**Wake Forest University
**Cornell University
**Columbia School of General Studies
**Dartmouth College

* Applied
** Thinking of applying

Solace

I want to hibernate. I forget what its like to critically think. gr. The past couple semesters I’ve completely forgot how to think. School is so damn stifling. Its not flexible. It tries to be. I need to get creative with how I approach this whole academic thing. I haven’t been exerting as much effort as I’d like to. I don’t want to go through the motions. I don’t want people around me. They cause me to lose sight of whats important. I want solitude. I want no web 2.0 bullshit. I don’t want distractions. I want to be left alone with my curiosity. I want to be fascinated and challenged again. The only things that make me happy at the moment are calculus II and my advanced composition class. everything else is a chore. Spanish, cognitive psychology (and those damn mindless labs), and statistics are utterly numbing.

I like trance/trip-hop. Its so dreamy: 009 Sound System- Dreamscape.