Neural Hyperactivity: Genius and Deviant Psychology

I don’t feel like synthesizing all this reading into a coherent post at the moment, but I’m tired of looking at it in my drafts folder. I’ll get around to refining these ideas and making my intuitions about this research more explicit, but I’ll publish it in the mean time in the event that anyone feels up to drawing some connections between all this research. Ultimately, I’m interested in the areas of the brain that produce genius. Specifically, I want to explore the overlapping’s of ADHD, depression, and other ‘mental disorders’ with creativity, problem solving, novelty seeking, and, to a greater or lesser extent, intelligence. 

Once again, I apologize if it’s utterly incoherent at the moment, but there is a rhyme to all the erraticism. 

Continue reading “Neural Hyperactivity: Genius and Deviant Psychology”

Thoughts: Novelty, Education, Society, Theory

I could write for days on end with all that’s been on my mind. But I guess I’ll just dump some random thoughts circulating about at the moment. I apologize if my line of thought appears a bit erratic and nonlinear.

Recent research regarding the genetic basis for novelty seeking behaviors in honey bees parallels that of humans. ADHD is characterized as a novelty seeking behavior, one that thrives off of new stimulation, hence the title Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. These genes are hardwired to the benefit of the group to seek new enterprises, to explore and discover new directions for growth.

Society is a historical phenomenon, a developmental product of inherited traditions to preserve functional behavioral aspects for survival. Pure theory disregards the empirical element to any social science. The biggest culprit in perpetuating opaque theories in the social sciences is Economics.

I will state that pure theory of any kind breeds a certain phenomenon of necessity by reducing evolving organic elements into statical-atomistic parts, consequently quelling any perspective that accommodates for change. Theory requires assigned values in order to quantify and logically justify its conclusions. Indoctrination is the method that achieves this end.

So long as economics is a practical exercise whose applications deal with and affect the organism of society, it should have no business perpetuating pure theory over historical-empirical observations, which is science. Psuedo-science is pure theory. Recall the utility of metaphysical speculations rooted in pure machinations melded from minds rooted in supernatural causation, totally detached from the socio-material world. Perspective, or rather the amalgam of perspective, is paramount to achieving accurate explanations. Think on the process of peer review.

Necessity breeds slavery, i.e. denies man. The phonomenon of Necessity is a testament, not to its excellence, but its power [sic Ellul]. Necessity is convergent. Possibility is divergent, as is potentiality. Equilibrium is convergent. Evolution is divergent. Preservation is convergent. Adaptation is divergent.

A college degree, and contemporary formal education, is tantamount to receiving confirmation through the Christian church. I reject the value of indoctrination in both.

Have we witnessed a surge towards the value of divergent thinking or convergent? Does our education system reflect valuations of standardization or differentiation? Has standardized testing, formality, rigid class structure increased or decreased? What is our fate?

You cannot stand within and move without: escape bias by escaping context. Transcend perspective by losing it.

That I know myself to be a common man makes me uncommon. Recall the maxim of Thales: “Know thyself.” Recall the wisest tenant of Socrates: “As for me, all I know is that I know nothing, for when I don’t know what justice is, I’ll hardly know whether it is a kind of virtue or not, or whether a person who has it is happy or unhappy.”

Many know the words, few know the meaning. For that we can praise propaganda’s subversive process of inculcation perpetuated by the forceful effect of formal education: memorization, recitation, regurgitation, repeat. Where is Comprehension? Where is dialog? Propaganda ceases where dialog begins.

Economics is a social science. Society is a historical phenomenon. History is an empirical development. Why are we perpetuating pure theory over empirical practice? Let us cultivate the value of individual consciousness, each man’s theory of mind, and marry it with the prevailing practices to yield a praxis of reflection and action that prizes the individual’s contribution to the well being of the social context in which he is situated. To deny the value of a single perspective is to sabotage evolution’s law of accounting for every variable to render a more perfect adaptability.

Where you look determines what you see. Look farther, look wider, look deeper.

“Men must talk about themselves until they know themselves.” Journal reflections. Engage in dialogue. Objectify the subjective; discover its fruits and failings. Dialogue, so long as it is an honest portrayal of your current convictions, destroys propaganda, dispels ignorance, and produces a finer eye with which to feed the mind.

Recent science has reaffirmed the powers of LSD as a means of disrupting habits of thought. This bodes well for the prospect of freeing the mind of man, i.e. addiction, but poorly for a politik aiming to strengthen its control through conformity.

Mental diseases, as diagnosed by contemporary medical criteria, and most notably depression, bipolar, and anxiety, have been associated with great genius and leadership in every domain of society. Contrary to popular belief, recent science has discovered that depression is due to a hyper activity in the brain that leads to potential paralyzation of thought, hence the symptoms of rumination, chronic worry, listlessness and the like.

ADHD is also characterized by hyperactive brain activity. Individuals with ADHD are in upwards of 2.7 times more likely to simultaneously have depression (Other notable correlations include bipolar disorder, anxiety, and oppositional defiance disorder. See herehere, here, here, here, and here)

Individuals with mild depression, as opposed to those with major depression, are more skeptical and therefore rational than those without the diagnoses. (Listen to this presentation on Optimism Bias)

I posit that the same reason people retain a optimism bias, despite being confronted with contradictory facts, is the same reason people exist in a state of denial. (See here)

“[Michael Shermer’s] latest book, ‘The Believing Brain’, is a fascinating synthesis of 30 years of research on the subject. Shermer’s conclusion, about our belief-forming machinery, is disturbing. Most beliefs are not formed by carefully evaluating the evidence in favor or against a particular claim. Instead, they are snap decisions made for psychological, emotional and social reasons in the context of an environment created by family, friends, colleagues, culture and society at large. Only after the belief is formed, do people try to rationalize it and subconsciously seek out confirmatory evidence which, upon finding, reinforces the belief in a positive feedback loop.”

I can appreciate the evolutionary utility of bias as a means of maintaining inherited beliefs and preserving the status quo, but one needs to dwell on the implications of how this bias can be exploited, specifically by propaganda.

That leads me to another issue that I’ve been giving plenty of thought: the social construction of reality. What got me started thinking on this topic was my development economics course (which I despise due to the highfalutin exaggerations regarding its ability to actually explain economic development). The only piece of information I found valuable at all was the only piece of information it absolvedly claimed to be the single dictator for a society’s developmental economic success: institutions. This struck me as acutely profound, and odd since it was a mere footnote amongst an oceanic backdrop of theoretical constructions and descriptive statistics.

Since then I began to explore the weight of this idea that institutions are the sole determinate of economic development and success. I began asking myself ‘What are these institutions?’, ‘Why are they so important for economic development?’, ‘What makes one institution better than another?’, ‘How are these institutions created and sustained?’, and many others.

Because of this prick to my curiosity, and because of a massive paper I’m developing for a Macroeconomic policy class, I picked up my old History of Economic Thought book and reread about fifty percent of it, trying to uncover a scintilla of insight into what the history of economic thought may have said about this idea of institutions, and I was more than rewarded for these efforts. In addition to accruing a renewed interest in classical economists such as Smith, Malthus and Ricardo, my eyes were once again opened to the oft-misinterpreted and misaligned message of Marx, and futhermore I discovered just the veins of thought that satisfied by curiosities most exactly: Historical Economics and Institutional Economics. Wow.

Due to my interest in evolutionary economics and political economy I previously read books by Galbraith, Schumpeter, Marshall, Boulding and others but I was totally ignorant to the extent at which these involved socio-economics, specifically institutional economics. Moreover, meta-connections between economics, politics, sociology, psychology, anthropology, history, and evolution were made abundantly clear.

My philosophically minded interest in gaining traction in these seemingly disparately domains to gain a broader, fuller, and more comprehensive understanding of the world in which I am situated lead me to my original fascination with power, which I gratuitously thank Nietzsche, Schopenhauer, and Thucydides for instilling within me. Specifically, power as the mechanism for all change: be it in the reality of the natural world or in the phenomenon of the conscious mind. The impetus of power occupies the seat governing change in every domain, from physics and math, to politics and business, and all the cultural manifestations in between, from science to religion. The force and intensity of power can be traced to both intentional and accidental confluences.

At the time I had this revelation in the power of institutions, I just so happened to be reading Veblen Thorstein’s The Theory of the Leisure Class. I picked up his book due to my growing fascination with domestic and current account imbalances (debt) and the wealth disparities they create. Thorstein Veblen just so happened to be not only an economist and sociologists, but one of the original proponents of institutional economics.

Other factors that influenced this fascination was my study of Greek civilization. Being a professed model for American Democracy, I felt compelled to investigate the various factors involved in the production of Greek culture. Greek religion appeared as a marvelous area of study due to my corrected ignorance of its role in shaping the nomos or conventions governing social affairs, rather than solely providing a metaphysical comfort like modern Christianity seeks to accomplish.

In addition, I coincidentally read Peter Berger’s The Sacred Canopy: Elements of a Sociological Theory of Religion for a humanities class in Crisis and Creativity. This sealed the connection between the role of institutions in shaping mass culture and individual psychology.

From here I began studying sociology more intensely.

I’m nearly finished reading Berger and Luckmann’s seminal work, The Social Construction of Reality, on the formation of social knowledge, which they declare dictates our conception of reality more generally. It’s a fascinating read that I recommend everyone pick up. I don’t have time to elaborate on my revelations, insights and comments at the moment. Another time.

Berger’s reading elevated by insight into the mechanisms that create the social consciousness and the social knowledge that accompanies it. As a result of that reading I also began looking into the various apparatuses within society that perpetuate social knowledge. I purchased the book Propaganda: The Formation of Men’s Attitudes by Ellul and this has further reinforced by understanding of the mechanisms driving social behavior.

An interesting, but not surprising, study reveals that “Large numbers of authors of DSM psychiatry ‘bible’ have ties to the drugs industry.” (See here) This reaffirms my conviction that psychiatry is a purely cultural phenomenon. And culture, as I have mentioned, is a product proportional to the authority and power bestowed by institutions within society. While the American Psychiatric Association (APA) is a large institution with vested authority, it is dwarfed in power by the profit motives of the Pharmaceutical industry.

And what dictates the extent of profit motives for big pharma? My thoughts turn immediately to the legal and political realm governed by lawmakers in congress as well as the upholders of that law in the judicial branch and the enforcers in the executive branch.

What motivates these political individuals? The preservation of their power or, at the very least and being most charitable, the preservation of the power of their ideas about the way things ought to be, specifically their values, which are at base purely subjective constructs that reflect a means of preserving their ego.

I could go on but I have other work to due.

Last thoughts. I’m looking forward to reading Thucydides’ The History of the Peloponnesian War as well as Althusser’s Philosophy, Lenin, and other essays. I need to finish reading Das Capital by Marx, something I began reading with great enthusiasm a month or two ago but got distracted with all these new insights.

Other author’s also on my reading list are Max Weber, Kahneman and Tversky, Mitchell Waldrop, Alfred Schutz, Karl Mannheim, Alfred Weber, Max Scheler, Colin Camerer, and Tacitus.

I’ll dump more thoughts later.


I am not running any longer. I am not fooling myself. The world looks on, the circus continues. I want real. I want a real me. Why must I be something greater than the clod of earth that I am? Somewhere I lost sense of the point. The higher calling that was my own soon became an lone empty echo. I am alone. My room seems to fall away from me. Everything is distant. I seize consciousness and my senses reach out. The floor vent releases a streaming chill that catches my pant leg; the skin tightens and my follicles erect. Air palpitates through my nostrils in soft attenuated breathes. I slouch. My eyes fixate ahead. A dyspeptic yellow emits from my lamp and sinks into the noxious green walls. I am lost in this yellow sea.

Fuck it all. I do not want to look inward any longer. Narcissism has left me nauseas.

There is no hope in ignorance. The deficiencies and flaws gather and glare with evil eyes. There is no escape from who and what I am.

I’m finding it difficult to read for class. I’ve spent far more time reading for leisure. It leaves me feeling open; accomplished. Confession number one: Class is a bore. School is boring. It is mind-numbing. Is it me? I fear it is. But I’m more than alright with that. My mind was not meant to be domesticated. It comes and goes and there is no wall or discipline that will harbor my curiosities. Such things are ineffable.

I cannot placate my anxieties with deception. My hate and ill intentions shape my nature. I am all too human. I need to embrace the quaking anger, speak my mind without remorse. Just as today will take care of itself, so will tomorrow. No need to disown whats mine. There is no illegitimate me.


Depressed might not be the word for it. I’m numb. I haven’t worked out in a while.. about 3 weeks. That may be playing a significant part. Maybe its the 6 hours of daylight I see daily. Its getting colder, everything is getting grayer, and more lifeless. Schoolwork is increasing, leisure seems like a luxury. My heart has abandoned my mind, leaving it to roam where it shouldn’t. Dark corners and deep recesses, mulling and brooding over insignificant matters. Lifeless. Void of emotion. I am detached. Everything is fragmented. My thoughts are not complete. My direction is vague and irresolute. The flame that burns within me, the passion that wants to desperately devour more and more, has dwindled to a mere ember, barely thriving. Everything seems so superficial and mundane. There are no answers that I am content with. No secure direction.

Sunshine is a precious commodity. It is rare and when it shines, it’s rays coldly shine for a few brief hours before a carpet of clouds strangle its radiance. The landscape is completely pallid. People are not smiling. There is no hoping for better days. The mountains provide high walls for our imaginations. It confines and suffocates. We have the trees and our books. Together we offer no community. We are all floating islands in this sea of confusion. We aimlessly float and bump into one another before drifting off to be left with our own thoughts once again.

My schoolwork is boring. Its hallow and trivial. Classrooms are simply labs where professors try their best to impress their passions into the withered cavities once filled with colorful imagination and zeal.

It’s getting colder. Cold. Cold. Every man is my adversary. No one wants whats best for me. Their idea is skewed with their false experiences. Only I know whats best for me. And ‘best’ is my decision.

I almost feel that ungirded passion is more important that constructed logic. It ignites and flows and is satisfying. For the time being anyway. Passion is alive, but shortsighted. Logic is dry and lifeless, but it is resilient and stable.

I want to blaze! I want to burn like a billion of the hottest stars!


I am a wounded person. Sometimes I feel emotionally void. I feel like I have difficulty feeling, especially those closest to me. I feel as though my emotions were run dry in my youth, compounded with my radically demanding parents using their techniques of tough love to shape me up. Instead I feel void inside. Maybe its my friends, the guilt, hanging over my head for years as I tried coping with the thought of a suicide pact gone fucking wrong. Me trying to rationalize this notion of the responsibility lying on me, internally coping with these disastrous feelings with cutting, drugs and sick dark depressing thoughts of death. Anything to stop the feelings of guilt, emptiness and a lost sense of self value.

I want to feel comfort. Somewhere. I know you have to give it to get it, but I never felt it worked that way. I always felt like the more you gave, the more you could lose. Eventually I grew up with a superficial shield that guards my heart from over committing. It never surprises me when someone lets me down. It’s automatically expected. Its how I cope with disappointment and guilt. This problem transcends into my relationships. Friends are all right. I know that they mean a lot to me, and as long as I remain true, there is no reason for me to feel guilty about their lack of thought for me. I love unconditionally. I have a hard time feeling emotionally attached at times. I feel like I never have the right feelings even though the love is there. Women especially. I’m only receptive to an unconditional love. All else is typical. That’s why I want a mature woman. Women come and go. I can see through bullshit. I can see through petty games. I can also see when someone really cares about me. Despite their bullshit claims and antics to push me away. It hurts, yea. It hurts a lot, the games and hurt they throw my way, but I feel the love. If I didn’t I wouldn’t subject myself to it, and I would walk away unscathed. If I felt that they weren’t worth it, they weren’t worth my time and energy, I wouldn’t even waste my thoughts on them or their pathetic attempts to get under my skin. But when I feel love and when I feel that they are true, despite the bull, I subject myself to it. Not indefinitely, but my love for them resides deep within me. I may not show it, but my love it true. I may have a hard time wrapping my hands around what it means to me, but its there. I probably won’t do anything about it, cause i don’t waste my time with people who don’t give me the time, but I still obey the love. It burns within me. One day that love will be for someone who deserves it.

Inspirational Dissatisfaction

I’m pissed. I’m really pissed. I’m pissed at myself. I am totally dissatisfied. I forget who I am. I am forgetting my convictions. I am forgetting the importance I place on my values. I’m letting others dictate what I think. Society… the world… what the fuck to they know. I know what I know. Why the fuck am i letting myself be convinced that my experiences and the decisions that I’ve deducted are not true. I am so pissed. When I put myself around these people- their mentality permeates into me and corrupts- it’s so subtle. ‘Be positive’- I tell myself, ‘They are only people searching’… they are foolish. Everything about them. They are lost. They do not know what I know. What I know has meaning as it’s directly relative to my life. These people I put myself around… their false realities and ideals… petty sorry ideals based on their own knowledge.. .nothing true and noble and genuine… they rub off on me. I remain positive but it only infiltrates my convictions further. I am sick. I am fucking sick. These people-no,  I am sick of myself. I am sick of the complacency I’ve been letting slip into my life. Casually sleeping in. The drinking. Being someone I’m not… and being alright with it… because I tell myself it’s alright… its acceptable in their eyes… but I know I’m not really like this. But i act like this. And my actions are me. So I find myself becoming them. And i wonder to myself… ‘Who are you Mike? If you are that person do you live passionately convicted day in and day out in this manner, uncompromising?’ and I recently gave myself the answer NO. I am not. And I realized I am NOT ok with it anymore. I will not be positive and let it go by for the sake of any excuse any longer. I am angry. This is a righteous anger.

I am not happy with my progress. I want to be on fire. I want to live to the fullest. I don’t want to put things off. I want to be convicted with the motto ‘Do not put things off for tomorrow what I can today.’ and I refuse to be half ass. These people.. they are fuckin half ass. and I am beginning to think this is normal. NOT by my standards. I have potential I am looking past. I am sick and tired of it. I am forgetting the line that reminded me of this truth years ago:

What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think. This rule, equally arduous in actual and in intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness. It is the harder because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know it. It is easy in th world to live after the worlds opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the GREAT man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independent of solitude.”Emerson

What I need to remember and not feel guilty or ashamed about for a moment, in everything I do, is the line… “what I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think”

and I gotta realize its hard…
Especially when I see their half ass efforts in their endeavors, their pathetic attempts at achievement, when they don’t know where they are going or what they are doing.  They barely know what they want… and they  aren’t even passionate enough have the desire to put their all and all into it. I DO know what I want. I have figured this out. This is also hard when I put myself around thier faulty logic. Their pathetic value system. I love people. But there are people that cannot be saved. And I cannot save them. And i need to run the other direction instead of getting sucked into this mindset that I can somehow save them and be the hero with all the answers.

Inspirational dissatisfaction. Thats what I have. And i am pissed. And I and pissed

Starting this moment I will seek things that I know will bring me closer to my goal. I will not dwell on past mistakes. I will totally focus on the person I want to be. I will focus on who I want to be. I will severe any and all tendencies to doubt or worry.  I will remove any and all distractions. I will NOT settle. Whether it be the people or the lifestyle or the thoughts or the activities. I will not. I have a standard of putting my all into it and I will REFUSE to settle for anything less. I am angry with myself for letting it get to this point. Putting myself around these people. They justify everything in thier little world. every lie. every rational. everything they do is OK. I AM NOT OK WITH OK.  I want the best. and I will seek the best. Not because it’s what’s entirely what’s best for me- but because it’s the right thing to do. I know I will be rewarded for doing right. Fuck these people who justify everything they do. The laziness… the lies… the cheating… the excuses… hurting people… themselves… doing things that are not whats best. Like enjoying life at the expense of their own life… like getting drunk… getting high… wasting money… smoking cigarettes… staying up late… being destructive. and usually this is also at the expense of others. I am done. I am done with those people. I am done thinking it’s alright being around them. Thinking like them. I am done.
I will do what I have to do. I will absorb the philosophies of those who are where I want to be. I will be convicted. I will be passionate. I will emphatically admit when I am wrong. I will find correction and embrace change- no matter how uncomfortable. Anything worthwhile in life requires effort. Requires hardship, sacrifice, pain. There is nothing easy. There must  be a trade. I will give whatever it takes to live life according to the standards God wants for me. According to the standards that convict me despite my attempts to stifle the voice of reason and the feelings of regret. I am not a product of my mistakes. I have the option in this very moment to change. At every moment I have the decision to choose my thoughts. To  FEEL . TO feel alive and happy and grateful for the choices I get to make that will make my life better in the long run. No more self indulgence. No more instant gratification. No more rational. No more justification. I am facing the reality.

I will be positive… I will be hopeful. I will not be tolerant. I will not be submissive. I will do whatever it is I need to do to change the course of my life at any moment if I deem it not the direction I want to go. because I am in control of my life. I may not be able to ask for another life or start over. I may not be able to control what happens to me. But I can change the course and the direction and the speed at which I travel to the destination I set for myself. I am in control. To think otherwise would be to give my life to the winds of life to be blown in all directions and be at the mercy of circumstantial waves that will break me for the simple lack of willpower to recognize the power I have over my life and the life I could be potentially lead.

I’m going to to homework now.

where is

Where is my inspiration. Where is my focus. my drive. my desire. where is the novelty in it all. Where is my reason? I want a reason.

My concentration is out of control at the moment. I feel dull and lethargic. I want to expand my mind. I’m stale and I don’t like it. I need stimulation. I need to read more. I feel that school is slowly sapping the satisfaction I got from learning. When it’s a chore there is no novelty. Its nothing new- everyday is the same.

I have this routine going on right now. Its making me nauseas. The same routine.

What is it that drives people crazy? I need to think life into myself. I need to invigorate. i need to find new. Fresh. novel. I am getting tired of solitude.


I’ve done every drug but heroin. I’ve tripped on so much fucking acid dozens of hits. Soo many shrooms; pounds homegrown and picked from pastures. I’ve done so much blow- innumerable ounces upon ounces. I’ve ate so many fuckin ecstasy- dozens upon dozens. I’ve smoked god knows how much reefer- pounds upon pounds. I’ve ate so much DXM. I’ve chomped down so many pain killers. and even more benzodiazepines like xanax klonopins and valiums. I’ve eatin so much fuckin ritalin. I’ve overdosed more times than I could ever remember. I’ve vomited enough to fill several bathtubs. im had more sex with the most beautiful girls. the most fucked up girls. I’ve been to more parties and met more people than most people do in a lifetime. I’ve done more keg stands. more beer bongs. more bongs. more fights. I’ve knocked out so many kids. I’ve been in so many brawls. I’ve got so many scars. I’ve cut myself so many times. I’ve burned myself so many times. I’ve pierced myself. I’m tatted. I’ve dyed my hair. I’ve been homeless. I’ve failed high school. I’ve had friends overdose to death; two of my closest friends hung themselves. till their eyes popped out of their head and their face went purple and blue like a infectious pimple. I’ve lost 30 pounds from not eating. I’ve gained 30 pounds from wanting to get big. I’ve crashed cars. I’ve flipped cars. I’ve had anxiety till I vomited. I struggle with it every day. I’ve had depression until I’ve overdosed into severe unconsciousness. depression where i prayed i wouldn’t wake up for years on end, where breathing became painful. I’ve seen so much fucked up shit. I’ve moved twelve times in six states and attended eleven different schools, public, private, boarding, all boys, very small, very large. I’ve been all over the fuckin country. I’ve seen the richest rich; the poorest poor. There isn’t much I haven’t seen; nothing surprises me.  I’ve been fucked up for weeks. Months. Can’t see straight; can’t remember last month. Last week. Last night. Don’t remember what the fucks been going on. I’ve been to concerts, raves, clubs, bars, strip clubs, pool parties, bonfires extravaganzas, mega bashes, basement parties, mansions, yacht parties. You fuckin name it. My god. None of that has ever left me the least bit content. Nope. Not at all. When that shits over I usually felt worse. The memories are good, but I can’t live in the past and forget about the now. That shit is all stupid. It fucks you up. Kills you. It’s a hole. A bottomless pit that eats you up and you fall faster and faster and it gets harder and harder to examine what reality looks like and you crash. Hard. I’m done living like that. life will be there when you wake up. Unless you never wake up. you make it good and worthwhile.