School Momentum

School has begun. I figure I better keep up with this life log. I journaled intermittently over the summer in my paper journals. The length of entries was hindered by the time constraints of long hand. Typing provides a smoother transition for ideas. There is something about connecting your fingers to a keyboard, thinking the words out loud in your head, and watching them appear on the screen in front of you.

I’m taking a few philosophy classes and a couple economics classes. Currently feeling unsatisfied with my habits of mind. I need to clean up the vision of myself. I need to recreate myself through pursuing persistent goals. Blah. I’m coming to a cross roads…a mental crossroads. I feel like I am settling far too easily. As comfortability sets it, I sense an ease of mind that leaves me feeling too complacent.

I don’t mean to think too much about it. I just need to remind myself of action. Action. Application. Nothing happens by chance. There are no accidents.

My mind. I need to generate. Ideas. Zest. Passion. Creativity. Something different. I need to construct a better internal world for myself.


Have you ever experienced a sudden ‘coming-to’, where an utter repulsion sweeps over your body? An unfamiliarity stings the air and you become uncomfortable with your place and time. The walls, the paint, the clothes, the people. All strange and repulsing. Anxious and aware, you are lost in the scenery. You’ve created this world, and yet you are disgusted with the way it has unfolded. A sickness sweeps over you. The desire to refuse it all begins to glow. Nausea turns to anger, to bitterness, to helplessness.


I want to start calling shit as it is. Fake. Disingenuine. Fuck it all. I hate 90% of what I see. Is it my problem… probably. I dont give a shit. I want to plow over it. Its so superficial. So plastic. so temporal. so much bullshit. I’m lyin in bed typin without my eyes open. I dont care if this reads coherently or not. I hate everything. Fuck it all. I broke up with my girlfiend this evening. Not because I didndt care for her, but because I didnt think she cared for me. Is that wrong? I’m not sure but im fucked up. .


Solicit for a mentor on campus:
-good quality character, similar aspirations, self-less,

Create a mentor program (see if Vanderbilt has one)

The economics of relationships- write book
– making yourself scarce… Increases demand
– you are a luxury good, not a normal good: differentiate
– too scarce, demand drops, too much supply, demand decreases

We live in a world (time) of ideas (information)
– google searches and brings ideas to you
– Facebook shares ideas socially
– web pages market ideas
– email sends ideas
The new entrepreneurs deal in a market of ideas/ information
The best will have the most creative and innovative ways of making new information available, and sharing it effectively

Free will bs determinism
-logic, reason would not exist if not for determinism. Determinism lends to predictions. Intelligence,
Without a deterministic universe, we would not be able to answer expectations,
If God knows all, the universe is deterministic. All can be predicted. There is no free will. If he does not know all, he is not god.


Can we control or dictate wants, desires, and motivations? Are they hardwired?
Ultimately, possibly. But one cannot confuse the means and the ends. Do wants, desires, motivations simply function as means, driving us toward the assimilation of thoughts and actions, or are they ends in themselves? If the latter, hope may be out of arms reach.

Can one know an idea by another name? Certainly; as well as objects, subjects and places.
Jesus is a name. Existing ethereally, Can one know know Jesus, his message and power, before knowing his name? The concept accompanying the name Jesus exists simply as a universally magnetic idea containing commonalities.

Personal development- designing, constructing, and programming the brain, the psyche, the path that is life.
All is hinged on wants, desires, longings- demands- real or perceived. One must subjugate the mind’s chaff, manipulate the content of experience, promulgate explicit ends and judicate the means.

Computers- why they can disadvantageous: computers can foster limited analytic reasoning, in so far as the user explores the bounds of the computing system, but one can go no further. These systems are closed, precognized and therefore require no creative acts from the user. With persistence, one simply pushes his/her way around until the parameters become known. It places the mind in a cage, so to speak, which limits unknowns and, as a result, the freedom to creatively respond to those unknowns.

You possess your thoughts; do not let your thoughts possess you

Live rich in spirit