Month: April 2009

I’m suffering from activation failure. I have quite a bit of essays and readings to catch up on. Especially in Advanced composition. I have a paper due Sunday. And about four readings due by 12 tonight. I have a calculus quiz tomorrow. And a cognitive psychology power point presentation due Sunday night.

Its been beautiful out recently.

Think extensively, not intensively.

My mind is in a fog. My motivation is waning. I need to get a renewed enthusiasm. Schools out in two weeks. Then I’m off to Nashville for the internship. I feel a little dead inside. I feel like a robot. A comfortable robot. Sometimes feeling like a robot is uncomfortable… its rigid, routine, and automated. Now I feel mindless. I feel like my will has dissipated. Eh.

Where is my curiosity? God. I feel so pathetic. Wheres my zest. I’m wondering… whereee aree youu?? I suppose there lies my answer. I shouldn’t be waiting for it. I feel like I sleep too often when I wait for it… and maybe I don’t even sleep… maybe I just feel fatigued. I’m gonna work out tonight. Do or Die. I did twice this week and it felt wonderful… wonderful when I look past the fact that I’m ridiculously out of shape. I get out of breath so fast. Like heart attack worthy. Where am I goinggg?????

I need to think more exactly! I need to act and not doubt. Make some decisions that I believe in. Decision means to cut off. Cut myself off from all other options but the one I choose.

What to think about… I need to shower. Award ceremony at 4:15. PTK meeting at 6:00. yay!

Where is my exciting life? I want excitement. I at least want imagination. I want to design myself a fun life… a fascinating life.

Fuck my life.

Godddddddddddddddddddddddd.

AGHAGAGAH.

I HAVE THE WORST ANXIETY EVER!!

I need to write to vent… its my catharsis. FUCK. Maybe its the twelve ounces of red bull…or the coffee …maybe its the lack of sleep…maybe its the fact that I asked for an extension on this paper….

or maybe its the fact that I can’t stop thinking about getting a 4.0 the next four weeks. The stipulation on going to Vanderbilt is that I maintain the same performance I exhibited in previous semesters… which is a 4.0. SOoo… I’m freakin the fuck out cause I have all A’s and one A-… which scares the hell outta me… and its in ENGLISH. WTF. MY LOVE. MY PASSION is writing. Why the F do I have an A-? Well.. first is there is no excuse. But if I had to generate one it would be that on one of my papers I got an 80%. AN EIGHTY PERCENT. Why? I left school four days early for spring break to attend my childhood friends funeral… and the due date was among those days… and I thought I’d have an opportunity, or make an opportunity, to work on the paper… but I never did… and when the due date rolled around I just sent in what I had… which was utterly retarded… cause the paper was ridiculous.. for one- i had no conclusion… I’m not even gonna get into the rest of the stuff.

Anyway… I am freakin out… my mind is having a REALLY hard time generating content for the paper… as a result I’m caught up on form… which is REALLY hard since I don’t have a good base for the content. What the hell am I trying to form? So anyway… This paper is gonna be a crap shoot. I need to get it over with…and starting tomorrow forget that I need to get a 4.0 and go balls to the wall with my curiousity and intensity for learning for learnings sake. Not try to meet some expectations. just love the material and get to know it all.. in every subject… cause right now all i can think about is getting A’s and its retarded… instead of being curious, i’m dumbfounded.

Anyway… I need to get this anxiety outta my chest. Its eating me up. I am focused, but sick to my stomache. I can’t stop tapping my feet and shaking my leg. I also can’t stop checking my e-mail and reading the news… I HATE the damn internet. If I had it solely for E-mail. THAT would be cool. they I could actually FOCUS. instead… I have this whole web 2.0 bullshit… its like totally customized to my personality, tracking the sites I’ve been on, and presents me with all the shit thats most likely to get my attention- AKA DISTRACT ME. I did this to myself. I signed up for facebook… I have the damn livejournal. I have the damn rss news feed and igoogle with all the cool blog updates. I created the monsters. I need to escape. HOW THE HELL CAN I ESCAPE MY NATURAL INTERESTS. is this what I’m up against? is it a matter of suffocating my inclinations and the things that perk my inquisition?

WHAT HAS THIS WORLD COME TO?!?!?!?!?!?!

gosh..
*breathes a sigh… looks around the library… notes that everyone is studying hard and not shaking or freaking out…*

*calms down*

Okay..I feel a little better… I will continue this paper, and before nine thirty, I will e-mail it to my teacher… I want to say ‘so help me god’ but I’m scared i wont send it out. Ok… south park… karl popper… open society… liberal democracy…extreme characters… creators supporting popper… for obvious reasons… allow for shock value… and uncensored criticisms towards important cultural forces.

and i’m off…

OMFGGG… I GOT INTO VANDERBILT. wtf.

Life. I am so friggen elated. One of the BEST schools in the country. And three years ago I didnt even have a High school diploma.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

So unbelievably elated. words fail me.

The chief cause of human errors is to be found in the prejudices picked up in childhood. -Descartes

I’m just going to write a bit before I begin my work. I just finished the book “How to get into Law school” by Susan Estrich. Amazing, thoughtful, insightful, honest book on the whole process involved with going to law school. I hope she’s as honest as she sounds because she definitely convinced me that law school is where I want to be. What kind of law do I want to practice exactly? I can figure that out later. At the moment all my thoughts need to be turned to the LSAT. The single most deciding factor in the whole law school admissions process. The other important factors in order are GPA, personal statement, recommendations, and extracurricular.

I have a good amount of homework I need to begin on. I have a cognitive psychology test tomorrow… not exactly thrilled about it, but not too concerned. The teacher is a PhD from Harvard… but I swear to got she’s got some kind of cognitive degenerative disease… either that or her kids totally made her fry out. The class itself its drier that dirt. Any material discussed in class is directly out of the book. Creative discussion? Derived and guided by the book. No room for creative discourse. I should say that this is her first year teaching cognitive psychology… I should also say that she has a PhD in education. She’s a mom now. She must have stopped learning as soon as she had kids. She’s technologically illiterate… totally handicapped. Some classes require a full 30 minutes of her figuring out her computer or how the projector works before we begin… or her explaining (or justifying) in some totally nonsensical and unnecessary way her decision to change her plans for the day’s course. I want to slit myself in her class. Considering that psychology has been a passion of mine, and I was planning on double majoring it, its surprising the contempt I have for the subject when I walk into her classroom. Also- I despise teachers who shell out a ridiculous amount of homework to make up for their shitty teaching ability… and they grade the homework so meticulously that you have to spend an ungodly amount of time making sure nothing escapes her expected answers. Pure regurgitation I may add. Purely paraphrasing and summarizing. No room for creative thought, building associations and creating new paradigms with the information. Nope. I like the professors who dole out homework once and a while, check to make sure you do it, and provide constructive feedback if your own the right track, posing questions as additional guidance.

Anyway…

So when I’m done this cathartic vent, I’ll begin studying for my cog Pysch test tomorrow.
Followed by Calc. I have a Calculus II hand in test due tomorrow. Integration by parts and integration tables. Take home quiz.
Advanced composition, semiotic analysis essay.. six pages.. on Karl Popper’s political philosophy on Open Society.. with dabs of references to his critique of totalitarianism.. using South Park to illustrate our liberal democracy operating within an open society. yadda yadda. I’ll save it for the paper..
Then I have AdvComp reading… followed by two sets of questions..
then Spanish II.
then Stats.. if I get around to it… which I can bet I wont.

All told… there’s a solid 5-6 hours of studying there… can I do it? hellfuckinyes.

****************

I’ve been having some uneasy feelings lately… about all sorts of things. I’ll speculate its a result of a subconscious anxiety stemming from the whole transfer application process… I’m waiting to hear from the schools now. Even with a flawless college academic performance, marred by a horrific high school experience, supplemented by amazing extracurriculars, great professor recommendations and, in my opinion, ‘okay’ personal essays… I am extremely skeptical about the upcoming decisions. I feel that I could’ve had a better personal statement.. but everyone could have a better personal statement. I also feel I totally forgot to mention why I did so crappy in high school ( emotional stresses, moving a bunch, attending three different highschools, etc). Adding that detail would shed light on much of the questions my high school track record may pose.

*****

Also… my summer internship… just thinking about it makes me ill… oh I’m doing it…. but its gonna be hell… and I’ll make the best of it… but itll be painful.

My friend is going out with this dragon lady (urban dictionary that phrase if it leaves you confused). That’s all I need to say. She’s creating problems that I didn’t even realize could exist. I think she’s an idiot… for a myriad of reasons, on multiple different levels… and no… She’s not an idiot for creating problems… she’s an idiot because she’s intellectually shallow and superficial… although with all the ‘things’ she surrounds herself with, one would never guess. Money usually connotes intelligence and some degree of success… but when its been handed to you… and you never had to work for anything… except manipulating the people who can provide you with more of it… you usually fall pretty short of intelligent. On the contrary, you become a self absorbed, ego centric who demands all the attention of those who can meet your needs… be it material, emotional, or mental.

And my friend? How could this happen to him? Well… this is his first real relationship so theres not much he can compare it to. This is how it goes as far as he’s concerned. And he loves the physical gratification of being with someone. No one can blame him for that. Unfortunately he has become blinded… something that happens to every good man at least once in his life. Women have the ability to create illusions… they are powerful at seduction. This is nothing new… and hes not the first victim. and after all… she ‘loves’ him… all it took was two months of living in a living purgatory full of retards and under achievers to provide the perfect panacea for her insecurities and emotional needs. Maybe I’m being too unkind.

She’s a great girl… I mean… if I was going to buy the facade she works so hard to fabricate on a daily basis… yes… she is a great girl. If I didn’t have a nagging feeling she was being so artificial I would have only genuine feelings. But my intuition doesn’t afford me with that peace. There is immense dissonance and it robs me with those good feelings. Oh well.

I could elaborate here the variety of reasons why I’m so agitated. Not at their relationship, but her character. I shouldn’t care really. And I normally wouldn’t. I would simply marginalize her until she was completely out of my peripheral. I wouldn’t have to be unkind at all. I just ignore the people who raise obvious alarm bells. The problem is that my good friend is dating this person. So she’s constantly around me. Actually… she does a good job commanding his whole attention so it’s not that she’s constantly around me… it’s just that whenever Im around him, she follows. So naturally… my feelings about her character are hard to ignore. One thing that’s hard for me to do is pacify people. She demands it… being the youngest child from a divorce torn family who makes up for their guilt by shoveling materialistic compensations at her, its understandable…to a degree. Everyone around her oohs and ahhs at all her nonsense. Her inane comments… the dull ones that she tries oh so hard to articulate… her broad knowledge about everything… her depth about nothing. She tries so hard to live up to these stereotypes and expectations that she feels will instill a degree of worth in her life. Her attempts, outward and obvious as they are, only prove to reinforce the complete lack of value she sees in herself. Now… I will say she has plenty of value… but her observable behavior, behind the facade of course, suggests totally the opposite.

Silence is golden. Its acknowledges a level of depth beyond the moment. Some people fail at this.

******************

I’m just gonna write a bit before I begin my work. I just finished the book “How to get into Law school” by Susan Estrich. Amazing, thoughtful, insightful, honest book on the whole process involved with going to law school. I hope she’s as honest as she sounds because she definitely convinced me that law school is where I want to be. What kind of law do I want to practice exactly? I can figure that out later. At the moment all my thoughts need to be turned to the LSAT. The single most deciding factor in the whole law school admissions process. The other important factors in order are GPA, personal statement, recommendations, and extracurriculars.

I have a good amount of homework i need to begin on. I have a cognitive psychology test tomorrow… not exactly thrilled about it, but not too concerned. the teacher is a Phd from Harvard.. but I swear to got shes got some kind of cognitive degenerative disease… either that or her kids totally made her fry out. The class itself its drier that dirt. Any material discussed in class is directly out of the book. creative discussion? derived and guided by the book. no room for creative discourse. I should say that this is her first year teaching cognitive psychology… I should also say that she has a phd in education. shes a mom now. She must have stopped learning as soon as she had kids. shes technologically illiterate… totally handicapped. Some classes require a full 30 minutes of her figuring out her computer or how the projector works before we begin… or her explaining (or justifying) in some totally nonsensical and unnecessary way her decision to change her plans for the day’s course. I want to slit myself in her class. Considering that psychology has been a passion of mine, and I was planning on double majoring it, its surprising the contempt I have for the subject when I walk into her classroom. Also- I despise teachers who shell out a ridiculous amount of homework to make up for their shitty teaching ability… and they grade the homework so meticulously that you have to spend an ungodly amount of time making sure nothing escapes her expected answers. Pure regurgitation I may add. Purely paraphrasing and summarizing. No room for creative thought, building associations and creating new paradigms with the information. nope. I like the professors who dole out homework once and a while, check to make sure you do it, and provide constructive feedback if your own the right track, posing questions as additional guidance.

anyway..

So when I’m done this cathartic vent, I’ll begin studying for my cog pysch test tomorrow.
Followed by Calc. I have a Calculus II hand in test due tomorrow. Integration by parts and integration tables. Take home quiz.
Advanced composition, semiotic analysis essay.. six pages.. on Karl Popper’s political philosophy on Open Society.. with dabs of references to his critique of totalitarianism.. using South Park to illustrate our liberal democracy operating within an open society. yadda yadda. I’ll save it for the paper..
Then I have AdvComp reading… followed by two sets of questions..
then spanish II.
then Stats.. if I get around to it… which I can bet I wont.

All told… there’s a solid 5-6 hours of studying there… can I do it? hellfuckinyes.

****************

I’ve been having some uneasy feelings lately… about all sorts of things. I’ll speculate its a result from a subconscious anxiety stemming from my transfer application process… I’m waiting to hear from the schools now. Even with a flawless college academic performance, marred by a horrific high school experience, supplemented by amazing extracurriculars, great professor recommendations and, in my opinion, ‘okay’ personal essays… I am extremely skeptical about the upcoming decisions. I feel that I could’ve had a better personal statement.. but everyone could have a better personal statement. I also feel I totally forgot to mention why I did so crappy in high school ( emotional stresses, moving a bunch, attending three different highschools, etc). Adding that detail would shed light on much of the questions my high school track record pose.

*****

Also… my sumemr internship… just thinking about it makes me ill… oh I’m doing it…. but its gonna be hell… and I’ll make the best of it… but itll be painful.

Also.. my friend is going out with this dragon lady. thats all i need to say. She’s creating problems that I didn’t even realize could exist. I think she’s an idiot… for a myriad of reasons, on multiple different levels… and no… shes not an idiot for creating problems… shes an idiot because she’s intellectually shallow and superficial… although with all the ‘things’ she surrounds herself with, one would never guess. Money usually connotes intelligence and some degree of success… but when its been handed to you… and you never had to work for anything… except manipulating the people who can provide you with more of it… you usually fall pretty short of intelligent. on the contrary, you become a self absorbed, ego centric who demands all the attention of those who can meet your needs… be it material, emotional, or mental.

And my friend? How could this happen to him? well.. this is his first real relationship so theres not much he can compare it to. this is how it goes as far as he’s concerned. and he loves the physical gratification of being with someone. no one can blame him for that. unfortunately hes become blind by her… something that happens to every good man at least once in his life. women have the ability to create illusions… they are powerful at seduction. this is nothing new.. and hes not the first victim. and after all… she’s in love… all it took was two months of living in a living purgatory full of retards and under achievers to provide the perfect panacea for her insecurities and emotional needs. maybe i’m being too unkind.

shes a great girl.. I mean… if I was going to buy the facade she works so hard to fabricate on a daily basis… yes.. she is a great girl. If I didn’t have a nagging feeling she was being so artificial I would have only genuine feelings. But my intuition doesn’t afford me with that peace. There is immense dissonance and it robs me with those good feelings. oh well.

I could eballorate here the variety of reasons why I’m so aggitated. Not at their relationship, but her character. I shouldn’t care really. and I normally wouldn’t. I would simply marginalize her until she was completely out of my peripheral. I wouldn’t have to be unkind at all. I just ignore the people who raise obvious alarm bells. The problem is that my good friend is dating this person. So shes constantly around me. Actually.. she does a good job commanding his whole attention so its not that she’s constantly around me… its just that whenever Im around him, she follows. She naturally… my feelings about her character are hard to ignore. One thing thats hard for me to do is pacify people. She demands it… being the youngest child from a divorce torn family who makes up for their guilt by shoveling materialistic compensations at her, its understandable…to a degree. Everyone around her oohs and ahhs at all her nonsense. Her inane comments… the dull ones that she tries oh so hard to articulate… her broad knowledge about everything… her depth about nothing. She tries so hard to live up to these stereotypes and expectations that she feels will instill a degree of worth in her life. Her attempts, outward and obvious as they are, only prove to reinforce the complete lack of value she sees in herself. Now… I will say she has plenty of value… but her observable behavior, behind the facade of course, suggests totally the opposite.

Silence is golden. its acknowledges a level of depth beyond the moment. Some people fail at this.

******************

Word of the wise: do not wait till the last minute. I did and I submitted it a minute too late. We’ll see how this affects my chances of getting in.

Bentley Supplemental Essay Question

Please discuss your interest in Bentley and the aspects of our community that will help you reach your academic and personal goals. (2000 letters)

In my recent readings I have become more and more aware of a shift in demand that is occurring throughout our world. The shift deals with movement away from an information era and its many technical, number crunching occupations, and a push towards a conceptual based era where creative thinkers and pattern seekers are in hot demand. What is most important about this shift is that it is beginning in America. While I can present you a case for my research, readings, and intuitive sense, I am certain Bentley University is already aware of this trend.
One of Bentley’s most attractive qualities is its emphasis on a liberal studies education in conjunction with a business study discipline. Some may favor Bentley because they believe this produces a well rounded student, which is undeniably true; however, I value Bentley because I believe that skills acquired from their liberal studies program will be an integral part of the success of the future business leaders of the world.
Now that the information age has yielded an unprecedented level of technology, we find ourselves with an overwhelming number of tools and resources at our disposal. The business leaders who will capitalize on these abundant resources will be those who are able to see the larger picture, find patterns and organize those resources in order to create new value. I see Bentley as a place that will produce these leaders, and since I learned of their encouragement of a double major in the liberal studies, my interest has continued to grow.
Another trait that I find very appealing about Bentley University is its holistic and uniformed commitment to business. Because it is a school with a primary focuses of business, from academics to student life, every aspect of the experience relates to business in some way. I believe an environment that fosters the success of a similar end in mind creates a synergistic quality that allows for tremendous growth of each individual. Whether it is the networks, interests, support, or encouragement, being in an atmosphere where everyone shares a commitment to some aspect of business can only help supplement the experience of academic growth.
I am also aware that Bentley’s virtues extend well past those I mentioned above: its intimate classroom settings, acclaimed technology, stunning campus, thrilling sporting events, convenient location near Boston, and its tight night community.
With everything I mentioned combined, I believe Bentley will play a vital role in helping me achieve my personal and career goals as a future business owner.

50 minutes to submit my supplemental essay. omfg.

Please discuss your interest in Bentley and the aspects of our community that will help you reach your academic and personal goals. (2000 letters)

“In a simpler time, advertising merely called attention to the product and extolled its advantages. Now it manufactures a product of its own: The consumer; perpetually unsatisfied, restless, anxious, and bored. It ‘educates’ the masses into an unappeased appetite not only for goods but for new experiences and personal fulfillment. It upholds consumption as the answer to the age-old discontents of loneliness, sickness, weariness, and lack of sexual satisfaction and at the same time creates new forms of discontent peculiar to the modern age. It plays seductively to the malaise of industrial civilization. Is your job boring and meaningless? Is your life empty? Consumption promises to fill the aching void.”

– Christopher Lasch, The Culture of Narcissism.

there is enough treachery, hatred violence absurdity in the average
human being to supply any given army on any given day

and the best at murder are those who preach against it
and the best at hate are those who preach love
and the best at war finally are those who preach peace

those who preach god, need god
those who preach peace do not have peace
those who preach peace do not have love

beware the preachers
beware the knowers
beware those who are always reading books
beware those who either detest poverty
or are proud of it
beware those quick to praise
for they need praise in return
beware those who are quick to censor
they are afraid of what they do not know
beware those who seek constant crowds for
they are nothing alone
beware the average man the average woman
beware their love, their love is average
seeks average

but there is genius in their hatred
there is enough genius in their hatred to kill you
to kill anybody
not wanting solitude
not understanding solitude
they will attempt to destroy anything
that differs from their own
not being able to create art
they will not understand art
they will consider their failure as creators
only as a failure of the world
not being able to love fully
they will believe your love incomplete
and then they will hate you
and their hatred will be perfect

like a shining diamond
like a knife
like a mountain
like a tiger
like hemlock

their finest art

Cognitive Psychology was canceled today… or the teacher got lost on her way to the classroom. Either or.. I’m in the library. I haven’t been writing as much… online, in my journal. I’ve been busy busy. Sometimes I think I’m busy but I’m not getting much done. I hate that kind of busy. Its like moving and going but never actually accomplishing anything. I haven’t felt at peace in a long while. And when I say that… I mean I haven’t felt a quiet peace of solitude within my soul. That kind of peace is the result of consistent and quiet contemplation and reflection. I read recently that ‘prayer is the expression of desire’. I like that. If God is truth, then I like it that much more. I have a desire for truth, knowledge. I pray to God. Almost analogous.

I have alot of work today. This weekend I read like… alot. Slept a great deal. Friday I got drunk… not the typical night though.. gather with a group of friends and played power hour for like two hours… which resulted in a deep inebriation. I passed out at Kates and woke up midday. I was so disappointed with myself that I locked myself away and read… all day. Sunday came around and the same thing. Locked away… and read. Today.. i woke up late but, like I said, class was canceled. I love when that happens. Now I’m in the library… was trying to get some work done but I haven’t made too much progress.

I’m reading “How to get into law school” by Susan Estrich, dean of admissions at USC. Its an older book… by older I mean like 2003. So not that old at all.

I’ve been pretty dissatisfied with everything lately. I want to be open with my opinion about things. I feel I always stifle my true feelings because I don’t want to make them true. Maybe they’re already true and getting them out allows for an awareness that fosters a position to change? I like that position far better.

There is this girl, totally spoiled, and usually at the center of attention. Shes the youngest child from a well to do family. When I say well to do, I mean, she has a credit card from her mother, and her father, and she spends whatever and whenever on them. No, never question. She has this attitude that whenever she goes into a store, she NEEDs to buy something. She admits and openly professes this. She wants to be identified with this total lack of self control, yet she will defend herself if it appears like a deficiency instead of a admirable quality. Doesn’t everyone wish to spend indiscriminately? She crashed her $60k Mercedes why under the influence.. gosh that sucks.. no bother. She admits her mother has pretty much promised to reward her with another car, of equal quality. This is her fifth year of college with no clue as to what major to pursue. the idea of work is frightening, and i imagine so if you’ve never had to totally support yourself. She transferred schools this semester in order to avoid any sort of commitment to a degree. my impression is that a there are deep insecurities, possibly stemming from her parents divorce, that she masques with materialistic indulgences. She has clutter everywhere. Its somewhat chic though. Never without a purpose. Shes cute as a button. Loud, silly. She laughs and trips and bumps into everything. Shes like a 5 year old girl. Literally. Very emotional. Always crying about something. Recently she fell in love with my close friend. They’ve known each other for about a month and a half. If that. He’s transferring off to a distant college. Shes off to… who knows where.

I decided I don’t like getting caught up in the trappings of others affairs. I need to focus on myself, my own convictions. I call them convictions because I do not know what else to call them. Goals, convictions, principles, visions, purpose, direction etc.

I need sleep. Desperately. I keep telling myself I’ll get on a sleep schedule but it never happens. Probably because I haven’t been making it happen. I need to simply shut off the lights and crawl into bed come 12 o clock. No matter if my work is not done, no matter how awake, no matter who I’m with. Also- I need to force myself to wake up at 730am every morning. Non of this 930am, 815 am bs. Not when I have class at 1000 and 830.

Anyway… I have a calcII quiz today… Spanish homework… cognitive psychology study questions… advanced composition reading and questions.. and statistics homework. not to mention class from now till 300 and meetings at 4, 5, and 6. busy indeed.

Friendship is an obstetric art; it draws out our richest and deepest resources; it unfolds the wings of our dreams and hidden indeterminate thoughts; it serves as a check on our judgments, tries out our new ideas, keeps up our ardor, and inflames our enthusiasm.

-Sertillanges

im in a funk. blah.

American paradoxes. There are many… throughout our readings we discussed everything from the racial inequalities within our free nation, to the fascination with the upper echelon while simultaneously praising the democratic virtues of the people. We discussed the altruistic nature of Americans, having the country with the most volunteers per capita, but simultaneously our selfishness and our inclination to hord our money from the government. The consumerism that fuels Christmas, yet overshadows the spiritual significance and mocks the puritanical notions of abstinence. These notions coincide with the larger issue of American self indulgence, something very contrary to the puritanical, spiritual roots of the founding fathers we read about in history. In the very same note we talk about the rugged individuality and self reliance that paved the way for our constitution. This stands out as a contradiction. In all our fierce creative individual pursuits, what we seek most is a unity of the masses. These masses drown our voice. ”Society- where you go when you lose you voice.” This paradox of conformity and individualism is pervasive. In the current culture car companies, manufacturers, and software engineers are striving to meet the popular demands of the people. What do these people seek? They seek the opportunity to customize themselves. To stand out. How do they do this? The same way everyone else does it! They buy the Toyota Scion model that advertises the individual, and customize it to their liking. They buy the IPhone and add the application that reflect the tastes of their interest.
Racism… it was mentioned in our book although I feel it’s a little less prevalent. The idea of racism in the past had a strong reflection on the slavery of African Americans and the continued biased towards them long after their freedom. Today the issue of racism is more concerned with national security than of color and genetic potential. While I would be inclined to say that racism has all but disappeared with the advent of the mass media, internet, and other mediums of communication that break down one sided the walls of ignorance, I do notice trends that illustrate an intolerance that persist as a result of fear. These modern examples of racism and national security that make headlines and nurture a stigmatism are immigration issues and terrorism. Racism is now about those that threaten our democracy. Mexicans that cross the border illegally to take jobs from tax paying citizens, or that contribute to the overall Mexican border drug trade. Denouncing small specific groups of people as terrorists has always been a way to promote xenophobia towards a greater population. Clear examples of this can be clearly seen after 9/11 when we immediately identified fear mongering and terror with middle eastern peoples
Funny thing is that American, and all its democratic sentiments, advertises itself as the haven for the tired huddled masses, as in Emma Lazarus’s words on the statue of liberty:
Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, the tempest-tossed to me. I lift my lamp beside the golden door (Emma Lazarus).

>The paradox that exists in America lies in that while we hold our relativistic and tolerant values supreme, we are terribly protective and afraid of anybody watering this down and wavering from these values. Freedom is not free for all, it is reserved for a select few… maybe just those who’ve earned it…even though earning it may just mean being born into it.
What I find humorous and saddening is the American paradox of affluence. We have the best: GDP, productivity, business startups, long term unemployment, expenditure on education, university graduates, R&D expenditure, high tech exports, movies exported, breadth of stock ownership, volunteerism, charitable giving. American, paradoxically, has the worst poverty, economic inequality, carbon dioxide emissions, life expectancy, infant mortality, homicide, health care coverage, HIV infection, teen pregnancy, personal savings, voter participation, and obesity. These two lists show a major incongruity with we’d expect from our modern democracy.

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

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In addition to any work experience that you listed on your application, please tell us how you spent your most recent summer vacation.

Last summer I worked as an independent contractor with The Southwestern Company doing door-to-door sales of educational materials to families. Because I worked 13 hrs/day, 6 days/week, I had little free time other than the few hours I spent managing my business obligations and reading. On Sundays the sales team met together for six hours to discuss progress and exchange ideas. Occasionally we would indulge in fun at a local beach or water park to recharge our spirits.

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Describe a trait or characteristic that has been passed along to you by your family. Tell us why you like or dislike this aspect of yourself.

I was a profoundly curious child. My father matched this zeal with equal curiosity. He routinely gave me the opportunity to learn something new because, it seemed, he had all the answers. But he never settled for quick responses. What was frustrating about our relationship was that he would not hand me an answer, but instead ask questions that caused me to explore my own understandings. I have adopted his habit of always asking questions and never settling for simple answers.

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New York City is an essential element of academic and cultural life at NYU. If you could engage in an activity or start a club or service organization at NYU, what would it be and how would you envision it impacting the larger community?

Peers single handedly have the greatest influence on our development. In a world of endless information and distractions, the right direction is sometimes not obvious. Establishing a peer mentor program will allow successful students serve as model of leadership, encourage positive habits and provide guidance to their peers. The impact of such a program would be far reaching, as those being mentored would be able to clarify their convictions and in turn, be able to act as peer mentors for others.

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You have been selected to sing in a talent show. What song would you choose? Why?

Ben Folds’ ‘The Ascent of Stan’ is an astonishing instrumental, lyrical and allegorical piece that guides the listener through the reflections of a man who has become the very thing he strove so hard to avoid. Once described as an idealist, hippy, revolutionary, he is now part of the society he ran from. This song has particular meaning because as I grow older I will grow wiser. Many insights will be gleaned that will refine my understanding, but I must never lose hold of my convictions.

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Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline.

Leading people to achieve a vision is what moves me. While cultural differences have divided people in the past, there is one unifying element that has brought the world together today: business. There has been no stronger factor for unifying the world. My desire to succeed and contribute to this globalized world has led to my interest in international business.

It can be argued that successful leaders have found a way to blend their career goals with their personal passions. Please describe a passion of yours and how Babson might play a part in helping you achieve your success.

I have a burning passion to seek excellence in all things. This keeps me intrinsically motivated and determined to accomplish my goals despite the many challenging external factors that arise. My willingness and openness to gain positive experiences allows me to learn and adapt quickly to new situations.
My resolve to become successful will never be undermined. While opportunities may come and go and people may pass me by, I will never stop pursuing my desire to succeed. My strong will and familiarity with overcoming tremendously discouraging situations in the past puts me at a unique advantage. I know where I’ve been and I know where I want to be. Nothing will prevent me from getting there. The people that work with me know that I put my best efforts and energies forth all the time.
Aside from how and why Babson College would serve me, I feel that I have a lot to offer the people around me. Sticking to my convictions and setting an example, I’ve made a commitment to being a leader in all things. A leader knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way. I’m passionate about knowing how to be successful, being successful, and most importantly, helping others achieve success. Knowing Babson College provides all the necessary tools and support to succeed, I’m confident that I’m able to bring all the motivation and discipline needed to effectively and efficiently use those tools and support to achieve success.
My career goals involve being a business owner of a management consulting company with an emphasis on providing startup companies with all the strategies they need to succeed. At Babson I will acquire a degree in entrepreneurship in order to acquire the broad range of skills and insights involved with building a business from the bottom up. This knowledge is not only crucial to the success of the companies I will be consulting but will be vital to the success of creating my own company.
By blending my desire to help others and my passion to succeed, Babson will be the place where I can incubate my potential. The competitive atmosphere of other like minded entrepreneurial individuals will drive me to develop myself and allow me to flesh out and clarify the vision for my future.

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If your educational journey has been nontraditional or if there has been a noticeable fluctuation in your academic performance, and you feel that the Admission Committee may benefit from knowing the circumstances, we encourage you to share this information if you have not already done so on the Common Application.

Before the age of eighteen I had moved twelve times and attended eleven schools in six different states from coast to coast. In high school I was in constant transition, moving from small schools of five hundred students to large schools of three thousand, from public schools to an all boys’ military boarding academy. As a result, I struggled to gain stability in my personal and academic life. My senior year my family moved to Florida where I began my third high school in Jupiter FL. The constant transition never allowed me to truly focus my passions, to excel in my academic potential, and to lay out a clear vision for my future. During senior year when many students were clear about their direction after high school, I was busy reestablishing my identity. Upon graduation I made the decision to take time to develop myself, gain independence, and really clarify what I wanted to spend my life pursuing.
After graduating I took on a job at The Cheesecake Factory working as a Server from the Summer 2005 to Spring 2006. In the Spring of 2006 I sought out a competitive opportunity to work at Admirals Cove, a platinum rated yacht & golf community country club. I worked at a number of their restaurants as a server until August of 2007 when I resigned to attend Landmark College.
While I was working I was busy discovering myself through reading and personal development. It was during this period I realized where my true passions lay: people and business. Specifically, leading and empowering people to transform visions into reality, whatever those visions may be. This revelation clarified the direction of my future and continues to act as a foundation for all my decisions.