Rambling thoughts

What’s happening?
Have we all figured out life yet?
Or are we slowly just accepting that we never will
Im in my mid 30’s this year
That’s a crazy thought.
I’m very busy. My girlfriend keeps me busy. I think this is a good thing for my mental health.
I think.
She’s very active. We do a lot, all the time. She’s got her routines and activities. It keeps life full.
Apart of me loves it. Cause I don’t have time to overthink
Another part of me doesn’t, because I don’t have time to overthink
Whenever I’m in a relationship a good portion of my “free thought” is consumed by the relationship. I can’t just do what I want. I must consider their feelings and time, all the time. So it’s like this mental routine that takes up memory. I can’t just… go or do whatever. I must consider the other
At this point in my life I feel like my intellectual curiosities are getting more narrow, and more work specific. It could be a temporary season. Like, the puzzles I’m most interested in solving and political/career/influence/strategy puzzles
Relationships definitely anchor you
I think I’m okay with this.
I go back and forth.
If I’m gonna have a family, this is best.
Living in the Bay Area, particularly silicone valley, it’s hard not to be consumed with figuring out how to survive/thrive/generate wealth

There are two main reasons I’m in a relationship

  1. Good sex
  2. A companion to do fun activities with

I don’t know why anyone would enter a relationship for other reasons
I enjoy living in this castle. But it’s not forever. I realize to buy a home in this area that I will actually enjoy, I will need a substantial amount of money.
This is stressful, but also motivating
$1.5-2M home with 10-20% Is $150-400k down payment
I feel like the things that satisfy me most in life of puzzles, little challenges
Learn something. Accomplish something. Figure something out.
Just distractions really. But some of these distractions serve as investments in your future
Healthy, wealth, relationships etc
Everything is pretty much a distractions from the realization that we will die one day
But the puzzles are satisfying
Like masturbation
Dream up visions and pursue them
I enjoy visions.
Manifesting new realities
This is most satisfying
Not even the part where they become manifest
It’s just the anticipation
Laying in bed and dreaming of what could be is one of the more satisfying things in life
It inspires this boundless creative energy from within
It’s quite amazing what a vision can do for a life
It’s so critical to feeling fulfilled. It’s the framework of purpose.
Not sure you can have purpose without a vision.
Can you feel fulfilled without purpose?
I dunno
Sometimes I wish I had more time to think.
I enjoy being so active because it genuinely helps assuage my mental anxiety
My endless ruminating thoughts
That often sabotage progress and stability
But these rumination also provide this depth to life that I cherish, and is fulfilling in its own way.
I think in order to be creative, you must learn to be still for long periods of time. You must allow your mind to play within itself, not with stimulations outside yourself.
This is why solitude and daily “meditation” is so important.

I think being creative is necessary to a fulfilling life.

Not necessarily artistically. But the ability to be proactive, rather than reactive.
Creativity is proactive
Mindless/unconscious living is reactive
I think to become master of your life, ample solitude is required
It creates space and time to separate from possessive thoughts, so you’re not a hostage to them.

This space and time allows you to manipulate and play with thoughts and feelings. It creates distance between thought and action. So we can modify thought in order to produce more desirable action and therefore outcomes
But sometimes it’s nice to just… move.
Especially when you’re on a trajectory that requires patience.
Overthinking a task is not necessary helpful to accomplishing the task
Sometimes just doing is all that’s needed, and repeatedly doing for me extended period. And the fruit of that effort is only realized after simple repeated action.
We can sabotage by interrupting the simple process
For an*
Cruise control is nice.
So long as we take time to reevaluate our efforts/purpose/aim
Learning takes time.
Learning also requires a purpose
It’s difficult to learn without a context, or point
It’s just data
Learning is effortless if there’s a good reason to learn it
The ability to teach yourself is largely governed by your ability to give yourself good compelling reasons to know something
The mind is quite good at absorbing information it thinks it absolutely needs to know
I’ve been active and working out quite a bit. It feels good.
I built a gym in the castle basement
Now all the dudes that live here are pounding iron
Many for the first time in their life
It makes me happy
Lifting is good for a man’s soul
It’s raw
It’s nice putting effort in and seeing tangible results, be it in strength, leanness, stamina, wellbeing etc
I have 21 windows in my room, and my room doesn’t have any AC, so I’m not looking forward to hotter summer days. It’ll be like a solar oven in there.

I have a 3hp fan that I run to circulate air
I start my new job on June 28th
I’ll have an office in Silicon Valley. Going to office is optional, but I will go everyday, for at least the first 3-6 months
Absorb and assimilate culture, make connections and forges alliances
It’s about 25min away, so not bad at all
I love reading.

One of my biggest motivations for accumulating wealth is so that I can have more freedom to read.

I don’t read as much as I should, but if I had more time I could explore more subjects. More hobbies. Ask more questions.

It’s not helpful filling your mind with endless questions that you don’t have time to research and answer. Just leaves you with anxiety.

It would be lovely to have a house with quite sizable study/library, which large windows that peer out to a garden or trees and vegetation. Perhaps a walking path right outside.

I’d enjoy this room.

No TV.

Just a fireplace, many leather couches, and reading chairs. Many many books. A large desk. A table or two. This sounds like a nice dream, a nice respite to study and dream and just play.
I enjoyed backpacking
I want to do more backpacking
I like being in the elements
Miles and miles from civilization, with all your survival gear strapped to your back, and your only mode of transportation is your limbs
It connects you to the world
It makes you realize the body is a hearty sonofabitch
You can really pack it down and it can just go and go
I think about the Roman legionaries that could easily march 15 miles a day fully loaded with pack and equipment
In sandals
Over the alps
When they arrive at their destination after a day of marching they would commence setting up camp and build a fort, creating a perimeter, felling trees, digging holes, etc etc
And do it all over again the next day
Sun, wind, rain, snow
The body is a machine.
Humans are hearty.
Makes me want to backpack more.
With my convenient jetboil camping stove
I should try backpacking with flint and steel and a frying pan and cheese and cured meats and some dried biscuits and grains
Replicate the hardship and leave the niceties
Backpacking is great fir the soul
My body felt like it was an ox after that trip. The whole body aches under the weight of a 40+lb pack
The whole body becomes stronger