the world wants something its never seen before. Its tired with the duplication. I look around and i’ve been it all before. theres nothing to hold onto but old memories of my first time. i dont know if this is the trend of growing up, or if the world is getting harder and harder to find originality. the internet and media and communication floods my senses every day with images that, while they seem like the present, sound like the same old story. day after day. the same music, the same political lies, the same advertisements, the same promises, the same routine, the same lifestyles. Because variety is so accessible,its worthless and unoriginal. What is genuine in this world? Is this just getting older? Is my mind playing tricks on me?

Every new piece of knowledge takes me farther along my journey, carrying me above a previous clarity, only to show me how unclear it all is. And, at the same time, i know i’m better for it. why, i can’t figure out. maybe ignorance is a far better state. What i need to do is organize my thoughts. I need to make it very clear for myself the expectations i hold. I need to focus and visualize exactly what i want without contradicting myself with every newfound revelation. I want to be honest with myself, but i want to pursue a worthwhile endeavor without having to stop and redirect my path and recalibrate my progress with every new insight. its debilitating.

What i need is a muse. I found that muse is love. Before that i found it in self-pity. More recently my muse has been the sheer thought of excellence. Although the ideas of excellence is ever growing and expanding, its not alive and offers no intimate dynamic. not like love or self-pity. I will say that the most regrettable times in my life were those when i found myself wrapped up in self. the best were those when i was thinking of others. in regards to love, ive yet to find something so impressionable, so life giving, invigorating and exhilarating. coaxing my inner voice to speak up and setting my passions ablaze, love breaths a restless vigor for more.

a muse? where can i find a muse. so here i am. i feel less accomplished than usual. my mind is preoccupied. where do i find answers? The answer ive always gave myself has been that i must make these answers.

livid lambent

the world is getting a little grayer. The appeal of things once held in esteem now seem jaded. My thoughts keep taking me further, brightening new worlds and instilling me with new feelings. The parallels sketch on wonderful new meaning, coloring life like never before. I feel less apart of the crowd though. A shift in paradigms has left me with a new appreciation. Wherever I end up I’ll be happy so long I seek the passions that convict me most.

the world is getting a little grayer. The appeal of things once held in esteem now seem jaded. My thoughts keep taking me further, brightening new worlds and instilling me with new feelings. The parallels sketch on wonderful new meaning, coloring life like never before. I feel less apart of the crowd though. A shift in paradigms has left me with a new appreciation. Wherever I end up I’ll be happy so long I seek the passions that convict me most.

I thought this was hilarious.

The engineering department of a defense plant at Newburgh, New York, has been experimenting with steel wire, drawing it out very fine. They finally produced a piece of 120-gauge wire — practically invisible. The boys were proud — so proud, in fact, that they cut off a strand and sent it to a rival Japanese defense plant. “This is just to show you what we are doing in Newburgh,” they wrote.

Weeks went by. Recently, a package arrived at the Newburgh plant. The boys opened it with great care. Inside was a steel block; mounted on the block were two steel standards, and strung between them was the same piece of 120-gauge wire. At one end of the block was mounted a small microscope delicately focused on a certain spot on the wire. One by one the engineers placed an eye to the microscope and examined in silence the work of their rivals, who had bored, in the wire, a rather handsome little hole!



I’ve been doing tooo much. I feel like all I do is think or think about doing.

Although this is a bit taxing, it’s pretty amazing how its worked out. Before I always would think but have nothing important to think about. Recently, for the first time in my life, I’ve given myself so many commitments deemed important, all I do is think- and it’s getting me somewhere! finallyyy!

soo…i’m in a pretty solid trance. I’ve been non stop since I got back from break. Every day I wake up at 7:30am.. hit snooze twice.. take a shower.. head to breakfast.. then drift to class from 8:30-12:30… followed by lunch and anywhere from 2-3 meetings or appointments in the afternoon on any given weekday. Usually I eat dinner at 5:00… finish up with meetings around 7:00… go lift… come back at 9:00… do homework till 12:00 and try getting to bed. Free time in between involves studying or planning or e-mailing or writing… Every day..


It’s been pretty out lately. Finally starting to get sunny and not so cloudy and gray. Beautiful crisp blue late winter skies. The trees are still bare but it doesn’t look so bad when it’s sunny. Anything but gray and wet. ew.

I love learning and knowledge… I loveeeeeeeeee learning new things.

I despise cigarettes. It happens once and a while… but I always chastise myself in the back of my mind. I see people huddled with their face stuffed in their jackets struggling to light their cigarettes with matches. They endure the cold and singe their bangs or nostril hairs just to get it lit. Then then suck it down like it was the key to some vacuous cavern in their chest. They suck it, and hold it in, and blow upwards in a euphoric satisfactory kind of way. ew. not cool.


I’m growin a lil beard.
I can’t wait till it gets warm enough to wear shorts and sunbath…and swim in brooks and splash in streams. I tried wearning sandals in some weird hope that it’d get warmer sooner… or that i’d convince myself it was warmer. Not a clever idea. toooo too cold.

i’m about to yawn… too tired.. night
night night!

What is?

Recent Reflections…

Faith is believing without seeing (having no proof). Belief is an idea accepted as being true. True is being in accordance with reality. Reality is something that exists independently of ideas concerning it.
An Idea is something, such as a thought or conception, that potentially or actually exists in the mind as a product of mental activity.

If reality exists independent of ideas concerning it, how can one believe in reality?

To believe in reality is to believe in truth.

-In order to establish a reality, one must first seek to establish an idea. This requires faith that the idea is true. Believing in reality is pure faith.

(To prove an idea, it must be repeatedly demonstrated and tested to produce consistent conclusions. These consistent conclusions are evidence. A Proof is a sequence of steps, statements, or demonstrations that leads to a valid conclusion. A conclusion is a proposition concluded or inferred from the premises of an argument. A proposition is statement in which something is affirmed or denied, so that it can therefore be significantly characterized as either true or false. A premise is a proposition supporting or helping to support a conclusion.)

So the saying goes.. whatever you seek, you will find.

To establish a conclusion, an idea must exist with an intent. Intention is an act or instance of determining mentally upon some action or result. To determine is to limit (a notion) by adding differentiating characteristics. Characteristics are features that helps to identify, tell apart, or describe recognizably; distinguishing marks or traits.
Acknowledging (recognizing or identifying) characteristics is to accept them as true.

Can a conclusion be established void of intent?

Faith is required with every initial premise until evidence is presented as valid or invalid. Then one can decide to accept or reject it as true.

Faith is believing without seeing. All belief is based on trust. Trust is a commitment to expect a certain outcome.

Free will allows us to think freely and choose what we seek and where we seek it.
We gain idea’s through observing the world around us.
Free will is the ability to freely seek our desires- our wants, our expressed wishes, our requests. Do we decide these desires? What are our desires?

Whether you think you are right or wrong, you are right. Knowing this, how do we rely on our own judgment?

Establishing an idea and accepting it as true does not mean it conforms with an absolute reality.

Are truths made any more or less real whether we believe them to exist or not?

The less we seek to know, the less we think to seek.


If reality exists independent of ideas concerning it, how can one believe in reality?

If you do believe in a reality, what reality do you believe in? How can we know what is truth? Is absolute reality anything we find when we seek pure truth? Even though we may not know what pure truth is, must we seek before we find?

Things to think about.

When something is created, did it ever before exist? Does something need to exist before it can be materialized? Does something only exist when it is actualized?

Does an idea exist before it is thought? Before it is spoken? Before it is written? Before it is materialized or actualized?

Do we create ideas or do we find ideas?

Do we find ideas, through observation, only after we can allow ourselves to see that they can exist?

Or, through observation, do we create idea’s only after we understand that they can exist?

Does knowledge have an origin? Do we create knowledge? Do we find knowledge?

Can we create knowledge? How do we create knowledge if there is nothing new under the sun, and knowledge exists forever permanent and unchanging?

If we create knowledge, did it ever exist before? or at the instant we created it, did we changed the metaphysical makeup of reality? For ourselves or for everyone?

Ideas, knowledge, and wisdom existed long before we claimed it as our accomplishment. We do not create the laws of reality. We find the laws that govern it.

Whether an idea be moral or natural, it has always existed. We do not decide natural laws, just as we do not decide moral laws. To pretend that natural laws are as relative as moral laws is pure foolishness.

We cannot bend or defy natural laws, only work against them, causing a struggle and conflict.
Can we observe a conflict when we try to bend moral laws?

Just as we can work against a natural law and we can observe conflict that occurs around us…

Can we observe and identify working against moral laws by examining the conflict that occurs around us?
Must we deny ourself (our ego, needs, desires, pride), when deciding whether a moral law is sound?

Is it moral if the intent benefits the person who deemed it so?

Are morals anything more than illustrations of ones intent for goodness and righteousness and truth?

Can you have any morals if you have bad intentions?

If everyone created their own moral laws, would there be conflict?

If everyone sought and agreed to one set of moral laws, would there be conflict?


Right. God.

My recent thoughts:

God is everything that is right, true, perfect, and ideal. He encompasses what is right outside of our will. We do not decide what is right. What is right exists whether we decide to seek it or not. When looking to do right, we need to seek outside our own needs and think about what is right for everyone or everything. What is right is positive and encouraging. What is right may not be the best for me as a person, but it will benefit everyone on a whole. Consider if your thought or action would help the poorest, weakest person on earth. Seeking what is right is seeking the will of God. If the world was perfect we would never have to do wrong. Because the world is imperfect, we might be forced to do wrong. Imperfect situations cause us to do wrong in order to do right. If we were held at gunpoint and forced to lie in order to save the world, and if we told the truth the world would perish, and if we didn’t say anything, our family would be tortured- we would need to lie. Granted, situations like this are extremely improbable. If it were a perfect world, there would be no reason to lie to do right. We could always do right and never have negative consequences. But we live in a world where people choose to do wrong.

For every action there is a reaction. When you do wrong, conflict arises. It may affect you or someone else. When you do right, positive always things happen. Whether we like it or not, doing wrong causes destruction somewhere. To clarify, doing wrong is anything that is not right. There are many ways to do right, but the right solution always exists. Likewise, there are many ways to do wrong and they always leads to more wrong. Right may look different to different people, but if it is right, it will be positive to all.

God is that he is. He is not a person. He is not fickle or confused. He is perfect and infallible. He allows and stands for everything that is right. He does not cause bad things to happen. Bad things occur because people choose to do wrong. Sometimes bad things happen because of wrongs done long ago. The earth is tainted because of people doing wrong. If everyone did what is right, there would be no destruction or suffering. (The Bible describes the death and suffering as a result of original sin. The first wrong committed.)

God gave man free will. Free will is special. We can choose right or wrong freely. No matter what happens, we have the power of choice. If we are lost and don’t know what is right, or do not seek what is right, we will be victims of circumstance, conditioned like animals to react in order to survive. As soon as we realize that there is right, and it leads to intrinsic and extrinsic fulfillment, we can break free from reacting and we become empowered with the ability to make meaningful choices. (The Bible describes man being made in God’s image. This means man has the ability to make choices freely and create.)

Free will allows us to make decisions freely. We can do right many different ways. We can also do wrong many different ways. God, being perfect, is everything that is right. He cannot and is not anything that is wrong. Like light, where it exists, darkness cannot. Like light, God takes on many different forms. (As I think about this, I think about light and my mind tries to draw comparisons. Light is energy. They are synonymous. Energy is exhibited as a wave through light, elementary particles as bosons or fermions, and solids as matter. In the same way- regarding how the Bible describes God- he exists as three persons (father, son, spirit), but maintains his sovereignty as being whole. In the same way that energy cannot be created or destroyed, God always is and always will be. While we can see the results of doing right, and can the trace reason why it is right by examining the factors that contributed to the results, we do not know why doing right works. Just like we do not know why there are laws that govern nature. I attribute it to God. Others attribute it to convoluted reasons and justifications that don’t lead to any definite answers.)

Because we are born, we must learn how to make choices. Our environments affect our choices. We learn how to make good or bad choices by observing our parents and nature. If we are unaware that there is right, or fail to make the connection between doing right and its positive results, we remain largely lost and pursue meaningless endeavors.

Doing right is a personal struggle. We must learn to accept that there is always a right. That right exists. If we do not seek what is right, we are left deciding what is right and wrong. This is where we make destructive decisions. It’s part of the learning process when seeking right to make the wrong decision. If we do not seek what is right, and only seek to benefit what needs we see fit, we are bound to hurt people and make decisions that are destructive.

Life is rewarding when people seek right decisions. Doing right can be sought by obeying the Golden rule. Treating others how you want to be treated. This does not mean treat everyone like you, but acknowledging and being aware that every person has feelings and needs. This does not mean condoning behaviors that are destructive. It does means loving the person and hating the wrong. We should only be concerned with doing right in our own life and setting an example. Our lives will be a testament of our yearning for right.

Just like doing right leads to lasting rewards, there are always consequences for doing wrong. For every action there is a reaction. There will be conflict somewhere if people are doing wrong. Laws are in place to protect the people who are doing right from people who do wrong. Laws are not meant for those who seek what is right. They are for those who seek what is wrong.

“But we know that the Law is good, if one uses it lawfully, realizing the fact that law is not made for a righteous person, but for those who are lawless and rebellious, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers…” 1 Timothy 1:8,9

Those who do not seek what is right, but only obey the laws do not recognize that there is a right. They are lost. They see laws as simple constructs and guidelines that should be followed, but seek out their own desires and pay no attention to the wrong they do in the process to anyone else. They have the wrong intent.

We are meant to live a fulfilling life. It does not matter how we choose to do it as long as we seek right in everything we do.

People who say God doesn’t exist do not recognize that there is a universal right. Though they unconsciously obey the laws of nature, they fail to recognize the moral laws that promote life. If they do, they attribute them to cultural factors and matters of survival. What they fail to realize is that the very morals practiced to keep people surviving and promote lasting fulfillment work because they are right. God is everything that is right.

People fail to see the connection between doing right and God. God is right, and they should see right. People fail to see why doing right leads to positive results. They attribute their success to their own abilities instead of attributing it to simply doing right. They swell with pride and think that they make their success. What that don’t realize is that they only followed the directions, they simply did what was right, and whats right always works. Doing right breeds lasting success, achievement, progress, and life. Its no wonder that the jargon surrounding survival of the fittest makes so much sense. The consequences of doing right leads to lasting life, stability, security and fulfillment.


It would take people an eternity to be perfect and always do right. We learn right through observation and trial and error. We observe the consequences of certain actions and adopt them. Simply mimicking the actions and failing to grasp the true intention of doing right is futile. It’s like chasing dust in the wind. Every action should contain the intention of doing right.

Books help illustrate what right is. We learn through books and observe consequences and situations in order to refine our understanding of what right is.

Doing right is God. This statement is not meant to distort the nature of what right is, or what God is. God is not what we think is right. It is right for all, apart from ourselves. By observing what is right, we learn to understand God’s nature.

The Bible is not rules to be followed. It is not stories of brutality and bloodshed. It is a depiction of God’s essence. Anything good can be seen or used for bad if the intent is not right. If you are not seeking what is right, you can take something good, and make it bad. The Bible is nothing more than stories of people learning to do right. The Jews are the people who learn what is right through trial and error. Whenever you do wrong, conflict will arise. It is not God standing on clouds instructing people to be killed. The Bible is an illustration of what happens naturally when people choose to do wrong.

Whether you attribute natural or moral laws to God or not, they still exist. Right decisions are those that are good for everyone, even the weakest and poorest person. Acknowledging and learning that they exist is part of our life and the process of getting to know God. Why they exist is apart of accepting that there is a God.

To deny God is to deny that there is always a right. This allows us to choose what is right. When this happens, there is disharmony. People begin choosing what they decide is right, and fail to think about what is right for everyone. This causes huge conflicts as people begin justifying wrong for right.

There is a greater good and right. To be aware of them and seeking to follow them allows for a life of greater fulfillment and ease.


The Bible provides a reference point, a visible standard and direction to guide people. Getting to know God, or getting to know what is right, is a personal process. It takes time and experience.

Being a personal process, I do not believe it is anyone’s job to change peoples mind to believe in God. Each person who knows and understands there is a God needs to be an example by pursuing what is right. The desire for right should be visible to anyone who comes across it. It should not be about rules or following guidelines. It should be about love, and doing right and helping people to do right. Love is selfless.

Love is selfless. Love is entirely about other people. Loving people means helping and encouraging them to do and be better, to improve their life. The fact that we can love people at all, that we have the ability to make others lives better is a miracle. Through words and actions, we provide people with hope and fulfillment, a better life. People can accept or reject our love. Because love is selfless, this does not matter. We realize what is right, and we continually show our love. Love makes the world better. Those who do not accept love are selfish. They do not advocate helping others. They discourage it by refusing to receive it. They deny any right, positive, encouragement people have to offer. This indicates that they are not seeking what is right.

You cannot love by hurting people. Love is not wrong. Love is everything that is right. Loving is showering someone with everything that you know to be right and good, despite the cost to you.

God loves us. The fact that there is always a right answer confirms this. The fact that we can seek and find right at all shows Gods love. Whether people like to attribute love as something that God intentionally did or not does not dismiss that right exists, and people can give what knowledge of right they know to others. This is Love. God does the same.