People Problems

I don’t like being an audience member. I prefer being an active participant. And this goes for all of my life’s activities. Whether it involves one-on-one interactions with people, or small groups, or society at large. The situations and people I want apart of my life require that I function as an active participant in their development. I can’t afford to be a glassy eyed bystander all the time. I hold the same desire for others as well; specifically that they may maintain the same attitude and relation to me as I hold for them. I want them actively contributing to the development of my life, my perspective, my abilities, my ideas, etc.

Regarding people, I don’t want to listen to them all day talk about their personal problems. On the flip side, I don’t want to talk about my life problems all day either. I don’t want to talk about fleeting circumstances, nor do I want to talk about flaky people. I want to talk about, first and foremost, good ideas. Sure, I can talk about events and the people involved and what not but, in the greater scheme of things, those topics are insignificant aspects of life. They change. People change, and our opinions about them change even quicker. Events happen, but there are always more events to talk about the next day. Ideas are the most resistant to change, but “truth” (in the proverbial sense) and understanding certainly don’t (Unfortunately bias and stubborn habits of thought don’t change as quickly as they should). That’s why I desire talking and thinking about ideas, visions, goals, things that endure.

I’m sure some people may find my position disagreeable, but the bottom line is that I don’t care about problems you don’t want to fix. In fact, I don’t care about any problems that A) cannot be fixed or solved or changed and B) that you don’t want to fix. The consequence of this philosophy of mine is that I don’t spend time with too many people. However, the people I do spend time with are either thinkers, or they are easy going. Ideally I could have the best of both worlds, but that’s just me being ideal. Usually I find the easy going people. Less frequently I find the thinkers. But usually the easy going people don’t think, or the thinkers are not easy going. Oh well.

Whatever the case, I don’t want to share your problems. I wouldn’t want you to share my problems either. I want to talk about solutions, about a better life more generally, about the positive aspects, or the critical aspects, with the thought of improving or accreting understanding. It’s good to be skeptical, it’s good to challenge and exercise doubt. But lets not get carried away and allow ourselves to fall into complete skepticism, or worse cynicism or nihilism. But skepticism is good, and sometimes being discontent is a great thing, but only if your intention is to improve circumstance, to actually develop or change things for the better.

If you are being discontent for no reason, and have no desire to improve, I don’t want to talk to you. And you shouldn’t want me to because that would serve no benefit to my life. Simply commiserating is not an admirable or worthwhile past time. Empathy is good, but only when a perspective is gained that will allow me to contribute to their life, to help solve an issue or problem. My empathy falls short when it works to simply bring me down, to simply have someone to share a miserable state of being just to feel less alone, less weak.

Contrary to popular belief, we can choose our problems. How is this possible? Because we can choose how we look at things. There are no problems apart from a subjective perspective. So how should we choose our problems? First and foremost, we need to define our ends. What do we want? What is our goal? What do we desire? What am I willing to sacrifice for this end? When these ends are defined we can decide which obstacles prevent us from their attainment. It is then that we recognize problems and only then that these obstacles become our problems. But they shouldn’t stay our problems. Why? Because we want to accomplish our ends, our goals and desires, more than we want these problems.

But this requires having goals and desires, clearly defined and enunciated. If you don’t possess clear ends, everything will potentially be a problem and you won’t know why and you want ever improve yourself and you want ever get anywhere.

But some people LOVE problems. For some, problems ARE the goal. They give them a sense of purpose and place. Problems become their identity. Their sense of being. And they never ever progress beyond them. They stay a pathetic victim of themselves. Always hungry for attention and pity and futile support that will never solve anything. These people are like a diseases whose literal life supporting function is actively feeding off the life of other people, quite like a parasitic organism or bacteria or virus. Their life is attained by sucking from the lives of others. But changing this behavior would require changing their function and in turn change their ability to survive in life. Unless, however, they decide to adapt and adopt another identity, another gestalt for living.

On the less extreme end of the spectrum are those people who simply survive off attention without directly harming the person. They don’t intentionally drain your life, nor to they directly detract from your well-being. In fact, they don’t think of you at all. These people simply want an audience that reflects back their self-image. They gain their sense of self through people and as a result use them as an audience in which they can extol their accomplishments in order  to derive a sense of approval. These people are simply ego maniacs driven by extrinsic motivation, by the external rewards dolled out by the people, by the values amplified by the herd. Their sense of self is derived entirely through an artificial sense of achievement; that is, through approval from others. It’s a way to live, but a terribly sad way to live. In my eyes anyway. There’s no properly sense of self. It’s distorted through a subjective lens that’s entirely created from the opinions of others.

There’s a ton more I want to write about, but I’ll save it for later. For the record, I need to elaborate thoughts on monetary expansion policy  and how it relates to investment, inequality, debt, and finance. I also need to write on technology and culture. Specifically how there could be potentially dangerous consequences due to an over reliance on the processes  that derive semantic content and the source of that content for reliability and “truth”, as well a atrophy in our very ability to derive semantic content for ourselves, that is think critically about things in order to empirically acquire semantic content for ourselves. But more on that later.

Anything to Anyone

(Unfinished excerpt)

“…There’s a point in everyone’s life when they realize their talent. For some this occasion arrives sooner than later, but nevertheless it arrives. If you were to ask me how I it is I came to acquire this talent, I might begin by giving you a breezy account of my upbringing, of the tumultuous transitions that marked my meandering life; or I might start off with a detailed account of my fascination with self mastery; or I might illustrate the parental influences that indelibly pressed upon my conscious. Whatever story I end up telling is more myth than fact. It may serve to inspire you,  kindle your fascination with me, feed your imagination; in the end they all serve an act of false generosity. False in the sense that it is the very talent in question that renders these myths.

To say my talent is people would be a gross underestimate. The more accurate telling would capture something supernatural and transient. You see, I am amorphous. I have no character that stolidly weathers the winds of time and the tides of change. But I am much more than my nebulous nature. I am a mimicking mirror: reflective, to a greater or lesser degree, of your exacting desires. There are no constraints, no guidelines, no rules, no method to this madness. It is a poetic perversion, a pantomime of subtle revelations mixed with mystery and madness, and nothing regular.

I work out of curiosity, out of the competitive challenge of can’t. I overcome these hurdles by moving myself towards a suit of interests. And when interests cannot be uncovered, it is my job to sow them.

You see, I can be anything to anyone. But surely, you say, this is manipulation, a farce of fabricated facades. I may disagree with fabricated facades, for they are surely fabricated and surer still facades, but I am by no means manipulative. On the contrary, my interests lie in you and you alone. There is no one else I hold in higher esteem. Your well-being is my well-being.

My vocation may be untraditional, but it is nonetheless legitimate and requires respect. It is not easy being other people. It demands constant work and attention, for people and their tastes are always changing. Fickle people. Fickle and flaky, but nonetheless predictable. If you do the thinking for them, that is. People begged to be swooned, to be lulled into a comfortable complacency. Defenses are an exhausting expenditure if there is no threat to counter or reward to reap. These walls always come down in time. Persistence is the key. Persistence and planning. If success is to be secured, you must increase probability with planning. Memorizing the mechanistic behaviors of man is just half of it. You must understand context, conventions, values, motives. Where are they from? With who do they acquaint? How do they behave? What do they value? Why do they act? To understand these is to understand the harrowing heart.

First and foremost, keep their best interest in mind, always. This must never escape the attention of your work. To absolutely achieve this, you must deny the self. You have no self. Subjugate whatever ego that sits at the window of your consciousness. He must observe from a far, with patience in mind. Every action is calculated for its long term returns, not the short term satisfactions. In this way the ego must sit idle and wait. His opportunities to whittle a path come at night, in solitude, under deep reflection.

A smile is the most disarming gesture you can offer. Let it

When you are something to someone, you become them. Their desires must be sought as if they are your own. More accurately, they are your own.”


Soft Summer Songs

There is nothing so satisfying as an opulent ocean of redolent rays gleaming across the sublime summer sky.

Relationships: these interesting symbiotic syntheses of feelings and minds and circumstance. Two people, pulled by fate, like magnetic force, yield their defenses long enough for a daring gesture of interest to find its way into their intimate chambers, where their egos reside with the risible recantations of a wry world.

Two men exchange their thoughts, like young twins speaking their own tongue, referencing their experiences, in blissful agreement: “Yes, yes” and “yea”, “but of course” and “oh right!” These affirmations of love, spoken in frank response.

Write with freedom, with unrequited passion; the world will never return the favor with the same fervor. Never mind it. You are a model, a leader. As a writer, your words do more than etch new thoughts and moods among men. They reverberate through time. Their roots wrap and coil around future gardens of growth.

I need to journal more. What do I mean by journal? I mean, feel more deliberately. Writers experience life twice. Why would I want to deprive myself the experience of living life with any less feeling the second time? Full and fabulous.

I want to be a writer. I want to capture the human condition, to communicate existence with humanity, as a comfort, a beacon, that life is not a lone journey, but a universal struggle. The journeys are all different, but the struggle is all the same. The phenomenon of each journey may be irreconcilable with another’s, but the limitations are universal, uniform, consistent.

Writers are sensitive, acutely aware of details, of the incantations strewn by the senses throughout the consciousness.

When I write, I feel. I never write without feeling. The best thing one could do for oneself is be transparent with their thoughts and feelings. Thoughts should reflect feelings, so that when you feel intensely, thoughts follow with equal force and vigor.

When I write, I write through my states, through the moods moderating my memories and mind. Like a performer, my heart commands and my fingers obey, with precise form and clarity of expression. There is nothing wanting. The audience is a lone traveler, hungry and thirsty, searching for anything to quench their parched and pallid imagination. The routine of this journey weighs, and each step adds another circular chain to their load. Starving eyes, so eager to capture the faculties of imagination so they might dispel their locking illusions. They long to shed the weight. The writer offers this salvation.

Relationships. These are a peculiar breed of experiences. The man longs to be free, the woman longs to be secure. Each seek to liberate or enslave the other. In this way each relationship seems over before it has even begun. But this is precisely the bond that brings them together.

Everything persists by demand, and it is through this demand we experience a command, a resounding order abounding from the passions. To disobey is mutiny: a self sabotage.

There cannot be freedom without activity. To utilize humanity one must act. But activity must be chosen every moment. Routines develop into chains as circular habituations take hold of choice. We must attend our freedom like a fire, gently stoking its embers and fueling its flame. The inattentive watchman risks losing the fire, the light of his soul; or it bellows beyond control, consuming everything until there is nothing left to ravage. Either way the man is lost: losing his way or losing his life.

Passivity is slavery. Unreflective choice is slavery. Impulsive choice is slavery. Any thought or action that is not chosen via volition is inauthentic. Passivity encrusts the consciousness, it clouds and clutters and confuses. There is no I without action, no subjective perspective without freedom and action.

TV, advertisements, anything generated from a capitalist society that engenders humanity as a static condition of a whole, is an assault on freedom, on authentic living. Man cannot manifest his freedom by doing nothing. He cannot create ethics or values or tastes or preferences that reflect an original genesis of choice unless he acts through himself, for himself, as himself. Men should not be whipped with their past. Advertisements: propaganda that illuminates man as a predictable creature, as a rational creation, with no faculty of imagination, objectifies man and indoctrinates him with alien laws and limitations.

SoJourning Love.

Time to journal. I was going to write in my hand-written journal but I decided to log this one digitally.  Not sure why.

What do I want? Right now I’m feeling emotional. Not sure why. Well. Lies. I actually know why. I just have problems expressing vulnerability. I like a girl. I desire her. I am attracted to her. Yet, I don’t know what that means. I’m usually so detached from those feelings. They occupy deep hidden places within me. I obey them from afar so when they get unwieldy I’m at a distance.

What do I want? Right now. What is it? Ok, more specifically: What do I want from a female? I realize I could subsist off of my own imaginings and writings and thoughts and dreams and studies and friends… but there always seems to be something missing. It leaves a dull ache, a dull emptiness. I know that no female will ever take it away, but I feel as if it could be allayed more than it is. Intimacy. Intimate encounters that last longer than physical climax. An intimate encounter that endures and subsists behind the daily happenings of life. Where I can seek comfort. Intimacy that persists long after those endless gazes. How is this intimacy achieved? Well. Great question. I’ve been struggling to figure this out myself. I achieve a great level of intimacy with a large number of my platonic relationships, but it eludes me when my heart is involved. Perhaps expectations ruin the momentum? I tried sex. Raw hot heavy sex. That didn’t work. When sex is achieved before an investment is made, why bother? Subconsciously I resist making that pledge. Maybe I lose respect? I can’t respect a girl when I already own her. Especially that easily. Make me care enough to work for it. Please?

Eh. I don’t know what to think. Relationships. These courting encounters. They’re fun. The masquerades. The lampooning. The dancing gestures. The intimations. All behavioral and empty.

Meaning is difficult for me. When I say things I mean, I feel them. Meaning and feeling seem inextricable. They are one in the same. How do I mean anything when I feel nothing? Words. Empty gaseous words. The effluvium of desire. Yearning pleasure. Sexual banter. Until the impulse subsides and I stare at a stranger.

What is it that I want? I want someone to want me. Nay. Need me. Right? Isn’t that what anyone wants? To feel irreplaceable? How to convey that without ripping your heart out? How to convey that without faking it? Jesus. I have no idea.

I almost feel bad for girls that are into me. As much as I long to shed and share all, I resist out of courtesy. I don’t want to overwhelm them with my complexities. My complicated spirit. My ornery soul. It overwhelms even me. Even I struggle to appreciate something so beautiful and so appalling.

I can be anything to anyone. These masks. People need consistency. How does one disarm their masks. Who is the true Michael? Intimacy, love, whatever you want to call it, it extends beyond these masks. It requires pulling down the veils that honesty hides behind. What lies behind is something beyond me. I like to think that my closest friends are familiar with this person. I appear in various fractals.

Honesty hides behind veils. It is always there in full view, only obscured by a veil.

Okay. So I lost my train of thought. Not too unusual. Tonight I’m hanging with some friends at a local microbrewery. I guess I’m going stag at this point. Amongst three other couples…awkward? Awkward is a state of mind. Nothing is awkward unless you think it so.

What to think… Saturday. Went to brunch.. worked out at the gym…. played raquetball… showered. I think I’m gonna grab Chipotle.

Beauty, like a dream, fades. Faith endures. It stipulates nothing.  Intelligence wanes. Physicality and success, all seasons in time. They all play leads at one time or another, only to fade into the background. What is left? Love. Faith. I suppose a variety of virtues.

It’s so much easier to hide your heart. To keep it all for yourself. But the unequivocal joy of extending it to the other, and having them cherish and bask in its naked state? It lights you on fire. It is unbelievable to love and be loved.

I don’t think one can be in love without vulnerability. No. I know it. Be prepared to expose yourself. God. What a dilemma.

So. I’m at a point in my life where I desire substance, in people and relationships and tasks and goals. No more petty aspirations. No more temporary longings. Have some long term vision. Use imagination beyond the moment Michael.

I don’t have time for people that don’t have this. Confusion? Fickle? Flaky? I will have none of it. I might be around, but not for long. I will learn briefly and find someone else who’s pursuit is for the real. For the thick of it. For the substance that extends through space and time and is with you in all the oscillating experiences, the undulating sine waves of life, where it peaks and rockets toward the trough, only to crest again. I want substance through it all.


“Have you ever considered that if you were in a healthy committed relationshipt, in stead of it being a distraction or a nuisance , the both of you can support each others’ quest to accomplish goals, convictions, principles, visions, purpose, direction etc. It seems to me that you view relationships as a manipulative temptress rather than a companion to share and grow with. I would like to hear your response.” -Anonymous.

Well… depending on my mood, state, and current relationship status, my answer to this comment might vary a bit. I’m pretty bored at the moment so I figured I’d think this little comment out, see if theres any validity to it whatsoever, and answer according to my current convictions.

As I read this comment (oooh! good song came on.. ‘girl inform me’ by the shins)… as i read this comment it seems like its coming from someone who doesn’t know me very well. Or someone who thinks they know me well, but obviously does not. If they did they would know that I don’t really waste my time with relationships unless the person is exactly what I want in a girl. I don’t have time in my life, and they don’t have time in their life, to be with someone who doesn’t want them 100%.

At this time in my life my goal is to succeed and create as much potential in my future as possible. I am making up for lost time. I wasted much of my time when I was younger with these distractions- parties, people and girls. I am not saying they didn’t help shape me… I just wasn’t headed in the right direction when I should have been. And I say ‘wasted’ because very few of these people actually cared enough to encourage me to pursue my best… and I don’t necessarily blame them cause the vast majority of people out there don’t even know what ‘best’ is. They just float on.

Anywayyy… my goal in life is to succeed as much as I humanly possibly can considering the hole I dug myself into in high school, and the time I’ve lost. This means my priorities are #1 school (includes studying, clubs and organizations, internships, and any other educational or academic endeavor)… and #2 preparing for grad school (studying for a flawless gpa and LSAT, and building networks with future successful people).

Going back to girls. Beyond school… I really can’t be bothered. Not now. I may be MADLY in love… like… my heart hurts and my knees are weak in love, but that will never compromise my commitment to my goals. I will be committed to that person, they just can’t have priority in my life..not now anyway. I will be there for them, Love them to death, do everything I can for them….. EXCEPT… at the cost of my grades. Girls come and go… they have and they will. I’m looking for one that decides to stick it out… one that sees that all my hard work, my focus is FOR THEM.

I AM NOT WORKING OR STUDYING SOLELY FOR MYSELF. sure its great to achieve…its actually amazing. I love accomplishing goals… having desires that I just own. But in the end its pointless and meaningless if I have no one to share it with. Sure friends are nice… but I’m talking intimacy.

The honest to gods truth is that I am working to provide for my future wife. That women who is patient with me, who loves me, who will have my children, who will support my endeavors as I support hers. I will love someone so much one day… that I will be DEVASTATED if i can’t be all that I am meant to be for them. Every day I am working to give more of myself to my future wife- physically, emotionally, mentally. Anyway…

I am looking for a symbiotic relationship…where we can grow together… reach new heights together. and just be in love. LOVE IS PATIENT. Read 1st corinthians 13 and that’ll show you what I want in a women.

Relationships… yes… I love supporting people. I love encouraging people, I love being able to show people what success looks like by being a leader, a living example.

“Manipulative Temptress”… These words sound spiteful. I have love for everyone. I want to say that the last thing I try to do is intentionally hurt someone. Communication is key. I don’t want to manipulate them. I want to make sure we’re on the same page. I am not about selfish people, close minded people, stubborn people, prideful, egotistical, etc. I just will not waste my time with these relationships… I’m beyond it… my relationships don’t need it… nor does my life… nor do my future kids.

All I have to say is that one day… one day I will find someone who I love uncontrollably and loves me back. This love will be pure, innocent, and most of all… patient. It will put no constraints on fate. It will be genuine, forthright, and honest. I know I will find this because I will not settle for anything less. I will not let myself think that a relationship must be any other way. No relationship is perfect, but I believe that two people can make a commitment to work towards perfect… work towards harmony… work towards unifying their body, mind and soul.

Also… I believe that love is not something to be courted. If it is so, it will be so. No forcing it, no faking it. It will come effortlessly from within. The chemistry, the attraction, the fondness, the butterflies.

Also- It is not the end all be all. My companion will not make me happy. They will not ‘make’ my life any better. That is for me, and me only. My happiness rests in my hands… just as my thoughts do. We will complement each other, supplement each other, and believe in the best life has to offer for each other.


Other than that, theres not much to add… I could rant on forever. I don’t know what else to say, or how else to address the consideration…

I’m tired…night 🙂

Camus: Silent Companionship

When I was young, I expected people to give me more than they could – continuous friendship, permanent emotion. Now I have learned to expect less of them than they can give – a silent companionship. And their emotions, their friendship, and noble gestures keep their full miraculous value in my eyes; wholly the fruit of grace.

From one of Camus’ entries; dated May, 1935:

He is at ease in sincerity. Very rare.


Where ever you go in life there will always be those defining moments with those defining people. I suppose you seek them out and allow the the definition to take place when you’re most comfortable. I can also imagine a willingness to forget a place and time that’s uncomfortable or possibly painful, with the hope that you might be able to escape the grasps of regret. What’s sad is, if you never deal with with those moments, you’re left with a big hole in your heart. Who are you if you aren’t all there?

babbling about women

Women. I have this thing. I want the best. As it pertains to a Woman who’s the best well… she’s gotta want the best. Not superficially. I’m talking about ideally. Ideals like wanting to live the most fulfilling enjoyable life possible. Someone who realizes the control that we have over our thoughts and actions to bring us to our every circumstance. Actions that shape our character and circumstances that shape our destiny. I want a woman who is it. Inside and out. It may be a bit lofty but then again you get what you ask for- and I refuse to settle for anything less than what I see is achievable. I will never settle for the bare minimum.

 I’ve personally found it a waste of time to pursue the majority of women out there. Its a waste of time. Most of the women my age are just getting out of the hormonal thing. They’re just figuring out what they want- some never figure it out, some of them decide to settle for mediocrity, and some.. a very few.. aim high and don’t give much thought to anyone who’s not looking in the same direction. Women are usually a waste of time. I love women, I have many girlfriends and all that- but the good ones are seriously… rarely to be seen. And i personally could spend an awful long time looking when i could be getting my career on so when I do find her- I can give her everything and she’ll be like, “Now this is the kinda man I’ve been looking for”. I don’t like wasting my feelings or thoughts or any of that stuff when I could be directing them to get me where I want to be.

Some people would like to say that I need to explore and maybe their right. I’ve been told more often than not that you find the woman when you aren’t looking at all. I believe that. Some people think I’m afraid of being hurt, or afraid of opening up and exposing myself.  Those are plausible theories but I don’t think that I’m ready to buy into any of them. I’m very aware that the next few years are important in jetisoning me into the direction for success. I don’t have the time or energy for flakes. Love would be nice but I’m not ready for it and I can wait.

As far as women go, I don’t want just any woman. I want an intelligent woman who knows how to carry herself, who’s humble and knows as much as I do that any of the blessings accumulated could be gone at any second and we wouldn’t be any better off than anyone else.  You know.. all that good stuff… a creative thinker who’s chique and sassy and fun loving and easygoing and has naturally alluring sex appeal. Who’s a hard worker and committed. Who’s loving and thoughtful.

Actually… the biggest problem I have is finding a girl I’m actually sexually attracted to. Not in the way that I wanna dry hump their leg like most guys would do- but as it pertains to the chemistry between two people. Where, if I’m standing in the same room as her, I can feel her heart beating with mine. and I want to be with her, around her, and she makes my heart skip and jump and it’s effortless cause I wanna be with her and she wants me and there really aren’t too many other questions that need to be answered. Now that… that’s what I want. but she’s gotta be smart. I’ve had girls where the chemistry thing was good but man… when they opened their mouth I felt like they were dumbing me down every time i listened. I’m not trying to be rude or anything- it’s a true of the matter. so yea. life. school.


Interior & Exterior relationships

Stories. Stories transcend explanation.

In every experience, in every interpretation, there lies a relationship between self and that of the occurrence. Either literally or metaphorically, you are engaged in a meaningful intimate relationship that is prompted by the desire to examine the dynamics involved, as well as how they react towards previous experiences. I will state that reality is rarely real, rather a conjecture of assimilated facts and relationships. The facts of any reality are reinforced outcomes that provide a constant source of reliance when testing variables to other unknowns; or when hypothesizing (you might say philosophizing) the relationships that exist between these facts. The dynamics are endless and soon supporting evidence, namely facts for the sake of stability, run out. What remains is a question in which you must settle for an answer based on what your assimilated experiences and intuitions have led you to deduct as true. This seems like a faulty way of approaching life but it seems that this is the way people perceive reality.
The exterior landscape of our mind acts much like a collage would if we glanced at the array of snapshots organized and orchestrated to provide the most significant meaningful interpretation possible. It’s the exterior landscape. Our eyes look at what is, through our eyes. We choose to see matter existing and we allow it to pass through our eyes and encode itself into an image that we place in the back of our mind. Now the greater collection of these images the more correlations can be made. The exterior landscape of our mind consists of the logical processes of life. What the sky looks like. How clouds move and form and dissipate through evaporation or precipitation. What a woman looks like. What the sound of laughter resembles. What different forms the landscape portrays. The erosion in the soil, the rivers and streams, the luminous trees extending upward coated in a sheen brilliance of chlorophyll saturated leaves, the ocherous discrepancies in a striated mountain. People of different races. A vibrant color, a shape, a design. There are the elements we use to shape our exterior landscape. We perceive them to be real.
The interior landscape exists on a much more universal plane. It deals with metaphorical, analogical, relational consistencies and patterns. This is the formula we use to deduce meaning from the exterior landscape. It makes the inanimate, animate. The interior landscape sees beyond tangible patterns and explores the relationship between one perceived entity and another. This creates understanding that fuels future assumptions and allows more significance to be gleaned from the exterior landscape. New concepts, insights, and ideas are aroused that give substantial meaning to once potentially unimaginable visions and experiences. The interior landscape is a universal language that can only be spoken and understood if the proper exterior landscape exists to incubate these metaphorical connections. The interior landscape must be tilled through extensive attention to detail. Keen and open experiences, even brief aphorisms that resonate and illustrate tangible tested qualities of truth- provide details, that paint and color in the regions of intentional brush strokes left by the assimilation of the interior landscape. The less color- the less comprehension is transcended to others for relation. You can work with very little experiences and deduct very similar conclusions. Your limits are imposed by your lack of imagination within the interior landscape. Not due to lack of tools and opportunities provided by abundant experiences supplementing your exterior.
The drive for communicating foreign contexts of exterior landscapes and the intrinsic meaningful relationships of the interior landscape behind them, from one person to another, truly relies on the ability and understanding to communicate on an interior level. To make the relationships identifiable through sheer honesty of the formula used to assimilate the experience. Every story has a formula that consists of much more than basic nouns and pro-nouns and prepositions. It is the diction, the rhetoric, the language, and gesture, and style- totally separate from intellect- that fits together in a universal communicable truth that arrives at the ears of the listener. It involves the faculties of the metaphysical intuition, which resonate with truth and integrity, to embrace the extended shared experience. You can grow just from hearing another’s story. His interpretation- His perception of assimilated events stowed away carefully in a supportive woven web of meaning.

No matter if you don’t understand this concept. The significance of thinking has degraded generously the past century. Thinking is a job, and as long as we aren’t getting paid to do so, we’d rather rely on tangible crutches to do our thinking and form the relationships we use to signify meaning. It seems rare in this culture at least that creativity is original. It’s all copped and cropped. We are no longer stimulated to think. I feel that this lack of enthusiasm is due to the misconception that it’s all been thought before. That all your answers are out there. Except for the basic anomalies of God and existence and dimensions- there are only lose ends to be tied up and soon enough they will too be explored. It may be hard to recognize the meaning in something so trivial as the lost art communicating of multiple levels.

There is a dark giant cloud of cultural, economic, and political oppression that exists to convince us that our interpretations are as irrelevant in the scheme of life as a single drop of water is irrelevant to the whole ocean. I’d like to see beyond that significance.


there comes a point where you run out of answers. the bandaids dont seem to stick anymore. you have to hold them on the wound to prevent bleeding if you ever want it to heal. love never goes away. youd think that it would. everything passes. new days rise and fall. the seasons come and go. the new dies and passes away turning to old. why then does love persist just as strong as the first moment my eyes passed her way and caught glimpse of the embodiment of love should look like. idealism just doesnt work in love. there is nothing ideal about love. about being selflessly devoted to another. and not having answers. try to hold it together. hm. i wonder. sometimes i feel like dwelling on the past is a horrible thing. then i rationalize and call it reflecting. well. it hurts. i feel like i always have an answer, even if it isnt the end all be all it answers the here and now. that suffices me for a shortwhile. till i find i need more answers. i should place my faith in god and the future and do my best at what i know is right.

i lie to myself alot. i think. i figured it out. the new is new when its all you have. you need to replace the new with something innovative so it looses its zest and appeal. and if its ne