The revelation for today that will illuminate the traverses of tomorrow is this: Your character is the sum of all your habits. Each willful act serves to exercise the plasticity that lends itself to self-actualization. Each time you choose to exert your will, or withhold your will, your character is strengthened, for better or for worse.

“Words of Wisdom: 1) To acquire new habits we must launch ourselves with as strong and decided an initiative as possible 2) Never suffer an exception to occur till the new habit is securely rooted in your life- continuity of training makes things infallibly right 3)Seize the very first possible opportunity to act on every resolution you make,and on every emotional prompting you may experience in the direction of the habits you aspire to gain.” [sic] W. James


Is it strange that I feel that I am in a perpetual regression? My ideals grow ever clearer and yet drift ever farther away.

Much to update on, but at the end of the day, life is pretty regular. I’m reading William James at the moment. I’m connecting with him in wondrous ways. He’s a pragmatist. [no triumph for the philosopher. claims and obligations. obligations and claims. What is good and what is demanded and the birth of ideals. distilling the essence of human history into an abstract and vague unitary system of ethics.]

I had fall break last week. I drank heavily on Wednesday night, woke at 7am, and drove 8 hours to Chicago with a few college pals. All day Thursday we visited the city, walking the entire loop and eventually ended up at The Second City comedy club. The following day we played cranium and vegetated from the previous nights debaucheries. Sunday we drove home.

Obviously I’ve have many thoughts between my last entry and this one here. I had thought about getting them out, but I made the decision to let them smolder and fume inside my gut. Perhaps I thought the discomfort would move me in some way.

There are the easy going moods and the strenuous moods. Easy going moods simply allow us to shirk from our current ills, where complacency veils and sunders our senses. Strenuous moods allow us to become indifferent to these ills, allowing us to justify moment by moment creations and impacts. We grab at the essence and wrestle till functionality exists.

I am too easy going at the moment. I need fire. I need dissatisfaction to blow a luculent hole through my head so I can wake from this stupor.

I have so much on my mind, but I inhibit the thought and feelings out of fear.

The Will to Believe

I live, to be sure, by the practical faith that we must go on experiencing and thinking over our experience, for only thus can our opinions grow more true; but to hold any one of them– I absolutely do not care which– as if it never could be reinterpreteable or corrigible, I believe to be a tremendously mistaken attitude, and I think that the whole history of philosophy will bear me out. –William James, The Will to Believe

A reminder to myself.

“A man should conceive of a legitimate purpose in his heart, and set out to accomplish it. He should make this purpose the centralizing point of his thoughts. It may take the form of a spiritual ideal, or it may be a worldly object, according to his nature at the time being; but whichever it is, he should steadily focus his thought forces upon the object which he has set before him. He should make this purpose his supreme duty, and should devote himself to its attainment, not allowing his thoughts to wander away into ephemeral fancies, longings, and imaginings. This is the royal road to self-control and true concentration of thought. Even if he fails again and again to accomplish his purpose (as he necessarily must until weakness is overcome), the strength of character gained will be the measure of his true success, and this will form a new starting point for future power and triumph.” Allen, James

East of Eden

I am reading East of Eden. As busy as I am, I managed to read eight chapters today. John Steinbeck may just be my favorite author. I delight in the way he limns the affections and constitutions of each character and weaves their competing vibrancies into a story of their own. There is so much unpredictable depth in his writing.

On another note, I have a Geology quiz I need to take before 12:00am. It’s 11:32pm. I also I a paper due Thursday (my own personal deadline). & a 3-hour Lab Mid-term tomorrow. eek.

I need to write more. Alas, =)

Alternative Spring Break

Ok- so these are my application essays for Alternative Spring Break. They’re still in the rough draft phase but this is my basic template. Alternative Spring Break is a program at Vandy where students spend their Spring Break helping impoverished people in North and South America instead of partying in Panama City or Cancun. Its an awesome opportunity… and I think it’ll be fun.

I get to choose my top three site locations out of 36 total sites…and then rank the remaining. I customized the essays to my personal goals. Yea they’re cheesy… but its competitive… and they read thousands of applications. I figure I should make my reasons for going short and relevant.

1. What are your top three site choices and why did you select them? Please be specific.

My top three preferred choices are: Lovin’ Spoonful – Utuado, Puerto Rico, A Whole New World — Xela, Guatemala, Island in the Sun — Andros Island, Bahamas.

I specifically chose these locations because they directly relate to a personal overseas project I am in the process of developing. My goal is to establish a sustainable community development center in areas of Bangladesh where education, good health, and basic resources are scarce. The purpose of this center is to provide a means to empower members in these communities through education and aid. With a population of 150 million living in an area the size of Iowa, the Bengali are living well below the poverty line with little hope to improve their condition. This project is aimed at empowering them through a means to acquire services and knowledge that will help the people and community grow stronger. I plan to continually develop this project throughout college until graduation when I will move to Bangladesh to establish the center.

How does that relate to these locations? Each of these locations considers a crucial aspect of community development. In Puerto Rico, the focus is on utilizing the available resources, in this case coffee agriculture, in order to create sustainable living and wealth within the community. In Guatemala, the focus is on the providing vital healthcare that aids to improve impoverished lives and contributing to a communities overall well being. When establishing the center, the medical care and health education aspect may be the most significant aspect to helping these communities. Finally, the Bahamas focuses on education, one of the most empowering aspects that my proposed community will emphasize. In the Bahamas I will have a unique opportunity to learn how to implement an effective library system where community members can visit for additional child and adult education. Learning how to implement a library system is exactly the kind of useful experience I will need in order to help shape the education aspect of my proposed center.

2. What aspect(s) about Alternative Spring Break most interest you?

In addition to all these listed reasons, one of the most motivating reasons for choosing these locations over similar locations in the US is that, while I have traveled and moved extensively throughout the US, I have never traveled overseas. I think having these experiences will help shape and mold my vision as well as anchor my appreciation for impoverished cultures I’ve only had the experience to read about.

Most of all, however, is the opportunity to give something myself in someway to someone in need. At the end of the day, I don’t mind where I end up as long as I’m working alongside similar peers who share a passion for giving a piece of themselves to those in need. I think the relationships I make with these service oriented people will make the experience all the more worthwhile.

3. Describe a person, event, or experience that has helped shape your perspective on a certain issue.

After high school I took two gap years to gain some perspective on life. I felt as though I was hurried along throughout school and never had an opportunity to truly define myself and my goals. During these two years my parents made sure I was gaining some real life experience. They stripped me of most of the support I depended on throughout my childhood and forced me to support myself. During these two years I paid my own rent and phone bills, bought my own car, and maintained multiple jobs. To a certain extent, I was a fully functional adult within the society. During this period I had the opportunity to work with a variety of people of different ages and at different stages in their life. Meeting these people gave me a unique perspective on how I should approach opportunities that I usually took for granted. Although I thought these two years would offer me much needed freedom, I realized just how bound I was and that if I was ever going to have the freedom I desired, taking advantage of opportunities early in life, specifically with my education, would be key.

These years not only allowed me to put away childish behaviors and fantasies, but gave me a profound appreciation for just how much I have been given. Academics are no longer a fruitless and directionless endeavor; they are a job I take seriously that will allow me to actualize myself and my goals.

Please share with us any additional comments that you feel might be helpful in the process of selecting and placing you as an ASB participant.

Eventually I will pursue a degree in Law with an emphasis on ethics and human rights.

Niet: Nailed down

Slave morality, out of oppression, creates its own imaginative moral valuations in an effort to overcome the master morality. These covert insidious subversions empower, giving slave morality a new and unique depth and hatred. But when the slave morality triumphs, leaving no fear of the master morality, what then? …Out of touch with reality, we turn inward, growing weary and nihilistic towards common man, and ultimately destroy ourselves.

Lets not destroy ourselves.

Conspiracy theories are an outspring of slave morality: Poisonous imaginative valuations that seek to bring down the master morality. This hatred and evil that the slave imagines are his only power. The master exists in the present and gives little thought to the condition of the slave, other than a careless and impatient afterthought of contempt. He is self confident and uses the slave only to draw a distinction between his greatness and their meanness.

When the slave morality prevails, what then? If the slave morality becomes the apex, he will continue to remain as he is, a slave, for he knows nothing else and no other power. His machinations will become inversions of hatred and evil toward himself, the common man. Thus we drift towards nihilism as our culture becomes weary and dull and insipid. This is how we destroy ourselves.

I am saying, put this behind you. This whole idea of bringing down the master is a feeble attempt to regain a power the slave was never meant to have- either because he is a slave, or because he is something greater.

Nietzsche: Morals

“Here precisely is what has become a fatality for Europe—together with the fear of man we have also lost our love of him, our reverence for him, our hopes for him, even the will to him. The sight of man now makes us weary—what is nihilism today if it is not that?— We are weary of man.” (Genealogy of Morals, 11)

Nietzsche here diagnoses a malady of mankind: nihilism. Nietzsche was writing in 1888. Does his description of nihilism resonate with you today? If so, how do you specifically experience the nihilism of contemporary culture? Are you weary of man?

Or, perhaps, Nietzsche was just being an anti-democratic pig. Is he too harsh in his criticisms of the herd? Too elitist in his orientation? Can mass-culture be a stimulus to life?

(Firstly, I thought these writings were pretty difficult to decipher.)
Core to Nietsche’s writing so far is the idea of resentiment. Nietzsche has illustrated a dictomy between the slave morality and the master morality. The master morality, or noble valuation of things, is simple and indifferent and acts spontaneously (37). It exists in the present and gives little thought to the condition of the slave, other than a careless and impatient afterthought of contempt. The master morality is consumed with the happy and beautiful and noble self, only seeking invented and ‘falsified’ negative (‘bad’) contrasts (these contrasts are not rooted in reality) that would reinforce it more “gratefully and triumphantly” (37). Meanwhile, the slave morality is preoccupied with deep resentiment towards the master, a festering and poisoning passion that create an imaginary a world where “hatred grows to monstrous and uncanny proportions” (33 & 36). Slave morality rejects the hostile external world with a resounding no in a creative defiant act (37). It is in this covert imaginary world of unsatisfied hatred where the idea evil manifests itself, contrary to noble flighty idea of ‘bad’.

This is the most basic summary of what Nietzsche has laid out here. At the end of GM, 11, Nietzsche asserts that Europe has slipped into a nihilistic state due to Europe losing their fear of man, which has caused it to lose its “love of him, reverence for him, our hopes for him, and even the will to him” (44). This fear of man is necessary for the master morality, because noble man needs enemies as his mark of distinction (39). Nietzsche begs for “something still capable of arousing fear” in order for man to justify man (44).

I believe what Nietzsche is saying is that Europe has slipped into the slave morality because there is no fear and therefore no reason to grow greater (44). The slave morality is insidious and covert, residing not in the present, but in hope of the future. This removal from reality and the present is what dulls man and makes him weary and mediocre. Being “better” is simply man failing to grow by reducing the positive substance of inequality. The noble man needs a fear of the plebian man in order to justify his distinction.

So, if any of that is correct, does this resonate with me? Well, Nietzsche is very disorienting.

I believe that there are enough forces of fear at work in this culture that sustains mans self confidence and causes man to rise above and react and grow in their midst. Mass culture in itself a force that provides man a means to rise above and justify man.
I also believe that our society has almost eliminated the need for fear, because we live in a (semi) functional democratic nation. This might cause man to slip into a weary nihilistic state. Specifically, because we live in a democratic nation, there is no notion of one presiding over another and therefore no fear of the plebian to base our noble valuations. This eliminates the master mentality, necessary for growth according to Nietzsche. By losing this fear we slip into a slave morality consumed with resentment towards… God? The government?

Nietzsche makes some pretty bizarre connections. I need to think more on everything I’ve read to decide if he’s too elitist. I think he’s just challenging the traditional foundations and rocking the boat.


Wk nd.

Its three in the morning. I have class at 9.

What did I do this weekend? The usual fraternization.

Do I have anything interesting to say? I’m reading Nietzsche. He’s a lil crazy.

Tomorrow I hope to learn if I’m understanding all his abstractions. Nietzsche disorients you and leads you at the same time. This week is going to be extremely busy. I have homecoming Thurs-Sun. Quake is on Thursday… Asher Roth, Pitbull and OAR are playing. In addition to the homecoming game and drinking festivities, the policy debate team is hosting a tournament from friday to sunday. This is extremely inconvenient. Because we’re hosting, I have to help staff. This means that I won’t be able to get drunkie and tailgate and go to the Vandy/UG game. ALSO- my best friend is coming to visit me. He graduated in may with a geography degree… has no idea what he’s doing with life… so he decided to take a road trip. with another buddy. He’ll be pitstopping that weekend. gosh. what a crappy time to host a debate tournament.

Anyway… I don’t have anything poetic or interesting on my mind at the moment. I need to be more creative. night.


Wk nd. Nietzsche

Its three in the morning. I have class at 9.

What did I do this weekend? The usual fraternization.

Do I have anything interesting to say? I’m reading Nietzsche. He’s a lil crazy.

Tomorrow I hope to learn if I’m understanding all his abstractions. Nietzsche disorients you and leads you at the same time. This week is going to be extremely busy. I have homecoming Thurs-Sun. Quake is on Thursday… Asher Roth, Pitbull and OAR are playing. In addition to the homecoming game and drinking festivities, the policy debate team is hosting a tournament from friday to sunday. This is extremely inconvenient. Because we’re hosting, I have to help staff. This means that I won’t be able to get drunkie and tailgate and go to the Vandy/UG game. ALSO- my best friend is coming to visit me. He graduated in may with a geography degree… has no idea what he’s doing with life… so he decided to take a road trip. with another buddy. He’ll be pitstopping that weekend. gosh. what a crappy time to host a debate tournament.

Anyway… I don’t have anything poetic or interesting on my mind at the moment. I need to be more creative. night.

Here’s my response to my readings this evening.

Post. Dreams.

I really shouldn’t be doing this right now. It’s 1:15 in the morning and I have work in a few short hours. (long entries are never fun to read… neither are unparagraphed thoughts, but i got that covered.)

I thought I’d use my wisdom and go to bed early, so I hit the sack around 8am… but I failed to do the math. My bodies been running on 6 hours a night… and I wake at 7 for work. Soo… 11 hours of sleep… a little much. fml.

So here I am… I thought I’d begin reading Nietzsche’s geneology of morals… and I did begin this evening, but I fell asleep and went with it.

I am a big day dreamer… I need to learn how to capture the essence of those dreams. Whenever I have flashes of moving inspiration, or alternative realities, I always tell myself that I will jot them down, and sometimes I do in my paper journal, but the power usually dwindles by the time I get around to it… so what comes out are a few lifeless lines that hardly do the dream justice.

Me. Its so interesting how we evolve as people. No one is static.

Where the hell is the depth? God. I feel so shallow right now. My life has no discord, has no strife. I feel totally bored by it all. My academics pose no threat because nothing is at stake. School is a joke when you get down to it. At the end of the day the real battle is between the will to succeed and the will exist (oh yes, the will to exist. and its strong). When the stakes are greatest I perform my best.

It is interesting to note that I alone deem what the stakes are and when they are. No one can instil importance in me unless I see the true value. Sports, for instance, always illustrated this for me. I remember instances in swimming, before I was dubbed a great swimmer, when no one thought much of me doing well so everyone’s encouragement was mediocre. To me, on the other hand, the match was equivalent to my personal self worth and meant quite a deal. During the race I would completely dominate and supercede everyones expectations by not only winning, but smashing the competition. Eventually I would realize that I was a good swimmer, or I had that potential in me, so my self worth was instated. Trying seemed silly. So thing for academics.

As I grew older I realized that consistently succeeding is what counts.


I feel so selfish. I’d love to study how egocentric man is. I try to perform meta analysis on myself and I see that my little bubble of reality is so finite. I can’t really blame myself for it. I give myself much more credit for being objective than is rightfully due.

There is no such thing as normal. I want everyone to like me, and when they don’t it pains me. Probably the result of some self esteem or security issues. With this in mind, I have been realizing over the years that some people just won’t be interested in you, and that the more you think about being attractive to them, the less you can be yourself, which is the most attractive thing. I mess this up way too often. I destroy who I am by being who I’m not. I am overly concerned with their thoughts and opinions than is needed.

Where is PASSION!

I have a need for passion in my life right now. And goals. This is the first semester I have no developed and written down/printed a list of goals for myself. I think it’s having an impact.

I think I will write these goals out tomorrow.

I want to be a thinker. Maybe my classes are not stimulating enough. I should journal about my philosophy classes. I’m reading Kant’s A Grounding for the Metaphysics of Morals right now… just finished Hume’s Enquiry Concerning the Principles of Morals and Frued’s Civilization and its Discontents. I would love to journal as I read, but I just haven’t the time. I cannot devote hours upon hours of intellectual thought to a single subject. School requires too much from you.

Passion. I have always believed passion is what is most natural and instinctual. We tame and discipline these instincts as we get older and responsibilities grab hold. We trap them and smother them and funnel them into unnatural outlets. I would love for those passions to run free again. I can’t even remember what opens them up. I know philosophy does wonders… I know writing moves me.

I would like to develop my writing skills. I think my writing needs much work. It’s weird that I am communicating and criticizing my writing through the written word. (Or typed word… I wonder if there is a difference? I know written is more thoughtful… cause its so much slower… but its crisper and cleaner and tighter… but I often lose myself when trying to articulate large issues because of this). How to become a better writer? I’ve noticed over the years I’ve developed I voice. This written voice has a personality that is distinct from my own. I wonder how effective it is?


I had a geology exam today. We’ll see how i did… felt good but who knows.

I have a Macro exam on friday… with Buckles. He manages to maintain the reputation as the most challenging teacher campus wide. No other professor in any other subject is so reputable. Is he good? I suppose that is debatable. He is challenging though.


I want depth in my life. How can this be achieved? More contemplation? More exactness in my goals?

WOW. I just realized I don’t have any personal goals for myself. I mean… no daily things I can work on to become a better person. What new habits am I developing daily? I can’t see any. This is disturbing.

I’m hungry… It’s 1:51am.

I think I’ll try to go to bed.

Just finished these essays. Excellent quotes.

“Teach a man to live rather than to avoid death: life is not breath, but action, the use of our senses, our mind, our faculties, every part of ourselves which makes us conscious of our being. Life consists less in length of days than in the keen sense of living. A man may be buried at a hundred and may never have lived at all. He would have fared better had he died young.”
– Rousseau, Emile

“We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love”
-Sigmund Freud, Civilization and Its Discontents


I visited the doctor this afternoon. The psychiatrist.

We met for roughly an hour.

He was a gentlemen in his early fifties with an opinionated air to him. Dr. Chris White I believe. Approachable and easygoing, but always ready with a response.

I sat down in his office and, for the first time really, I began to consider why I chose to make this appointment. The obvious answer was medication for my distractability… a crutch to aid my attention. But as I sat there, I realized that simply handing over some IQ tests and explaining that I thought I was a candidate for medication wasn’t going to convince him to write a script.

Since I’ve come from a long history of psychiatric therapy and evaluations, I began weighing my options: I could manipulate him and play the role I knew would satisfy his clinical diagnostics, or I could be straightforward, transparent and honest about my history. I decided in a split second decision to let him into my life.

This is not without risk, however. I am painfully aware of a psychiatric system that is inherently flawed. It approaches humans as simply a sac of DNA that secretes neurotransmitters that contribute to our personality and mood. I disown this philosophy. Obviously they are aware of environmental and nurture factors, but genetics take center stage when chemical therapy is sought as the solution. I also knew how dangerous it is when doctors label you with these mental disorders. The reasons might be far removed from the reality, but they hold the MD so they decide. Its actually scary when you lose your rights and the ability to advocate for yourself because they told you what and who you are.

Anyway… I decided that I was safe at this point in my life. I had gone years without any sort of depressive relapse… or any severe mental relapse for that matter. I continue to succeed and am mentally at peace with myself and the world that I create using my thoughts. (Attribution theory and explanatory style is my modus operandi).

So I began… the story of my life… told soo many times. Starting with first grade… mentioning the suicides, the thirteen moves, the six elementary schools, two middle schools, and three high schools… along with my stint in home school. I went over my psychiatric history with doctors and over all the diagnosis I was labeled, and the medications I was prescribed. I talked about the oppressive and destructive relationship I held with my parents growing up. Then we got into a little of my most recent history with my revelations about life… my turnaround. Then we proceeded to recap in detail all the events… mutilation, suicide pacts, overdoses, substance abuse, moves and transitions, etc.

After an hour all we got through till about my senior year than had to call it. He told me to set up an appt in two days… and to bring back additional ADD testing… and if I was up for it any of my past medical history and documentation(and I’m probably not… cause I’d rather not having too much of this crap on a file… insurance reasons etc).

The doctor was an uppity doctor. He definitely exuded an air that said “I’ve got it figured out”. Throughout my retelling he would interject with an explanation as to why something turned out that way… sometimes I corrected him with additional information and my own explanation and he would appear thoughtful and say ‘Interesting”… other times I just nodded and agreed…mostly to boost his ego and build an receptive relationship. I’ve heard so much of their explanations that I could practically be a psychologist.

The whole time I was telling this story I was trying to imagine what exactly he must be thinking. I mean, if you heard my story you would think that I was clinically insane. Based on my adolescent history, there is no logical reason why I made it out of all that with my mind and emotions still intact. He was asking me if I was bipolar, depressed, or suffered any of that stuff… I stolidly replied no. Not in the slightest. I could tell he wasn’t convinced… he was fighting to believe it.

He was like… “its important that we talk about all this so I can help you… so if you have another depressive relapse I can set you up with the right doctors and get you help.”[sic]

My reaction was like… um… that is the farthest thing I could ever imagine. No way could I go back to that place. He, of course, reminded me that those with depression have a 50% chance of relapse. Although I didn’t say it, I was thinking “… that is impossible. I choose my world… it does not choose me.”. In the end I had to agree with him… i mean… there is a statistical chance that my whole family is tortured and dies a horrible death, and I am forced to watch, and I have to bear that burden for the rest of my life…. and even then I still believe I’d make it out alive. Other than that, I am not a victim of circumstance, my world, my past, my feelings. I choose thoughts… and they make up my world.

Anyway… It was sorta funny. He was extremely fascinated with my whole story… often pondering after one of my responses to his questions and responding with “Let me be selfish for a moment… and when I say selfish, I say that as a joke really, but let me be selfish and ask you a question…” and he’d ask some question to satisfy he personal curiosity.

I won’t lie, the last doctor I saw about medication simply wrote me a script 15 minutes after I introduced myself and told her my academic history with ADD. Probably illegal, or unethical, but I was happy. Expedient drugging.

Dr. White told me at the outset that pretty rigorous ADD testing is done to protect the phenotype…. or people who have are legitimately disposed to ADD. I was fine with that.

BD weekend.

This weekend was pretty exciting. My birthday, combined with parents weekend and a football game, made for an exciting weekend. I’ll dictate when I have time.

Today’s a busy day. After classes I run to the doctor… my attempt to get some stimulants, followed by a trek to my employer so I can hand in some work documentation.

I have two exams this week… and a rough draft due. Wednesday and Friday. Busy days.

I think my rents are getting my a camera for my birthday. I’m pretty sure this is the first gift they volunteered me in many years. Hopefully that’ll happen… then I’ll be able to document my life with an extra dimension.


“I must study politics and war that my sons may have liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. My sons ought to study mathematics and philosophy, geography, natural history, naval architecture, navigation, commerce and agriculture in order to give their children a right to study painting, poetry, music, architecture, statuary, tapestry, and porcelain.” – John Adams


It is with words as with sunbeams.
The more they are condensed, the deeper they burn. ~Robert Southey

I need to practice this…

If you wanna say something, don’t forget it. No one gives a shit about your flowery rhetoric or uplifting prose if you fail to make a point. When you write, don’t forget the point. Don’t use big words, don’t over exaggerate, don’t make it some climatic event… just say it. Say it as poignant, and as concise, and as exact as you can. Your intention should be like a scalpel on brain tissue. Don’t retard the audience with your exaggerated descriptions about seemingly peripheral shit. Make a point.

The Q

I was just in line at Qdoba. amazing. I just got two free burritos. One was a coupon this guy handed me for a free breakfast burrito. the other was my, buy 10 burritos get one free deal. Score.

So in line, I met quite a few people. Belmont alum… who wished they were from Vandy… they exuded defensive pretentiousness. Also, some amazing Vanderbilt TA’s. One was 25 from Tokyo with broken english (chen)… cute as anything. the other from Southern France (victor. sorta queer… not in an offensive or weird way… just different and interesting. no one else in the line liked them or held a conversation with him.. but I did. and i enjoyed it). I liked both quite a bit. She was studying… who knows… a bunch of ridiculous hard stuff. He, at 23, was on his way to fulfilling his Phd in American literature (finished BA in france and his MA in Brighton) He came to Vanderbilt so he could use our library. bitch. I’m 23, and i’m not even done my undergrad. lol.

anyway… he was cool. We talked politics, and international issues. he’s fiscally conservative, and politically social. He asked me if I had family values… i said why ofcourse… he chuckled and said why… I said cause I was brought up with them, and i believe they work… he said are you liberal?…i said I stand to the left and lean to the right… he said you are a conservative.

I was like… BIOTCH. France dude!, what do you know?!

Soo…. I went to Pike tonight. Nappy roots played. I hate douchbags who think they are cool… they have all their brothers and shit… and think they own shit. When in reality… in the real world… they are a giant, saggy, genital part (trying not to be gender biased here). with little or no social, OR cool, skillz. So. Basically my friend got kicked out for no reason. So i’m bitter. but it was family weekend so I drank with moms and dads… and it was awesome.

they i went to Phi kap.

and danced with fine ladies.

Then I talked to a brother at Phi delt. He was from Greenwich Ct. Awesome dude.

Then I smoked an l. and then I stood on a ledge with a 100ft drop. then my friends started screaming bloody murder… sayin I was a crazy mofo. then i got down.

The i went to the Q.

I’m drunk.

Tomorrow I’m doing ridiculous amounts of homework. Its 5am!




Beauty is vulnerable? Is natural?

Civilization a result of building on progressive dissatisfactions?

God is the father because he represents what is dominant and the source of security and development?

Has achievement made man a prosthetic god?

Cleanliness, order, and beauty- Do these characterize civilization?

Instincts- our drives.

Sublimination- the supression of instincts. Is this the crux, or origin, of civilization? Does conflict move man to achieve? to overcome? Are these subliminations the source of civilization, our achievements?

Sleepin in

Well, I slept in today. I meant to wake at 11 to see the former President of Chile speak on some international issues. He’s got a Phd from Duke and is suppose to be quite the reputable academic. Instead of waking at 9, i hit snooze and slept through it till 12.

On another note, I GOT THE JOB. I’m pretty excited. Forfeit some not-so-free time for money. I begin next week… Tuesday probably. I’m not even sure the full extent of my job. I do know that I’ll be researching various findings for Autism, Progesterone therapy, and other such things… using medical databases and what not.

How that relates to economics or philosophy? It doesn’t. But I’m a man of assorted interests. Hopefully it’ll open my eyes to new perspectives, or opportunities fo mo money.

My office will be in a lil room shared with three other researchers. The interview went well. The program coordinator loved me… then she dumped me on the research squad, composed of biomedical engineers, biologists, ecologist, behavioral scientists and the such. They were all twenty three to thirty. I liked the fact that they were more or less my age. They seemed to like me as well.

I must say, being interviewed by a bunch of scientists and engineers is a hell of a lot different than being interviewed by a businessman. I’m sure you can imagine.

I have Us Gov and Politics in about… hm… 30 min. I haven’t eaten breakfast, or lunch, and I have class is like 2 hours long. I should eat.

And my birthday’s in three days. yay.