Stop chasing and start attracting.

If you want to pull with the weight of the world, you need to magnify the mass within you.  Become weightier, fuller, larger, on the inside.

No more chasing visions of the future, grasping dreams with imaginings.

Man is all or nothing. Do not ask me if it is enough. It is never enough. Can you feel enough? Can you experience enough? Think enough? Is it real enough? Smart enough? Creative enough? There is no enough. Don’t judge my ambitions to feel more, to be more. Maybe the weight of such a task leaves me hobbling. So long as I move, so be it.

Anyway. I’ve been applying for jobs. My current job is fine, but I want more. There’s nothing holding me back. I want the opportunity to dominate, to work hard and create real value. I’ve got about a dozen interviews lined up within the next three weeks. Crazy.

It’s not how you start: it’s how you finish. Life is a marathon. You are the sum of every day you worked toward your goal. It’s about steps. Every step leaves you closer. What really matters, afterall? I refuse to count myself out, ever.

Everything is an illusion. We buy into an illusion to create reality. I can bend reality by bending my illusions, by comporting by will to whatever illusion creates the grandest spectacle for people to revere.

The ego is our greatest salvation, and also our greatest flaw. Positive illusions occur when we’re optimistic. We posit beliefs and stitch them together with our rosy intentions. There is nothing making them real.

I submit a resume. I learn skills. Everything is vocabulary. I can talk the talk. I can walk the walk.

Paternal Dialog

Reads from the bottom up. Typical dialog within the family. The older I get, the more outspoken I become. 



I hate to say it, cause it can be offensive to someone so emotionally invested, but you’re in a cult. Religion is a cult.. You’re sooooo far deep, you’re psyche is almost unsalvageable. Your humanity has been reduced to metaphysical babble about supernatural divination. Any book possesses utility for those who subscribe to it because It creates uniformity among the psychologies of its members. But the moment a person forfeits their own ability to coin meaning for themselves, they are trapped and stuck in a prescribed box that limits their ability to see possibility beyond the herd they identify with. They become fearful and scared. I admit. I am scared of other boxes besides my own. I prefer to be an individual, to reject convention, but social integration requires that I adopt the values of my peers to function. You do it. I do it. But I don’t pretend that my values are static and absolute. I acknowledge the fallibility of my perspective and experience and the necessity of adapting to an ever changing world.

Anyway. You scare me sometimes. Actually, all the time. Religion is scary. I don’t prejudice against any one religion, or cult. They are all tyrannies of the hearts and minds of men. Whether it’s a benevolent or malevolent tyranny at any one time doesn’t matter.

I just want to tell you that if you didn’t believe, didn’t buy into this dangerous, antiquated dogma, the sun and moon and stars would remain in motion, the natural world would continue along just as it always has, you will not spontaneously burst into flames. You would not become morally corrupt, since morals, afterall, are the instinct of the herd, and I’m pretty sure your instincts will continue along just as they always have. You might have an existential crisis: the weight of responsibility for yourself, and being dependent on no one, is jarring when you’ve been subservient to external authority for so long.

There is no one Christian standard. There is no absolute value. There are always exceptions.

Religion’s sole mission, like any institution that serves to enculturate and socialize its members in an attempt to create a uniform world view, is to reduce cognitive dissonance and create coherency of experience. We appeal to others for information and we need to know that they possess the same value system as us if we are to communicate effectively and efficiently. Cognitive dissonance is man’s existential paradox.

As the world changes, a man must change his mind. But this is the hardest thing of all.

Regardless of the origin of your values, you’re American and have been socialized by many of the values that have influenced me. So long as that continues being the case, I have no doubt we’ll have the ability to communicate and relate on some level.

And you’re my father, so I owe you my life. No amount of conflicting values would prevent me from wanting to reach a compromise. Nothing I believe in is worth losing my family.

Love you always,


My Father:

I am really surprised by your comment below…Yes, it can be difficult to be objective when a person from one generation looks at a younger generation and sees the changes as a negative…

We all have our worldview, including you…It’s funny how you can judge and label us as being “old”…”Old people always…”. How is it that you are immune to your own bias and subjectivity as a young person who doesn’t know what you don’t know?

I agree, the ills that we see in our society are not new to humanity…quite the contrary, the ills we see can be traced back to to the begining…back to our sinful nature and rebelliousness towards God…However, the ills that we see are increasing in the United States of America. From where we started, we are on a downward spiral. Yes, we have always had sin and rebellion, even in the USA…But sin has certainly increased in our country…We are reaping what we have been sowing for many years…

I believe we do have the ability to objectively measure our progress or decline…However, it depends on the standards that we use. For example, how do you define “Glory Days” and “no better days”…In order to make a judgement, you must have a standard. What standard do you use? I presume a standard that you have created in your own mind…

Could it be that the real difference between your “younger view” and our “older view” is the standards that we use to judge the condition of our society?

1. The younger generations are atheistic…You have rejected God altogether…You believe in evolution, a complete fairy-tail. You have created your own gods by worshiping creation…

2. Rather than worship God, the younger generations worship yourselves, other people, and a whole host of other created things..”claiming to be wise, you have become fools, and exchanged the glory of God for images resembling mortal man and animals…”

3. Your younger generations use the words “God” and “Jesus Christ” as curse words…rather that sacred words reserved for the creator of the universe…

4. Younger generations give no thought to going to church…They believe “organized religion” is evil…But, hanging out in a bar, getting drunk, getting high and getting laid, are all ok…”organized sin” is just fine with your younger generations…

5. The younger generations do not know what it means to honor your mother and father…This concept is foreign to you…Parents exist to spoil and provide for your every want. Parents are givers, and the children are the takers…The word “honor” has lost it’s meaning in the younger generations…

6. The younger generations places very little value on human life…They abort more babies, murder their parents, murder family members, and kill for kicks…after all, they are simply the a result of random, purposeless, accidental mutations over billions of years…there is no such thing as “meaning” and “purpose”, these are simply “man-made constructs”…Those terms are undefinable in a Godless, evolutionary, naturalistic, universe…

7. The younger generations think nothing of sex outside of marriage, having sex with multiple partners, homosexuality, and other deviant behaviors. It’s all about giving yourself pleasure…It’s all about “me” and what “I” can get from “you”…Marriage is “just a piece of paper” to the “enlightened” younger generations…Love is a feeling, love is lust. “Commitment” means I will do something until I change my mind”…

8. Your generations thinks nothing of stealing, Whether it’s justified or not…Theft in all it’s forms are ok…as long as you have what I want, I can take it from you…

9. Your younger generations have no problem lying…Telling the truth is for “old people”…Truth is relative anyway…why be concerned with telling the truth when you can lie and get what you want…It’s all about me…

10. Your younger generations want to do the least, and still have everything that their neighbor has…They want the easy life, want what everyone else wants, has no idea what hard work or sacrifice means, but they do want a nice car, cable tv, all the partying they can fit into a week, the best clothes, the latest electronic gadgets…and anything else that fancies their eyes…But they have no idea how to work, produce, add value, and sacrifice…

The sad truth is that we “the older generation”, although we knew the 10 Commandments and tried to live by them, we have failed to teach our children to fear God and have failed to teach our children the importance of obeying the 10 Commandments…We have compromised, forsaken our God, and are solely responsible for raising a pleasure seeking, God-hating generation…The law of reaping and sowing is at play…and there can be no finger pointing…

We all must repent, turn away from our sin and rebelliousness, fear God, and throw ourselves at the foot of the cross, beg for mercy and grace, and place our faith in Jesus Christ our redeemer and Savior…

My prayer is that you will come to your senses, humble yourself, acknowledge your sin, repent, and put your faith in Jesus Christ, who is your only hope…Nothing else in this empty, satanic world can save you…

With a love that can only come from God…
Love, Dad

You sound like you’re getting old… old people always think they’re generation was somehow better, or more upstanding. There were no glory days, no better days. Those days are a fiction. You know the song???

Life is about attitude. There will always be poor, always be depravity, always destitution. It comes and goes, but it always lingers. On the same token, the will always be love and kindness and caring. We’re the most socially conscious and educated generation that has ever lived.

Anyway ❤

My mother: 
This is awful….


The happier I am, the less I write. Happiness is dumb, and dead. I prefer feeling the weight of mind, body, and soul crushing meaning in my bones. I will bear the burden, and scratch it out of me so that others don’t have to. I am, after all, not alone with this disease.

Let me roll a black river onto dry beds of organic mash. Scribble and scrawl. Hatch meaning with my sword as I plunge it deep into the folds of your heart.


“Just because I liked something at one point in time doesn’t mean I’ll always like it, or that I have to go on liking it at all points in time as an unthinking act of loyalty to who I am as a person, based solely on who I was as a person. To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think. The only thing I am for sure is unsure, and this means I’m growing, and not stagnant or shrinking.”
— Jarod Kintz

Dilation of events. Keeps me round. Robust. Not here. Not here, escape:

I’m done thinking. I just want to do. I’ve said it before, but this time I have a different perspective.

I don’t care about adapting. I want the world to adapt to me. That, my friends, is the key. There are singular people, singular institutions, singular texts that we all adapt to, that never flinch to us. We should take pains to stand straight and erect and never compromise.

I refuse to compromise. Adaptation? False. I prefer the world bends to my will.

If you find a girl who reads…

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are. Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable.”
—Rosemarie Urquico, Date a Girl Who Reads


My kinda girl. Where are you, girl?


Mapping Ideas

Concepts are like buildings of the mind. Each building houses ideas, and these ideas are apart of communities. When you write ideas down, you essentially map them out.

The problem is that buildings need maintenance. The environment is always changing, always weathering the building, putting wear and tear on it. Repairs must be made to ensure the building is holding up to the ever changing environmental demands.

Just as a map gets outdated, so too do concepts. Maps need to be able to reflect the geography accurately. If geography is constantly changing, the map will become outdated and ineffective. Directions won’t lead us to the destination we’re looking for, or produce the result we expect.

It’s important to toss out the old if you want to bring in something new. Old buildings need to be torn down to make room for innovations and improvements. Old maps need to be discarded and new maps made to reflect new concepts, the new geography of the mind.

Power Structures and Gender Theory

Why does society look and function the way it does? What impact does industrialization and social development have on humans, on an individual and social level?

Testosterone is the hormone responsible for many male characteristics. It can be increased through physical activity, or any kind of assertive or dominating gestures or power postures.

Prolactin is an essential neurotransmitter responsible for learning. Stimulant medications such as Adderall affect the dopaminergic pathways that facilitate the release Prolactin, with concentrations naturally higher in females due to their production in the mammary glands.

“Highly elevated levels of prolactin decrease the levels of sex hormones — estrogen in women and testosterone in men.[6] The effects of mildly elevated levels of prolactin are much more variable, in women both substantial increase or decrease of estrogen levels may result.” -Wikipedia, Prolactin, Sept. 10, 2012

Does the passage above provide insight into why developed nations have lower birth rates than undeveloped nations?

“Prolactin levels may be checked as part of a sex hormone workup, as elevated prolactin secretion can suppress the secretion of FSH and GnRH, leading to hypogonadism, and sometimes causing erectile dysfunction in men.” -Wikipedia, Prolactin, Sept. 10, 2012

From an evolutionary perspective, I wonder if females contain more Prolactin because they evolved to mirror social information and other group behavior necessary for establishing communal norms. The process of mirroring is more passive, as it requires reflecting back information rather than asserting or creating totally new information apart from preexisting contexts.

Does the suppression of testosterone increase Prolactin and the ability to learn?

“During pregnancy, high circulating concentrations of estrogen increase prolactin levels by 10- to 20-fold. ” -Wikipedia, Prolactin, Sept. 10, 2012

Prolactin promotes neurogenesis in maternal and foetal brains.[10][11] -Wikipedia, Prolactin, Sept. 10, 2012

Does this explain why females are increasingly found to flourish in academic settings, such as academic institutions?

Does a society with ever growing and increasingly complex norms, conventions and collective practices produce more androgynous people? By emphasizing the kind of passive, non-engaging learning put forth in modern day formal education, are we effectively increasing the demand for those with greater Prolactin, or effeminacy, and decreasing the demand for testosterone , or assertive declarations?

Which hormone produces more individuality? Which facilitates greater creativity? Which facilitates greater conformity?

Do imposing social norms and other oppressive social structures increase Prolactin?

“High prolactin levels can also contribute to mental health issues.”  -Wikipedia, Prolactin, Sept. 10, 2012

Does this explain the higher level of mental health issues in developed or industrial societies? Or is it simply that these countries have developed a lexicon extensive enough to index a greater number of psychological phenomena?

In countries with more stringent social norms, do we find more androgyny? more homosexuality? more uniformity? I can’t help but think of the many stereotypes belonging to Asian cultures.

More thoughts later.


Breath the lush summer breeze, milk summers fading light, spoil its retreat with laughter tonight?
Has time afforded you the benefit of borrowing an hour, to steal what serenity is left till the morrow?

The ache that resides within my chest will be lifted when the drinks commence!
Your company is all need to restore my mirth and remedy;
So speed your fowl intake, get your fill, then lift your spirits and prepare for thrill!

The castles where dreams sleep have been floating by, perched in those white worlds that blot the sky, and I have admired from afar, wondering if dreams greet those who ask for more.


There is a machine, called culture. It begins with rules, and laws, and expectations. They rob you of yourself. Survival is predicated upon fulfilling these predetermined roles, for utility sake. We say, why reinvent the wheel? And I say, because the tire is better, because bearings are quicker, because we’re not reinventing geometry, the circle, we’re clarifying the circle, this fiction of the mind, into reality.

We are apart of a machine, we are not free. I am a slave.

Like a patient partially anesthetized on the table, I am awake for this surgery of the soul. My eyes have freed themselves from the tape holding them shut from this horrific spectacle. And I can see the doctors clearly in my periphery. I cannot move. I must bear the pain and watch them harvest what small piece of humanity I have left within me. Sometimes they gouge and gorge, other times they use precision cuts to pull this organ from me, this disease, as they call it, this disease called individuality, plaguing thinkers.


I am most awake
when everyone sleeps.
The crepuscular hours
are when my mind begins to mature,
begins to unfold its crannied wings,
stretch out long and wide,
and leap into the darkness
where only imagination can catch me.
I prefer the blotted blackness,
muted only by light to write.
I am at home here.
It is thick,
and enduring,
the blackness.
It seeps
and sticks to everything,
making its way
into the coldest cracks,
coloring shadows
with its dull shade.
The darkness
is where imagination germinates,
where colors come to life,
where machinations shift
and shudder
and move with the mind.
I like it here.
It animates
the dull landscape
tainted with hot waves of gold.
The darkness turns you inside out,
it takes your mind
and diverts it inward,
for it has no where else to go,
no where else to explore,
but within.
I am awake,
more awake than ever before,
in the darkness.