Month: January 2008

HOORAH FOR SOCIALISM! HOORAH FOR GOVERNMENT REGULATION AND CENSORSHIP! America is lazy. They want the government to take care of their every need, avoiding any responsibility for themselves as the sovereign defenders of freedom and their pursuit of happiness, and point their finger at people to blame while they continue to carry on wrecking havoc on morality and sound laws in order to be “politically correct” by practicing ‘tolerance’. We are the people. Freedom is something the American people have to earn and fight for every generation. If we don’t we’re left with an ungrateful apathetic outlook towards our governments role as the extension of the sovereign will of the people to protect freedoms domestically and abroad. Unfortunately the current state of apathy has caused the nation’s will to decline into a sad state of hopeless helpless beggars who avoid responsibility, and rely on others to blame and solve their problems. It’s hopeless no matter who’s voted in.

Sometimes we get lost in our thoughts. We lose direction and bump into all sorts of obstacles before we discover our unfortunate fault. There is a visceral connection that leaves me with a vague feeling of uncertainty. I fight with myself. I wonder how much we deceive ourselves. I wonder how much we’re deceived by others. Everything we do is motivated by some ubiquitous intention, inexorably pervasive, even if we choose to ignore it. I think we need to be honest with our own state being. Not as an unchanging unique individual, but the state of being that’s ever evolving and consistently yearning for that ideal condition that will forever allude us. We’re a slave to how we perceive our human condition. How can we wrap our mind around understanding? How do we arrive? Is it definitive? or do we settle with the most convincing argument we present ourselves until we’re presented with a perception more agreeable? or for the sheer security of our sanity, do we ignore the only viable influences to change and help us?

You want to pull it out. It’s piercing your depths. Swirling into the never ending abyss of emotional sludge, you feel it slowly choking the healthy exchange of heart and mind. You consciously examine the vague waters of uncertainty. Slowly losing yourself, you become entranced by the allusive depths of the imagination. There is no logic to explain the state conjured by forces of desire or fear or doubt or excitement. There is nothing logical about the will of man, about the tormented spirit as it wrestles with it’s current condition. Is man a slave to his flesh? Is he arrested by the limited perception of the present? Is his hope in the future inherently flawed? Tainted by his crude interpretations of the past? Who can judge man’s potential before he’s actualized himself? Before he’s displayed the power of his will? Can man maintain hope in life without the knowledge of ever achieving before? Can he be satisfied in working towards a state he has no agency over, a state of being that’s never existed, nor guaranteed or promised? Who can judge the measure of a sufficient effort if they’ve never existed, never achieved or succeed or actualized their dreams?

Is failure necessary to help man recognize the limited scope of his understanding? Is it integrated into our experience to show us how finite we are? Do animals learn from failure so they can personally work on their current condition?

Fear? Is fear man’s greatest motivator? Is desire man’s greatest motivator? Does fear motivate desire? Does desire inspire ignorance in defense for escaping the debilitating clutches of fear? or is desire the overwhelming yearn for a life more abundantly? Is what we see what we get? Do cynics have an imagination? Is idealism ignorant or genius?

Life should be beautiful. Life should be about seeking truth passionately, loving God with all our heart mind and soul, acknowledging our human experience as being universal and love people unconditionally as a result. I need to buy another journal. A real journal. This electronic online crap is useless. Its not personal and its not intimate. I can’t explore my depths by pounding on this keyboard, distract by the luminescent LCD screen and bombarding advertisements, blinking instant messages, and juggling the countless other thoughts popping into my mind as I look at my task bar and see google and youtube and hotmail waiting to be addressed.

I love God. What that means to different people suddenly doesn’t matter to me any more. I have a hard enough time trying to understand God even when I desire him with my heart. Never mind those who don’t even wish to understand him and act like they know him when they haven’t a clue. When you know someone personally, who is someone to tell you you don’t? Its like someone telling me I don’t know my father, that I’m really an orphan, that the love we felt wasn’t real, that he never cared, and we never had a relationship, that I made it up in my head because I wanted to know where I came from, that he’s made up. It’s bull. I know God as well as I seek to know him. It’s like any relationship. I know that God has never let me down when I’ve been in my deepest despair. People tell me this and that about science and religion. I love science. As far as the science backed with a flawed philosophical foundation like atheism, I disagree wholeheartedly. Science based on all that is and all that will be coming from a source, I warmly accept. Why is there something rather than nothing? Something never comes from nothing. Everything that is never existed forever, it’s very obvious. If the second law of thermodynamics is real, and it is, then the universe would have died out long ago. Entropy, being apart of our reality and inescapable, would has caused the universe and all that is to collapse the first half of infinity. So there was a starting point… and some people refuse to look to that starting point and say… wow… something never ever comes from nothing. So the only explanation must be that something bigger than what is created that something. Imagine… people thinking that there was nothing… then… Bam… everything. But… they can’t acknowledge that it’s highly likely, though intimidating, to believe that God created everything that is and will be at one point. anyway.

Life is pointless if there is no meaning. Even if we create our meaning… its pointless and unfulfilling. I need real reason that ties into everything that I do. I surrender to God and seek his will. I will be obedient by loving him above everything. I will not even scratch the surface of his perfection, but a taste of it is better than anything my feeble mind could conjure or the feeble minds of men before me. If there is God, he is sovereign. He is the reason for everything. He is perfect. Perfectly loving, just, true, compassionate, kind, forgiving, logical, knowledgeable and wise and I could never know him even if I lived eternally. I am the created. I will never know the creator. I must humble myself before him, knowing that he everlasting and true and fair and he loves his creation like a father loves his child, like an artist loves his art as he pours he being into it. God is the reason for everything. When I acknowledge that I’m brought with meaning that could never be surpassed. I want to serve the lord, love him and worship him with my actions and thoughts and heart and soul and prayers and everything that I could ever have to offer. I’m flawed. I really can’t do anything right… after all what do I know about doing right? Right for me? or you? If I rely on God he will give me the strength to do right, to do his work and perform his will through me. God’s will is the only thing that is right. It will happen inevitably anyway. I just know at the end of the day, I am sick of constantly making my own standards and living to my own will or what I think others would see best. No one knows best but God and we aren’t God and we aren’t perfect so we have a hard time comprehending certain issues, but faith carries us through. Jesus said Love God with everything you have, and love your neighbor as yourself. Everything else stems from those two things. God always rewards those who seek him.

Luke 12:29 (KJS) And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind.
30 For all these things do the nations of the world seek after: and your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things.
31 But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you.

We’re so primitive. Cluttered, smoggy, tangled lives. Surrounded by things, choking on fumes, tripping over wires. We sit on our high throne and pat ourselves on the back for our great progress. We’ve made no real progress. The philosophies that govern the majority of the lost and dying world we live in today are no different than those practiced in antiquity. Has our brilliance truly saved more lives than it cost? The famine, the killing, the lies and deceit and confusion. Do we possess any more of life’s answers than ever before in history? Are we any closer to what we’re looking for? As long as there is death and struggle, confusion and war, pride and ego, I would say we have squandered our time and exasperated our resources. No matter the theory or philosophy, free will has perfection shackled and out of reach forever. Only a strive to attain the ideal exists. That is universal.

In our age & country, every person with any mental power at all, who
both thinks for himself & has a conscience, must feel himself, to a
very great degree, alone…. I am in this supremely happy, that I have
had & even now have, that communion in the fullest degree where it is
most valuable of all, in my own home. But I have it nowhere else.
J.S. Mill (1)

Only show people what you want them to see. This life is a giant stage where we reveal our greatest acts. At the end of the day or month or year, very few audiences will be there to tell you how much your performance touched them. The crowds come and go between your ongoing preparation for the next show. The few that stay you can call your best friends, your biggest fans. It’s these people you cherish when the lights are out and the crowds dissipate. The gallery of critics aren’t paying your bills, they’re not you’re friends, and they won’t coach you through the tough times. No need to squander time convincing the nefarious to stay around. You have one chance of a life time to put on the best show this world has ever seen. The reality is that nothing is what it seems, our lives play out only what we choose to reveal. So choose wisely and be yourself, burn with passion and eager zest. Our only job is to develop our character to be the most appealing possible, fulfilling the roles we’ve chosen to the best of our ability. Never forget that you’re on stage where ever you go. The audience is every where. Love your role as an individual who touches lives with your own human experience.

consolidating the fragments of disbelief. pinching my cheek at the end of the night. I haven’t been sure lately. I’m sure that when I am, I will succeed.

laughter. smiles. scrunching little noses and a wink. denial. coping mechanisms that place me in a state of complete ignorance. but i am aware. a travesty of love.

delicate motives of genuine heart.