And summer has begun. I just finished sending my last four essays. Total relief to be done.
Finals week is always so taxing. It’s incredible how much pressure you experience your last two weeks of school. The culmination of a semesters worth of effort is hinged on your last week of performance.
I have an atrocious amount of laundry that needs to get done. That’s priority number one. Followed by a thorough cleaning of my room. This involves vacuuming, a good dusting, and organizing all the course materials strewn about everywhere. If I didn’t live here, I’d be pretty appalled by my standards.
This semester… geeze. It’s probably… no, definitely, my most disappointing semester in college. Instead of focusing on academics I let myself get carried away with ephemeral indulgences. I failed to practice the discipline and self control that characterized my studies the past two and a half years. Why? Well.. no excuses really. I decided to get more social, something I knew would jeopardize my focus and, in turn, my studies. I did though. Am I better because of it? Not to my standards. Do I feel any better about myself? Not at all. So why? Eh..
I let myself buy into the idea that social life provides life with a richness. And it does, in the moment. And thats what I don’t like. These social investments are temporary ‘feel good’ exposures. From prior experience, I know they aren’t lasting. I think this is something that I really need to focus on absorbing. My whole life I’ve watched as I’ve poured myself into relationships, deep and wide, and ultimately watch them fade away as I moved on in life both literally and figuratively. In the end I come back to realizing that my energies could have been more wisely allocated in academics, thoughtful reflection, writing, reading, planning, hobbies, or other pursuits of personal development.
But I also recognize that a social life is necessary. The distinction between the social life I’m inclined to partake in and the social life I should partake in has to do with the type of socializing I do. Destructive or mindless activities such as heavy drinking, promiscuous encounters, or superficial antics to gain approval should have no place in a life with a purpose- assuming that purpose doesn’t entail the aforementioned. The kind of social activities and friends I should be entertaining should directly support the means to my ends. This means quality people involving quality conversations partaking in quality activities. These activities should have purpose and direction towards a higher chief aim.
I suppose this goes back to the maxim that if you value your self, then you value your time, and when you value your time, only then do you make the best use of it. Seeking self affirmation from others through mindless social interactions is an indication that your entire self worth isn’t fully recognized by you. As a result, we seek it from other people. Shame on us.
I love people, I truly do. They are my passion. Or actually, my passion is exploring life with people, engaging in critical debates and adventures that yield invaluable lessons and insights and experiences. Anyway…
Hm… what to do.
I guess I don’t have much else on my mind at the moment. I should start cleaning.