Month: February 2005

im drunk so im gonna blab: you cannot trust girls.. thats the first mistake a guy makes… trusting a girl. she will never be honest with you… she’ll tell you just enough so that shes convinced and youre hers.. i dont know about other guys… but i always know whats goin on… i never fall for the bull that they lead me to believe… they can talk and become emotional and all that… but i know… they can talk and be all emotional with any/ all guys they choose… and so can i. i know my genuine feelings. They usually never change inside… but oh i can change soo quickly if i had enough of the bull they keep feeding me. it only lasts so long. so girls are bitches… you think you got the one… untill you watch them do their magic… and usually my mentality is… ok i genuinly like this girl… but ill wait it out… see if they can see that and quit thier little pow wow business. but…. its on a rare ocassion they do. so rare do they change. i lead myself to believe they do at times… even tho… yea.. in the back of my mind i know whats up and how its going… and i get to a point… where im like… nah… not the one for me… devine shit… oh yea god landed her right in my lap… but i fail to realize at times that loves a sick and twisted thing. its worse than drugs… it makes you completely blind to the truth behind every women. what is it they are afraid of… are they afraid… if i get myself involved with this guy and i gonna end up not likeing him but already be involved… or is it… am i gonna like him… and eventually hes gonna not like me…and ill be heartbroken… yea… all that shit… what ive learned… i cannot experience girls unless i rid myself with all that bullshit that floods my head on a regualr baisis.. i cant begin to trust a girl if i continually think about the bull shit theyre doin…. so i acknowledge that its going on… put it in the back of my mind… and wait until they officially cross the line.. or show me that in only an option in their life and not a priority. why make someone a priority who only makes you an option. yea i can love. ive got love. but i got commonsense… and i want my love and thier love to be equivalent… itll never work out otherwise… i despise women who try and think they can play me. they think they know whats goin on in my head. they think im so naive. like i havent experienced women first hand. i wish they would all be real… so all you women/girls out there… be real… love like you never loved before… open up… its not like you are doomed if you tell someone how you feel about them… like oh boy he know my feelings… whatever… blow the dude off if he takes advantage of your feelings… chances are he didnt give a shit anyway… guys convince themselves that they like girls… they make them spill their guts then the girl gets all emotional about him and hes a dick.. well dont be afriad to say fuck you dude you are a fucking dick if he takes advantage of your feelings… dont talk to him again… i know girls do the same shit.. they think a guy likes them they extort exactly what they want a guy to say to them… even tho it isnt the right guy… and when they come to this they blow him off… yea fuck it all… blah blah… fucking complicated shit. so… bottomline… you wanna get laid… tell the dude. dudes are horny bitches… 9 out of ten will say yes… you wanna guy to emotional support… then tell his ass… just cause you tell him how you feel doesnt mean you are doomed and hes got you. nah. girls get over it.. and so do dudes… BUT. i wanna find love. where i can love her and she can love me and thats that. no one else. no controversal feelings.. no bullshit. love = love. thats how it should be. i wont give up. i know the games… i sometimes wonder if the damjn games will lead me there or not… im not big on playing them… hookin up and getting laid is so common place… and i see that it never works… one out of a billion you happen to find that person… so i dont participate in that whole lets hook up and see if we like eachother… fuck that.. id rather get myself off. i dont liek getting around.. having the title as a guy who hooks up with everyone. i wanna be that dude whos saved himself for that one girl that he fell in love with.. i wanna be all hers…

a perfect circle – weak and powerless

 

 

today was not a good day.

Police are stupid.

You ripped my heart out of me then you put it back I’m pulling my hair I let you just a million times I love you even though it isn’t fair so… one of my favorite girls… lyndsi S… had her 17th birthday party last night… i enjoyed myself. loads of fun in the pool and hot tub and all that jazz… i developed a fondness for group showers… they stay G rated ofcourse. i had a good time watching all my friends get extremely intoxicated.. they all transform into totally different people… so love getting to know them while theyre in the state of mind.

Look in my eyes I’m jaded now whatever that means By sharing these things I rip my heart out It’s worth my time Whatever that means…

fuck fuck fuck Thats interesting.

ok… so…. i dyed my hair… i decided it was going to be black… but… in some crazy turn of events… it never turned black,… but a certain dark shade of bluE… (some say purple) its all… gooood. yea… so .1 Dyed hair ok… so i got really spontaneous…. and… i went to inklink… a tattoo and piercing parlor… and…. i got my dick pierced… yes…. thats right…. just kidding… actually i got a tattoo… yea… waiting for rents to disown me… they almost did when i dashed thier dreams of a blonde haired son.. InterJECTION: please note (on jennifers behalf) that she feels responsible for my tattoo… end interjection….(ofcourse this isnt true… but we let her think so) .2 Heart tattooed on the inside of my right wrist… black.. and small… so… maybe im a freak now… but i dont care…. i only seek the approval of the man i look at in the mirror everyday ahahahhaha

yea… love… fuckin love… leaves you completely friggen helpless… ive accepted… and refined the art of supressing love… that sometimes its necessary. ive let go… i dont fear rejection… tired of paranoia… i want to love… to love and love and love… and not care whether im getting love in return…. i want to be dizzy with love… i want to be intoxicated by a womans beauty… i want to be overwhelmed with her presence… i want to be swept off my feet at her slightest wisper… i want to give my heart to a girl… a girl that will keep it safe in the palm of her hand and not put it in a box under her bed… i long for a girl to love me for me. i am over silly childish games… they urk me… i want to be honest with how i feel… if i feel like i love… i will… if i feel like i like i will… enough with the foolsih acts

for the next few days.. or however long i see fit… i am going to be spontaneous. no planning. just do it. if you have any suggestions for stuff you know id do… even tho id regret it later… please tell me. the shins are good.

fuck the world. fuck life. fuck it.

yea.