June 2011 – William Dare

More Time

‘To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive, and the true success is to labour.’
— Robert Louis Stevenson

Sometimes people will look down on the wanderers, saying they have no direction. I laugh at these people. I would rather travel everywhere and arrive nowhere, than travel somewhere just to arrive there and there alone. How bland. I would rather my cup overflow with experience than fill it up once and savor it drop by drop while never knowing anything else.

Although, I can see how it cuts both ways. Direction is good. Arriving is good. What gets me is ‘settling’. Or thinking that there is one direction, one path, one way, that we deem best or best for us. We are infinite creatures. Thus, we are strangers to ourselves. Experience is the best mirror for showing us to ourselves. Better yet, experience that was unplanned, uncharted, unexpected, and- best of all- uncomfortable! Only then are we given the opportunity to grow- or whither if we choose to shirk.

There is no ‘arrive’. Let’s discard this notion. Success is the continual realization of a worthy ideal. Who said you need just one? Can’t I have many? I want them all! Too bad my time is limited. It forces me to make choices; or, more specifically, sacrifices. But choices are good. They are a reflection of our selves, our values: the culmination of past experiences that have shaped and molded my present being.

Reflexivity. Second-order cybernetics. Now that’s an interesting study.

So. There are about 7 billion people on this earth. How can you make a difference? How can you make change and lasting impact? I know not everyone wants these things, but I do. You have one life, ONE LIFE. Then you die. Sure, you can talk about afterlife and the like, but the bottom line is, we have one life. This life. What makes ours any more unique or worthwhile than the other billions of people? I don’t want to pursue the masses and their meek or grandiose delusions. God. It’s so damn easy to adopt the cultural imprints we’ve been handed. It requires no thought. We touch a flame, we get burned. We learn. We do something a certain way, we’re told that’s wrong. We learn. But why don’t people challenge their behaviors more often? blah. Same ol’, same ol’. There’s utility in doing what we’ve always done, I suppose. But I need to get deeper into this issue. Need to study Path Dependence.

“The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd; indeed, in view of the silliness of the majority of mankind, a wide-spread belief is more likely to be foolish than sensible”
—Bertrand Russell

Tomorrow I’m gonna read and study and write a lot. I have a lot of thoughts that need hashing.

I have a pet peeve: People who don’t communicate well. More precisely, people who refuse to communicate and fail to seek mutual understanding or compromise through dialog. I guess we don’t really need to communicate to everyone about everything. We can pick and choose our battles. But I guess I’m referring to the people with ego or pride issues. They refuse to compromise because it freightens the shit outta them. It’s like it reveals a chink in their egos armor, a devastating weakness that leaves them vulnerable. Drop the ego, dammit. Or, if you’re gonna keep it, be confident enough to retain a sense of self that doesn’t vaporize every time it’s challenged.

That’s the other thing: The best way to win an argument is to avoid it. The best way to win a fight is to choose fights you can win. You want to beat a competitor? Do it on your own terms, not on theirs. Look at all the successful companies and people in the world. They were revolutionary and they succeeded because of it. They were not successful because they beat someone at their own game. These people rarely get the same acclaim and recognition as someone who dictates their own battles and rules of the game. I think of apple. There are so many companies who can do what apple does, but apple did it first. Or Microsoft, or GE, or any great company or philosopher or leader. You can’t very well be a leader in anything if you are pursuing a standard someone else set. You can’t beat them at their own game. Everyone else becomes a sad copy, a weak imitation, no matter how great or hard they try. BUT, it’s often the case that if you want to make your own rules you must first master the existing rules.

“Our life is frittered away by detail. Simplify, simplify, simplify! Simplicity of life and elevation of purpose.”
-Henry David Thoreau

I need to simplify! My thoughts, my goals, my life. And ELEVATE a purpose, make it the sole and central focus of my life!

Thoughts on Reflexivity

I’ve always been fascinated by the concept of reflexivity. What is reflexivity? It is the bidirectional relationship of a subject as both a participant (manipulative function) and observer (cognitive function) between “cause and effect”. As an observer I watch a fire burn; as a participant I add fuel to the fire or stifle its flame: my beliefs about the observed fire, if it is growing or dwindling, influence how I engage with it. Maybe a more accurate example relates to prices: my current willingness to buy a good is influenced by the price I observe and, in turn, the act of buying drives up demand which increases the price and influences my price observations, affecting my future willingness to buy (I’ll work on a clearer example).

While I’m fascinated with the sociological implications, I’m even more fascinated with how these implications manifest within economic decision making. I really need to investigate and read up on behavioral economics more thoroughly.

I’ve been aware of the concept of reflexivity for quite awhile but only recently has it perked my interest in the context of economics and finance. Before that my understanding was confined to the psychological decision making aspects. What really brought these two together was my recent interest in how mass speculation affects the market place. Two books cultivated this interest, specifically “A Short History of Financial Euphoria” and “The Big Short”.

Karl Popper introduced the idea of reflexivity into social theory, and social theory and economics, as you can imagine, are intimately linked. George Soros, a pupil of Popper, really capitalized on the utility of synthesizing and applying the two concepts to finance. That’s where I want to continue my study.

There are three areas of study that fascinate me at the moment: Evolutionary Economics, Reflexivity and Social Theory, and Disequilibrium States (more specifically, the process of creative destruction as coined by Schumpeter). I’d really like to apply some philosophy and social theory to economics and come up with a qualitative economic system that capitalizes on the current short comings of neoclassical thought and market structures. Soros has done it, but I’d like to master his ideas and continue progressing with them. There’s gotta be some piece of the puzzle, or pie, that I can really develop and utilize for gain. I found this lil’ power point to be a helpful introduction to some of Soro’s ideas. My next readings will involve the works of Karl Popper (Philosophy of Science), Robert Schiller (Behavioral Economics), George Soros (Reflexivity), and Hyman Minsky (Disequilibrium States).

Soro’s provides a brief introduction to his concept of reflexivity in his book The Age of Fallibility:

”On the one hand, we seek to understand our situation. I call this the cognitive function. On the other hand, we seek to make an impact on the world. I call this the participating function. The two functions work in opposite directions and they can interfere with each other. The cognitive function seeks to improve our understanding. The participating function seeks to improve our position in the world. If the two functions operated independently of each other, they could in theory serve their purpose perfectly well. If reality were independently given our views could correspond to reality. And if our decisions were based on knowledge, the outcomes would correspond to our expectations. But that is not the case because the two functions intersect, and where they intersect they may interfere with each other. I have given the interference a name: reflexivity. . . .”

Here’s a video where Soro’s goes further in depth with his thoughts on reflexivity titled The New Paradigm for Financial Markets.

Why I think this concept is so interesting is that it incorporates a multitude of qualitative cognitive functions as well as mechanisms that result from enculturation and socialization that guide choice and action.

All that aside, today I read an amazing article on evolutionary economics titled Evolutionary Economics and the Extension of Evolution to the Economy. I’d recommend the read if nothing else but to expand your knowledge on the promising subject of evolutionary economics.

More thoughts later.

I’m never sold on one person’s theory or another’s. My aim is always to understand and synthesize them all into my own unique perspective that I can successfully apply.

Reflexivity

So reflexivity. Karl Popper introduced this idea into social theory, and social theory and economics, as you can imagine, are intimately linked. George Soros, a pupil of Popper, really capitalized on the utility of synthesizing and applying the two concepts to finance. That’s where I want to continue my study.

Soro’s provides a brief introduction to his concept of reflexivity in his book The Age of Fallibility:

”On the one hand, we seek to understand our situation. I call this the cognitive function. On the other hand, we seek to make an impact on the world. I call this the participating function. The two functions work in opposite directions and they can interfere with each other. The cognitive function seeks to improve our understanding. The participating function seeks to improve our position in the world. If the two functions operated independently of each other, they could in theory serve their purpose perfectly well. If reality were independently given our views could correspond to reality. And if our decisions were based on knowledge, the outcomes would correspond to our expectations. But that is not the case because the two functions intersect, and where they intersect they may interfere with each other. I have given the interference a name: reflexivity. . . .”

Here’s a video where Soro’s goes further in depth with his thoughts on reflexivity titled The New Paradigm for Financial Markets.

http://mitworld.mit.edu/flash/player/Main.swf?host=cp58255.edgefcs.net&flv=mitw-01094-sloan-econ-soros-financial-mkts-28oct2008&preview=http://mitworld.mit.edu//uploads/mitw01094sloaneconsorosfinancialmkts28oct2008.jpg

More thoughts later.

I’m never sold on one person’s theory or another’s. My aim is always to understand and synthesize them all into my own unique perspective that I can successfully apply.

Llik

My; life.

What is my life. I’ve been working, but it’s hardly been enough to take care of my preoccupations. I don’t know what to think anymore.

We are our thoughts, no? Why is life absurd? Why can’t I take anything seriously? Why do all these earthy pursuits suddenly become tarnished and ruined upon inspection? Everything is fine until I turn inward and take a look at what I have, what I’ve been given. It makes everything terribly silly and trivial. I don’t know what I’m saying.

I’ve been drinking a ton. Wine mostly. Beer every now and then. Some liquer on the weekends when I’m feeling wreckless.

I don’t have anything to say about much, at the moment anyway. I feel dull inside. I’m alive, animated, but somehow absent. I don’t need to diagnose myself. I don’t need to get down and critical and pull apart every historical thought and environmental sensation. I just want to feel full. I want a purpose. I know that’s my responsibility. I definitely understand why people choose religion, why people let other people choose their fate, their thoughts and feelings. It’s terribly paralyzing being responsible all the time. I tell myself: labor, suffering, and love: this tri-fecta of human phenomenon is inescapable, and it’s acceptance is the beginning of fulfillment. But I always try to escape it, find the easy way out. I seriously find myself getting as comfortable as possible, doing the minimum, asking as little as possible from myself. I know this isn’t entirely true, and I’m mostly bullshitting to myself, which is terrible, but I feel this way sometimes. Summer. Blah. Being young and in school, with no solid direction to speak of. It can be frightening.

Sometimes I think of killing myself. It’s always a back up plan. Not so much a plan, because when it happens it’ll be so damn spontaneous and quick that even I won’t be able to predict it. So I guess when I say plan, what I really mean is alternative path. Or, the shortest path. I’ve heard that everyone has the death penalty: we all die. Sometimes procrastinating, putting it off or delaying the inevitable, is a grave form of denial, an indication of a deep neurosis. The only reason that I’d want to stick around, at this point anyway, is to procreate, wreak havoc on conventionality and societal norms, and dominate. And when I say dominate, I mean exert my influence as far and wide as possible, however or whatever is necessary for achieving that end, sheerly as a means of fulfillment.

Everything else is a side show. Little games. Empty gestures and hallow pantomimes. Ugh. I don’t know anymore. Career. Maybe it’s my mind. Maybe it’s my life, the sum of my experiences that have left me utterly disenchanted. Maybe it’s… fate. Maybe my personality. Maybe studying philosophy wasn’t a great idea, maybe I should have chosen a major that stifled the questions, the inquisitive nature.

I’ve drank quite a lot the past two months. It’s starting to take a psychological toll. It’s not the binge drinking, it’s the incessant drinking that’s becoming a problem. Five out of seven days I’ve drank, for the past two months. That’s really not an understatement. And I’m half concerned. Half. Wine. I love that shit. My aunt and uncle drink a fair amount. Who know’s what’s the acceptable level. They aren’t crazy alcoholics, they just enjoy having wine with meals and conversations, and extending the relaxation periods well into the evening. So anyway. I’m rambling.

I want to do more, follow through, blah blah. I’m bitchin. All this will dissipate. All my thoughts seem to do that, only to be replaced and never remembered again. Drunk.

Will to Power

Suppose nothing else were “given” as real except our world of desires and passions, and we could not get down, or up, to any other “reality” besides the reality of our drives–for thinking is merely a relation of these drives to each other: is it not permitted to make the experiment and to ask the question whether this “given” would not be sufficient for also understanding on the basis of this kind of thing the so-called mechanistic (or “material”) world?… In the end not only is it permitted to make this experiment; the conscience of method demands it. Not to assume several kinds of causality until the experiment of making do with a single one has been pushed to its utmost limit (to the point of nonsense, if I may say so)… The question is in the end whether we really recognize the will as efficient, whether we believe in the causality of the will: if we do–and at bottom our faith in this is nothing less than our faith in causality itself–then we have to make the experiment of positing causality of the will hypothetically as the only one. “Will,” of course, can affect only “will”–and not “matter” (not “nerves,” for example). In short, one has to risk the hypothesis whether will does not affect will wherever “effects” are recognized–and whether all mechanical occurrences are not, insofar as a force is active in them, will force, effects of will. Suppose, finally, we succeeded in explaining our entire instinctive life as the development and ramification of one basic form of the will–namely, of the will to power, as my proposition has it… then one would have gained the right to determine all efficient force univocally as–will to power. The world viewed from inside… it would be “will to power” and nothing else.

F.W. Nietzsche -from Beyond Good and Evil, s.36, Walter Kaufmann transl.

A Reply

A bunch of rambling… who knows what it really amounted to. Decided to post it for sheer archival fun:

A reply to those who bash the humanities and social sciences as being worthless degrees:

The problem with this post is that it was probably written by someone who was told what to be and how to think the vast majority of their life. These kind of sentiments reveal a serious ignorance.

This post would have been better titled: 10 Degrees That Are Not In High Demand. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t valuable or fulfilling. What degrees are in demand? Ones that emphasize the development of quantitative skills. Why? Because these people know how to give the right answers. But who’s asking the questions? The innovators, the leaders. A well trained man, like a well trained dog, can give the right answer. But only a well educated man can identify and ask the right questions.

This type of thinking is cultivated by studying the humanities and social sciences, and taking courses such as philosophy, history, english, and psychology, to name a few. Each of these areas of study play a vital role in teaching us about the genesis and nature of the human condition. So long as there are humans asking questions and giving answers, I think it is of the utmost importance to study these humans, to uncover their motives, how they work, why they work. This is where real understanding and wisdom lies.

The world is not perfectly rational. On the contrary, it is irrational, just like man. Understanding the human condition, his passions and emotional impulses, will provide answers to the questions that rational thinking has yet to solve.

I am an Economics and Philosophy major. Every major discipline of science can be attributed to philosophy. When you get a PhD, you receive a Doctorate of Philosophy in a given concentration signifying that you have successfully pursued that field of knowledge to its outermost bounds. Philosophy demands the utmost intellect, the most rigorous exercise of acumen. Why do I believe that my philosophy degree is more precious than my economics degree and the quantitative skills that accompany it? Because I would be a mindless zombie without it, a slave to a system that I couldn’t see beyond, and wouldn’t think to escape.

To conclude this brief rant, I want to point out that many of the listed majors provide real indirect value to their degree holder.

In a survey given to over 1000 employers, the following job skills of an applicant were listed from most to least importance:

Communication skills 4.6,
Strong work ethic 4.6,
Teamwork skills 4.5,
Initiative 4.4,
Interpersonal skills 4.4,
Problem-solving skills 4.4,
Analytical skills 4.3
Flexibility/adaptability 4.2
Computer skills 4.1
Technical skills 4.1
Detail-oriented 4.0
Organizational skills 4.0

The majority of these skills have nothing to do with a degree and are mostly innate traits, but the ones that do are cultivated by many of the majors you listed as being worthless.

The ability to articulate ideas clearly and concisely, both in spoken and written word, is typically the highest prized skill. What degrees foster these skills? Any degree that requires a significant amount of reading and writing.

I realize this post was created for the effect of humor, and I’m fine with that, but I couldn’t let this kind of garbage pawn itself off as being even slightly legitimate.

hev

“At some point you gotta consider the eternal. There’s heaven and then there’s hell, and if you don’t believe in heaven, then what are you gonna believe? More importantly, where are you gonna go? There’s hell. Nothingness. You need a standard.”

“hm…” I paused, “I’m not sure that those thoughts cross my mind anymore. I know at one time they did, but not anymore. I mean, I don’t contemplate heaven, or hell. It’s as if someone asked if I was going to Hereyesum. What the heck it that? I have no idea what this place is. Should I consider it, or be afraid of it? Even if someone introduced me to the idea and predicated all the wonderful or horrible things it contained, why would I believe it? On what immediate evidence? It’s a purely stipulated construct. The idea would serve me no utility.”

“I don’t believe that you don’t believe in anything, or no eternal afterlife.” She paused, looking intensely in my eyes. I was stolidly reserved.

“No, I actually don’t. I mean, I believe in things because they are useful to believe in, not because they contain any truth, or I believe them to be anything more than useful. I believe beliefs placate our anxieties, and these anxieties can be real or perceived. That’s about it.”

“So when you die, you believe that’s it. Like, you’re caput, lights out?”

“Yea. That’s right”

She continued staring, eyes fixated, as if she was staring within herself, probing herself with these questions.

A sudden emptiness drifted and settled onto the conversation, a hollowness, an over exposure that revealed a hint of vulnerability. I could see that she wanted to steer the conversation elsewhere. It made her uncomfortable. I was fine with moving our thoughts along to other things; I don’t want to drag anyone into a void they’re not comfortable with.
*

I drank a bottle of wine and ate cheese all night. I conversed, about life, death, growing up, choices, superficial and meaningful things: the whole spectrum of conventional values.

I don’t want to be an animal: but wildness is freedom. Or is it? All is a delusive illusion.

Is it alright to be comfortable? Is anxiety a disease? Can you ever shake it? Would you ever want to shake it? I am tired. I have much to say. night.

Droplets in the Sea

“…for the time being I gave up writing – there is already too much truth in the world – an overproduction which apparently cannot be consumed….” -Otto Rank

This is how I often feel. About everything. Sometimes I get comparative and I forget that the driver behind my actions should be purely expressive and therapeutic. There is no absolute truths, no direction to speak of, no purpose for all. I often think that I am speaking or writing over a clamoring chorus of cacophony so that my contribution only adds to the confusion, to the dissonance. So I decide that I’d rather not write. But it needs to come out. It is a compulsion that bubbles up and bursts into a full spectrum of epileptic color. I need to get in the habit of writing again, or thinking consistently, with a purpose that I can arbitrarily delegate to myself and justify through my actions, not because there’s any inherent merit.

So what have I been thinking about lately? Generally speaking, how everything is an illusion. How we are so totally blind to ourselves. It’s wacky just thinking about how inane our belief systems are, our quirks and world views. We justify what we’re comfortable with. Humans attract more of the same. I heard on an NPR segment these academics call it an ‘echo-chamber’, or an ‘identity silo’, if I’m not mistaken. The speakers were discussing information systems like Google or Facebook that have algorithms that feed us more of what we like by accessing our browsing or interaction history. It all operates off of confirmation bias. The vast majority of people do not deliberately seek out information that conflicts with our world view or philosophy. In fact, many people get agitated when they are exposed to systems of thought with which they disagree. Instead they find information that confirms and reinforces an insular world view or belief system. This creates a concurrent resonance so that information going out is confirmed by information going in. It is a reverberation that amplifies beliefs. The result is a severely skewed picture of the world. The threat is radicalism.

Anyway. We all do this. People are not prone to novelty or newness or anything foreign or unknown that may threaten or unravel our nice picture of the world. People like the path of least resistance, comfort and ease.

All belief system’s are lies (‘Myth’ is a nicer word). Mine as much as any one else’s. But why I think mine has more legitimacy lies in the fact that it has no legitimacy. (Legitimacy is an ethical claim, not a quantitative or measurable claim. My belief system would not produce a successful priest, or lawyer. Perhaps, only a good citizen of the world, or philosopher. Perhaps it’s only good for me, Michael.) My beliefs are arbitrary. Most people would never dream of throwing their beliefs to the wind and calling them arbitrary. Why? Because our belief systems offer us techniques for dealing with the world, with other people, with ourselves, with mortality. Beliefs make everything sweet and sanguine. “The believer is happy; the doubter is wise.” But the longer we hold onto a single belief and fail to venture into new perspectives of the world, the longer we are exposed to sheer ignorance, and the harder it is to escape.

Yea. Beliefs. Character. What the hell is character? It is a defense mechanism. Like all of our ideas that provide us with an orientation when confronting the world. If we fail to maintain character, we fail. Our shortcomings are exposed, our wretched limitations lay open for us and the world to see. Inconsistencies in a world where people depend on consistencies, on ideals and values that endure beyond temporal constraints and natural rotting.

Yea. Beliefs are limitations. We spend our entire lives building these vast belief systems that serve one function: to limit us. They limit us to the overwhelming possibility that has confronted us since our birth. What in the hell is this place called earth, mom, food, hot, pain, god, lies, trust, etc? These ad hoc, explosions in our face, these phenomenon that we didn’t choose but were thrust upon us. The sheer ridiculousness of entering a world overflowing with sensations and ideas.

The moment we exit the womb we begin to limit, to delineate the contours and trace out boundaries of experience, cutting off and segmenting this ocean of possibilities into more manageable pieces for consumption. We ‘rationalize’ this world by limiting it. By censoring it. By condensing it. By symbolizing it. Ugh. It’s all a myth. We are afraid of possibility, of potential. If we weren’t, we’d be something else, we’d be continually born anew.

So much to think about.

So my current situation. I need to get active. Analysis paralysis. A general listlessness about life has settled on my mind. It’s pathetic.

I ran today. I will run tomorrow, and lift. I am spending the remainder of my summer restricting my caloric intake and subjecting my body to intense physical stress. I’m well aware that the mind is connected with the body, the heart, the soul, whatever. A sound body is a sound mind.

I will read more. I say, more than six hours a day. Very doable. A book a week.

I don’t understand people who live on a superficial plane of existence. There are multiple layers that we wear. There’s the superficial layers filled with linguistic clichés and verbiage that allow us to navigate through interpersonal interaction. Then there is a layer that yields our beliefs, our defense mechanisms, our reflections and questions. The final layer is a recognition of our fear, our denial of our inadequacy, our frailty, our inevitable death that will arrive no matter how much we make, what we know or achieve or believe. That is the breaking point for most people, when serious changes and restructuring occurs in their mind. When the other layers have failed, this layer takes control.

Anywho. I don’t get superficiality. I’m great at it, at bullshitting. Most people exist in this layer. Banter. That’s all it is. Useless noise that gets us what we want, a reaction out of people, out of our world. But most people don’t move beyond it. Ever. They exist there. Their mind is so pathetically shallow. That’s why we have Television and the internet and games and amusement. It placates our superficiality. If we actually had to think about life, about our beliefs and actions and deliberations and consequences, most people would unravel or lose themselves.

I watch these people rush to watch their favorite television shows. Their TV. They don’t read. They listen to their music. They read their fantasy novels. They indulge in religious services or shopping sprees. All superficial techniques for avoiding the self.

It’s insane. They don’t write. They don’t read. They don’t converse about meaningful projects. About feelings, about dreams, desires, goals. Knowledge and creativity isn’t prized like it used to be. It’s all about amusement, or power.

So. The human condition has been swiped aside. The humanities departments across the country bear signs of the recent insignificance that plagues them in the face of power. What thrives? Engineering, business, law, science. Disciplines that allow us to master others, master our world. Why do they have the greatest growth? Because they allow for the accumulation and application of power.

Everything comes down the this will to power. I need to think more on it and write more later.

Language. Ideas are public goods. There is no private language, just as there is no private ideas. If it is an idea, it must be accepted and shared by the community, otherwise it will fail to flourish, and die. Ideas are public. You cannot escape the conversational constraints dictated by the public arena. Artists do this though, or attempt to. They create feelings and ideas where there was none previously.

My language traps me. I cannot think beyond it, I cannot communicate about it except with the language I have been afforded by my culture. That is why reading is so amazing. It allows me to transcend my limited abilities so that I can articulate and convey ideas to a broader audience.

/end rant.

Artistic Essence

“This very essence of a man, his soul, which the artist puts into his work and which is represented by it, is found again in the work by the enjoyer, just as the believer finds his soul in religion or in God, with whom he feels himself to be one. It is on this identity of the spiritual, which underlies the concept of collective religion, and not on a psychological identification with the artist, that the pleasurable effect of the work of art ultimately depends, and the effect is, in this sense, one of deliverance….But both [artist and enjoyer], in the simultaneous dissolution of their individuality in a greater whole, enjoy, as a high pleasure, the personal enrichment of that individuality through this feeling of oneness. They have yielded up their mortal ego for a moment, fearlessly and even joyfully, to receive it back in the next, the richer for this universal feeling. “

–Otto Rank, Art and Artist, 1932, p. 109-110.

Projection

“The richer–that is, the more varied and complete–the individual’s emotional life, the less is he driven to projection, and the more will he incline to identification. His outlet and satisfaction comes in identifying himself with the emotions of the other. On the other hand, the narrower and more restricted the individual’s emotional life, the more intense will be his fewer emotions, the less will he be inclined to, and capable of, identification–the lack of which he has to compensate for by projection. Projection thus proves to be a compensatory mechanism that adjusts for an inner lack. Identification, on the other hand, is an expression of abundance, of the desire for union, for alliance, for sharing. “

– Otto Rank, “Love, Guilt and the Denial of Feelings,” 1927, American Lectures, 160

This quote embodies my philosophy, my intentions, my behavior and aims when I interact with others. Love. Union. Emotional variegation.

Identify with others. Rather than forcefully projecting yourself onto the world and others, learn to subjugate the ego and merge with another. This is why I stress the importance of philosophy in teaching the value of understanding and comprehension, all of which facilitates a sympathy to ideas and people.

Lifestyle

Even though they’re my aunt and uncle, it’s still interesting living with another family. You get an intimate glimpse of a lifestyle you’d never otherwise encounter. I tend to analyze these things.

Anyway. This summer has been unusual. Worcester isn’t exactly the most exciting place in the world. Quite the contrary. It’s a bit drab. And considering it’s the second largest city in New England, rivaling Providence, you’d expect some variety in entertainment and social and cultural outlets. Not the case. I’m lenient though. There are thirteen colleges in the city, and it’s summer, so I can’t be too hard on the place. There isn’t very many people my age to be seen. You know where they go? Boston. And that’s where I should be on the weekends.

So what have I been doing with my time? Reading. Mostly vegetating. Hanging out with my seven year old cousin. Tip-toeing around my thirteen year old cousin who’s been sick and recovering from surgery due to appendicitis. You mustn’t upset temperamental sick people. So yea. My aunt is great. She’s got an awful lot of free time. Her job, I suppose, is being a house mom, working out, giving a few Pilates classes here and there in her gym/studio, and cutting or coloring hair in her salon. So she stays busy, but it’s mostly busy work, in my opinion. Now that it’s summer my uncle plays golf most of his days, so he’s generally in a good mood. ‘Business’ is what they call it, or ‘networking’. I’d love to get into that business. Or would I?

My boss generally works less than ten hours a week. He’s self made, doesn’t owe a dime to anyone, and has plenty of residual income that allows him to travel or spend money on a whim. A house here, vacation there, more boats, new cars, a pool and new landscaping, remodeling… it’s all fair game and he’s a fanatic about it. So I work with his other three partners who specialize in actually managing the wealth of their clients. I’m learning a good deal from them, but they aren’t exactly the managerial type. They mostly watch stock tickers, make phone calls to clients about how their investments are doing, or receive phone calls from anxious investors who get squeamish every time they see the market hiccup.

Po

Stars are meant to be admired
from afar.
Get too close
and they lose their luster.
The magic dissipates
as the warm glow turns
into raging fire
with serpentine tentacles that reach out
and burn.
No, stand back.
Far, far away.
Let the beauty reach out to you.

Ran

‘Chaos often breeds life, when order breeds habit.’
— Henry Brooks Adams

Your life is a lie. All is a myth. There is no matter of fact that lies beyond the assaulting grip of dispute. Everything can be contended.

I’ve been feeling great lately. Have a great story to tell. I need to begin blogging again. Starting… right now. Every day I’ll spew something about my day, about my thoughts, recent conversations, stuff I learned at work, etc.

But back to my original thought. All is a lie. A myth. We create these myths through out desires. We justify these myths, these upending urges that swell and burst into action, through irrational beliefs. But that doesn’t stop us from trying to rationalize these beliefs. Oh no.

What I’ve realized is that people are bat shit insane. I nod most of the time. They ask me what I believe, wouldn’t you know it, I say “what works.” They usually ask me to come again, to clarify. I say, I don’t believe anything. I just adopt beliefs that work within a given context to get me what I want or bring me where I want to go. These beliefs account for a multitude of emotional, social, and relational factors.

I am a skeptic. I believe in the ego, the I, the ‘consciousness’ and that’s about it. I believe this ego manifests desires and that it justifies its actions according to these desires, whether it is the desire the self-preserve, or look pretty, or get in shape, or be smart, or whatever.

I am a skeptic, I repeat: I doubt. I insert wedges of doubt behind every thought so that I may unhinge my biases, my habituations, my prejudices. I am a skeptic. I believe that knowing nothing is the best route to knowing more. When you have your mind made up, you have failed yourself. Always leave room for doubt. Even test the reasonableness of your methods for doubting. Doubt everything. Leave no stone unturned. We live in a web, a sticky web: a context where thoughts in the now are found at the center, where the periphery extends into the far reaches of the past. Let us probe. Let us look for where these webs unravel, let’s unravel these webs of beliefs and string together something totally new and magical. Something original and wholly mine.

I like my job.

This world is about power.

Everyone is blind. Blind to themselves.

I need to spend time fully typing out all my thoughts.

Money is power. Power is money. They are synonymous. They buy influence, satisfaction, discontent, life, death, whatever you can dream up. But money and power doesn’t give you answers. That is left for wisdom, something that supersedes and transcends both. I desire to have money, power, and wisdom. Eh.

Sage advice: Buy gold. The dollar is losing its value. The fed stopped quantitative easing/printing money. Deflation will be sure to ensue, briefly. So they’ll start again. Interest rates are at zero percent. Major trade deficits loom. The economy will be volatile the next few months. Buy mining company shares, like Newmont. And Microsoft, because it’s a severely undervalued stock right now. So help me god.

Anywho.

I need to go to bed.

Most people think they think big. But their idea of big is awfully small.

Update

I have so much to say. I needed to take a break, relieve my mind of the pressures of thinking. I think to much. Or actually, I feel too much. My thoughts always get me feeling, I get too invested. The next thing I know I find myself having these existential crisises where I get all skeptical and nihilistic about everything. I begin telling myself that no thought is better than any thought, that I can escape judgement if I refrain from ever having an opinion, from ever making a claim about the world or myself. But all that ultimately leads to inaction, and inaction leads to death. I begin to whither inside and outside. It’s a terrible consequence of letting your thoughts hijack your feelings. Such is life.

So I have a tremendous amount on my mind. I began my internship a week ago. That’s been great. Interesting, but great. The guy I work for…

Thoughts….