I stayed up alittle later than usual last night. Went to bed around 200am filling out survey information for a class. My friend woke me up for breakfast. I  couldnt get up. I was tired. It took me about 15 minutes of lying in bed before I could move. I didnt shower this morning. Its friday. I usually do. Its pretty routine. Thank god its friday! I need to sleep and study and do homeowkr all weekend. Itll be nice to catch up to the max. I have to go to lunch soon.

It was snowing this morning on the way to breakfast. It was weird. It was sunny… very clear skies with the occasional cloud.. but there was a light sprinkeling of snowflakes. It was faint but magical. They glimmered in the sun and were carried gently up and down by the breeze.

 sleep.

I have two weeks of school left. Next week is the last week of classes, followed by mid terms.

Typical Early Summer Day in 05

 

“I laid there, awake. My eyes felt heavy and my thoughts were still fuzzy The fan circulated cool air over my naked body. I felt dehydrated. Ever since I moved to Florida, where it’s 80 plus even at night, I found myself waking up with my clothes torn off.  Behind my eye lids I could tell it was bright. I cracked my eyes to inspect the room and was met with a blinding burn. They remained closed. I thought about the previous night, or what I could. My body felt sore and my stomach felt upset and nauseas. I wanted to curl up into a ball. Instead I tried to forget about the pain. I rolled over on my side and rubbed my eyes. I could smell the lingering smoke on the tips of my finger. I thought about the cigarettes I smoked last night. Chain smoked. Packs. It made me all the more nauseas. I cleared my through and began coughing, releasing phlegm and a thick mucus, probably mixed with rotten tar and chemicals, into my mouth.
 I don’t know when I decided to get up but I know it was late. Probably the early afternoon. I didn’t bother to look at the clock. I walked to the bathroom and relieved myself. It was an awful feeling. Like releasing the demons the infiltrated me the night before. I stripped and looked at myself in the mirror. Skinny. Bony. ‘I’m losing weight.’ I thought to myself. ‘Not worried about it. I can pull it off.’. Like that was good justification for the abuse and lack of attention to health. I looked like shit. I took my shower and got dressed for the day, looking through my cell phone and trying to compile the events of the night before. I got wasted. Pretty high. I think I took a bar or two. It was 2:30pm when I walked out the door.
The air was hot, humid and sticky. It felt like I was swimming in it. I jumped on my pink skateboard and called Jerry for weed. I’m not big into smoking; only when I’m bored and start thinking about how shitty everything is. I got the number of his friend so I gave him a call and arranged to meet up. I forgot to ask for his name. Oh well. It was in a close neighborhood, not a bad skating distance. I continued to think about the night before. It’s Saturday today, last night was Friday. I don’t think I’ve gone for a full school day in some time. I started thinking about how school was going. It made me cringe inside. I started feeling discouraged. ‘Fuck it. I’m not built for school. My mind doesn’t have the attention span for the classes. Why do something if I don’t know why I’m doing it? Or if I don’t care? It’s a waste of time and energy.’  I continued these thoughts as I cruised down the street.
Jared. I remembered his name. I rolled up to his street and saw him walking towards me. We greeted like old friends, exchanging the handshake and half hug. He was sorta ‘ghetto’ but maintained a cool surfer/skater edge. I don’t even know.
We talked as we caught up about random bullshit. He gets excited as he starts telling me about his week.
“So bro, earlier this week it was soo crazy. I almost died. yea. I almost died. No joke it was crazyyy. So check it out.  I was in school and the school police officer was checking my locker between classes and I had painkillers in my sock so I dipped to the bathroom and sorta freaked out. I just popped like eight percocets. I was in class like drooling. Callin out and talkin shit to the teacher. Haha. It was so funny. I was tellin big black kids to shut the fuck up, tellin my teacher to suck it. I was sooo fucked up.”
I thought about everything he was saying. It was surreal, his excited mannerisms that indicted his exuberant excitement of an experience that he, most likely, barely lived to tell about.
“So like after school I was so messed up I couldn’t even see straight. I was walkin and everything seemed far away. So I remember walkin to a bus stop and there was a lady and I walked up to her and just stared at her. Haha. She asked me if I was alright and I just stared. The crazy part was it started raining and I just lied down on the ground and passed out. Yup. Straight up just passed out on the curb, traffic goin by, this lady staring at me. I woke with an ambulance there and I was in a stretcher and again I woke up in a wheel chair at the hospital. They said I was sitting there in the rain throwin up on the ground. It was sooo crazy, scary, but I think that’s the most I’ve ever been fucked up! It felt sooo good though!”
I was entertained at this aim of being extremely ‘fucked’ up’. Like it was living on the edge. I knew it was stupid, but it seemed appealing. Seeming satisfying to think about the possibility of not feeling, yet feeling so good. I enthusiastically explained my adventure the night before. Something I barely could make out, but had done it enough times to make up a pretty probable scenario for us to both laugh and kid about.  We walked to the corner  of the park where we exchanged money casually. Almost simultaneously a white Cadilac creeped around the block in our direction. Tinted windows and gaudy gold rims. Probably our drug dealer. I laughed at the quaint stereo-type. He told me he’d be back. The car pulled up, he hopped in and took off down the street. I sparked a cigarette and walked to a bench a little ways away with a nice awning for shade. I sat down, placing my face in my hands. I rubbed my scruffy unshaven face, running my fingers through my hair. It was long. I liked it long. I felt weathered, seasoned, experienced. I scratched my scalp and looked to the sky.  It was gorgeous out. Never mind the heat. The sunshine was worth it. The palm trees, the birds gracefully catching the heat thermals enabling them to effortlessly float high above.
I picked splinters in the pick-nick table with anxiousness. Would he fuck me over?
As I thought this I looked up to see him walking in my direction, a wide smile sat under his glasses.
“You smoke?”
“Dude- this bud it dope. He had blunts rolled and we sparked one up and just blazed. I hit that shit so hard.”
I was a little jealous but I knew I was getting high soon. I didn’t feel like splitting the weed up, figured I’d smoke it in a few hours anyway, so I suggested he just hold onto it. He pulled out his bowl, packed it, and handed it to me. I sparked it and took a huge rip, holding it with my cheeks almost bursting.
I was high. At first a little high. Then very high. So high I couldn’t think. I actually hated this feeling every time, but I enjoyed it over feeling sober with the cold facts of reality screaming me in the face. I don’t know where my parents were today. Then again I really didn’t care. We sat there for a good while before getting munchies and making our way to his house.
I grabbed my last share of a little weed nugget and said peace. I headed toward the direction of him. I wasn’t going home though. I got on my phone and made some calls, checking up to see what everyone was up to tonight, returning the phone calls of people I decided against talking to while I was stoned outta my mind. The sun was going down. It was getting darker.  I was gonna get fucked up tonight. Drunk. Maybe some crazy shit if I’m lucky.”

I’m happy. I feel good. I feel accomplished. I decided that life is awesome. I love deciding to enjoy life. It’s like a big ‘fuck you’  to whatever unfortunate circumstances the world throws at me.

I’ll tell you what. I have butterflies in my belly. I have a 4.0 which I am all about. I just decided that I’m gonna start my damn book no matter what. I keep getting hung up on the pressure for it to be like… a masterpiece. HA. Its my first book. Chill the hell out Mike. So I’m stoked. I was caught up in the different plots behind it, the intent, the audience, etc., I’m looking to transfer to UPENN and my father is really encouraging me to write a book about my life and some experiences I’ve had. This naturally stressed me out. I want a good book. but mike… shutup. Most authors don’t even finish their first books. Most authors write a lot of books before they even get one that strikes a chord with publishers and the public.  So I decided: I’m gonna write. and write. and write. Like i usually do. A stream of consciousness replaying life, understandings, events, experiences, etc., as they come along. I have idea’s down. I started it. Its outlined. Its all there… it just needs content. From me. I have like seven years of journals that i was contemplating transferring over to digital text so i could use them in the book, but screw it. For my first edition I’ll write and write and rewrite until i get a damn perfect representation of my interpretation.

Man I saw this girl today… she was cute…really cute… and she was walking by herself… she usually walks by herself- looking deep in thought… and i just wanted go up to her and say “You are beautiful. Can I give you a hug?” Ha. I didn’t. cause that’s a little bizarre. but i wanted to let her know she was beautiful. she deserves to feel beautiful. everyone deserves to feel beautiful.

A Rambling Journal Entry:

Maximizing What Works:

Creating a Stimulating Environment That Encourages Positive Self-Actualization

The American education system is inherently flawed. The result is an apathetic approach towards the exploration of the unique idiosyncrasies residing within individual students.

Learning, as it pertains to the acquisition of knowledge and understanding, requires a conscious agreement between a person’s intuition and the relevant experiences that bring the individual closer to satisfying their deepest desires. Although learning has been made an objective science based on a cumulative system of empirical findings, at its heart it’s solely a subjective experience that ebbs and flows as meaning is placed and replaced on more reliable truths as a means to transport a person towards a greater understanding of fulfillment.

The current American school system is a place where obedience is enforced and reinforced. Understanding proper discipline, like pruning a plant for proper growth, seems to be undermined by the rigidness associated with a system that allocates value on obedience and the ability to follow the unquestionable direction and guidelines of superiors. Little trust is fostered between student and teacher. The once highly regarded profession of teachers who taught students the idiosyncrasies of life, backed by their wisdom, learnedness and selfless pursuit of exposing every truth where it could be uncovered, are now in the modern age, mere automatons, produced by the system they’re apart of.  The system of analytical thinking is the favored way of approaching information. The school system adopted this form of thinking into it’s classrooms as a means to categorically gauge the ‘proper’ progression and development of students with aspiring desires. Grade’s one through twelve, judging the value of a students work by allocating number’s, specific course curriculums and chapters, accelerated and standard classes are all a means to categorize. Placing this kind of value and arriving at formulas for accurate prediction of progress and development are no doubt an effective means to account and organize, but there is a side that is lacking.

Human’s have an amazing ability. This ability is what set’s us apart from all the other species of animals on this planet. It is the ability to create. As I illustrated, the school system is built to keep order which is conducive to a linear and analytical school of thought, yet it lacks the aspect to foster creativity. To gather new information and present it into the system to further explore the possibility of unprecedented concepts, maxims, and understandings contrary to accustomed schools of thought. Creativity is a subjective experience as everyone can draw from their own unique experiences and understandings. The average system has lead people to believe that their methods are not effective or efficient, not worthy or valuable, and that they have no place in a classroom. This causes people to become apathetic towards thinking. They don’t explore or challenge what they think, and they lose any hope and courage of challenging others, like their experiences are more valuable and give them an unquestionable superiority.

My impression is that the majority of people see writing as a formula of expectations that need to be addressed by producing some content that reflects a glimmer of their motivating intent. The general population do their best to grasp the teachers understanding of what should be conveyed, and do their best to structure their style in the most according way. I’m not sure too much creative talent is dumped into classroom writing that isn’t motivated by the desire of the pupil to stroke the ego of the teachers certain understanding of creativity and societal standards. The driving force should be to gain a deeper understanding of their accumulated experiences and convictions, calling certain maxims they’ve encountered into inspection for further development for understanding. Whenever a student enters a scenario that involves a teacher attempting to draw out some response in accordance with their expectations, the student writer is rarely thinking of what lies within the depths of his own soul. The creative conscious is something that is shunned in the school system. It is seemingly treated like it can be taught rather that what it truly is: our mode for assimilating the intuitive understandings of life experiences by introducing the possibility of endless ideas and their combinations, relating to the various relationships of information whether it’s metaphorical or analogical, in order to foster the progression towards your individual desires, namely real truth. School is composed of strictly semantic constructs: curriculum material and information based on understandings deemed as unquestionably concrete deductions by people who’ve preceded us that we’ve accepted as infallible. Very little is seen as relative. The possibility of anything existing outside the system that’s being forced upon us is a reality that seems, unquestionably, impossible to attain.

I think teaching is one of the most rewarding undertakings a human can aspire to do. I find it unfortunate that the education system in place inhibits creative approaches to teaching. It appeals solely to the masses in an analytical format. It’s hard for teachers to encourage creativity, or the idiosyncratic tendencies within a person, in such a rigid environment. If they do they’re simply stroking the muse within us to accept that we’re incapable of exploring it with success. As I reflect from my early years in the education system, this only teases us, taunting us into an apathetic depression where identity and sense of self is lost. At the heart of idiosyncratic writing is creativity. “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” (George Shaw). To create ourselves by testing all that we’ve been subjected to, to everything we’ve experience and been exposed to previously. We compare and contrast our assimilations freely without the hindrance of people telling us that our experiences are wrong and not within the scope of commonality. I think it’s tough to be a creative teacher with the desire to teach people to question things and teach creatively. I have a passion for those teachers and I respond to their efforts with the highest appreciation I offer as a person.

The system does teach us to think analytically however. It does have its value. It teaches us to achieve discipline, focus, and persistence in order to see idea’s through logically and reasonably. I find that students with ADHD require greater stimulating and rewarding environments, otherwise their attention is lost and they overcomplicate the simple problems in order to extract meaning. When no meaning is found, listlessness and apathy are sure to follow.

I think students deemed ADHD are basically people who think far more creatively than those who succeed and excel effortlessly in the system. My interpretation and first hand experiences have led me to believe that those dubbed ADHD can succeed, but struggle with the education that typically involve a dry and rigid classrooms that lack dimension, meaning and significance, something that people who are creative and people with ADHD strive to achieve. Staying on task and staying focused is an issue people the ADHD struggle with. Their thoughts typically search for and process far more information than typical people. This can cause positive and negative effects. Organizing this flood of information and stimulation is a problem that can be dealt with using coping methods that involve a variety of success strategies and study habits, often not taught by the system. The correlation I’ve tried drawing out in this essay is that in a rigid school system that requires specific, sequential, linear, progressive steps in order to gauge the development of a student, it becomes too dry and un-stimulating, resulting in a lack of meaning and significance.

Another inhibiting factor with the creative people (used interchangeable ADHD), is that they are more prone to failing far more often than none creative people. Their tendency to try so many alternative possibilities and approached that they may fail nine out of ten times, often putting ten times the work into a problem, but they learn from these experiences. Instead of realizing that each failure is a lesson, the students are led to believe that they are incapable and have a deficiency or disorder for their curiosity and creative alternative approaches. In a grading system where each grade dictates your value, not the effort, this can be debilitating to a students zest for learning.

My approach to stimulus from the world around me it ends up in a place where I account for relative facts to be organized into an effort to further an understanding. My desire is what fuels my attentiveness. The stronger and more focused my desire on an end, the more apt I am to absorb stimulation around me to get me there. I like to think laterally and often find myself overloaded with information that bogs down my analytical understandings of linear reasoning. As I absorb large amounts of information, it is held in an area of my brain similar to immediate memory. My immediate memory is very open and tends to be bombarded by tons of unorganized information waiting to be processed. The majority of my thinking resides in the working memory where I pull out all sorts of connections from my long term storage and schema’s, cross referencing connections and associations that could prove to be related if explored. I use quick analytical approaches to explore the possibility of these abstract juxtaposes. If a concept seems to be supported through this process, I draw from my immediate memory to look for information to further analyze. The working memory is where I assimilate and solidify my understandings before they are stored long term in different schemas.  The more time I spend hammering a concept together the better understood it is and the more connections it is supported by in the long term memory and schemas.

My strength’s reside in my ability to think comprehensively and abstractly by retrieving my past understandings, experiences, and assimilations from long term memory.  I can retrieve information quite well as long as the desire and end-goal is in line with the process.  If I choose to further develop an understanding that’s aligned with my supporting desires, I examine the implications and make connections that tend to be as broad as they are deep. My immediate memory, where I briefly store the stimulating information around me, allows me to see many sides of information for a more comprehensive look at the implications on my life and previous findings.

Being ADHD, my immediate memory tends to be compromised in analytical sequential processing as I absorb too much unrelated information while trying to establish an idea or learn. A rigid based curriculum in school can be dry and the information lacks meaning as there is little breadth that is exposed to the different meanings it could have on my holistic understanding.  I’m often bombarded by too many thoughts which leads to an over complication of simple concepts. I would attribute my immediate memory as the main contributing cause for the result.

The effects of large quantities of information being absorbed and taken into account due to the immediate memory overload is the main component of ADHD. People with ADHD have a difficult time thinking in a linear fashion because they absorb so much information, or they counter this overload by filtering out all the information. This would explain the attention deficit/ hyperactivity disorder, in that either not enough, or not the right amount of information is absorbed and understood, or too much information in absorbed. When the material has relevance the person dubbed ADHD can hyper-focus and super analyze, creating great understandings of larges amounts of information. Repetition and elaborative rehearsal is the most effective way of absorbing and storing information. In this way, if the time is available and taken, large quantities of information may be examined in order to extract specific understandings. This allows for lateral thinking, involving great amounts of information to be taken into account in order to understand a singular meaning. Rote rehearsal is too simplistic and linear. Regurgitating the information may be confused with all the other degrees of information or thoughts occurring simultaneously in the immediate or working memory. Rote rehearsal can be effective if enough time is dealt with the process and if the material is stimulating. Dividing the time allocated for rote rehearsal into fifteen minute segments with three to five minute breaks in between would allow for much better retention due to the increase in stimulation.  For those dubbed ADHD, I would think most memory rehearsal that’s anything but elaborate, offering extensive dynamics and stimulation, lacks meaning and is too dry and un-stimulating to a produce real and lasting impact in the memory.

I’ve found the most impressionable experiences of storing information effectively involve ensuring an episodic dynamic is involved. Experiences construct a realness of life that extends past many semantic boundaries of understanding. Having all the answers doesn’t help me if I don’t know how to use them or if I’ve never used them. Information for the sake of remembering presents very little recall value unless specific instructions were given to use that information for the specific task or experience. Episodic memory also transcends semantic memory in the variety of senses used to absorb the stimulus. If I’m are attempting to absorb new information and learn something, I’d be more apt to remember the process due to the multiple streams of stimulation I receive through the senses in order to assimilate more comprehensively, allowing us to mold our understanding to a higher degree. This also adds an important emotional significance to the event by encoding and coloring the information to be stored with additional dimensions. Episodic memory is more likely to be practical since real world experience has already been attached to the application of information. When this happens with each subsequent recall of information, a better configuration and sharpening of our understanding is honed for a more accurate application.  Procedural information is most likely involved in the episodic memory absorption to a large degree, especially if we are physically involved with the pursuit of absorbing and learning the information.

Classrooms that foster a relationship with students and nurture a caring bond about their progress are probably the most effective forms of teaching. This presents meaning and hope to a student, giving them a faith to actualize themselves in accordance with their intuitive desires. A classroom that examines breadth and depth, that specializes in elaborative efforts to instill information in the students.

As I’ve gotten older and my experiences with failure and success have become more numerous, I’ve made it a job to cling to what works best and flee from anything that contributed to failure. I refused to lie to myself and I chose to take a critical, totally objective view of myself. There is certain time tested principles involved with my process that I specifically cling to. As I’ve gotten older I’ve learned to be more humble and began seeking out words of wisdom and advice from people who are at the pinnacle of success in a field I deemed worthy of aspiring to. I would read their books and go out of my way to ask questions and pick their brain. I’ve learned principles such as organization, goal setting, positive thinking and maintaining a proper balance of between the mind and body through attention to health and wellness.

I’ve learned to set goals, writing down the end vision I wish to attain, and acknowledging the steps in between. I would previously get caught up in thoughts from misplanning and overlook important details and information. The approach that works best is repetitive review and contemplation, visualizing and meditating on the ideas on the forefront of my priorities, whether it’s in or out of the classroom. To gain a solid ground on the material I find multiple resources and thoroughly construct an elaborative understanding by cross-referencing previous ideas and seeking out new information to give me the most detailed, colorful, faceted impression possible. I follow up with these brainstorm’s by give myself ample time to mull over the information and insights in order to organize them into the most appropriate schema’s for recall. This is especially the case when writing research papers. My sources are details and broad and I examine the implications of every detail surrounding it by asking the question ‘why’.

Meaning is a huge factor involved with the recognition of what’s worked. If the material has meaning, if it speaks to me and appeals to my heart’s desire to find truth that is translatable and applicable in every situation, than I am incredibly likely to absorb every detail with the greatest ease. The material needs to speak to me, or it has to have some truth in it that can be inspected to yield value that would add to the reservoir of knowledge. Meaning and goal setting intertwine in many aspects of my process. If I make the commitment to achieve a goal, it has meaning and I see myself obligated to seeing it out until completion. Meaning also ensures that I put my all into the process.

Organization supplements the process of achieving success in an endeavor. If my external world is organized and well thought out, my mental scape exists in a collective calm state. I also do this to judge accurately the goals I’ve set out to accomplish certain objectives I’ve set out for myself.

Notes, Summaries, and Assimilations:

Examine three theories of examining modes of measuring human intelligence

            Robert Sternberg developed a theory of intelligence based factors that include analytical, creative, and practical assessments of an individual. By assessing an individual’s ability to perform these factors an intelligence quotient can be formed. Characteristics of analytical thinkers involve analyzing information by critiquing and comparing using mostly linear thinking. Creative thinkers think most laterally and abstractly, inventing and constructing new concepts and ideas out of information. Practical thinkers excel in the ability to implement and use information through utilizing an idea or understanding efficiently and effectively in application.

            Sternberg developed this theory by examining his students at Yale University. He watched as each type of student succeeded and struggled in different situations required of them.

Howard Gardner developed a theory of intelligence by separating the previous notions of intelligence that tend to lack the emphasis of creativity. Gardner supposed that there are multiple intelligences to an individual that all exist separately from one another. The theory states that everyone has these intelligences and according to their circumstances and the context they will display them. There are seven basic accepted types of intelligence his theory deals with people whose originality and strengths may arise in one of the following forms: musical, logical, mathematical, spatial, bodily-kinesthetic (athletics), linguistic, interpersonal, intrapersonal, and naturalists. They are all inherent within us and it is up to each individual to extract and develop them.

Jeff Hawkins theory of intelligence deals with how fast information in processed in the brain and how well the information is remembered. The theory revolves around the brains ability to predict situations, patterns, outcomes, solutions, etc., by combining what you’ve seen before with what is happening now. This includes a variety of applications ranging from mathematics, language, social situations, and the properties of objects.

 

How does measured IQ relate to theories?

IQ is a standardized method of measuring intelligence through assessing rate of processing, problem solving, comprehension and other factors that involve a systematic, linear test.  It is a singular method used to come up with results that provide ‘snapshots’ of their mental functioning  so they can be organized and compared to the rest of the population.

All of these theories contain workable components that hold true when tested against their perimeters. They all provide some insight into the inner-workings of the mind. They don’t, however, acknowledge the infinite possibilities and potential that exists within the mind of an individual. This lacks the certain identification of motivating factors that would cause someone to tap into these potentials. What IQ does give a snapshot at the current ability to apply the brain to specific problems, using specific methods, under specific guidelines, under the watch and discretion of a single opinion (a psychologist or group of psychologists deciding on the results). The problem with measured IQ is the tendency is has to present a false interpretation of a person’s capabilities by placing specific parameters around the mind and how it should produce and apply. This is in no way a true representation of a person’s true capabilities, only a place to start understanding how an individual works and functions.

 

How does neuroscience relate to those theories?

           

Neuroscience simply offers us a place to see how these theories hold up in a biological sense. The psychology behind these theories and behind the human brain in general can be supported by observing specific brain functions and how they react when tested against certain claims and within their qualifying perimeters. Ideas cannot materialize unless we see them in action. In comparison analogy, physics is a science composed of ideas and understandings that have been tested in the world around us. Psychology is the place where these ideas are formulated by observing personal intuition or the behavior and world around us. We test these concepts and understandings in our mind, similar to the world in which the principles of physics are examined. The only difference is that through physics we have been able to identify certain limitations that exist in the world around us. Within the scape of our minds the possibilities are limitless. Any idea or concept is real and can be possible, theoretically, even though the confines of our tangible world may prohibit it.

Through thought we can change the composition of our world. We think about an action, we act on the action, and we make change to the external world around us. I think that through thought we can change reality. It’s been proven already. Knowledge is power. Anything we can think up we can do, although we may not know how to do it. That is where we have to examine the how. Learn, experience, and have faith that even though it hasn’t happened or existed before, it is possible. Edison said “Creation-innovation and inventiveness- is one percent inspiration, and ninety nine percent perspiration.” Meaning: Idea’s can be dreamed up all day, but to make them work and materialize them requires intense determination, will-power and effort.

As all these theories relate to neuroscience, whatever you are looking for you will find. Neuroscience is simply the place where we look to find the answers we are looking for to support these theories- and just because they provide answers does not mean that the theories provide any truth, rather separate looking glasses to examine the truth.

Speaking in terms of epistemology, when examining truth, or the world around us for what it really is and why, knowledge can only be gained if a belief, backed by understanding and reason, is in place to examine the reality; like an eyeglass used to examine the landscape around us. Every man will try to find an eyeglass that best examines the landscape, providing it the proper justice he thinks it deserves as it relates to truth, but he himself has a tainted perspective due to his beliefs formed by his individual intuitions and experiences.

Searching the brain through neuroscience will provide none of the answers we are looking for. It will only illustrate, supporting or refuting, any concept we present as it relates to our past and present understandings about the people of society being examined.

If you are in a haystack and you are asked to search for hay, you will find hay. If you are asked to find the bottom you will find the bottom. If you are asked to find a needle, you will find a needle eventually, given enough time and effort. You will never find the needle unless you are looking specifically for it. And if it is found, it is useless unless it is a recognizable part of a solution. Linear, analytic thinkers only find what they are asked to look for to solve a solution. Creative thinkers take everything they find and plug it into the formula of understanding and past experiences and intuitions in order to seek a solution. This is why they fail so many times, yet this is why they are able to create new things. Sometimes by mistake, often by trying out new things to another solution only to come up with an entirely new formula to a separate solution, but more often by always plugging in information, remembering the relationships and combinations for future reference as they refine their understanding and sharpen their reason.

Neuroscience examines the material we are working with. Psychology looks at the products or behaviors. These and other theories regarding human functioning examine the ‘why’ within that black box we call our brains. I often think that the issue of the ‘heart’ is often ignored. Scientists examine the mental implications, acknowledge ‘emotional components’, but neglect the ‘heart’ of a person.  Aristotle once said “Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.” Knowing what information to use and how to use it but lacking the reason or ‘why’ to use it presents very little value. Success is measured in action. If we lack to reason to succeed, to reach our full potential and to expand our understanding of real everlasting truth and the principles that entail, since this is at the very essence of what man is looking for, we will fail and never tap into the recesses of our minds that hold true meaning and fulfillment that life should offer.

 

 

A brief reflection on some material regarding the IPM:

The information processing model is a system developed by psychologists from years of researching the brain. The model has been constantly molded and shaped by new discoveries and understandings regarding the brains inter-workings as it absorbs and processes information from the world around us.

The accepted IPM model consists of five main processes that information passes through until it is stored in the long term memory. Initially information is taken in from the world around us by a combination of our five senses. As we absorb this information from our environment it passes through the sensory register which filters out meaningless information and sends important information to our immediate memory. The sensory register is composed of our reticular activating system and our thalamus as a means of regulating a balance of stimulus and information we are exposed to at any moment and remains a largely an unconscious job. Our immediate memory serves as a brief place where our brain takes and holds large amounts of information, usually for a brief thirty seconds, so that we may subconsciously make a decision to dispose of useless information. From immediate memory, information travels to the working memory which involves the conscious arrangement of information to be later stored in long term memory. Working memory is where thinking takes place and is also where retrieved memories from long term storage are held as we rework them into new ideas and understandings. After we solidify an idea and reinforce a pattern of thought in accordance with that new formulated information in our working memory, we can begin to store it in our long term storage by associating the information with past memories or schema’s. These constant inputs of information into our long term storage make up our cognitive belief system as we arrive to certain understandings about the world around us. Our self concept if largely based on our attitude and directly affects the way in which long term memories and our cognitive belief system is viewed, either is positively or negatively.

The generally accepted IPM model functions similarly in the way I absorb information. As I am exposed to stimulus from the world around me it ends up in a place where I account for relative facts. My desire is what fuels my attentiveness. The stronger and more focused my desire on an end, the more apt I am to absorb stimulation around me to get me there. I like to think laterally and often find myself overloaded with information that bogs down my analytical understandings of linear reasoning. As I absorb large amounts of information, it is held in an area of my brain similar to immediate memory. My immediate memory is very open and tends to be bombarded by tons of unorganized information waiting to be processed. The majority of my thinking resides in the working memory where I pull out all sorts of connections from my long term storage and schema’s, cross referencing connections and associations that could prove to be related if explored. I use quick analytical approaches to explore the possibility of these abstract juxtaposes. If a concept seems to be supported through this process, I draw from my immediate memory to look for information to further analyze. The working memory is where I assimilate and solidify my understandings before they are stored long term in different schemas. The more time I spend hammering a concept together the better understood it is and the more connections it is supported by in the long term memory and schemas.

My strength’s reside in my ability to think comprehensively and abstractly by retrieving my past understandings, experiences, and assimilations from LTS. I can retrieve information quite well as long as the desire and end-goal is in line with the process. I examine implications of every idea and the connections tend to be broad as well as deep if I choose to develop the understanding further as long as it’s supporting my desire. My immediate memory allows me to see many sides of information for a more comprehensive look at the implications of the information on my life and previous findings.

My immediate memory tends to be compromised in analytical sequential processing as I absorb too much unrelated information while trying to establish an idea or learn. A rigid based curriculum in school can be dry and the information lacks meaning as there is little breadth that is exposed to the different meanings it could have on my holistic understanding. I am often bombarded by too many thoughts and tend to complicate things by looking at too much information. I would attribute my immediate memory the main contributing cause for the result.
The best way to store information effectively involves ensuring an episodic dynamic is involved. Experiences construct a realness of life that extends past many semantic boundaries of understanding. Having all the answers doesn’t help if you don’t know how to use them or have never used them. Information for the sake of remembering presents very little recall value unless specific instructions were given to use that information for the specific task or experience. Episodic memory also transcends semantic memory in the variety of senses used to absorb the stimulus. If we are attempting to absorb new information and learn something, we would be more apt to remember the process due to the multiple streams of stimulation we receive through our senses so that we can assimilate more comprehensively which would allow us to mold our understanding to a higher degrees, not to mention the emotional significance of the event that is encoded to the information as it is stored. Episodic memory is more likely to be practical since real world experience has already been attached to the application of information. When this happens with each subsequent recall of information, we will be able to better configure and sharpen our understanding for a more accurate application. Procedural information is most likely involved in the episodic memory absorption to a large degree, especially if we are physically involved with the pursuit of absorbing and learning the information.

The effects of large quantities of information being absorbed and taken into account due to the immediate memory overload is the main component of ADHD. People with ADHD have a difficult time thinking in a linear fashion because they absorb so much information, or they counter this overload by filtering out all the information. This would explain the attention deficit/ hyperactivity disorder, in that either not enough, or not the right amount of information is absorbed and understood, or too much information in absorbed. When the material has relevance the person dubbed ADHD can hyper-focus and super analyze, creating great understandings of larges amounts of information. Repetition and elaborative rehearsal is the most effective way of absorbing and storing information. In this way, if the time is available and taken, large quantities of information may be examined in order to extract specific understandings. This allows for lateral thinking, involving great amounts of information to be taken into account in order to understand a singular meaning. Rote rehearsal is too simplistic and linear. Regurgitating the information may be confused with all the other degrees of information or thoughts occurring simultaneously in the immediate or working memory. Rote rehearsal can be effective if enough time is dealt with the process and if the material is stimulating. Dividing the time allocated for rote rehearsal into fifteen minute segments with three to five minute breaks in between would allow for much better retention due to the increase in stimulation. For those dubbed ADHD, I would think most memory rehearsal that’s anything but elaborate, offering extensive dynamics and stimulation, lacks meaning and is too dry and un-stimulating to a produce real and lasting impact in the memory.

Examine the claim:
There is no intelligence design behind the workings of man and the universe,
and all is of chance by randomization,
and truth is totally subjective,
than any reasoning stated forth from these claims is invalid.

If there is no design, no purpose,
and all is random,
than everything is subjective,
there is no truth,
nothing to hold us accountable.

With this rationale,
we become our own god,
choosing which set of beliefs fits our circumstances as they come.

if everything was random, where do the laws of nature come from?
laws ensure that things happen accordingly, like guidelines or rules to ensure a proper progression, and prevent regression.

Man instates laws, and enforces them through a government.
Men create these laws through his understanding.
No laws a perfect within a government unless a perfect government exists; unless the men who enforce these laws are perfect; no man is perfect.

We almost mimic the laws of nature to ensure proper growth of people within a community progresses.
Man’s laws were created by man.
The laws of nature? random? or intelligently employed?

hm… its late. not too much going on today. I lifted really hard. Why? I’ve programmed myself at this point. to eat and lift and train hard. It doesn’t even bother me either way. It’s something I look forward to on a regular basis though.

I think I’m happy. alone.. but happy. Little children are great. I can’t wait to have kids. Not that I;m rushing anything.. I;m actually looking forward to me being financially stable enough to support myself before I even consider kids… but i;m looking forward to the day I can come home from work and literally teach my son or daughter all about the world one day at a time. Never mind the formal education system. I will tutor and teach and lead by example as often as I can.

sigh…. I played beer pong tonight… it was pretty fun.

I’m 21. I’m looking forward to going home to florida. alright im tired. I’ll tlak more coherently tomorrow.

I have an uncontrollable urge to be happy. To recognize God at the center of everything is so reassuring. I’ve been reading “discourse on method” by Rene Descartes. His mind operates in the same fashion as mine. I can relate wholly with his sound step by step construction of concepts and insights that manufacture irrefutable reasons and philosophies that are almost tangible in their truth. I think, therefore I am. This is a subject I’ve talked to many people about. As I grow older I recognize the importance of faith. I know what faith means from my own experience, but explaining in to people in a relatable manner can be difficult. Faith is believing without seeing.  Contrary to what’s being taught in modern schools, anything we encounter as realty is really subjective. Only the idea of the reality reinforces the validity of what we encounter. Nothing is a constant. Truth is very subjective to every eye. So how can we believe anything? Schools only teach an analytical approach to the system which deals solely with semantic paradigms that they recognized were always apart of our understanding. They fail to address anything that supposes anything outside the constructs of being tangible, even though the idea’s of many of their suppositions are intangible. In order to see something, the idea and understanding must exist first and foremost. We cannot consider something we cannot conceive. Since the beginning of understanding there have always been men that originally conceived ideas that were revolutionary and contrary to previous maxims. After the idea is tested and resonates with other truths collected, it is accepted.

God and his existence are not apart of their world. The concept of God and his perfection must first be understood for us to venture towards truth. Understanding must enter.

Rene talked about doubts. Doubts are everywhere. Doubt is the opposite of perfect since perfection is whole and needs not contrary conjectures to understand. Doubts are not of God, who is perfect and whole. I’m going to have to reread that last chapter to reinforce my understanding of his reasoning, but it was profound. God. Faith.

How do we know anything is real? It first starts as an idea, we put faith into that idea, and we expound upon it. If it is of God, it will reflect solid grounding and will bring forth fruit- of life or constructive progress in general.

I like to create: To think novel, new, and meaningful things, ideas, and concepts. I like assimilating all I know and test it against everything I have experienced. I take everything into consideration and weigh it against my reasoning. I like to face confrontations and fears in hopes of gaining a better understanding of the things that may seem daunting. When you trust God and strive to develop his understanding you can face anything in the world and have the strength and courage to dissect anything that confronts you.

I’d like to learn another language just so I could read books in their native tongue and think in a manner that resembles their process.

I had thanksgiving this evening with my aunt and uncle and cousins. We went to my cousin Gordie’s high school friends house. I ate a lot. Drank a little bit of beer. Made sure I ate a lot though. Mid morning I went to a thanksgiving high school football game at holy cross, my uncles college. It was nice. I saw all the high school kids. It made me remember the days of high school I went to a lot of high schools. I probably enjoyed florida the most. Even tho I wasn’t so much ingrained into the school. Everyone liked me tho. That was great. I went to a lot of parties and met a lot of people. Pitman NJ was alright. Pretty limited and drab though. Not a lot of big thinkers.

I was reading in a psychology book about intellectual ability. They talked about the factors involed with being intelligent. I always deemed myself as intelligent. As thinking outside the box. As being unconventional and risky and doing things with the intent to learn. Analytical thinkers are those who tend to score higher on IQ tests. Although I did pretty well on the iq test I don’t think it accurately represents the value in me. I believe that I myself have more value than any test ever makes me out to be. That’s why I associated and really related with the facets involved with creative thinkers. They are more intrinsically motivated. They seek unconventional ways. They make mistakesin order to learn from them. They brainstorm. Analytical thinkers tend to be bright in an area of study, score high on IQ tests, but don’t create or invent novel ideas. They don’t think outside the box or make contributions to a field. Creative thinkers are the people who dream and try and try and make ideas work.

I think of myself as creative. I actually like to think of myself as extremely well rounded. This is why I think of myself as a leader. One who thinkers analytically, creatively, and practically when the time calls for it.

So today was sorta slow. The northeast tends to be gray. I need sunlight. I got my hair cut. The sides are a little too short for my long face but I still would take this hair over my longers, homelier, long hair any day.

G***** doesn’t talk much. He’s usually pretty offensive, too serious and he jabs at weaknesses. I know that weak people do that to cover up their own flaws. The smart people refuse to stoop. I often stoop in order to prevent people from walking over me. Or to prevent the idea that it’s alright from entering their head. I feel good. I feel like I want to accomplish work. Not like desperately but I’m looking forward to getting all my school work done either tomorrow or Saturday, no excuses. And if I have more, or if I perfect or study any more for the remaining weekend I plan to.

I want to set up goals and desires and pin point them. I want to be around challenges and stimulating environments. Landmark college forces me to delve within myself. I mean… it does… cause if I didn’t… I’d go insane. Or depressed. I need to let creative tendencies out. I need to create. To find novel meaning. To find meaning that moves or that’s profound. I have a very hard time getting along without it and I often find that I get easily depressed if I lack that component of life.

Today was good. I lifted. I talked to some people. Expressed a lot of stuff. I talked to some professors. My enthusiasm lifted as the day progressed which was a good thing. I was pretty motivated. I finished a lot of stuff. I have less than a month of school left. I had 4 major papers due in the next 2 weeks. Not too bad tho.

I lifted today. It felt good.
Tomorrow I go to Massachusetts for thanksgiving break. hm.

I feel very detached. Emotionally void and distant. I’m not sure the cause of these fits of confusion. I long for some kind of stimulation that would enable me to feel again. I explored the possibility of the weather. This weather is gray and neutral Not too much warmth and happy feelings. And I’m not even sure if I’m sad… I’m just unhappy. I’m a little lost. It’s been a long while since this despondency has hit me so deeply. there is a vein of apathy that kills every thought before it blossums. Not so much apathy… I have the desire to be more and do more… but for some reason my body is not following up. Maybe this is my problem and I’m not addressing it. What’s bothering me? something internally? Is it the weather?.. or may be the lack of social stimulation? no… possibly lack of love? Lack of stimulating classroom experiences? I feel that I go to class each day… I hear what they say… I read the text… I listen and I show up and I participate… but when I walk out of the classroom I am somewhere else. I drift. My thoughts are in the clouds..resting and relaxing… yet uncomfortable and restless.

The trees are dead now. the green grass won’t be green for very much longer. Frost covers the ground every night. It looks like tiny diamonds were strewn across the lawn-scape. a sparkling sea.

I always contemplate joining the military after my college years. I feel that it may do me some good. It wont be easy, but that’s what I want. Something hard, challenging so I don’t think about how deprived of feelings I am. It’s very odd. I need feelings. I need to feel. i don’;t care if it’s bad of good feelings… I can work with the feelins if they are there… i struggle with creating feelings out of nothing. It can be done… I need to focus my thoughts… but it’s a struggle nonetheless.
I’m going to go eat now.

What if time folded on top of itself. What is the universe was a giant circle in some way. Time is slowly slowing down. In the past light traveled faster. Time was quicker. Energy was faster. Matter was more stable. Each atom was spinning at an optimal speed, maximizing the pull-the gravitational pull- it has on surrounding molecules. Light traveled the speed on thought. At the instant everything came into being everything was sustained and perfect. Matter was perfect. At a state that would survive infinitely. The most stable state ever. No death. No corrosion. Stars, hundreds of billions of years away, instantly shown on our earth. What makes an electron spin around the nucleus of an atom? What decides its speed? Time is slowing down from that point of creation. Ever since then fabric of the universe is

What if time folded on top of itself. What is the universe was a giant circle in some way. Time is slowly slowing down. In the past light traveled faster. Time was quicker. Energy was faster. Matter was more stable. Each atom was spinning at an optimal speed, maximizing the pull-the gravitational pull- it has on surrounding molecules. Light traveled the speed on thought. At the instant everything came into being everything was sustained and perfect. Matter was perfect. At a state that would survive infinitely. The most stable state ever. No death. No corrosion. Stars, hundreds of billions of years away, instantly shown on our earth. What makes an electron spin around the nucleus of an atom? What decides its speed? Time is slowing down from that point of creation. Ever since then fabric of the universe is

I remember when I use to feel. And think. Now I go through the motions. I don’t know what I do day in and day out. I feel automated. I feel like my life is not my own. How did I end up here. Am I alright?

Am I comfortable with myself? Could I let someone love me? I hate sounding weak. I like feelings. In my chest. Good feelings. Bad feelings. I can’t feel. So I try to feel bad and I hope that it will remind me that I’m alive.

I want to feel good. I’m on the bus to Buffalo, NY. I’ll be attending the PBL National Leaders conference. I don’t feel like me. I don’t like where I’m at. Landmark is not where I want to be. It is not. It doesn’t make me feel any better that this is only a stepping stone. It’s a shitty stepping stone. Not where I want to be. Its raining out. The drive is 8 hours. We stopped twice. I had a shitty salad and a roast beef sandwich from roy rogers. I paid over eleven dollars. I want a woman to make me feel. A touch. A hug. A kiss. I want to tell her I love her.

I’m going on this trip with people who are beneath me. Their value is at my level. They are human and have feelings—but they are not on my level. They lack the curiosity, the yearn for adventure and love and life and creativity.

There was a man. He had 8 brothers and sisters. They played sports and were all stars. He had the reading level of an 8th grader. He doesn’t drink or smoke. He watches sports on TV. He’s a huge fan. He plays Nintendo. He’s very protective of his stuff. He is enthusiastic and a little weird. His name is Bill. He has a sister with a 3rd grade mentality. He does to work. Comes home. Prepares an easy dinner to share with his sister. He attends alcohol anonymous meetings. And he sleeps.

I wrote in my journal today. It felt good. Better than typing away on some plastic eletronic piece of equipment. I feel that paper and pen articulate so much more than the interpretative meanings from the text. They involve the small discrepancies of motor function in the wrist and fingers as a result of tension in the mind and body.

I’m lost. in my head. in currently floating. Its a dream like fog. thick yet airy and confusing. I’m not sure how fast or slow I’m going. my sense of progress is far out and out of touch. the people around me. hmph. fat. skinny. gimpy. stupid. dull. rough. flamboyant. homely. ruffled. confused.

what is good.

i need to keep digging. asking myself these questions. what the hell am i doing. why am i doing that? I don’t want to be a robot. I want to give responses as they relate directly to my experience in the here and now. I am not a product of others. I will stand firm in my resolutions. The snarling remarks of the ignorant. Clutching the lies they feed on. I don’t have to open my mouth of justify my actions to them. I only need to feel it inside. But at the moment I’m lacking feelings. I’m lacking human emotion. Its gray. Its almost sad. I want happy.

I’m exhausted. I lifted legs and lower back today. I did all my homework. I ate. Kept to myself. Read a little. Thought happy thoughts.

The air tonight was amazing. It was one of those nights you remember forever. It’s a nostalgic memory.
the air was cold. Crisp. Fresh. I could see my breath. The atmosphere seemed so pristine and clear and fresh crisp that my breath looked like it was almost polluting it with every exhale of moisture. hm.

The stars lit up the sky. Like diamonds. It was beautiful with the stark contrast of the pitch black sky. No light pollution. Just mountain air and the heavens.

I’m happy.

I stumbled across an article that outlined some research done on this chemical compound called resveratrol. It’s found in red wine (the skins of grapes). A research company is doing testing on a pill that could increase the lifespan and longevity of people. Check it:

http://www.portfolio.com/views/columns/2007/11/07/Sirtris-Tests-Fountain-of-Youth-Pill?TID=alsoin/fountainofyouth

http://www.resveratrol.com/

It’s late in the morning… around 2:00am.
I went to the VFW & the legion for veterans today with my marine friend. Not much partying goin on the the Marine birthday tonight.

It was freezing tonight… about 25deg.
I went to a few bars with my friend. Met some townies. One guy, who was especially nice and personable, was named ‘Bushy’. I, of course, found this humorous on some level. maybe cause he was from vermont and slightly overweight with a dull look in his eyes like he was raised in the mountains. i dunno.

I listed to some good bands. They were doing great covers. No cute girls. Not one that really fancied my taste. Typical and expected in these parts so I’m not entirely disappointed.

I read recently about the Socratic method. About two phase free-style and the deconstructive and constructive process. I was using it tonight on my friend. It was driving him to unknowns and confusion which left me feeling funny. I’ve got like… hm… 30 some books that I want to buy saved in my cart on amazon. For Christmas I’m gonna spend the money I get on buying those books. About Goethe, and Socrates dialogs and Plato’s accounts. etc.,

I had about 4 drinks. about 4 cigarettes.
im not proud, but it was good to unwind and let go of all the worry and school work ive been dwelling on.

My chin is on the desk.

im staring at the screen.

My friend got pulled over tonight as we were pullin into campus.
A state trooper approached the car and asked the usual details. Had he been drinking? yes. He was asked to step outside and into the troopers car. I was slightly worried. About 10 minutes later he returns chuckling. his father was a state trooper.
WTf happened? i asked.
You know how to take a breathlizer test?
hm… pretty sure…
well.. .he said… I just blew a .77.
wow.
the legal limit was .8

i laughed.
‘fuckin pigs’ he said.

we drove home.

Today has been nice. yesterday I spoke with coaching services. We talking about beginning to write my book. However daunting and monumental the task appears and seems to be, its something that needs to begin.

Its ok out. Considering its pretty much winter the weather hasn’t been as harsh as it should be. The sky is gray. Not so blue. Patches of blue littering the sky-scape, but mostly over-casted by a sheet of gray. The patches of blue are almost worn into the clouds.
It was 28 deg last night. Freezing. I lifted hard. So hard. I was pumped and it was intense. I’m getting bigger and it feels good. My body feels like its strengthening on top itself.
Classes are going alright. I’m starting to read my books again. I somehow got bogged down and started neglected the joy I had for reading. I picked up an old book for inspirational purposes. I’ve got like 4 books I’m halfway through that I need to finish. I have the poor mental excuse that I’m too tired to pick up and read the book.When I do I tend to nod off after a dozen pages. Not the progress I like. I need to reinvent the passion and need.
I need girls. cute, attractive, flirtatious, friendly girls. I can’t wait to go to NYU or UPENN or where ever I end up. I’m looking forward to the quality of person’s there. Not to mention the environment that just fosters thought and achievement.

Contemplate:

“I think, therefore I am.” -Descarte

“We become what we think about all day long.”- Emerson

Is this the person you long to be?
A captive? a revolutionary? a slave? a rebel? angry? pissed? chained? deceived? cynical? fearful?

They say: garbage in, garbage out. Whatever you put yourself around is who you will inevitably turn out to reflect.

Whatever it is we feed our mind will eventually become who we are. It doesn’t matter if we think it has an effect or not- it does. We program our sub-conscious minds consciously. If you seek a state and stance in order to conquer all things- take notes from those who conquered all things. Not the people who talked about it, but the people who did it.

“Vision without action is a dream. Action without vision is simply passing the time. Action with Vision is making a positive difference.”

Food for thought..

I just got back from the gym. I’ve been lifting hard. I’m about 180 right now at roughly 8% body-fat. I’d like to get to 185lb, with 10% before Christmas. I’d like to bench 300lb by then as well.

I love accounting. Not love- but I like how it makes perfect sense. Usually anyway.
I did all my accounting homework and I feel excellent about it. I have an English paper rough draft due tomorrow that i’m finishing up right now. I have a business presentation on advertising and promotion due friday. I have a business club meeting tomorrow. I need to meet with the dean of students and the director of campus activities. I have an appointment with coaching services at 1:00 and an appointment with transfer services at 3:00. Tomorrow is going to be busy.

I’m writing a paper on written humor.

Is it still a viable art form in American culture? I said no, to an extent. I recognize that all humor materializes on paper. I feel like it does. Then again it could sit in the mind of a man and never come out. My inclination is to believe that all humor, whether it be from the radio or television or the internet, takes root when it’s written down. All the idiosyncrasies are ironed out on paper. It materializes and solidifies. Written humor…

Writing. It will never ever leave any culture entirely. As a viable art form it will always exist, although it may not thrive. I think as far as popularity is concerned, there are other means of entertainment that have taken priority over the harder to comprehend written humor. It requires thought, something else that’s on it’s way out of American culture. Easily digestible snippets of understanding are the main course for the culture today. The attention span and comprehensive processes don’t linger around long enough to digest a story. Maybe comic strips. Small words and phrases that symbolize meaning or images hold are attention and get to the punch line far quicker than any written story could convey.

American culture is about instant gratification. They seek out whatever means they can to grasp some form of gratification. Time is constraint that has been an excuse that has prevented large populations of people from reading. Energy and focus is another. They are bombarded by so much stimuli that its no wonder they can’t sit down to decipher an arrangement of words that retain a quality of amusement. They would rather have someone decipher it for them, and build the imagery form them. Like a video. Video’s and watching humor encapsulates and translates with the easiest form of expression for the mind.

Is written humor still a viable art form in the American culture? There is a difference between humor and comedy. Humor contains a quality of amusement. Comedy deals with the dramatic form of composition produced through a specific medium. Comedy relies on humor for it’s dramatic form and composition. Literary humor requires that you’re mind engage and play out the qualities of amusement through your interpretation of the text, characterizing it for yourself. Comic humor, when one watches humor through a medium of expressions such as comic-strips or stand-up or video, is becoming the favorite. Literary humor is indeed losing popularity. The percentages of people who sit down to read an humorous article or book are far and few between. People are much more inclined to absorb amusement produced by someone else’s interpretation.

But I firmly believe that any man’s finest hour, his greatest fulfillment of all he holds dear, is the moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle – victorious.
– Vince Lombardi

I had a dream about her last night. She was beautiful. I love the way she hugs me. We were hesitant to touch or acknowledge the longing for it. I’m not sure what we did. I was doing my business. She was minding her own. I probably acted like I didn’t care. She didn’t really give me any reason to. We caught up. I did my thing. She’s not apart of my life. It doesn’t matter much.
But eventually we had to say our good bye’s. They are the best and worst. I wrapped my arms around her and she buried herself into my chest. I wanted to make it brief but there’s always that inclination to hold on just a second longer. I figured that the hug was long enough- I don’t like feeling clingy. She clenched my shirt as I pulled away. She didn’t want to let go- neither did I.  I grabbed and held her again, this time I meant it. I felt her squeeze me tight. I melted into her and let all other thoughts and feelings run free.  It felt good. Intimate. I brought her face close to mine and looked into her eyes. Like doors to her soul, they shown beautiful.  I could feel her heart, beating and pulsing. I could see all the imperfections that made her unique.  Her natural beauty radiated. I stroked her cheek with my finger. Our noses touched and tickled the other. We touched lips and paused. I felt her breathing slow and hesitate. Lips barely touching, I knew I wanted more- She wanted more. I felt a smile run over my face. She smiled. We couldn’t resist any longer. We kissed. Passionately. Slowly. And savored every moment we touched. Until we had to go. I had to go. She had to go. I have a life. She’s not apart of it. She has a life. I’m not apart of it. I’m not sure it’s meant to be that way but no one is ready to say otherwise. Not now. Not yet anyway. I’ll come for her when I’ve earned what it takes to have her, or something in just as high regard as her. Until then the satisfaction of working for it, or someone like it, will be my source of comfort. 

She was pretty tho. I loved her eyes. They were blue though. I’m not sure why. A marvelous blue. Like a blue sapphire that sparkles with dark and white shadows and shades of blue in between. I loved holding her. I loved feeling her breathe. The life I held was beautiful.

contemplation.

I thought alot today. not enough- but alot. I felt like I was making an effort to go in the right direction. I didn’t notice too many negative thoughts of worry or doubt creep in. which was good.

I’m going to Montreal Canada tomorrow… should be awesome.