I’ve discovered that when my grand visions or goals are not clear, when the challenges of life are not chosen, are not a part of my grand vision, then life becomes difficult to bear. Uncertainty, restlessness. It’s always there. But I can channel it to do insanely productive work.

I’m not free of anxiety, but I know that a purpose helps. Having a grand vision: something challenging, something worth fighting for, towards. It makes everything less debilitating. It takes the scattered mind and brings it under a lens of focus that burns through whatever is in its way.

Distractions are a major source of anxiety

One thing I realized is that if I exercise the self control to limit distractions, I become calmer and infinitely more productive

Distractions are anxiety inducing, scattering the mind.

But when there is a singular focus, when all my other desires have been properly pruned through self control and self discipline, and I take the time to curb my appetites, and think within my means, within the bounds of what matters most, of the dreams and goals and ideals I am most committed to, then I experience an incredible crystallization of thought and feeling that produces an intense productivity.

I’ve been reading biographies and books that continually emphasize this fact. Expertise. Mastery. Success. Productivity. Deliberate practice. Deep work. Flow.

Distractions: they are bad. Unnecessary crap. Diversion of attention Continue reading “Focus”


I’m at the restaurant Boucherie located off Bleaker St in Nyc drinking an Old Fashion, waiting for a burger. I’m in the middle of my second week of training in Newark for my new position as regional sales manager of a global conglomerate. It’s my 4th week of work. I’m apart of a relatively small but fast growing division within the division.

I moved into my new apartment last week located in Belmont, CA.

If I hit all my goals I’ll be making $190k my first year, with my $120k salary, no including other perks. This isn’t much when you live in the Bay Area California. But I’m single, so I can stretch it. My rent is $1625 for my 180 sqft room and private bath. My roommate is a 23 year old Jewish Stanford alumni.

I am in a peak state at this moment of my life. I have unchained from people, ideas, insecurities, limitations. I have embraced change. I am resilient. I possess grand visions for my potential.

My goal is to obliterate my sales goals. Set the standard for the division. Get promoted to National Sales Manager within 1-3 years, hold the position for 2 more years, then graduate from my 3-4 year MBA program at Berkeley, and get into private equity with a focus on automation and technology.

That’s my ambitious goal.

I want to double my sales numbers every year. Whatever my goals are, I want 2-5x.

My current goal is $300k of proactive business a year. My personal goal is $600k-1.5 mil in proactive sales. That’s $50k to $150k a month.

That’s very reasonable. I was doing $1.5 mil at KJ.

I am devoting myself to my goals.

I aim to study religiously for my GMAT. I can accomplish whatever I focus my mind to. It’s a matter of eliminating distraction. I need a 750 GMAT score. No wishful thinking. I need to commit 120-150 hours of deep study to this task. I need to practice speed. I need to test under pressure. I need a 750 to get into Berkeley.

My verbal score will be perfect.

My quant score will need lots of work. Many of the problems and solutions are not intuitive, but they are never beyond comprehension.

I can master whatever I set my mind to.

Why do I want to accomplish? Why the maniacal, methodical obsession with success? With growth? With sales achievement? With MBA? I want to see if I can. And I believe I can. I believe that with enough obsession anything is possible. How much do I believe that, in my core?

I will study, I will plan, I will read, i will be a maniac.

I need to focus, but I need to socialize more. Read. Deep work. All that. But I need to get out and meet people and loosen up and make friends.

2 hours later:

but upon second thought. I shouldn’t be so quick to jump ship. Call it flow, call it focus, craftsmanship, expertise, mastery… there’s something to be said for sticking to something for a long while.

I need to prioritize my goals and identify the top 5 out of my 25+ and eliminate all the desires or goals or accomplishments I gravitate towards and completely censor them.

My focus is the MBA.

My focus is the career sales and management and leadership success: 3-5x growth

My focus is reading and learning

My focus is writing

My focus is building a family along the way.

These are all means to an end.

What is my life philosophy? My life goal? To flourish.

Mind body spirit.

Being Hungry Fast

I just fasted for 36 hours, and it was amazing. I just ate but I’m gonna fast again for 24+ hours. I have so much more time and energy.

Not thinking about food, no post meal energy fluctuations

I was a mess like 4 months ago. Drinking and smoking like every night. Maybe 2-8 beers or glasses or wine 4-6 days a week. Get high before passing out. Chain smoking cigarettes.

I think I go to self destructive modes to shake myself awake and force me to get real about what’s important

Regardless, that’s what happened and ive just decided none of that shit is good. I still drink here and there but rarely, and I have no desire.

feels great not feeling a compulsion for things

Addictions that we rationalize

Think are okay

But in the haze i didn’t even know what OKay is. I deadened myself to what healthy and optimal feels like, and the consequence is I failed to address pressing problems, and things don’t ever improve that way

I’ve come to these conclusions in the past. I just forget them, because I rationalize and lose sight of my goals, or lose faith in myself, and then self medicate to deaden to anxiety

But I feel my absolute best when I am operating free of all chemicals

I feel optimal. My rest. My body has energy. No dragging. My mind is sharp. It’s a work horse. I sleep well, and regularly. I wake up earlier, naturally. I have more time to do things I want to do

Focus and having goals and like telling the little bitch of the ego to shut up is a big part of it

Ego is the enemy

Just dwells and obsesses on inconsequential shit. Wastes energy. Complains. Wishes things were better, instead of just being better

Ego is the enemy

The obstacle is the way

Fasting is a nice addition. Forces you to abstain from craving, attachments, forces you to exercise will Power and self control, self awareness. Fasting is actually quite spiritual. It produces crazy clarity of mind. And it makes sense.

The expression of being hungry for success isn’t by accident

When you’re hungry you’re awake, you’re sharp, your hunting, your senses and mind are engaged

When you’re satiated, full, satisfied, you are complacent, dull, dumb.

It’s nice to force the body and mind to abstain. It produces a clarity, an energy, a focus.


People are very suggestible.

What really makes a compelling leader is supreme confidence

Looking people in the eye, into their depths, and speaking to their soul makes them feel vulnerable, and heightens the suggestibility.

Most people are insecure on some level, they are not anchored, not “rocks”. They don’t know themselves, know what they’re made of, and so are easily unbalanced, and easily swayed.

When you have the answers, speak with conviction, with intelligent poise, with a language that appeals to them, you can reprogram their perceptions and mind, kinda highjack their emotional disposition