i could go both ways with this. my thinking is extremely unfocused. my thoughts are really dull and incapable of inspiring me at the moment. i am really fucking dissatisfied right now. i dont know what the fuck i want. im sick of people. the same people. im sick of the atmosphere. im sick of being nice for no reason at all. im sick of trying. just kidding. see. im gonna take that and shove it right up my ass cause thats crazy talk. im looking forward to getting the hell outta here. i want to make my life. and i want college and school to be over. i want my first class education so i can work for myself and own a penthouse in the city of new york or boston with a giant loft where me and my wife can sleep in on the weekends. i want big giant windows over looking the skyline and i want my Mercedes sl55 valeted to me every morning for work. i want designer furniture, clothes, jewelry. i want to eat health food and go to my three story corporate gym every day at 600am so im nice and refreshed before work. i want to go out on friday night. stay home on saturday night. go to church on Sunday morning and read in my study the rest of the night. i want a huge library of first editions. i want teak wood paneling and a massive mahogany desk at my home office. i want a home in aspen where i can fly to once a month for a extended weekend trip with my lover. i want my house on the beach in Newport where i keep my sailboat nearby. My consulting job would call for me to travel two weeks of every month to destinations in europe and the Mediterranean as well as japan and korea, and maybe even south Africa. i want my children to attend to finest preparatory schools so they have an open mind and can tackle anything thats put in front of them in this life. i want them to work and earn for everything they have so they come to appreciate the little values and principles of life like discipline and organization. i will have the money and power to give them the opportunity to do anything they’re imaginations can come up with, with the exception of nothing at all. my wife will be a stay at home mom with the other housewives. she’ll never have to rely on money. she’ll pursue her passion of art or design or photography with unlimited support from me. she’ll conjure up something to cook every night im home and ill tell her how amazing it tasted; except on saturday evenings when i take her out on our regular Saturday night dates and eat at the finest restaurants and cafes. my wife will be naturally blonde and slender. beautiful stunning eyes that cause me to catch my breath every time i look at her, even after 5 10 15 30 years together. she’ll be sophisticated. smart. charming. classy. creative and talented. cultured. ambitious. dashing. deep. simple. positive. health conscious. primmed and proper. encouraging. and even when she’s not any of these things ill remind her that i love her anyway just because i chose her and its nothing she did or didnt do that made me love her from the second it hit me. and ill be there for her through it all. and she can test me all she wants.

so anyway.