WE were all crazy. sitting in circles. in a deep semicircle tube that held us and our little projects. the ones we held in our minds. we work on them when our thoughts are idle.
There were elevators. They brought us up and down and sideways. We jumped on to explore but we were never allowed to leave. There were yards, and even pools for swimming. There were lockers. Rows of wooden lockers. We were herded and kept on video for the most part. They watched us. Conflicts would arise once and while.
I was approached by a boy. He told me in the shyest, the most obvious- the most painfully direct, indirect way- that he did not like me talking to her. His girl. She initiated me. He didn’t want to be the bad guy- but he didn’t like me talking to her.
The pools were blue and shallow- so we wouldn’t drown. I hid my food in the lockers. Rain always leaked through- Sopping everything. My laptop was my only connection the the outside world. I didn’t like living through a machine.
The yards were dangerous. It was always a spectacle watching the others maneuver their way around the dogs and up the ladders, perching themselves on little roof peaks, while the canines foamed below.
I was more concerned with the military operations. They were upstairs, a few stories above the shared group area. The faces were blurred. Group times happened to be the happiest and most nauseating times. They were always controlled by those taller women with powerful voices. Eclectic. Crazy with power. but we were crazy. it was a sick operation. we slept and filled out forms all day long. I was tired and the talk was cheap. it was redundant. the people here were crazy. they were crazy. not me. i was the only sane one.
I decided i had enough. I filled out my papers. With brutal accuracy and speed and as much as i thought it would matter today… as I slowed toward the end… i realized it didnt. No. this was a sick game of perfection. I played the game though. i decided to go to the courts. The second floor after my nap. I walked into the room with its shallow wooden ceilings. It was a small room. The judge examined papers in the front. there were all types of people. people painting. Some with their designer European or Japanese clothes. Others ragged and bland, standing with with hands on their hips. they watched others as we watched them.
I remembered earlier that day. We were washing the boat and I was finishing my forms- I was committed to going home. The bastards kept making noise. Never the friendly ones. and no… it was never their fault. They always escaped the blame. Their obnoxious distracting mannerisms. i flipped out. once. twice. three times. throwing the wooden chair across the deck.yelling with veins bursting and my brow panting caution. they saw the crazy in my eyes. but all i wanted was to be sane again. isn’t that enough to make a man crazy? they left me there to finish.
i walked to the front on the line only to hear them tell me i wast qualified to leave. I’ve been here for months. at first i as alright. at first i was fine. i took part in swimming, the group time, the teachers. i toyed with these plans. I was done. Someone told me of the man upstairs. in charge of the operations. one at least. we crowed into the waiting room as the elevator took us to our cubby. i wasn’t ready to go back to my wonder world of sick journal entries and standardize form filling. I asked to go up. the girl looked at me and we were up. i glanced to the left of the elevator. there was a wooden door. i want to go there. she looked at me again. pulled a key from here pocket, placed it the steal casing in from of her and turned it while pressing 8. 8 stood out. I don’t remember why.
i walked through the wooden door, grabbing its generic stainless steal handle and pulling it towards me. a carpeted room amphitheater. chairs descending down. I was up. i walked the upper level. there were flags. there was a hustle and urgency in the air. a man, balding but plenty of energy, looked at me and asked me where i was going. i explained i was here to see her. he asked me to wait and he went off. I looked around. there were flags. all countries i think. organizations maybe? im not sure. the room was large with a stage at the center. i was looking down, though not down at all at the top right corner of the room. there was a desk in front of me. i looked down. i almost missed the man. he was old. a general. fat. hairy. gray hair. ingrown hairs. a mellow tone. a kind apologetic voice. he told me his story- and mine. i wasn’t listening. i was engrossed with the details. he was no military man. the uniform said nothing but general with its gold oak leaf trimming. no insignia. it made me wonder. a family- smiling and seemingly anxious piled out of the elevator. i moved as they walked past us. they walked on the sky walk to her office. i got distracted.
i wandered into more offices. everyone in uniform. pretty blind to my presence. there were pretty people here. some anyway. they wore designer clothes. i decided to check my hygiene. i looked to the center of the room. the changing curtains were there. green and white. it housed a place to take off clothes and freshen up. there was music. i peered through the curtains. slid them shut as best i could to hide from the hustle of business activities all around me. the wind blew them open and closed but- i didnt care. i took off my shirt. i caught some eyes from behind the curtains. she said ‘take it off’ i just blushed and ignored the flirtatious play. she came up from behind me dancing. she was tall and she had a vibrant smile and curves. i got it in me to dance along. it was playful. we touched and it was genuine enjoyment. for me anyway. i had no idea who she was. i remembered that and i continued on my business.
i peered into an accounting room. I overheard converstaion. ‘whos in your office’ i looked around. it was a nut. a complete nut. uttering some insanities to himself. an old wee man. he typed away on the accounting typewriter. ‘it doesn’t matter unless you sign the form’ just then a woman peaks in and smiles. ‘oh hes fine by me. I’ll sign him’. he was a nut.
I dont remember much else. the military operations and accounting offices were spearheading this fascist operation of standardized testing at a premium rate. cashing in on our insanities. we were in control but completely out of control. i was sick of it. what is this. what is this world we live in. Maybe I wasn’t the smartest, but i knew how to get what i want. and that would take me anyway. because i got what i wanted. or so i thought.
they were crazy. we sat in circle… a semicircular tubing housing our vices and sloth vegetative state. it swung and moved like it was alive. no one was accountable for themselves. excuses were made and accepted. it was perverse and sick.
William Dare 