mine

The room is dimly lit. My fan hums quietly. The air is dry. There is a certain tranquility in the room. My blinds are half down and i can see the tops of big bellowing maple trees. ts mid autumn. Their leaves wave to me from their branches. It looks like they’re twinkling. They’ve started to turn yellow and orange. They sky isn’t summer blue anymore. It maintains a dusty feel. Its a feel that’s fitting when i look over the landscape and sees the leaves blowing across the sky. And there’s the dry air. It’s sharp to breath in and makes the skin  rough and ashy. I’m tired. Slightly sleep deprived but my mind races on.  I opened my book and I got lost in the pages. My imagination would take me away from what was being read and constant attention was diverted to maintain the storyline. I put the book down on my chest, still opened to my page. My head still propped up with two pillows. My eyes are heavy. All around the edges they get heavier as if I’m growing weaker. They begin to burn so i close them gently and let the moisture of my eyelids saturate them. It feels so effortless and rewarding I keep them closed. I hear the hum of my fan maintain an entrancing vibe. I listen closely focusing in to notice oscillating discrepancies in its rhythm. I can hear the mechanical struggle of electrical current fighting with moving parts against the laws that govern motion.

I think about feelings. I think about feelings exchanged with others. Especially those who catch my eye. Those girls. Girls because they in my mind they are innocent. They have something to offer that is unadulterated and skewed with illogic and hurt. I think about it for a moment, my eyes still closed. I see her. Something that perks my inquisitiveness. My eagerness to just grab her and say ‘I think your wonderful would you sit with me I want to know you’ all in one breath. I instead watch. I wait for anything to lead me to think she’s anything less than great. I resume my work and glance in her direction to get a funny feeling that leaves me smiling inside. Was she looking at me? I pretend not to notice or I tell myself not to get too anxious because after all…it was nothing. I may be over reacting here. I continue on., very concentrated in my work,  but I can’t fool myself that she’s not in the back of my mind. Cooly I look up and glance towards her once again. I can’t help but smile. She quickly  looks down and away but maintains a smile that radiates the room.  Butterflies, fireflies, a drenching warmth and a sense of being alive wraps itself around me.

I see her walking away and I struggle to look for the appropriate words… I wanna walk with her, I wanna talk with her… time ticks as I get closer and closer until i blurt out a mess of words ” whathihowyouwanna” all at once- like I was speaking in tongues. Before I even know what I said she turns with and says “I’d love to walk with you.”  I relax and shake it off.

I feel asleep again. I woke up in a dream.

hello love. I see you floating just above, dancing and swaying in the gentle breeze. you blow here and there like a feather drifting gently. I chase you like a child, into the meadow. I love meadows. I lay down and scratch my head. Looking up into the blue sky, my eyes adjust to the brilliance. I see you love. so far above but not out of sight. I’ll sit here and wait for you. Collect a tan and rest my weight on the lush lawn. extend my toes and stretch my arms up and out.  I stretch my facial muscles into all sorts of funny shapes, raising my eyebrows and wrinkling my nose back and forth. The sun is shining radiantly. You can almost see its rays reaching like fingers across the blanket of blue above. its trancing. The aroma of wildflowers. Silent. Only the sound of wind blowing through the tops of trees not too far off. the short conversation between song birds. I close my eyes gently in a dream. Opening them i see my love. floating right above me. and i smile.