blip

the world wants something its never seen before. Its tired with the duplication. I look around and i’ve been it all before. theres nothing to hold onto but old memories of my first time. i dont know if this is the trend of growing up, or if the world is getting harder and harder to find originality. the internet and media and communication floods my senses every day with images that, while they seem like the present, sound like the same old story. day after day. the same music, the same political lies, the same advertisements, the same promises, the same routine, the same lifestyles. Because variety is so accessible,its worthless and unoriginal. What is genuine in this world? Is this just getting older? Is my mind playing tricks on me?

Every new piece of knowledge takes me farther along my journey, carrying me above a previous clarity, only to show me how unclear it all is. And, at the same time, i know i’m better for it. why, i can’t figure out. maybe ignorance is a far better state. What i need to do is organize my thoughts. I need to make it very clear for myself the expectations i hold. I need to focus and visualize exactly what i want without contradicting myself with every newfound revelation. I want to be honest with myself, but i want to pursue a worthwhile endeavor without having to stop and redirect my path and recalibrate my progress with every new insight. its debilitating.

What i need is a muse. I found that muse is love. Before that i found it in self-pity. More recently my muse has been the sheer thought of excellence. Although the ideas of excellence is ever growing and expanding, its not alive and offers no intimate dynamic. not like love or self-pity. I will say that the most regrettable times in my life were those when i found myself wrapped up in self. the best were those when i was thinking of others. in regards to love, ive yet to find something so impressionable, so life giving, invigorating and exhilarating. coaxing my inner voice to speak up and setting my passions ablaze, love breaths a restless vigor for more.

a muse? where can i find a muse. so here i am. i feel less accomplished than usual. my mind is preoccupied. where do i find answers? The answer ive always gave myself has been that i must make these answers.