Pro-Crass

I am procrastinating right now. It doesn’t feel too good. I visited some colleges in Boston on Friday and failed to hand in two important papers. I slept all weekend and never got around to finishing them. I haven’t handed them in yet. I have class tomorrow.

I have been avoiding responsibility lately. I don’t know why. It doesn’t make me feel good at all. It feels so contrary to my character. I feel very guilty about myself. This is not who I am. I am motivated. I am passionate. I have been thinking too much. I have been bullshitting around with unrealistic expectations about myself, my standards, my commitments. I’m basically sabotaging my integrity. Its definitely salvageable.

I need to at least start this paper. I also need to finish a lab. I also need to do a variety of other pressing things. 5 classes and being the president of two clubs has caused me to go way above my head. I am hurting. My defense mechanism is to shut down. I forgot why I’m doing what I’m doing. I don’t like rote behaviors. I like passion. I like the heart as the driving force behind my rational.

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On another note… I met a girl this weekend. I think she’s nice. Looking forward to getting to know her.