pw well

So I did a tremendous amount of homework today.

My childhood friend Paul Winters died on his motorcycle on Saturday. He was 21 years old. It was unbelievably shocking. I’m still in shock. School has been hectic. Finally on top of things. Spring break starts on Friday afternoon. I’m leaving tomorrow night to attend pauls funeral. It’ll be unbelievably sad. He left behind two beautiful older sisters who thought he was the awesomest brother ever. And two amazing parents. I can’t imagine their pain. Just like that… their son is gone. Dead. Never again. Man. It leaves me with a sinking pit in my stomache. It makes me feel hallow. Like a painful vacuum that sucks my inhibitions. It makes me feel emotional. Just like that… gone.

So i’ll be in New Jersey till sunday… It’ll be nice to catch up with childhood friends. My father hates me goin back there. He wants me to be around successful people. Apparently he thinks that small town has got alot of nothin in it. Although a funeral isn’t the happiest occasion to see ones that are missed, its an appropriate and necessary excuse to visit.

Because I’m leaving tomorrow night… I rescheduled my mid-terms. I take three exams tomorrow. I have two papers due by friday. It will be madness. I just finished 90% of the work due tomorrow. I have calc II hw but thats no big deal. I love this math stuff.

I have been very…’good’ lately. I would use the word good because I’m maintaining a positive attitude, my feelings have been consistent, and my expectations reasonable. I feel like I float around everywhere I go, just doing my thing. People never disappoint me. I, however, have been finding that I disappoint myself when I don’t follow through with consistent action… aka discipline. Working out has been good. Grades are great. I need to apply to like… 5-8 more schools. I’m sorta apprehensive about that. I really wanna go somewhere great and excel. Wherever I go I will succeed, because I am committed to succeeding. Whatever that means. I never give up.

I do need to be more diligent with my day to day work. Get enthusiastic about it. I have been pulling myself away from the crowd recently. I prefer withdrawing to my cave..some call it a room… or the library. I just want to eliminate distractions. Eliminate any dissonance around me that would interfere with my desires, priorities and intentions.

Words are special. It astounds me that understanding the full meaning of a word can change your perceptions. Our understanding of this world is because of words. we discover it through words and their relationships with other words. What I was saying is that in order to communicate, you must use words that the other person full understands in regards to your message. I feel its mystifying when I feel like what I’m saying is so clear and precise, yet people don’t, or just can’t comprehend its significance or magnitude.

I have much more to say but I need to finish up calcII before I sleep in preparation for a full day of exams followed by a five hour drive to NYC. woot!