I’m just gonna write a bit before I begin my work. I just finished the book “How to get into Law school” by Susan Estrich. Amazing, thoughtful, insightful, honest book on the whole process involved with going to law school. I hope she’s as honest as she sounds because she definitely convinced me that law school is where I want to be. What kind of law do I want to practice exactly? I can figure that out later. At the moment all my thoughts need to be turned to the LSAT. The single most deciding factor in the whole law school admissions process. The other important factors in order are GPA, personal statement, recommendations, and extracurriculars.
I have a good amount of homework i need to begin on. I have a cognitive psychology test tomorrow… not exactly thrilled about it, but not too concerned. the teacher is a Phd from Harvard.. but I swear to got shes got some kind of cognitive degenerative disease… either that or her kids totally made her fry out. The class itself its drier that dirt. Any material discussed in class is directly out of the book. creative discussion? derived and guided by the book. no room for creative discourse. I should say that this is her first year teaching cognitive psychology… I should also say that she has a phd in education. shes a mom now. She must have stopped learning as soon as she had kids. shes technologically illiterate… totally handicapped. Some classes require a full 30 minutes of her figuring out her computer or how the projector works before we begin… or her explaining (or justifying) in some totally nonsensical and unnecessary way her decision to change her plans for the day’s course. I want to slit myself in her class. Considering that psychology has been a passion of mine, and I was planning on double majoring it, its surprising the contempt I have for the subject when I walk into her classroom. Also- I despise teachers who shell out a ridiculous amount of homework to make up for their shitty teaching ability… and they grade the homework so meticulously that you have to spend an ungodly amount of time making sure nothing escapes her expected answers. Pure regurgitation I may add. Purely paraphrasing and summarizing. No room for creative thought, building associations and creating new paradigms with the information. nope. I like the professors who dole out homework once and a while, check to make sure you do it, and provide constructive feedback if your own the right track, posing questions as additional guidance.
anyway..
So when I’m done this cathartic vent, I’ll begin studying for my cog pysch test tomorrow.
Followed by Calc. I have a Calculus II hand in test due tomorrow. Integration by parts and integration tables. Take home quiz.
Advanced composition, semiotic analysis essay.. six pages.. on Karl Popper’s political philosophy on Open Society.. with dabs of references to his critique of totalitarianism.. using South Park to illustrate our liberal democracy operating within an open society. yadda yadda. I’ll save it for the paper..
Then I have AdvComp reading… followed by two sets of questions..
then spanish II.
then Stats.. if I get around to it… which I can bet I wont.
All told… there’s a solid 5-6 hours of studying there… can I do it? hellfuckinyes.
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I’ve been having some uneasy feelings lately… about all sorts of things. I’ll speculate its a result from a subconscious anxiety stemming from my transfer application process… I’m waiting to hear from the schools now. Even with a flawless college academic performance, marred by a horrific high school experience, supplemented by amazing extracurriculars, great professor recommendations and, in my opinion, ‘okay’ personal essays… I am extremely skeptical about the upcoming decisions. I feel that I could’ve had a better personal statement.. but everyone could have a better personal statement. I also feel I totally forgot to mention why I did so crappy in high school ( emotional stresses, moving a bunch, attending three different highschools, etc). Adding that detail would shed light on much of the questions my high school track record pose.
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Also… my sumemr internship… just thinking about it makes me ill… oh I’m doing it…. but its gonna be hell… and I’ll make the best of it… but itll be painful.
Also.. my friend is going out with this dragon lady. thats all i need to say. She’s creating problems that I didn’t even realize could exist. I think she’s an idiot… for a myriad of reasons, on multiple different levels… and no… shes not an idiot for creating problems… shes an idiot because she’s intellectually shallow and superficial… although with all the ‘things’ she surrounds herself with, one would never guess. Money usually connotes intelligence and some degree of success… but when its been handed to you… and you never had to work for anything… except manipulating the people who can provide you with more of it… you usually fall pretty short of intelligent. on the contrary, you become a self absorbed, ego centric who demands all the attention of those who can meet your needs… be it material, emotional, or mental.
And my friend? How could this happen to him? well.. this is his first real relationship so theres not much he can compare it to. this is how it goes as far as he’s concerned. and he loves the physical gratification of being with someone. no one can blame him for that. unfortunately hes become blind by her… something that happens to every good man at least once in his life. women have the ability to create illusions… they are powerful at seduction. this is nothing new.. and hes not the first victim. and after all… she’s in love… all it took was two months of living in a living purgatory full of retards and under achievers to provide the perfect panacea for her insecurities and emotional needs. maybe i’m being too unkind.
shes a great girl.. I mean… if I was going to buy the facade she works so hard to fabricate on a daily basis… yes.. she is a great girl. If I didn’t have a nagging feeling she was being so artificial I would have only genuine feelings. But my intuition doesn’t afford me with that peace. There is immense dissonance and it robs me with those good feelings. oh well.
I could eballorate here the variety of reasons why I’m so aggitated. Not at their relationship, but her character. I shouldn’t care really. and I normally wouldn’t. I would simply marginalize her until she was completely out of my peripheral. I wouldn’t have to be unkind at all. I just ignore the people who raise obvious alarm bells. The problem is that my good friend is dating this person. So shes constantly around me. Actually.. she does a good job commanding his whole attention so its not that she’s constantly around me… its just that whenever Im around him, she follows. She naturally… my feelings about her character are hard to ignore. One thing thats hard for me to do is pacify people. She demands it… being the youngest child from a divorce torn family who makes up for their guilt by shoveling materialistic compensations at her, its understandable…to a degree. Everyone around her oohs and ahhs at all her nonsense. Her inane comments… the dull ones that she tries oh so hard to articulate… her broad knowledge about everything… her depth about nothing. She tries so hard to live up to these stereotypes and expectations that she feels will instill a degree of worth in her life. Her attempts, outward and obvious as they are, only prove to reinforce the complete lack of value she sees in herself. Now… I will say she has plenty of value… but her observable behavior, behind the facade of course, suggests totally the opposite.
Silence is golden. its acknowledges a level of depth beyond the moment. Some people fail at this.
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William Dare 