Free. End.

So summers here… I left my other internship with the idea in mind that I could pick up another job effortlessly, whatever job it may be, and actually have a summer where I could allocate time for myself. So far, I haven’t gotten a job. I have spent alot of time with myself. I have been reading ungodly amounts. I started Atlas Shrugged. Bout 25% through… its around 1100 pages. got some work to do. Also reading Logic Made Easy… in order to prepare my mind for the LSAT.

Is it weird that all I wanna be is be by myself.. and read and be by myself. friends mean little to me now. i love my close friends… but the ones around here.. eh. I am going out tonight… I should be a bit more excited.. I could care less really. If I go out I wanna get drunk. I just wanna be by myself. Read. Sit around. This is so WEIRD. never before in my life have I had such an apathy for my fellow man. Maybe i’ve reached a new plateau of egoism and self centeredness. I am totally focused on me at the moment. Not sure if thats a good thing or not.

Ayn Rand is somethin else.

Also.. am I happy? wtf. there are two ways I gain satisfaction from life. Achieving goals and socializing. At the moment I’m passing time. Not REALLY achieving anything. I’m making headway.. time and patience is more valuable now more than ever. But really? I’m not gonna lie to myself. I’m not working… other than reading and studying a few hours daily. As far as socializing goes? I haven’t let myself do any of that. none at all. I mean.. here and there.. but realistically not to much. I would like to let myself let go a bit tonight.

when I say let go.. I mean not give a flyin fuck. Think about NOTHING. and EVERYTHING simultaneously. Let my subconscious do the work. enjoy the moment. thats all I need to do.