alrighty.

I’m just gonna type… because damnit… I’ve been thinking too much. And not saying anything about it. This will be my therapy.

So Michael… This is your summer… is this what you thought it to be? Nope. I pretty much planned on reading a billion books… getting in wicked good shape… andd learning a bunch of things. And maybe write a helluva lot more. Like… start a damn book. Have I done any of that? Nope.

GOD. I’m gonna stop living in denial. Right now. The foot comes down. I haven’t done SHIT with my summer. I know why too! Well… I can hypothesize. We’ll see if this makes sense… Ok.. so like… I had a great two years. All in all… average up all my days.. and its been great. I got into my school… had a great attitude… achieved goals. Wonderful. Now. Its summer. I’m in transition. I have no REAL obstacles in my way. Just… TIME. That one.

So here I am… until recently, my sisters were outta the house, doin school or working for their summer camps, mamma dukes was workin at the salon, and pops was workin at his lil company. And there I was… all by myself.

I had lofty goals… get on a schedule and all that… but it didn’t seem to hold up after two weeks. And Reading… boy… i read like 10 hours a day every day for two weeks… then.. poof. I was like… the computer brings me more immediate joy. and books went on the shelf.

So I download all kinds of crap.. movies, ebooks, games etc. and I waste away. I literally… sit in my room and browse the internet for cool news.. breakthroughs etc.,

My daily highlight is walking my dog. I get sooo excited to do chores! Its ridiculous really.

Is there something wrong with me? wrong question.

Gosh. I just need to release all this junk in my head.

Friends….FRIENDS.

I have suddenly… for the very FIRST time in my life… ceased to care about friends. I use to be a friend collector.. try to get as many as possible. Not for selfish aims… but because I loved bringing joy to other people. I thought it was my responsibility to do just that. But nowadays… i feel like people are deadweights. They either aren’t doing amazing things with their life… or… they have luggage. This is a gross generalization I know. I’m such a terd. blah.

I need stimulation. I wanna make a bet with myself that I can wakeup at 1030am… get up.. take a shower. and go to the beach… before I can talk myself out of it. I REALLY wanna do this. STIMULATION. And i’ll bring my books. Atlas shrugged. My dad wants me to write an essay.. win 10 grand. Not a bad deal. I love the book.. may be easy money… but then again I’ve never written an essay on a 1200 page novel outlining a philosophy like objectivism before. It can be done.

Whew. So my friends call… and I watch the phone ring… and tell myself I’ll call them back. Days later… I tell myself its too late. I’m really not interested in maintaining a social life at the moment. I’m looking forward to getting back to academia.

So my fahter… he’s building a crazy hydroponics garden in our back yard.. He goes to a hydroponic shop to pick up fertilizer on a pretty regular basis. He recently brought me… and as we were walking into the store… some things occurred to him for the first time. He glanced at the CASH ONLY sign… then looked at the cashier… his squinty little eyes. We walked towards the back of the store… I pretended to browse… I was actually overhearing a conversation between the store owner and a customer about how amazing his plants are gonna bud with this new fertilizer. My fathers face warms over with an enlightened expression… he leans over to me and says… “I just realized something. This place caters to drug dealers.” I loled.
Well… its next to a strip club. They have an ATM machine in their store to support the cash only business… and every single person that walks through that door looks like an american gangster. My father, mind you, is a military man… Annapolis graduate… polos and boat shoes. We stuck out. It hasn’t stopped my father from growing his hydroponic tomatoes. Which are… amazing!

gosh. It feels good to ramble.