Debate Tournament

So.. life update.

Last week was hellishly busy. This week seems to be just as overwhelming. i’m trying not to get myself flustered by all the work. I keep telling myself ‘i can do it’ and when I believe that, it all seems manageable. I had two exams last week, as well as two papers due. I also attended a policy debate tournament this weekend at Georgia state, compounding the time pressures.

So the tournament. I was basically thrown into this thing with no clue as to how to debate or what the nature of the debate was on. Now I’m a little more aware of the rules, making it much easier to comprehend what exactly it involves. So the resolve, or topic, this year: (2009-2010) Resolved: The United States Federal Government should substantially reduce the size of its nuclear weapons arsenal, and/or substantially reduce and restrict the role and/or missions of its nuclear weapons arsenal.

So anyway. On saturday my partner and I went 3-1. On Sunday we were 0-2. Boo. It was a good experience. Liberty university really pissed me off. The novice division is composed of all first year debaters with little or no experience whatsoever. For most schools, this weekends tournament was their first glimpse at debate. For the Liberty students, they’ve not only had a pre-camp two weeks before school started, but they sat out a whole year watching debates before they entered into the novice division. So they were good. Christian cheaters. Damn them.

It was fun. The workload that piled up pretty much killed me though. I emailed an ethics paper to my professor on Sat… it was pretty shitty. Damn. Good ideas, poorly edited. Who knows what I’ll get. I know next time to prepare way in advance for these tournaments.

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So recently I’ve been feeling neutral. i hate to confess that i’m unmotivated, because I hate giving into those kind of thoughts. I just feel directionless. My classes are tough, the work load is intense, and no matter what I do I feel like getting ahead is always out of reach.

Additionally, I feel emotionally detached. My motivation for developing relationships with people has faded to nil. I feel like my efforts are futile, or unnecessary. What a shitty way to think.

I’m thinking that there is a direct cause and effect correlation between being physically active, and my mood/mental state. Actually, this is a fact. But when I don’t workout, I always debate the degree that working out actually helps. I should definitely work out. Time is the excuse. And location. The gym is 1 mile away. Usually I run there, but when you’re pressed to find a free hour between class, extracurriculars, and studying, working out isn’t a viable option on the list of priorities. Lately, my attention levels have been dropping dramatically. The more work, the more on my mind and the less focused I become which produces a degradation in quality thought. Writing papers makes this most evident. When coherency and the logical procession of ideas are necessary to explain or articulate the understanding of a concept, distractions make this task impossible. I could be making all this up in my head… in fact… i probably am.

What else… I dunno. I’ll write more later.