Compilation of posts: May 11-May 25th

before the end of this summer i plan on hitchhiking to california. hitchhiking,busses, taxis, river. whatever. i plan on going out there for about a month. Staying at some friends houses and what not. This is totally random. and im so fucking serious about it. im 18 and i have no serious commitments so i wont be fucking myself over. i plan on getting up and disappearing on an adventure for a good while. i suppose ill save up a bit. then bam im gone LA.. im there.

When we met light was shed Thoughts free flow you said you’ve got something Deep inside of you A wind chime voice sound, sway of your hips round rings true It goes deep inside of you These secret garden beams, changed my life so it seems Fall breeze blows outside, I don’t break stride My thoughts are warm And they go deep inside of you And I never felt alone, ’till I met you Friends say I’ve changed, I don’t listen ’cause I live to be Deep inside of you Slide of her dress, shouts in darkness, I’m so alive I’m deep inside of you You said boy make girl feel good But still, deep inside, still I’ve never felt alone ‘Till I met you I’m all right on my own And then I met you And I’d know what to do if I just knew what’s coming I would change myself if I could I’d walk with my people if I could find them And I’d say that I’m sorry to you I’m sorry to you And I don’t want to call you But then I want to call you ’cause I don’t want to crush you But I feel like crushing you And it’s true I took for granted you were with me I breathe by your looks and you look right through me And we were broke and didn’t know And we were broke and didn’t know And we were broke and didn’t know Something’s gone, you withdraw and I’m not strong like before I was Deep inside of you I can go nowhere I burn candles and stare at a ghost Deep inside of you And some great need in me starts to bleed I’ve lost myself there’s nothing left, it’s all gone Deep inside of you Deep inside of you Deep inside of you song lyrics are amazing! even without the music to accompany the carefully orchestrated arrangment of words. but you all knew that.

god my heart has never hurt so bad in all of my life. its the worst pain ever.

"Save yourself. Because the only thing that matters is that you get away from the pain and the thought of losing your mind. Don’t blame yourself. It was everyone around you who made you act this way. There’s the stage and your chance to watch it go down. Don’t fake yourself into ever, ever thinking about yesterday. That was then, this is now. Don’t call it undone. Don’t take what you’ve been dealt. You can exit out the back and make your getaway before anyone can see the damage you have done. This time is the last time so be here now. This time is the last time. Somehow make it through. State your case. You’ve got everyone’s attention. What can you say? Thanks or forget what you’ve been given. Take your place. Do you think that you deserve the best of everything? We don’t get why you’re here. Can you figure it out? This time is the last time so be here, here now. You’ve got to get away. Oh, I get lost in the thought of losing you. You’ve got to get away. I know it’s a dream but it must be true. Wave now goodbye. It’s the lesson that you’ve been given. You can always move on to better things. "

my whole family went vegetarian. my sisters went vegan. ok. now… i dont mind the fact that they dont eat animals or whatever. not a problem with me. but the current situation in my refrigerator disturbs me. NOT ONE MEAT PRODUCT. yea. we got the organic cow milk. thats the only animals product in the midst of soymilk, tofu, and an array of hardcore vegetable, bean, and rice combinations. so its discomforting when my manly instincts kick in, and i get a hunger for some hardcore beef or maybe just a suculent chicken breast to munch on, and THERE ISNT A PIECE OF MEAT IN THE WHOLE house. yea. thought id share that with you. i also wanna share that i currently found out that fast food restaurants serve grade E meat. ALPO and other dog food manufacturers use grade D meat to make thier reknown dog food. choice eh. never eat fast fooooood.

"thinking listening searching i am aware of the time as it escapes into oblivion. no cute fits of laughter will save us now. we’re looking into the long haul and we’ve got scars as reminders. shes looking out her window, over the roofs and into my room. if only i felt safe enough to escape with you than we’d take to the places we’ve dreampt of together. over the seas and onto the fields where we would be wild together forever. dawns never to late to come home. ive got tea for two and arms for you. and just because i forgot your name doesnt mean i forgot your face. ill be waiting for you as long as these memories remain my sunshine." *smile*

my life is crazy. im not confused. i know what i want. i know what i like. i know who i like. i dont have problems with people. i dont want problems with people. i do what i want when i feel its necessary. i cant please every one in the world. im in total control of my life because i know i have no control of my life. i am no better than anyone. and no one is better than me. im tired of confusion and hurt. i dont appreciate mean people. people that go out of their way to make someone feel bad. thats a mean person. i dont care if people hurt me, people can do thier worst. ill still be here. no matter waht the circumstances. i dont like when other people hurt. i dont like hurting people. i want the best for people. im not out to get anyone. i dont want drama. i want people in my life who know what the hell they want and are certain of it. learn to appreciate that life is what you make it and how you see it. the circumstances dont make you content. being content with what you have for however long you have it is what makes life grand. i dont ever wanna be not content again. i want carefree. i want simple.

im fuckin 18 years old. i have a summer ahead of me then the marines. i am going to take full advantage of my youth and the adventure this summer has to offer. and nothing will stop me.

i dont know what happened yesterday. airport. beach. ppl. roads. skateboards. so confusing.

um. beach. skateboarding(in the rain). smoking. roadtrips. smoking. parties. new people. new places. new food. money. alot of fun. fancy that. all at once. i love it.