in my dreams

The stone paver’s wind around the courtyard chasing the edges of the retreating wild grass. tentacles of ivy sprawl up the moss covered bricks. deep reds enmeshed into the brickwork keep a distinction between the natural hues of deep natural greens and rustic browns. the sloppy mortar, frozen in time, gushes between the cracks of the wall. Vicious yellow rays streak across the yard, inflaming every blade of grass it trips over in pure radiance. I look towards the house. As if it grew right out of the earth The slate roof has wildflowers growing out of the gutter. White trim lines the corners and wraps around the perimeter. The old white shutters swing half open in the cool breeze. The old glass panes reflect the strong summer light. I squint and breath in the scent of natural unblemished landscape. My eyes wander to the corners of the yard and take their place on a vine covered lattice situated in front of a garden erupting with colors. The garden itself looked like it was alive. it teemed with butterflies and bumblebees. i smiled and closed my eyes.

I walked towards a path. Shoots of flowers bunched together according to their color. the ground is soft under my bare feet. i walked a short distance to the lake. there was a dock that extended into the water. it was old and probably built a long while ago. the lake itself was serene with the slightest lapping of water on the shoreline. at the end was a small row boat. it was painted white but badly weathered. Worn and peeling, it was speckled in its true wood tone. i let out a forced sigh. the end of my sigh felt empty. where is she? i picked up an acorn and walked to the end of the dock. i wound up and threw it as far as i could. it silently plopped into the water off in the distance. the ripples hurriedly ran outwards until disappearing into the lake. i continued to stare at the ripples until they were no more. i sat down and hung my feet over the end of the dock. tiny water insects danced on the water below me. my legs dangled. i swung them back and forth as they danced to my heart. i leaned back on my hands and admired the blue sky. no. not blue. thats not the justice something this beautiful deserves. its more than a color. the feeling when you look at a brilliance that melts the insides of your heart so slowly and softly that you barely know its melting until you smile. the way the moisture in the sky climbs towards the heavens and forms these cotton clouds and they drift so happily along. stretching across the sky like they’re just waking up, but they never do. i let my own mind drift off awhile. i thought about meaning and life and the forces of gravity and contrasts. Weighing good and bad, righteous and evil. I thought about different pains and decisions and efforts and beauties and details and hearts and charming faces and all things relative. my god. for every spectacle of joy- why does the mind have such painfully dark equal corner? i guess its where you spend your time looking. im alone in this beautiful world. in the corner. im huddled. i continue to think to myself. all you need is courage. you need to fight for what is right and good. and its easy to lie down and die. to give up the fight. it takes effort to get up seek the better things of the heart. i feel a tug in my chest. my heart is weak. i abandoned those thoughts. they are nothing but trivial. i need only to dwell on things according to my love and hope, and there my thoughts will be planted. i smirked. i felt happy.

i opened my eyes. the sun started setting over the mountains. a pink tint began bleeding into the blue. it gently touched the tips of the giant clouds bathing in a row. i got up, walked the length of the dock back to shore and followed the shaded path until i arrived to the courtyard. it was still warm. the breeze was high and distant among the trees. i looked toward the open wrought iron gates that led to the street. soft wisps floated delicately in the air. i felt my heart nudge. i stopped and turned to the house. my eyes softened and examined its genuine appeal. i wanted to bring this home with me. the house. it looked like a childhood memory dreamed up for a fond book. The entrance of this lively castle was a giant oak door that hung on the tiniest of hinges. it had a small glass window just above a large brass knocker with words engraved in a poetic font that read “love”. it was slightly green with corrosion. mystical though. not resisting i turned towards the door and made my way up the brick stairs and patio. i placed my hand on the cold iron knob.

The door creaked open before i turned the knob. i stepped back in hesitation as the door whined open. my eyes froze. a young girl inched out from behind the door. Blonde locks softly moved across her face- containing beautiful features so feminine and cheeks so delicate. eyes of blue pearls caught the light from behind her long lashes. they were eager yet shy.Her soft lips were plush and moist. she wore a white blouse trimmed in an ornate lace. her chest was slightly exposed and her feet were bare with the exception of a small trinket on her ankle. she was bronzed and i was quiet. she was the most beautiful young woman i had ever seen. she was the woman in my dreams. my heart was fleeting upwards into my throat. i tried to say something but it was only a thought. she stepped toward me and grabbed my hand, never letting her eyes off mine. her skin was soft. my heart began to beat hard. she looked deep and hard exploring the intentions of my soul. I loved her. she leaned her head on my shoulder and pressed her chest against mine. i wrapped my arms around her engulfing her with love. its been a long time since i felt so helpless.

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