I wrote in my journal today. It felt good. Better than typing away on some plastic eletronic piece of equipment. I feel that paper and pen articulate so much more than the interpretative meanings from the text. They involve the small discrepancies of motor function in the wrist and fingers as a result of tension in the mind and body.
I’m lost. in my head. in currently floating. Its a dream like fog. thick yet airy and confusing. I’m not sure how fast or slow I’m going. my sense of progress is far out and out of touch. the people around me. hmph. fat. skinny. gimpy. stupid. dull. rough. flamboyant. homely. ruffled. confused.
what is good.
i need to keep digging. asking myself these questions. what the hell am i doing. why am i doing that? I don’t want to be a robot. I want to give responses as they relate directly to my experience in the here and now. I am not a product of others. I will stand firm in my resolutions. The snarling remarks of the ignorant. Clutching the lies they feed on. I don’t have to open my mouth of justify my actions to them. I only need to feel it inside. But at the moment I’m lacking feelings. I’m lacking human emotion. Its gray. Its almost sad. I want happy.
William Dare 
a little insight on you
Libra/4
Purpose: To develop your inner world and personal truth well enough so that you can ignore the endless crises and distractions that will cross your path as you change and grow, pursuing truth and justice.
“Courage is contagious. When a brave man takes a stand, the spines of others often stiffened.”-Billy Graham. Brave isn’t strong enough to describe your spirit. You have courage that can break through barriers and change lives of others. You need to make sure you don’t get hooked in the fast pace, the desire for tension, and the need to keep things exciting. Relationships are hard because they change from moment to moment, always reaching new insights. You seek unity, but unless you work from the inside and move toward wholeness, you’ll find yourself still on the outside, trying to enter by breaking through. You can either be close to the truth or observe it from afar. If you choose the role of a loner, you’ll be very analytical. If you position yourself in the center, then you become the negotiator of difficult relationships.
If Spirit takes the lead: If spirit has the lead you are great in hostile situations and know how to bring two opposing factions together. You also know how to relate simultaneously to contradictory viewpoints. You seek truth, but you attract tension and hostility. Catalysts, you change the lives of all you encounter. You desire to make the world a better place keeps you chasing after injustice, both large and small.
If Ego takes the lead: Ego doesn’t avoid the crises of life, it creates them. You are unhappy unless the world around you is upside down. Able to maneuver in chaos, you do well when everyone is clinging to life rafts. You are strong and often brilliant. You use your keen eye and intuition to find fault rather than unify. You need to know that true power and control are not found in opposition but in holding love and truth above all things, including your own convictions.
A person can have any ratio of concentration between spirit and ego. I thought some of this a lot like you, but i knew you probably wouldn’t read this book in any other circumstance. If you want to read more it’s called “The Day you were Born” by Linda Joyce. I find this book to be an exception judgement of peoples character. What do you think?
Re: a little insight on you
Isaiah 47:13-14: All the counsel you have received has only worn you out! Let your astrologers come forward, those stargazers who make predictions month by month, let them save you from what is coming upon you. Surely they are like stubble; the fire will burn them up. They cannot even save themselves from the power of the flame. Here are no coals to warm anyone; here is no fire to sit by.