Life should be beautiful. Life should be about seeking truth passionately, loving God with all our heart mind and soul, acknowledging our human experience as being universal and love people unconditionally as a result. I need to buy another journal. A real journal. This electronic online crap is useless. Its not personal and its not intimate. I can’t explore my depths by pounding on this keyboard, distract by the luminescent LCD screen and bombarding advertisements, blinking instant messages, and juggling the countless other thoughts popping into my mind as I look at my task bar and see google and youtube and hotmail waiting to be addressed.

I love God. What that means to different people suddenly doesn’t matter to me any more. I have a hard enough time trying to understand God even when I desire him with my heart. Never mind those who don’t even wish to understand him and act like they know him when they haven’t a clue. When you know someone personally, who is someone to tell you you don’t? Its like someone telling me I don’t know my father, that I’m really an orphan, that the love we felt wasn’t real, that he never cared, and we never had a relationship, that I made it up in my head because I wanted to know where I came from, that he’s made up. It’s bull. I know God as well as I seek to know him. It’s like any relationship. I know that God has never let me down when I’ve been in my deepest despair. People tell me this and that about science and religion. I love science. As far as the science backed with a flawed philosophical foundation like atheism, I disagree wholeheartedly. Science based on all that is and all that will be coming from a source, I warmly accept. Why is there something rather than nothing? Something never comes from nothing. Everything that is never existed forever, it’s very obvious. If the second law of thermodynamics is real, and it is, then the universe would have died out long ago. Entropy, being apart of our reality and inescapable, would has caused the universe and all that is to collapse the first half of infinity. So there was a starting point… and some people refuse to look to that starting point and say… wow… something never ever comes from nothing. So the only explanation must be that something bigger than what is created that something. Imagine… people thinking that there was nothing… then… Bam… everything. But… they can’t acknowledge that it’s highly likely, though intimidating, to believe that God created everything that is and will be at one point. anyway.

Life is pointless if there is no meaning. Even if we create our meaning… its pointless and unfulfilling. I need real reason that ties into everything that I do. I surrender to God and seek his will. I will be obedient by loving him above everything. I will not even scratch the surface of his perfection, but a taste of it is better than anything my feeble mind could conjure or the feeble minds of men before me. If there is God, he is sovereign. He is the reason for everything. He is perfect. Perfectly loving, just, true, compassionate, kind, forgiving, logical, knowledgeable and wise and I could never know him even if I lived eternally. I am the created. I will never know the creator. I must humble myself before him, knowing that he everlasting and true and fair and he loves his creation like a father loves his child, like an artist loves his art as he pours he being into it. God is the reason for everything. When I acknowledge that I’m brought with meaning that could never be surpassed. I want to serve the lord, love him and worship him with my actions and thoughts and heart and soul and prayers and everything that I could ever have to offer. I’m flawed. I really can’t do anything right… after all what do I know about doing right? Right for me? or you? If I rely on God he will give me the strength to do right, to do his work and perform his will through me. God’s will is the only thing that is right. It will happen inevitably anyway. I just know at the end of the day, I am sick of constantly making my own standards and living to my own will or what I think others would see best. No one knows best but God and we aren’t God and we aren’t perfect so we have a hard time comprehending certain issues, but faith carries us through. Jesus said Love God with everything you have, and love your neighbor as yourself. Everything else stems from those two things. God always rewards those who seek him.

Luke 12:29 (KJS) And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind.
30 For all these things do the nations of the world seek after: and your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things.
31 But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you.

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