Daily Review

Cognitive Psychology was canceled today… or the teacher got lost on her way to the classroom. Either or.. I’m in the library. I haven’t been writing as much… online, in my journal. I’ve been busy busy. Sometimes I think I’m busy but I’m not getting much done. I hate that kind of busy. Its like moving and going but never actually accomplishing anything. I haven’t felt at peace in a long while. And when I say that… I mean I haven’t felt a quiet peace of solitude within my soul. That kind of peace is the result of consistent and quiet contemplation and reflection. I read recently that ‘prayer is the expression of desire’. I like that. If God is truth, then I like it that much more. I have a desire for truth, knowledge. I pray to God. Almost analogous.

I have alot of work today. This weekend I read like… alot. Slept a great deal. Friday I got drunk… not the typical night though.. gather with a group of friends and played power hour for like two hours… which resulted in a deep inebriation. I passed out at Kates and woke up midday. I was so disappointed with myself that I locked myself away and read… all day. Sunday came around and the same thing. Locked away… and read. Today.. i woke up late but, like I said, class was canceled. I love when that happens. Now I’m in the library… was trying to get some work done but I haven’t made too much progress.

I’m reading “How to get into law school” by Susan Estrich, dean of admissions at USC. Its an older book… by older I mean like 2003. So not that old at all.

I’ve been pretty dissatisfied with everything lately. I want to be open with my opinion about things. I feel I always stifle my true feelings because I don’t want to make them true. Maybe they’re already true and getting them out allows for an awareness that fosters a position to change? I like that position far better.

There is this girl, totally spoiled, and usually at the center of attention. Shes the youngest child from a well to do family. When I say well to do, I mean, she has a credit card from her mother, and her father, and she spends whatever and whenever on them. No, never question. She has this attitude that whenever she goes into a store, she NEEDs to buy something. She admits and openly professes this. She wants to be identified with this total lack of self control, yet she will defend herself if it appears like a deficiency instead of a admirable quality. Doesn’t everyone wish to spend indiscriminately? She crashed her $60k Mercedes why under the influence.. gosh that sucks.. no bother. She admits her mother has pretty much promised to reward her with another car, of equal quality. This is her fifth year of college with no clue as to what major to pursue. the idea of work is frightening, and i imagine so if you’ve never had to totally support yourself. She transferred schools this semester in order to avoid any sort of commitment to a degree. my impression is that a there are deep insecurities, possibly stemming from her parents divorce, that she masques with materialistic indulgences. She has clutter everywhere. Its somewhat chic though. Never without a purpose. Shes cute as a button. Loud, silly. She laughs and trips and bumps into everything. Shes like a 5 year old girl. Literally. Very emotional. Always crying about something. Recently she fell in love with my close friend. They’ve known each other for about a month and a half. If that. He’s transferring off to a distant college. Shes off to… who knows where.

I decided I don’t like getting caught up in the trappings of others affairs. I need to focus on myself, my own convictions. I call them convictions because I do not know what else to call them. Goals, convictions, principles, visions, purpose, direction etc.

I need sleep. Desperately. I keep telling myself I’ll get on a sleep schedule but it never happens. Probably because I haven’t been making it happen. I need to simply shut off the lights and crawl into bed come 12 o clock. No matter if my work is not done, no matter how awake, no matter who I’m with. Also- I need to force myself to wake up at 730am every morning. Non of this 930am, 815 am bs. Not when I have class at 1000 and 830.

Anyway… I have a calcII quiz today… Spanish homework… cognitive psychology study questions… advanced composition reading and questions.. and statistics homework. not to mention class from now till 300 and meetings at 4, 5, and 6. busy indeed.