jumble fresh.

I have little faith in man. Man as a whole is delusional. I as much as the next. The chances of finding another man with the same delusions as mine are one in a million. perhaps thats what good leaders are. People who can infect and empower others with their delusions.

Christianity. I use to be so convinced these people were real. Currently i hold that its just a general belief system, like any belief system, that people feel compelled to adopt when they struggle with life, or begin doubting their ability to rationally deal. I believe its a good thing. It gives people, people otherwise lost, a place to start grounding themselves. This whole revolution with miracles, prophecies, and what not… hogwash in my opinion. Not quantitative whatsoever. its all confirmation bias. They find whatever they look for to support their original claim.

anyway… sometimes I hesitate to convince myself of one matter or anther simply because I am aware that context changes and that conviction may lead me astray in other contexts. As i grow older I learn the virtue of silence. I am much more observant nowadays. I absorb my surroundings. I am not quick to interject my ‘opinions’ or what my ‘experiences’ have taught me. Instead i am more apt to listen. This allows me to really synthesize what people are saying with my own thoughts instead of tainting thier’s with my own, possibly skewed, interpretation.

I would like to write more often. I must write a book. What’s stopping me? well.. I surely don’t think I’m in the position to be writing a book. But what a foolish thought. I am perfectly able, intellectually and experientially to document and record my thoughts into a book. I should begin. Who cares where I start. I am hesitant about putting my thoughts into a concrete story. This whole context thing drives me crazy sometimes. I am so conscious of making sure the content of my thoughts fits into the context of a story or conversation, that quality of content it lost. Or I begin speaking and thinking absolute nonsense because i’m so distracted.

Tomorrow is a new day. I am reading Ayn Rands “Atlas Shrugged”… Objectivism/ Philosophical Realism… that reality is ontologically independent from the mind. OooOOo…

I believe this… I’m not sure what else it entails but I will find out. 1000 pages… 100 pages a day? 10 days. So far i have been averaging 30… at this rate… a month+ of reading. I must step it up.

ALSO- I always correct myself when I think to myself. If i ever catch myself saying “I ‘need’ to do this or that” I replace need with ‘must’. I hate feeling like its something i’m obligated to do. must makes it something imperative that i am convicted about. night.