Me right now. I feel a touch overwhelmed.
Life is before me. I don’t feel like I’m living. I feel trapped and smothered by my own hand. All these feelings are self induced.
My air conditioning unit is humming in the background. I hear the faint electric buzz of my sun lamp. At 4:30am the 1300 lumens illuminating the room are the only thing keeping me awake. The room is stuffy, but chilly. My toes poke out from under my covers at the foot of the bed. They are cold and tight. My mind thinks ahead. Tomorrow is Monday. Many classes await me. A 9:10am Philosophy class. I never thought I would dread that class. I have a paper due. My mind refuses to cooperate. Why must I think of my mind like an uncontrollable chimera? I have tamed it. At the moment I have let it run free for too long. It has grown wild.
I am an adult. Adults make responsible decisions. If only these decisions were apparent and obvious every moment of my life. I remember when I began wrestling with their consequences for the first time. I thought they were all but conquered, yet three years later here I am. I am not sure why I’m acting like all hope is lost.
Responsibility bears a heavy burden. Its a yoke around my shoulders, weighing me down. I wonder why my heart is constantly constricted by this invisible writhe.
Not too long ago I believed you were your thoughts. I’m not sure where these thoughts disappeared to. Whether I dropped them, or took my eye off them I am not sure. It is more than possible that I have got myself believing in something more damning and more influential nowadays. I wonder what it is? What are you afraid of?
You are your thoughts. Simply and powerfully. So elegant, so empowering. Whatever thoughts you succumb to, you become. When you succumb to the worlds opinion, you become to embody their opinion.
Our thoughts, are us. No one makes us more or less. We decide. Every thought we allow to inch into our minds, is a thought we are one step closer to embodying. Imagine a you without your thoughts. Imagine a world without your thoughts. Imagine a world beyond your thoughts. If this seems impossible, it is. All that you are, all that you will ever be, rests between your ears. That world must contain more force and more power than the minds impressing their world upon you. Right and wrong, good or bad, beauty and ugliness. However objective these concepts may seem to me now, I am assured that I ultimately decide their being so. Collectively man has been wrong before, he will be wrong again. I should be wary to lend them so much of my trust.
Stand convicted that your zealous pursuit for truth has led you to exactly what you see today. If you have not pursued, stand convicted that you are a product of what others want you to see today.
This path should cause me to wake from my trance.
William Dare 
You don’t seem to let yourself feel. Overcome by your ambitions, the only interactions you seek are fleeting or meaningless ones that may happen then and there, but are devoid of any prolonged attention. Then it’s, as you so often say, back to work, work, work. There’s play and there’s work, and no room for actual Life.
Maybe I just don’t understand, but from the things you write, you do seem to suffocate yourself. It’s a shame because you do see things, you just don’t comit to anything. (Except for work, of course.)
commit*
damn typing!