This is a journal from me. I have been sitting in my room for roughly 7 hours and 45 minutes, working on this Kant paper… since around 6:00pm. I’ve taken about an hours worth of breaks. My eyes feel like they’re pulsating, and my stomach has a hollow ache. The whole paper is shaping up nicely, but I dread the tedious process of anatomizing the minutia. And Kant is chocked full of it.
Me. I’m just gonna rant a lil. Hm… school ends in a 2.5 weeks… about.
I’m not freaking out about exams… yet. I probably should be. I’m just taking it day by day. While I usually spend an inordinate amount of time ruminating to myself, it’s picked up quite a bit since Thanksgiving break. I seem to have reached a new plateau (<-hate spelling that word). The field is level and my footing is firm.
I think I'm giving up the whole frat crap…aka reject the bid. I mean, I would have had a shit show with the whole scene in high school (For many jejune and inane reasons I don't need to elaborate on). And I won't knock it today… its fun. It offers a means to (re)establish your identity in an otherwise foreign land with new people. This is important. Not as important if you know who you are, I suppose. But I do see the value in it, and I refuse be one of those greek 'haters'. Different strokes for different folks.
My god am I tired. Its two in the morning… I have to wake up at 7… and I'm bent on getting this paper 75% finished tonight. fml.
So there's this girl. yea.. a girl. Normally I don't pay too much attention, but she's great. Mostly cause she's so damn nonchalant, yet playful curious. Of course she's beautiful… and intelligent. She a virtuoso from Yale. Got her master's before coming here to study English. She's 21. Its enticing.
What I find so fascinating is that, while I envisage her to be a wise and innocent woman, she's really your average youth, filled with normal juvenile considerations. Why is that fascinating? I guess because of how much I enjoy seeing my idealism melt away in the face of disappointment. This does not mean I am any less attracted to her, however. On the contrary, the melting idealism provides a kaleidoscope of new iridescent feelings to experience.
Regarding these juvenile considerations I speak of- I remember when I was not fully tainted by my inexorable indulgences. I remember I use to speak of every new experience, every new feeling and adventure, as if I were the first human traverse the unknown passages of youth and survive to tell about it. My eyes would widen, my voice would grow louder in excitement and suspense as I talked of girls, trite mischief, drugs… like they were a dark mystery that only few had the fortune of discussing.
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Back to reflecting… I got myself a pocket sized journal. I've had them before but they were either an awkward size, too small or too large, or they were crappy quality that fell apart after a weeks of use. This one is purrrrfect. It's like a little dream catcher… but for thoughts. I just think to myself. Let the thoughts germinate awhile… and as soon as they're ready to take flight… I use my journal to impress them to paper. Its fun catching random thoughts. It also doubles for things that I remember randomly and always tell myself to write down, but never do.
Soo…
This semester was expected. And because it was expected, it happened. That may not sound to mean much, but it sums it all up.
*yawn*
William Dare 
You seem to equate being jaded with being wise. I think it’s important to maintain an excitement and curiosity about life; in fact that’s what I think wisdom is. So her childish excitement about things don’t necessarily make her any less wise. And a Master’s at 21? Mm, not so average sounding to me. 🙂
Aye, I couldn’t agree more. I didn’t do a good job on explaining what her juvenile considerations were. I sorta just implied– getting excited about drugs, silly mischief, drama. etc,. Things I wouldn’t expect from someone whose priorities appear in order. There is nothing wrong with getting excited about life. I mean, passion is the pabulum of the soul.
Hmm, that does change things. Honestly, I don’t entirely understand why people get so worked up about drugs. But I do think using offers an escape. Many kids who graduate and get shipped off to college fully paid-for and prepared by mom and pop, also come from fairly sheltered or loving homes, and so this psychedelic escape from responsibility and safety seem profoundly life-changing. Drugs, alcohol, all of that sin and debauchery are suddenly rebellious and cool, and totally enabled within collegiate surroundings. It’s a totally different experience for them on all different levels. First, it’s allowed. Without parents standing over your shoulder, these things provide a sense of freedom and adulthood. And then there are the obvious effects of drugs. The altered senses, the jumbled mind- all of it takes us out of this world and into something beautiful. Or at least fun and carefree.
Well. That is until date-rape occurs, or a smashed car, or some other horribly common tragedy. But that’s not what you think about when you’re amidst an escape from deadlines and stress and adulthood knocking at your door.
I haven’t seriously noticed a girl in a while, at least not with feelings that lasted. I’ve honestly kind of given up.
I’ve never been a greek-hater. In fact, some of the guys that have been the most accepting of me have been (somewhat ironically) frat boys. I think that they get a sort-of unfairly bad rep.
Also what is the girl’s Master’s in? 21 is REALLY young for a graduate degree. Even 23 is, although that age isn’t so unusual.
A Masters in Music. She’s a prodigy, so to speak, thats played violin all over the world since the age of three.
As far as girls go… I feel ya.