Irresponsible Man

“It is remarkable, all that men can swallow. For a good ten minutes I read a newspaper. I allowed the spirit of an irresponsible man who chews and munches another’s words in his mouth, and gives them out again undigested, to enter in me through my eyes. I absorbed a whole column of it.”

-The Steppenwolf

I deactivated my facebook. I should have deleted it. I will not read the news any longer. No more mindless humdrum from the journalists besotted with duplication and mass delusion.

I find myself perpetually engrossed in the petty mulling’s of a world from which I am entirely too detached. I refuse to endorse the pleas and cries and pathetic wimper’s of worldly ramblings. What need have I of their thoughts? Haven’t I my own? If one should read, one should think; just as one should eat and digest. I realize I have not been obedient to myself as of late; gorging as it were and swallowing unmasticated material whole. It becomes evident when I look into the mirror and painfully press my gaze into the amorphous reflection of a hideous schizoid.

My masks continue to meld with each dram I swallow and soon I find that I can come up with no identity for the occasion. Instead I wear the obvious, a ghostly conglomerate of faded and bitter glories that foul the air.  It is bad taste to feign the obvious.

I oscillate between beast and man, occupying not two poles, but the spectrum in between, scuttling between the shifting margins of good and evil, asceticism and hedonism, restraint and indulgence.

Solitude is independence, a wall-less cell, an open cage. How to choose between buying in and buying out?

One thought on “Irresponsible Man”

  1. “I find myself perpetually engrossed in the petty mulling’s of a world from which I am entirely too detached.”

    very good. you are not alone in your struggle, meaning that others feel this same push and pull too (if that’s any consolation, i don’t know). glad you are able to articulate your thoughts so adeptly. it’s refreshing to read.

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