Lleng

I love challenge. If I think I can do something, and I demonstrate to myself that I can do it, and do it with a degree of proficiency that is exceedingly above average, I’m satisfied with myself. Many times this means I become overly satisfied and end up becoming apathetic. I ask myself, “What is worth doing if it isn’t challenging? What’s the point of doing something that’s repetitive, that’s rote or routine, that leaves you feeling nothing, like nothing meaningful is being accomplished?” The answer I always give myself is “Nothing.”

The result is that I often struggle to find something I’m passionate about. I love ideas, I love challenge, I love novelty. When you thrive off these things, you become addicted to them, and eventually you run out of things to stimulate you. When you’ve read all the books, went to all the schools, studied all the subjects, worked all the jobs, lived in all the locations… what else is there?

So I’m often left jaded, dispassionate, dispossessed of a higher purpose or calling. I find myself preoccupied with problems that no one else finds problematic, generating interests that most people find uninteresting, in order to come up with something that is compelling, that provides enlightenment or illuminating stimulation. Hence why I explore the world, read books, study philosophy, seek out novel experiences, and indulge in artistic production or admiration.