Pouring out

So… not much going on. Work work work. And allergy attacks. And work.

Does Match.com work? I mean, do you really end up finding someone compatible for you? A guy from my work, who’s 26, met his soon to be wife on match.com. She just so happens to be a doctor at Vandy, and their wedding is next week. Funny, huh?

I need a social life. Work Gym Eat Sleep. The weekends provide a narrow escape, but even those adventures are becoming routinized. I love life. Is that alright? When’s a good time to “want” to settle down? My motorcycle is in the shop again… should have it out in another month or two. I can’t wait to go on weekend roadtrips, by myself, to forests, and camp. Oh yes. I’m doing these things. Call them escapes. I call them wanderlust: the yearning for travel. But fiscal constraints need to be accounted for, so no long term flights just yet.

I was thinking of becoming politically active. I’ve always had an interest in politics, though not because of the rhetoric or the manipulation and pandering. It’s been a desire to contribute what sense I’ve wrought from my experience where I can, and politics is just a single outlet to do that.

My paradigm is shifting. I can sense the foundations beginning to vibrate and move beneath me, a reframing of values is taking place, a reorientation that will be much more accommodating to my new lifestyle, one that doesn’t fight the inevitable and push against the structures that I’ll need to learn to depend on.

I’ve had the pleasant surprise of learning that one of my room mates is a drug addict. Oh yes. Such a nice surprise! To be living with an opiate and meth addict? I can’t think of too many things greater! 😡

But honestly, his 128 hour insomniac bouts of mania are wearing on me. Troves of people visit at all hours, and stay for days. He’ll be up for a longgg time, then crash on the couch like a fetid log and sleep for 24 to 72 hours straight, virtually motionless within this time frame, with a fan blowing on his ammonia smelling body.

I conversed with the other roommates who’ve voiced similar horror and distaste for these things, and they’re planning on moving out, as I am. The guys nice, real nice, when he isn’t tweaking out from lack of sleep. His paranoid delusions are what really wear on you. He’ll clean the house a million times, over and over again, or work on dozens of trivial projects, like rearranging furniture or buying random mirrors and what not. Then he’ll freak out and sit us all down and explain that he can’t take our laziness, that the house is a complete mess and all he ever does is clean up after us. And we stare on with a dull look in our eyes, unamused, yet the situation is laughable. But I’m over it. I really, really don’t need this crap in my life. The house is amazing, the neighborhood is great, and I like the other roommates a whole lot, but I can’t go being subjected to his mood swings and threats and manic episodes. I suppose I could ignore it, but why the hell should I even have to tip-toe around the issue? Anyway.

I weigh 205lbs. I’m looking soft, but I’m stronger than ever. I’ve planned to do a anabolic cycle the next 10-15 weeks. That should jump start my gains. We’ll see. Still working out a few kinks with the PCT. I’ll have to get all my ancillary gear sorted out before I begin anything.

Other than that… what the hell am I doing with my life? Lifting is a nice project. I haven’t been writing, or reading, nearly as much as I have been the past several years. Come to think of it, I’ve been on a reading binge the past couple years, and its finally slowed down, almost to a halt. It’s like all the sudden all my accumulated knowledge is pointless self-masturbation, no one cares, and its not getting me any closer to the truth, cause the truth is: working for someone else seems to be one of the few options when you’re loaded up with student debt. Or perhaps I’m not being imaginative enough. What am I waiting for?

I’m been having severe mood swings myself. I wasn’t sure if it was cause of subjecting myself to my roommates drug problem and all his druggy whores and friends he brings over for days at a time… or just me coming to grips with the fact that life is no longer an adventure, but a trudge. A long journey of pounding the ground until time elapses and goals are achieved. But I need some goals. Actually, I need some goals I believe in. Not someone else’s, not for them or by them.

I’d really like to identify my strengths and pursue something that is honed in on really utilizing my naturally inclined abilities.

Anyway. I’m fighting an ear and sinus infection… allergies have me all clogged up and its been an ideal petri dish for little bacteria in my head. Ugh. When will the sinus pressure stop! I need some topical drugs to alleviate the symptoms.

Other than that… my phone broke. No phone. It’s been gone since Saturday. I have no desire to replace it at the moment. I figured I’ll wait a week. Going without a phone has been liberating… to say the least. We’ll see when I can enough to reconnect with this tangled mass of social media technology.

Bed time.



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