Ego Annihilation 

The ego… this veil of defenses hanging at the periphery of awareness, poised to react, like a venus fly trap waiting for the right agitation.

How to overcome this reaction? This retreat back to familiarity, to reinforcing this false image of self? How to gain an appreciable self-awareness, that doesn’t shirk, but grows beyond the walls, pushes past the veil, and allows fresh light to excite our eyes and expose our ignorance?

How to grow beyond this? Well, I kinda just do what scares me or feels uncomfortable. This is the best indication for novelty or new experience. Use your gut. Let yourself feel the tension as you begin approaching uncomfortable realms, and embrace it. Go there. Step forward, not back. Be confident. Stride deliberately, step firmly. If you leap, be sure to land with both feet planted squarely beneath you, so you feel this new earth of experience.

However, there is the occasion where curiosity or intrigue inspires me to implore deeper and examine more exactly.

But on the whole, I cultivate a self awareness that allows me to sense fear or resistance, and I use this sense as an impetus to be risky or impulsive in order to propel myself towards unknowns.

Whenever I sense fear well up inside me, or resistance perturb my being, rather than deny and suppress these uncomfortable states, I will plunge into them head long. They are indications I need to grow, that there is dissonance that must be rectified and overcome.

Desensitization always occurs, however. You become used to the fear, the resistance, the dissonance. Even a highly developed sense of fear loses its edge once you are accustomed to being equipped to deal with novelty and danger and the unknown

I believe this happens. A hubris maybe takes its place. And with that, a blindness develops once again.

Which is why self discovery is a never ending fucking journey.

Self-awareness is ever receding.

You chase the horizon in front of you, while the horizon behind you melts away, along with your memory of it.

I was contemplating this earlier this week: the inescapable crystallization of consciousness.

In short: the failure of fluidity in old age

In death

Ego death

Cause there is no “I”

No “me”

No “project”

We just are. And we are ever present, and that is the ultimate form of adaptability

Engaging with the here and now

Ego is a reaction formation

It’s this invisible fabricated self loaded with feelings we create to justify predetermined responses in lieu of the vulnerability of embracing the present moment

It’s hard not giving a fuck.

It’s hard to lose the ego

The ego is not self aware

The ego is self deceived

The ego is blind to itself

The ego is false security

Humility is key for self awareness

Humility is the key for growth

The key for acquiring new understanding and discarding the ineffective old, which our ego is attached to

We’re afraid of being vulnerable

Because our truest expression is in the now

Is fully present

Absent of fears

Absent of restraint

Absent of anxiety and uncertainty

But fully present means feeling fully, with no guarding, fully exposed emotionally

Denial of death

Is what motivates us, what impels the ego

Denial of annihilation

Deny the pain, the discomfort, the unfamiliar

We protect the self like it is a thing

Like it is to be protected and coddled

We stick it away, hiding it from exposure

Being our “self” =/= being

Not fully living

The bigger the ego, the more painful existence

The more encumbered we move

The more mass we carry

We are not the center of the universe

When the ego dies, or undergoes annihilation, we become fully present, and apart of the collective consciousness

We cease to be separate and isolated, and become one

We can only embrace life through ego death

Hence, we are born again

Hence washing away sins/ suffering and becoming pure

Buddhism is all about ridding itself of the ego by being present

The idea is that the mind is eternal and the physical word is temporal

When we affix mental ideas to the physical world, and they change, we suffer

Impermanence is the source of suffering

But when we are fully present, we embrace the impermanence of life, and annihilate the mentally constructed ego

We are fully present, senses engaged. No internal mental friction holding ideas together in the face of changing circumstance

Flow…

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