Refuge

Dear R,

Sometimes I allow myself pause, and take stock of my senses, reflect on my memories, take a step back from my body, and a gradual alienation takes place, and I feel like I don’t belong to myself, that the steady relationships and hurried momentum is not mine, and may never have been mine.

In these moments I retreat to more familiar scenes of my past, and the people who populate it, as if these provide a refuge. 

It occurred to me that you are one of these people, despite the time, despite the distance, despite what we share in common, or don’t share, which is likely greater. 

Your presence in my thoughts, in my life, provides a thin, beaming thread I can hold onto when I experience this temporary free-fall of feeling, and all around alienation. 

I don’t know how or why we’ve managed to stay in touch the past decade. I don’t know how to make sense of the relationship, or connection, or gentle familiarity we share. 

I like to think that perhaps we provide each other with the same sense of refuge. A place we can go, and feel safe, but not stay.

Yours,

M