I had an interesting experience while doing some meditation today.
Typically meditation is just an observance of thoughts. Surveying the percolating mental contents that arise moment to moment, coupled with reflection to identify the source of these thoughts. But mostly just letting thoughts and feelings wash over and through me, and opening myself to the moment. Relaxing. Releasing physical and mental tension.
However, I’ve been giving a lot more thought to the phenomenal conscious experience, inspired by recent readings.
I was closing my eyes, aware of my breathing tempo, and observing my thoughts. But I became acutely aware of my sensations.
Not just their existence, but their source.
This conscious experience is permeated with sensational qualities. The five senses color every thought, imbuing conscious experience with this texture that I take for granted. These senses are atomized as “pre given”. They just appear.
But I began to reflect on their source.
My eyes are closed, and yet permeating my conscious awareness are sensations. They just are. In. On. Throughout. They almost sneak into the periphery. But then you go there, and they are not. They are no where.
Where is the source of sound? Not outside me, but in me? Where is the source of touch? Where does it begin to appear in my conscious awareness? Is there an edge I can peel up and look behind?
And so I sat there, and began a process of identifying these sensations, and observing their source. Or at least, attempting to.
This process of mindful observation resulted in a streaming recession of awareness. Not sleep. But into this bleeding edge of consciousness, where all my senses began to strip away, and almost unplug, which created a certain timelessness.
I kept reeling back and forth between this state, trying to stay “aware” or “conscious” while turning my reflective gaze back into this source, but each time I’d be flung into this event horizon.
I realized this is an interesting meditative exercise: observing the source.
If for no other reason than it facilitated this mind bending effect