To Mil eon Sleep

It’s 11:23pm and 83° in my bedroom. I can’t sleep, for many reasons. One, I drank homemade elder berry kombucha and it has black tea and I’m pretty sure plenty of caffeine. Two, it’s hot as living hell on my bedroom. I think it was 106° today in south peninsula? Three, I can’t stop thinking about work and success. Four, my personal relationship isn’t so great right now.

Regarding work, I closed a $2.2M deal with a 45% GM. That’s $1M GM for our company. A project team of about 10. It’s the 7th largest deal in 5 years. I’m excited to grow this to 5 and 10 and $15M. I feel simultaneously unstoppable and an imposter. I objectively know I am good as hell, but I never feel it on the inside. This is the source of my insatiable drive. I cannot and will not be stopped. I obsess over my goals. 24 hours as day my brain is running scenarios, reading, writing, thinking of ways to win, ways to achieve my goals, forge trust and develop relationships and nurture business.

If I generate $10M in revenue this year, I take home $1.7 million. The chances of that happening with 9 months left are slim, but I already have $5M in the wallet for the year after that deal, assuming we bill it all. And there’s a great possibility it will expand and grow.

I am excited. And I feel vindicated. Yet, I feel unaccomplished. It feels the same as it did when I closed my first deal one year ago. So what? I have bigger goals, grander visions.

I want to pull in $20, 30, 50M a year, by myself. That’s the kind of business I want to generate.

I want to be a rainmaker. I am a rainmaker. I am the hardest working person in our company. I believe that. I bleed for it. One year in, and closing big deals. Nothing can stop me but me.

I expect many more failures. I have not arrived. I am just beginning. I will try harder than anyone. I am unstoppable. I am obsessed. I never stop. I am hungry. I am ravaging. Read the books. Do the work. Go the extra mile or ten or hundred.

I want to be a rainmaker. I am a rain maker. I am a killer. I am a silent killer. Never brag. Never arrogance. Execute. Execute. Execute. Do the unflattering work. Lay the foundations.

I am number one. I will be. I am. I will become indispensable.

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