There is something in a pair of eyes that say I love you. When they look past you and into something far beyond what you could give them. They want to wrap their arms around much more than the flesh you reside in. There is a certain longing lurking within the scape of their gaze. They want to hold you and grasp you entirely.

There are certain people you don’t want in your head. You create them to fill a certain need, but they will not ever meet the need, nor will they recognize the need residing in you. Real friends identify with this need. They see yours and they rise to the challenge. Sometimes effortlessly. But I know these people. They are shallow and unsure, thriving off the attention of onlookers.  Advertising a false veil of security, they carelessly damage a trust mixed with emotion. Wounds and bruises.

I always find myself at a loss. For words. For the right feeling. For the right thoughts. I always feel like I come up short. Even when I feel great I know there is much more that I could be offering. I sit and wonder what to type. What kind of thoughts I should be thinking or feeling. What sums up my days. My mood. What words I could use to accurately portray the listless discontent and breezy confusion I experience on a all too usual basis. I wonder if other people feel so misplaced. I wouldn’t offer this kind of confusion up to just anyone. I wouldn’t explore these unknowns with simple probing questions. These are deep. I’d dodge the pointed questions with a laugh and a shrug and no one would ask otherwise. But i feel uneasy.

Who I try to attain seems always just out of reach. I always think that one day I’ll be able to wrap my arms around this thing… this person I want to become. My whole life there has been a certain discontent because no matter how hard I try… or fail to try… there is always something missing. I opt for the more positive approach to try of course, finding the yields slightly more satisfying. Especially to the attacks of onlookers. I can rub in my empty attempts at making myself feel like more of a person while they remain worthless in comparison. So while I strive to build onto a character I never quite grasp or understand, I remain just as discontent. I will achieve great things. There is no doubt. But there is a futile quality that inhibits certain feelings of satisfaction. Why. Why is my soul so restless. Why are there days where I am all there and others where I am everywhere but.

So no. I’m not too sure. of myself. or you. love.

So basically I want to be an example. I don’t want to talk about anything less than the convictions that fuel me everyday. I want to be consumed by the tasks I deem worthy to endear upon. It’s beautiful today. Green. Blue. and zesty contrasts in between. The breeze that makes everything come alive with every breath. 
To lead. I want to do.  I need to start being more efficient and effective. Firstly, I need to identify what it is I want from myself the next few weeks. I’ll start by doing that.

I’m home. Not too exciting. Same people doing the same things. It’s good to see some faces. It’s good to see familiar faces. I love the weather in Florida. I need to reinstate my gym membership while I’m home. I haven’t lifted in a few days and it’s starting to get to me. I also need to find a part time job… I think that may be a necessary priority.

My parents moved while I was gone. Only up the street. The house is nice I suppose. It’s weird… all the furniture has been like… transplanted to the new house… and it’s like… we never even moved. Besides the fact it’s a lot smaller. I gotta do some errands today. So beautiful outside…

I need to read as well.

I’m packing & cleaning my room at the moment.

******
It snowed all day yesterday.  I walked outside after class and was met with a fresh crisp air. A swarm of light and friendly snow flurries danced all about, landing on my nose and eyelashes.  I paused to take the scenery in.  I looked to the mountains. Giant coniferous trees subtly caught the snow flakes, dusting their branches with shimmers. I looked all around, examining the beauty, and was caught with a sound. For the first time, in a very long time, I heard the sound of snow.  I had forgotten snow made any sound at all. I listened though. I faintly heard the  muffled pitter-patter of snow flakes landing on the ground. It was so relaxing. I just stood there, arms snugly in jacket, face to the sky, and listened.

******
Snow is interesting. I love the way it crunches under your feet. I love the way it can be so bearable and pleasant even at temperatures so treacherous. Although I enjoy a snowfall that packs well for snowballs, I’m equally fascinated by the snow that’s so light and fluffy it’s hardly there at all. I run through snowbanks with ease, kicking my legs and watching the puff of snow flurries shoot to there air and gently land again. It’s nice. So light and dry it’s almost artificial.

‘Isn’t it ironic, we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us and love those who hurt us”

I read this quote and it invoked the quaintest response in me.  I asked myself how true this was… I then asked myself if i really believed my answer.

Is there something so unique about your troubles? I feel that people have the tendency to look down on those who appear to be blessed and lack a struggle. Like they don’t know how hard it is. I think thats a load of crap. People who know how to deal with their troubles, who know what it takes to be great and successful, shouldn’t have to struggle or even appear to struggle. If they know the way, they should go the way, not feel bad about it, and not give any thought to the people below them who scoff at their fortunes or blessing or lack of struggle. Life is what you make it. It’s how everyone makes it.  If you want something, just go and get it. Don’t whine, don’t cry, don’t be confused. You can have anything you want. Decide whats important to you, what things could make that happen, and pursue it.  When you get it, decide if it was worth it. Then start over again. Why are people so confused? People confuse themselves… they don’t decide who they want to be. They think about trivial questions and waste time with indecision. Instead of trying to create themselves, they try finding themselves. Do they realize they won’t ever find that they’re looking for? They will waste away and live a mediocre life of limited progress. They’re like a ship without a captain, with the sails down. Just floating in the ocean, hoping life will blow them to the ideal destination- when they haven’t even decided what ideal is. Even if they were blown an opportunity, they wouldn’t know it if they saw it. They are not in control, always a victim of the seas instead of seeking out calmer waters.

Today I went to English. I bundled up pretty nicely, layering up with multiple undershirts, shirts, sweaters, topping it off with a nice warm denim jacket.  We went outside into the cold, maneuvering our way around the forest, trekking through the snow until we arrived at a clearing. We then were instructed to build a fire.  We collected brush and underbrush. Sticks and dead rotting logs, trying to find any dry dead wood that would be ideal for starting a fire in 28 deg weather . First clearing the snow away, constructing a base of sticks so as to avoid wetting the fire with melted snow, we piled the brush and twigs and sticks methodically together and lit it with a match- only after breaking the first dozen  It actually went up pretty quick and before we knew it there was a nice little fire going. Our professor brought a small grate that he placed over the fire. He pulled out a jug of water and a small metal bucket, filled it with water, and placed it over the fire. We ended up standing by this fire for the next forty five minutes, hot chocolate in hand, talking about nature, the expanses  of beauty and the fecundity encompassing wilderness, survival, and life in frigid temperatures.

It was good.

I was thinking…

In the end, you will only be judged for who you are, not who you are not.

I want to do something with my life. I want to be something. I will do whatever it takes to assemble a character worthy enough to be called honorable in the light of truth.

Throughout the variety of self assessment tests I took to determine my learning style strengths and weaknesses it was obvious which of my methods of learning were more favorable. The overall theme produced by the results of the Kolb assessment is that I tend to learn best by confronting and drawing from concrete experiences. Almost just as strongly I use an abstract conceptualization, presumably taken from the concrete experiences, and assimilate the information into working ideas and understandings.  These were followed, in order, by active experimentation (which I likely often use to test my understandings gathered from concrete experiences and molded by abstract conceptualization) and reflective observation (probably used lastly to reflect on the outcomes of mine or others actions or situations to gain a further understanding). The Gardner testing placed me in favor of a more verbal or linguistic learner followed by leaning heavily on interpersonal and intrapersonal skills. I think my strengths in these two separate tests support each other in a relatable way. My inter- and intra-personal skills can be seen from my ability to draw from concrete experiences, whether relating to my own past experiences or relating to peoples present experiences. I think the abstract conceptualization materializes in a verbal form which Gardner testing is showed to be my most favorable trait. The ‘literacy works’ MI tests showed me to be mostly verbal, followed by intrapersonal and interpersonal. I disagree with the lack of the logical/spatial results from this MI testing, possibly from the wording, due to knowing my natural tendency to weigh and analyze all ideas and concepts through reason and logic. This is supported by the high testing of the abstract conceptualization from the Kolb test. A possible reason for the skewed logical spatial results is their approach from a more mathematical side, something I had poor foundations in and naturally never eagerly approached. I am very good at math and happened to make it to Calculus without ever paying attention. I tend to use more verbal skills to draw out my logical and reasonable ideas- usual from a more philosophical standpoint. BUT- I did take other online MI tests and they all showed pretty similar results. On one I was more logical, followed by intrapersonal, verbal, and interpersonal and so on. Another indicted that I was more intrapersonal, followed by verbal, interpersonal, and logical. They all showed a solid tendency towards being spatial/visual and kinesthetic followed by naturalist and lastly music. These were all varied depending on the tests.

            I do think that every situation calls for a different perspective and therefore a different set of tools to adapt. I don’t think this test accurately measures the ability to use these tools when confronted with the specific situations, but rather to show the natural tendency the things you’re most familiar with to contemplate and handle every day life, not necessarily overcoming challenges.

            I find it pretty unreasonable for these tests to try and encapsulate the unique dynamics of an individual into such a limited array of concepts. I think they do aid offer a starting point to begin addressing what a person’s most natural tendencies look like. I do think they do a good job providing some insight. It’s really debatable as to whether my other tendencies are any less developed than the ones I favor most to approach life, which can be misleading.  For instance, when going about my day I rely heavily on my communication skills to relate to other people. This all encompasses the verbal, intrapersonal and interpersonal results. To ensure what I’m saying in reasonable and logical I use the logical skills to analyze my responses. The other intelligences would not be used unless I was in an environment where I would be called to use music, nature, or visual tendencies. I am well versed in them, playing guitar in the jazz band and taking music theory classes throughout high school as well as being an avid artist and taking art school classes for about eight years in my youth. I also have always been involved year round with athletics since an early age and still maintain a demanding workout regimen.

            To illustrate the general accuracy of the Kolb test, I’ll provide examples of my natural functioning. The concrete experience was the highest score achieved. This makes absolute sense when I reflect back on the tremendous amounts of experiences I’ve gathered throughout my short life. Moving twelve times; having many friends die of suicide and drug overdose; attending eleven schools: six elementary, two middle, three, high school, in six different states; attending public, private, boarding schools; attending large schools with under 100 students a class to large schools with 700 a class. The list of experiences keeps could go on but you get the point. I have gathered from these experiences to make the best sense out of life. This is how I understand things to be, based on the collection of many experiences. I’ve met a lot of people who have been all very different, yet similar at heart. I’ve learned to relate to a diverse group through these experiences. This has also causes me to realize my honest love for people and the desire I have to see people achieve their full potential. The second greatest strength was the abstract conceptualization. I tend to spend a lot of time in my head assimilating all my different understandings and experiences. I think and think and think. This is where I weigh every understanding I conjure up and analyze it critically with abstract conjectures. Before I write a paper or talk about something, my mind needs to dwell on it and think about it, assimilating and organizing my thoughts before they are elaborate enough to expand on.

            Garder’s theory holds true in similar whys. Regarding my inclination to use linguistic or verbal abilities to learn, I recently I read a quote that resonated with me: “How do I know what I think if I can’t see what I say?” E.M. Foster. This quote embodies my understanding of the thinking process via writing and oral communication. In order to solidify my thoughts I need to materialize them through daily written or oral communication. The better the vocabulary, syntax, and overall rhetorical style, the better I can convey and illustrate my thoughts and ideas to the finest mental and emotional detail. My intrapersonal tendencies stem out of my introspective approach to things. I constantly assess where I am in relation to my personal expectations and the expectations of the world around me. This helps constantly maintain a healthy perspective and keep me calibrated for things to come. My love for people is where the interpersonal inclination arises. I watch people and empathize with their struggles, doing my best to relate to them and learn from them at the same time.

I am located almost directly in the middle of the grid, only slightly towards the accommodator. The accommodator’s strengths include getting things done, leadership, and risk-taking. Weak points include too much: trivial improvements & meaningless activity; and not enough: work not completed on time, impractical plans, not directed toward goals (all of which, except my tendency to over focus on trivial improvements and the occasional meaningless activity, I’d disagree with).

Given the Kolb assessment as being a slight accommodator, I’d work most compatibly with an assimilator since they are more planning and goal oriented. The accommodator seems like they can implement the people and resources for a task while the assimilator is focused on developing a plan of attack and various approaches to a strategy.

I think this is evaluation is true. It’s not hard for me to get side tracked and off focus but through training I’ve learned the importance of being goal oriented, spending a lot of time developing plans and goals in order to get things done.

Before coming to Landmark, I accomplished my introspection and decided that I was best suited for and most interested in people and business. I looked into a well rounded field and found business consulting the encompass many of the various skills I possessed. The accommodator career recommendations all revolve around people and business oriented fields. I think this makes perfect sense.

This assessment reaffirmed a lot of what I already knew about myself. It was helpful in presenting new approaches to realizing it. This made it more colorful and helped create some more depth to my personal understanding.

As previously stated, these two tests illustrated a correlation in the way I approach learning.  The Kolb says that using my concrete experiences I assimilate the information gathered using my abstract conceptualization in order to come to an understanding. The test showed me to be pretty well-rounded in the learning style type grip, with moderate favoritism towards the accommodator. I happened to take multiple MI tests that illustrate his theory. I do know I like language, thinking and analyzing, introspection, and people. These are always a strong passion of mine. In the academics this exemplifies through my writing, the clubs I’m apart of and the eagerness to help people when they are struggling with work or personal problems. I’ve been writing in a journal for the past seven years which is a good way for me to think as well as refine my ability to communicate what’s inside to other people or just on paper. As far as the clubs, I’m actively involved as the President of the business club and constantly continue to develop new ideas and strategies to implement on behalf of the club. I like people and unfortunately Landmark doesn’t have a huge social scene or community to submerse myself with challenging interesting people. Instead it houses many people who usually bring me down due to their natural tendency to settle and put forth the minimal effort in everything they do. I do like helping them though and I feel it is very rewarding.  

These tests really placed no bearing on processing speed, thus eliminating anything related to Jeff Hawkins theory. Regarding Robert Sternberg, these tests really did a vague job illustrating his points as well. One could say that someone who’s more kinesthetically and possibly spatially inclined would be very practical. One could say that the logical side of the MI is one with analytical tendencies. The creative intelligence would be a bit harder to encapsulate as the MI tests really did not show much to demonstrate lateral thinking. Possibly you could associate linguistics and verbal with creativity, which is usually a generally accepted notion. What clashes here is putting things like musical tendencies into boxes like practical, analytical/logical and creative since it is known that musicians are both very much logical (usually very good in math) and creative (write brilliant compositions out of thin air). This goes for naturalists and the visual/spatially inclined as well. Architects can be logical and creative etc. I could go on but I’m sure you see my point.

My EQ test showed me to be very emotionally aware. They explained a caveat that may occur is I didn’t have a good idea of who I am, but I think the testing reflected who I was and backed up by reflecting on the MI and Kolb tests. On the MI, as it related to EQ, I tested high in both intrapersonal and interpersonal consistently throughout the tests. This indicates I am very self-aware and think a lot about my actions and the implications of my thoughts as it pertains to me and those around me (I also tested high in verbal which could be I could communicate myself effectively and efficiently). It also indicates I am very much aware of others and their feelings and what works best in situations when things need to happen. I have a strong desire to relate to other people and do my best to pick up on as many que’s as possible to find the best relationship for healthy communication and teamwork so we both can progress towards our ideals.

 

 

I stayed up alittle later than usual last night. Went to bed around 200am filling out survey information for a class. My friend woke me up for breakfast. I  couldnt get up. I was tired. It took me about 15 minutes of lying in bed before I could move. I didnt shower this morning. Its friday. I usually do. Its pretty routine. Thank god its friday! I need to sleep and study and do homeowkr all weekend. Itll be nice to catch up to the max. I have to go to lunch soon.

It was snowing this morning on the way to breakfast. It was weird. It was sunny… very clear skies with the occasional cloud.. but there was a light sprinkeling of snowflakes. It was faint but magical. They glimmered in the sun and were carried gently up and down by the breeze.

 sleep.

I have two weeks of school left. Next week is the last week of classes, followed by mid terms.

Typical Early Summer Day in 05

 

“I laid there, awake. My eyes felt heavy and my thoughts were still fuzzy The fan circulated cool air over my naked body. I felt dehydrated. Ever since I moved to Florida, where it’s 80 plus even at night, I found myself waking up with my clothes torn off.  Behind my eye lids I could tell it was bright. I cracked my eyes to inspect the room and was met with a blinding burn. They remained closed. I thought about the previous night, or what I could. My body felt sore and my stomach felt upset and nauseas. I wanted to curl up into a ball. Instead I tried to forget about the pain. I rolled over on my side and rubbed my eyes. I could smell the lingering smoke on the tips of my finger. I thought about the cigarettes I smoked last night. Chain smoked. Packs. It made me all the more nauseas. I cleared my through and began coughing, releasing phlegm and a thick mucus, probably mixed with rotten tar and chemicals, into my mouth.
 I don’t know when I decided to get up but I know it was late. Probably the early afternoon. I didn’t bother to look at the clock. I walked to the bathroom and relieved myself. It was an awful feeling. Like releasing the demons the infiltrated me the night before. I stripped and looked at myself in the mirror. Skinny. Bony. ‘I’m losing weight.’ I thought to myself. ‘Not worried about it. I can pull it off.’. Like that was good justification for the abuse and lack of attention to health. I looked like shit. I took my shower and got dressed for the day, looking through my cell phone and trying to compile the events of the night before. I got wasted. Pretty high. I think I took a bar or two. It was 2:30pm when I walked out the door.
The air was hot, humid and sticky. It felt like I was swimming in it. I jumped on my pink skateboard and called Jerry for weed. I’m not big into smoking; only when I’m bored and start thinking about how shitty everything is. I got the number of his friend so I gave him a call and arranged to meet up. I forgot to ask for his name. Oh well. It was in a close neighborhood, not a bad skating distance. I continued to think about the night before. It’s Saturday today, last night was Friday. I don’t think I’ve gone for a full school day in some time. I started thinking about how school was going. It made me cringe inside. I started feeling discouraged. ‘Fuck it. I’m not built for school. My mind doesn’t have the attention span for the classes. Why do something if I don’t know why I’m doing it? Or if I don’t care? It’s a waste of time and energy.’  I continued these thoughts as I cruised down the street.
Jared. I remembered his name. I rolled up to his street and saw him walking towards me. We greeted like old friends, exchanging the handshake and half hug. He was sorta ‘ghetto’ but maintained a cool surfer/skater edge. I don’t even know.
We talked as we caught up about random bullshit. He gets excited as he starts telling me about his week.
“So bro, earlier this week it was soo crazy. I almost died. yea. I almost died. No joke it was crazyyy. So check it out.  I was in school and the school police officer was checking my locker between classes and I had painkillers in my sock so I dipped to the bathroom and sorta freaked out. I just popped like eight percocets. I was in class like drooling. Callin out and talkin shit to the teacher. Haha. It was so funny. I was tellin big black kids to shut the fuck up, tellin my teacher to suck it. I was sooo fucked up.”
I thought about everything he was saying. It was surreal, his excited mannerisms that indicted his exuberant excitement of an experience that he, most likely, barely lived to tell about.
“So like after school I was so messed up I couldn’t even see straight. I was walkin and everything seemed far away. So I remember walkin to a bus stop and there was a lady and I walked up to her and just stared at her. Haha. She asked me if I was alright and I just stared. The crazy part was it started raining and I just lied down on the ground and passed out. Yup. Straight up just passed out on the curb, traffic goin by, this lady staring at me. I woke with an ambulance there and I was in a stretcher and again I woke up in a wheel chair at the hospital. They said I was sitting there in the rain throwin up on the ground. It was sooo crazy, scary, but I think that’s the most I’ve ever been fucked up! It felt sooo good though!”
I was entertained at this aim of being extremely ‘fucked’ up’. Like it was living on the edge. I knew it was stupid, but it seemed appealing. Seeming satisfying to think about the possibility of not feeling, yet feeling so good. I enthusiastically explained my adventure the night before. Something I barely could make out, but had done it enough times to make up a pretty probable scenario for us to both laugh and kid about.  We walked to the corner  of the park where we exchanged money casually. Almost simultaneously a white Cadilac creeped around the block in our direction. Tinted windows and gaudy gold rims. Probably our drug dealer. I laughed at the quaint stereo-type. He told me he’d be back. The car pulled up, he hopped in and took off down the street. I sparked a cigarette and walked to a bench a little ways away with a nice awning for shade. I sat down, placing my face in my hands. I rubbed my scruffy unshaven face, running my fingers through my hair. It was long. I liked it long. I felt weathered, seasoned, experienced. I scratched my scalp and looked to the sky.  It was gorgeous out. Never mind the heat. The sunshine was worth it. The palm trees, the birds gracefully catching the heat thermals enabling them to effortlessly float high above.
I picked splinters in the pick-nick table with anxiousness. Would he fuck me over?
As I thought this I looked up to see him walking in my direction, a wide smile sat under his glasses.
“You smoke?”
“Dude- this bud it dope. He had blunts rolled and we sparked one up and just blazed. I hit that shit so hard.”
I was a little jealous but I knew I was getting high soon. I didn’t feel like splitting the weed up, figured I’d smoke it in a few hours anyway, so I suggested he just hold onto it. He pulled out his bowl, packed it, and handed it to me. I sparked it and took a huge rip, holding it with my cheeks almost bursting.
I was high. At first a little high. Then very high. So high I couldn’t think. I actually hated this feeling every time, but I enjoyed it over feeling sober with the cold facts of reality screaming me in the face. I don’t know where my parents were today. Then again I really didn’t care. We sat there for a good while before getting munchies and making our way to his house.
I grabbed my last share of a little weed nugget and said peace. I headed toward the direction of him. I wasn’t going home though. I got on my phone and made some calls, checking up to see what everyone was up to tonight, returning the phone calls of people I decided against talking to while I was stoned outta my mind. The sun was going down. It was getting darker.  I was gonna get fucked up tonight. Drunk. Maybe some crazy shit if I’m lucky.”

I’m happy. I feel good. I feel accomplished. I decided that life is awesome. I love deciding to enjoy life. It’s like a big ‘fuck you’  to whatever unfortunate circumstances the world throws at me.

I’ll tell you what. I have butterflies in my belly. I have a 4.0 which I am all about. I just decided that I’m gonna start my damn book no matter what. I keep getting hung up on the pressure for it to be like… a masterpiece. HA. Its my first book. Chill the hell out Mike. So I’m stoked. I was caught up in the different plots behind it, the intent, the audience, etc., I’m looking to transfer to UPENN and my father is really encouraging me to write a book about my life and some experiences I’ve had. This naturally stressed me out. I want a good book. but mike… shutup. Most authors don’t even finish their first books. Most authors write a lot of books before they even get one that strikes a chord with publishers and the public.  So I decided: I’m gonna write. and write. and write. Like i usually do. A stream of consciousness replaying life, understandings, events, experiences, etc., as they come along. I have idea’s down. I started it. Its outlined. Its all there… it just needs content. From me. I have like seven years of journals that i was contemplating transferring over to digital text so i could use them in the book, but screw it. For my first edition I’ll write and write and rewrite until i get a damn perfect representation of my interpretation.

Man I saw this girl today… she was cute…really cute… and she was walking by herself… she usually walks by herself- looking deep in thought… and i just wanted go up to her and say “You are beautiful. Can I give you a hug?” Ha. I didn’t. cause that’s a little bizarre. but i wanted to let her know she was beautiful. she deserves to feel beautiful. everyone deserves to feel beautiful.

A Rambling Journal Entry:

Maximizing What Works:

Creating a Stimulating Environment That Encourages Positive Self-Actualization

The American education system is inherently flawed. The result is an apathetic approach towards the exploration of the unique idiosyncrasies residing within individual students.

Learning, as it pertains to the acquisition of knowledge and understanding, requires a conscious agreement between a person’s intuition and the relevant experiences that bring the individual closer to satisfying their deepest desires. Although learning has been made an objective science based on a cumulative system of empirical findings, at its heart it’s solely a subjective experience that ebbs and flows as meaning is placed and replaced on more reliable truths as a means to transport a person towards a greater understanding of fulfillment.

The current American school system is a place where obedience is enforced and reinforced. Understanding proper discipline, like pruning a plant for proper growth, seems to be undermined by the rigidness associated with a system that allocates value on obedience and the ability to follow the unquestionable direction and guidelines of superiors. Little trust is fostered between student and teacher. The once highly regarded profession of teachers who taught students the idiosyncrasies of life, backed by their wisdom, learnedness and selfless pursuit of exposing every truth where it could be uncovered, are now in the modern age, mere automatons, produced by the system they’re apart of.  The system of analytical thinking is the favored way of approaching information. The school system adopted this form of thinking into it’s classrooms as a means to categorically gauge the ‘proper’ progression and development of students with aspiring desires. Grade’s one through twelve, judging the value of a students work by allocating number’s, specific course curriculums and chapters, accelerated and standard classes are all a means to categorize. Placing this kind of value and arriving at formulas for accurate prediction of progress and development are no doubt an effective means to account and organize, but there is a side that is lacking.

Human’s have an amazing ability. This ability is what set’s us apart from all the other species of animals on this planet. It is the ability to create. As I illustrated, the school system is built to keep order which is conducive to a linear and analytical school of thought, yet it lacks the aspect to foster creativity. To gather new information and present it into the system to further explore the possibility of unprecedented concepts, maxims, and understandings contrary to accustomed schools of thought. Creativity is a subjective experience as everyone can draw from their own unique experiences and understandings. The average system has lead people to believe that their methods are not effective or efficient, not worthy or valuable, and that they have no place in a classroom. This causes people to become apathetic towards thinking. They don’t explore or challenge what they think, and they lose any hope and courage of challenging others, like their experiences are more valuable and give them an unquestionable superiority.

My impression is that the majority of people see writing as a formula of expectations that need to be addressed by producing some content that reflects a glimmer of their motivating intent. The general population do their best to grasp the teachers understanding of what should be conveyed, and do their best to structure their style in the most according way. I’m not sure too much creative talent is dumped into classroom writing that isn’t motivated by the desire of the pupil to stroke the ego of the teachers certain understanding of creativity and societal standards. The driving force should be to gain a deeper understanding of their accumulated experiences and convictions, calling certain maxims they’ve encountered into inspection for further development for understanding. Whenever a student enters a scenario that involves a teacher attempting to draw out some response in accordance with their expectations, the student writer is rarely thinking of what lies within the depths of his own soul. The creative conscious is something that is shunned in the school system. It is seemingly treated like it can be taught rather that what it truly is: our mode for assimilating the intuitive understandings of life experiences by introducing the possibility of endless ideas and their combinations, relating to the various relationships of information whether it’s metaphorical or analogical, in order to foster the progression towards your individual desires, namely real truth. School is composed of strictly semantic constructs: curriculum material and information based on understandings deemed as unquestionably concrete deductions by people who’ve preceded us that we’ve accepted as infallible. Very little is seen as relative. The possibility of anything existing outside the system that’s being forced upon us is a reality that seems, unquestionably, impossible to attain.

I think teaching is one of the most rewarding undertakings a human can aspire to do. I find it unfortunate that the education system in place inhibits creative approaches to teaching. It appeals solely to the masses in an analytical format. It’s hard for teachers to encourage creativity, or the idiosyncratic tendencies within a person, in such a rigid environment. If they do they’re simply stroking the muse within us to accept that we’re incapable of exploring it with success. As I reflect from my early years in the education system, this only teases us, taunting us into an apathetic depression where identity and sense of self is lost. At the heart of idiosyncratic writing is creativity. “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” (George Shaw). To create ourselves by testing all that we’ve been subjected to, to everything we’ve experience and been exposed to previously. We compare and contrast our assimilations freely without the hindrance of people telling us that our experiences are wrong and not within the scope of commonality. I think it’s tough to be a creative teacher with the desire to teach people to question things and teach creatively. I have a passion for those teachers and I respond to their efforts with the highest appreciation I offer as a person.

The system does teach us to think analytically however. It does have its value. It teaches us to achieve discipline, focus, and persistence in order to see idea’s through logically and reasonably. I find that students with ADHD require greater stimulating and rewarding environments, otherwise their attention is lost and they overcomplicate the simple problems in order to extract meaning. When no meaning is found, listlessness and apathy are sure to follow.

I think students deemed ADHD are basically people who think far more creatively than those who succeed and excel effortlessly in the system. My interpretation and first hand experiences have led me to believe that those dubbed ADHD can succeed, but struggle with the education that typically involve a dry and rigid classrooms that lack dimension, meaning and significance, something that people who are creative and people with ADHD strive to achieve. Staying on task and staying focused is an issue people the ADHD struggle with. Their thoughts typically search for and process far more information than typical people. This can cause positive and negative effects. Organizing this flood of information and stimulation is a problem that can be dealt with using coping methods that involve a variety of success strategies and study habits, often not taught by the system. The correlation I’ve tried drawing out in this essay is that in a rigid school system that requires specific, sequential, linear, progressive steps in order to gauge the development of a student, it becomes too dry and un-stimulating, resulting in a lack of meaning and significance.

Another inhibiting factor with the creative people (used interchangeable ADHD), is that they are more prone to failing far more often than none creative people. Their tendency to try so many alternative possibilities and approached that they may fail nine out of ten times, often putting ten times the work into a problem, but they learn from these experiences. Instead of realizing that each failure is a lesson, the students are led to believe that they are incapable and have a deficiency or disorder for their curiosity and creative alternative approaches. In a grading system where each grade dictates your value, not the effort, this can be debilitating to a students zest for learning.

My approach to stimulus from the world around me it ends up in a place where I account for relative facts to be organized into an effort to further an understanding. My desire is what fuels my attentiveness. The stronger and more focused my desire on an end, the more apt I am to absorb stimulation around me to get me there. I like to think laterally and often find myself overloaded with information that bogs down my analytical understandings of linear reasoning. As I absorb large amounts of information, it is held in an area of my brain similar to immediate memory. My immediate memory is very open and tends to be bombarded by tons of unorganized information waiting to be processed. The majority of my thinking resides in the working memory where I pull out all sorts of connections from my long term storage and schema’s, cross referencing connections and associations that could prove to be related if explored. I use quick analytical approaches to explore the possibility of these abstract juxtaposes. If a concept seems to be supported through this process, I draw from my immediate memory to look for information to further analyze. The working memory is where I assimilate and solidify my understandings before they are stored long term in different schemas.  The more time I spend hammering a concept together the better understood it is and the more connections it is supported by in the long term memory and schemas.

My strength’s reside in my ability to think comprehensively and abstractly by retrieving my past understandings, experiences, and assimilations from long term memory.  I can retrieve information quite well as long as the desire and end-goal is in line with the process.  If I choose to further develop an understanding that’s aligned with my supporting desires, I examine the implications and make connections that tend to be as broad as they are deep. My immediate memory, where I briefly store the stimulating information around me, allows me to see many sides of information for a more comprehensive look at the implications on my life and previous findings.

Being ADHD, my immediate memory tends to be compromised in analytical sequential processing as I absorb too much unrelated information while trying to establish an idea or learn. A rigid based curriculum in school can be dry and the information lacks meaning as there is little breadth that is exposed to the different meanings it could have on my holistic understanding.  I’m often bombarded by too many thoughts which leads to an over complication of simple concepts. I would attribute my immediate memory as the main contributing cause for the result.

The effects of large quantities of information being absorbed and taken into account due to the immediate memory overload is the main component of ADHD. People with ADHD have a difficult time thinking in a linear fashion because they absorb so much information, or they counter this overload by filtering out all the information. This would explain the attention deficit/ hyperactivity disorder, in that either not enough, or not the right amount of information is absorbed and understood, or too much information in absorbed. When the material has relevance the person dubbed ADHD can hyper-focus and super analyze, creating great understandings of larges amounts of information. Repetition and elaborative rehearsal is the most effective way of absorbing and storing information. In this way, if the time is available and taken, large quantities of information may be examined in order to extract specific understandings. This allows for lateral thinking, involving great amounts of information to be taken into account in order to understand a singular meaning. Rote rehearsal is too simplistic and linear. Regurgitating the information may be confused with all the other degrees of information or thoughts occurring simultaneously in the immediate or working memory. Rote rehearsal can be effective if enough time is dealt with the process and if the material is stimulating. Dividing the time allocated for rote rehearsal into fifteen minute segments with three to five minute breaks in between would allow for much better retention due to the increase in stimulation.  For those dubbed ADHD, I would think most memory rehearsal that’s anything but elaborate, offering extensive dynamics and stimulation, lacks meaning and is too dry and un-stimulating to a produce real and lasting impact in the memory.

I’ve found the most impressionable experiences of storing information effectively involve ensuring an episodic dynamic is involved. Experiences construct a realness of life that extends past many semantic boundaries of understanding. Having all the answers doesn’t help me if I don’t know how to use them or if I’ve never used them. Information for the sake of remembering presents very little recall value unless specific instructions were given to use that information for the specific task or experience. Episodic memory also transcends semantic memory in the variety of senses used to absorb the stimulus. If I’m are attempting to absorb new information and learn something, I’d be more apt to remember the process due to the multiple streams of stimulation I receive through the senses in order to assimilate more comprehensively, allowing us to mold our understanding to a higher degree. This also adds an important emotional significance to the event by encoding and coloring the information to be stored with additional dimensions. Episodic memory is more likely to be practical since real world experience has already been attached to the application of information. When this happens with each subsequent recall of information, a better configuration and sharpening of our understanding is honed for a more accurate application.  Procedural information is most likely involved in the episodic memory absorption to a large degree, especially if we are physically involved with the pursuit of absorbing and learning the information.

Classrooms that foster a relationship with students and nurture a caring bond about their progress are probably the most effective forms of teaching. This presents meaning and hope to a student, giving them a faith to actualize themselves in accordance with their intuitive desires. A classroom that examines breadth and depth, that specializes in elaborative efforts to instill information in the students.

As I’ve gotten older and my experiences with failure and success have become more numerous, I’ve made it a job to cling to what works best and flee from anything that contributed to failure. I refused to lie to myself and I chose to take a critical, totally objective view of myself. There is certain time tested principles involved with my process that I specifically cling to. As I’ve gotten older I’ve learned to be more humble and began seeking out words of wisdom and advice from people who are at the pinnacle of success in a field I deemed worthy of aspiring to. I would read their books and go out of my way to ask questions and pick their brain. I’ve learned principles such as organization, goal setting, positive thinking and maintaining a proper balance of between the mind and body through attention to health and wellness.

I’ve learned to set goals, writing down the end vision I wish to attain, and acknowledging the steps in between. I would previously get caught up in thoughts from misplanning and overlook important details and information. The approach that works best is repetitive review and contemplation, visualizing and meditating on the ideas on the forefront of my priorities, whether it’s in or out of the classroom. To gain a solid ground on the material I find multiple resources and thoroughly construct an elaborative understanding by cross-referencing previous ideas and seeking out new information to give me the most detailed, colorful, faceted impression possible. I follow up with these brainstorm’s by give myself ample time to mull over the information and insights in order to organize them into the most appropriate schema’s for recall. This is especially the case when writing research papers. My sources are details and broad and I examine the implications of every detail surrounding it by asking the question ‘why’.

Meaning is a huge factor involved with the recognition of what’s worked. If the material has meaning, if it speaks to me and appeals to my heart’s desire to find truth that is translatable and applicable in every situation, than I am incredibly likely to absorb every detail with the greatest ease. The material needs to speak to me, or it has to have some truth in it that can be inspected to yield value that would add to the reservoir of knowledge. Meaning and goal setting intertwine in many aspects of my process. If I make the commitment to achieve a goal, it has meaning and I see myself obligated to seeing it out until completion. Meaning also ensures that I put my all into the process.

Organization supplements the process of achieving success in an endeavor. If my external world is organized and well thought out, my mental scape exists in a collective calm state. I also do this to judge accurately the goals I’ve set out to accomplish certain objectives I’ve set out for myself.

Notes, Summaries, and Assimilations:

Examine three theories of examining modes of measuring human intelligence

            Robert Sternberg developed a theory of intelligence based factors that include analytical, creative, and practical assessments of an individual. By assessing an individual’s ability to perform these factors an intelligence quotient can be formed. Characteristics of analytical thinkers involve analyzing information by critiquing and comparing using mostly linear thinking. Creative thinkers think most laterally and abstractly, inventing and constructing new concepts and ideas out of information. Practical thinkers excel in the ability to implement and use information through utilizing an idea or understanding efficiently and effectively in application.

            Sternberg developed this theory by examining his students at Yale University. He watched as each type of student succeeded and struggled in different situations required of them.

Howard Gardner developed a theory of intelligence by separating the previous notions of intelligence that tend to lack the emphasis of creativity. Gardner supposed that there are multiple intelligences to an individual that all exist separately from one another. The theory states that everyone has these intelligences and according to their circumstances and the context they will display them. There are seven basic accepted types of intelligence his theory deals with people whose originality and strengths may arise in one of the following forms: musical, logical, mathematical, spatial, bodily-kinesthetic (athletics), linguistic, interpersonal, intrapersonal, and naturalists. They are all inherent within us and it is up to each individual to extract and develop them.

Jeff Hawkins theory of intelligence deals with how fast information in processed in the brain and how well the information is remembered. The theory revolves around the brains ability to predict situations, patterns, outcomes, solutions, etc., by combining what you’ve seen before with what is happening now. This includes a variety of applications ranging from mathematics, language, social situations, and the properties of objects.

 

How does measured IQ relate to theories?

IQ is a standardized method of measuring intelligence through assessing rate of processing, problem solving, comprehension and other factors that involve a systematic, linear test.  It is a singular method used to come up with results that provide ‘snapshots’ of their mental functioning  so they can be organized and compared to the rest of the population.

All of these theories contain workable components that hold true when tested against their perimeters. They all provide some insight into the inner-workings of the mind. They don’t, however, acknowledge the infinite possibilities and potential that exists within the mind of an individual. This lacks the certain identification of motivating factors that would cause someone to tap into these potentials. What IQ does give a snapshot at the current ability to apply the brain to specific problems, using specific methods, under specific guidelines, under the watch and discretion of a single opinion (a psychologist or group of psychologists deciding on the results). The problem with measured IQ is the tendency is has to present a false interpretation of a person’s capabilities by placing specific parameters around the mind and how it should produce and apply. This is in no way a true representation of a person’s true capabilities, only a place to start understanding how an individual works and functions.

 

How does neuroscience relate to those theories?

           

Neuroscience simply offers us a place to see how these theories hold up in a biological sense. The psychology behind these theories and behind the human brain in general can be supported by observing specific brain functions and how they react when tested against certain claims and within their qualifying perimeters. Ideas cannot materialize unless we see them in action. In comparison analogy, physics is a science composed of ideas and understandings that have been tested in the world around us. Psychology is the place where these ideas are formulated by observing personal intuition or the behavior and world around us. We test these concepts and understandings in our mind, similar to the world in which the principles of physics are examined. The only difference is that through physics we have been able to identify certain limitations that exist in the world around us. Within the scape of our minds the possibilities are limitless. Any idea or concept is real and can be possible, theoretically, even though the confines of our tangible world may prohibit it.

Through thought we can change the composition of our world. We think about an action, we act on the action, and we make change to the external world around us. I think that through thought we can change reality. It’s been proven already. Knowledge is power. Anything we can think up we can do, although we may not know how to do it. That is where we have to examine the how. Learn, experience, and have faith that even though it hasn’t happened or existed before, it is possible. Edison said “Creation-innovation and inventiveness- is one percent inspiration, and ninety nine percent perspiration.” Meaning: Idea’s can be dreamed up all day, but to make them work and materialize them requires intense determination, will-power and effort.

As all these theories relate to neuroscience, whatever you are looking for you will find. Neuroscience is simply the place where we look to find the answers we are looking for to support these theories- and just because they provide answers does not mean that the theories provide any truth, rather separate looking glasses to examine the truth.

Speaking in terms of epistemology, when examining truth, or the world around us for what it really is and why, knowledge can only be gained if a belief, backed by understanding and reason, is in place to examine the reality; like an eyeglass used to examine the landscape around us. Every man will try to find an eyeglass that best examines the landscape, providing it the proper justice he thinks it deserves as it relates to truth, but he himself has a tainted perspective due to his beliefs formed by his individual intuitions and experiences.

Searching the brain through neuroscience will provide none of the answers we are looking for. It will only illustrate, supporting or refuting, any concept we present as it relates to our past and present understandings about the people of society being examined.

If you are in a haystack and you are asked to search for hay, you will find hay. If you are asked to find the bottom you will find the bottom. If you are asked to find a needle, you will find a needle eventually, given enough time and effort. You will never find the needle unless you are looking specifically for it. And if it is found, it is useless unless it is a recognizable part of a solution. Linear, analytic thinkers only find what they are asked to look for to solve a solution. Creative thinkers take everything they find and plug it into the formula of understanding and past experiences and intuitions in order to seek a solution. This is why they fail so many times, yet this is why they are able to create new things. Sometimes by mistake, often by trying out new things to another solution only to come up with an entirely new formula to a separate solution, but more often by always plugging in information, remembering the relationships and combinations for future reference as they refine their understanding and sharpen their reason.

Neuroscience examines the material we are working with. Psychology looks at the products or behaviors. These and other theories regarding human functioning examine the ‘why’ within that black box we call our brains. I often think that the issue of the ‘heart’ is often ignored. Scientists examine the mental implications, acknowledge ‘emotional components’, but neglect the ‘heart’ of a person.  Aristotle once said “Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.” Knowing what information to use and how to use it but lacking the reason or ‘why’ to use it presents very little value. Success is measured in action. If we lack to reason to succeed, to reach our full potential and to expand our understanding of real everlasting truth and the principles that entail, since this is at the very essence of what man is looking for, we will fail and never tap into the recesses of our minds that hold true meaning and fulfillment that life should offer.

 

 

A brief reflection on some material regarding the IPM:

The information processing model is a system developed by psychologists from years of researching the brain. The model has been constantly molded and shaped by new discoveries and understandings regarding the brains inter-workings as it absorbs and processes information from the world around us.

The accepted IPM model consists of five main processes that information passes through until it is stored in the long term memory. Initially information is taken in from the world around us by a combination of our five senses. As we absorb this information from our environment it passes through the sensory register which filters out meaningless information and sends important information to our immediate memory. The sensory register is composed of our reticular activating system and our thalamus as a means of regulating a balance of stimulus and information we are exposed to at any moment and remains a largely an unconscious job. Our immediate memory serves as a brief place where our brain takes and holds large amounts of information, usually for a brief thirty seconds, so that we may subconsciously make a decision to dispose of useless information. From immediate memory, information travels to the working memory which involves the conscious arrangement of information to be later stored in long term memory. Working memory is where thinking takes place and is also where retrieved memories from long term storage are held as we rework them into new ideas and understandings. After we solidify an idea and reinforce a pattern of thought in accordance with that new formulated information in our working memory, we can begin to store it in our long term storage by associating the information with past memories or schema’s. These constant inputs of information into our long term storage make up our cognitive belief system as we arrive to certain understandings about the world around us. Our self concept if largely based on our attitude and directly affects the way in which long term memories and our cognitive belief system is viewed, either is positively or negatively.

The generally accepted IPM model functions similarly in the way I absorb information. As I am exposed to stimulus from the world around me it ends up in a place where I account for relative facts. My desire is what fuels my attentiveness. The stronger and more focused my desire on an end, the more apt I am to absorb stimulation around me to get me there. I like to think laterally and often find myself overloaded with information that bogs down my analytical understandings of linear reasoning. As I absorb large amounts of information, it is held in an area of my brain similar to immediate memory. My immediate memory is very open and tends to be bombarded by tons of unorganized information waiting to be processed. The majority of my thinking resides in the working memory where I pull out all sorts of connections from my long term storage and schema’s, cross referencing connections and associations that could prove to be related if explored. I use quick analytical approaches to explore the possibility of these abstract juxtaposes. If a concept seems to be supported through this process, I draw from my immediate memory to look for information to further analyze. The working memory is where I assimilate and solidify my understandings before they are stored long term in different schemas. The more time I spend hammering a concept together the better understood it is and the more connections it is supported by in the long term memory and schemas.

My strength’s reside in my ability to think comprehensively and abstractly by retrieving my past understandings, experiences, and assimilations from LTS. I can retrieve information quite well as long as the desire and end-goal is in line with the process. I examine implications of every idea and the connections tend to be broad as well as deep if I choose to develop the understanding further as long as it’s supporting my desire. My immediate memory allows me to see many sides of information for a more comprehensive look at the implications of the information on my life and previous findings.

My immediate memory tends to be compromised in analytical sequential processing as I absorb too much unrelated information while trying to establish an idea or learn. A rigid based curriculum in school can be dry and the information lacks meaning as there is little breadth that is exposed to the different meanings it could have on my holistic understanding. I am often bombarded by too many thoughts and tend to complicate things by looking at too much information. I would attribute my immediate memory the main contributing cause for the result.
The best way to store information effectively involves ensuring an episodic dynamic is involved. Experiences construct a realness of life that extends past many semantic boundaries of understanding. Having all the answers doesn’t help if you don’t know how to use them or have never used them. Information for the sake of remembering presents very little recall value unless specific instructions were given to use that information for the specific task or experience. Episodic memory also transcends semantic memory in the variety of senses used to absorb the stimulus. If we are attempting to absorb new information and learn something, we would be more apt to remember the process due to the multiple streams of stimulation we receive through our senses so that we can assimilate more comprehensively which would allow us to mold our understanding to a higher degrees, not to mention the emotional significance of the event that is encoded to the information as it is stored. Episodic memory is more likely to be practical since real world experience has already been attached to the application of information. When this happens with each subsequent recall of information, we will be able to better configure and sharpen our understanding for a more accurate application. Procedural information is most likely involved in the episodic memory absorption to a large degree, especially if we are physically involved with the pursuit of absorbing and learning the information.

The effects of large quantities of information being absorbed and taken into account due to the immediate memory overload is the main component of ADHD. People with ADHD have a difficult time thinking in a linear fashion because they absorb so much information, or they counter this overload by filtering out all the information. This would explain the attention deficit/ hyperactivity disorder, in that either not enough, or not the right amount of information is absorbed and understood, or too much information in absorbed. When the material has relevance the person dubbed ADHD can hyper-focus and super analyze, creating great understandings of larges amounts of information. Repetition and elaborative rehearsal is the most effective way of absorbing and storing information. In this way, if the time is available and taken, large quantities of information may be examined in order to extract specific understandings. This allows for lateral thinking, involving great amounts of information to be taken into account in order to understand a singular meaning. Rote rehearsal is too simplistic and linear. Regurgitating the information may be confused with all the other degrees of information or thoughts occurring simultaneously in the immediate or working memory. Rote rehearsal can be effective if enough time is dealt with the process and if the material is stimulating. Dividing the time allocated for rote rehearsal into fifteen minute segments with three to five minute breaks in between would allow for much better retention due to the increase in stimulation. For those dubbed ADHD, I would think most memory rehearsal that’s anything but elaborate, offering extensive dynamics and stimulation, lacks meaning and is too dry and un-stimulating to a produce real and lasting impact in the memory.

Examine the claim:
There is no intelligence design behind the workings of man and the universe,
and all is of chance by randomization,
and truth is totally subjective,
than any reasoning stated forth from these claims is invalid.

If there is no design, no purpose,
and all is random,
than everything is subjective,
there is no truth,
nothing to hold us accountable.

With this rationale,
we become our own god,
choosing which set of beliefs fits our circumstances as they come.

if everything was random, where do the laws of nature come from?
laws ensure that things happen accordingly, like guidelines or rules to ensure a proper progression, and prevent regression.

Man instates laws, and enforces them through a government.
Men create these laws through his understanding.
No laws a perfect within a government unless a perfect government exists; unless the men who enforce these laws are perfect; no man is perfect.

We almost mimic the laws of nature to ensure proper growth of people within a community progresses.
Man’s laws were created by man.
The laws of nature? random? or intelligently employed?

hm… its late. not too much going on today. I lifted really hard. Why? I’ve programmed myself at this point. to eat and lift and train hard. It doesn’t even bother me either way. It’s something I look forward to on a regular basis though.

I think I’m happy. alone.. but happy. Little children are great. I can’t wait to have kids. Not that I;m rushing anything.. I;m actually looking forward to me being financially stable enough to support myself before I even consider kids… but i;m looking forward to the day I can come home from work and literally teach my son or daughter all about the world one day at a time. Never mind the formal education system. I will tutor and teach and lead by example as often as I can.

sigh…. I played beer pong tonight… it was pretty fun.

I’m 21. I’m looking forward to going home to florida. alright im tired. I’ll tlak more coherently tomorrow.