Author: William

im currently trying to learn how to be wise with my money. i think if i learn a few habits and implement them through discipline ill reap great rewards. due to my young age, i have years to earn great wealth. I think the sooner the better and why not start learning how to manage a little money instead of learning to manage alot when great risks, such as my families well being, are at stake as a result of my negligence. learn through mistakes. i should start weeding out those detrimental habits of thinking now. get them out of my system so that i can clearly see what works and what doesnt. clearly my current level of thought and standards of spending have brought me no where near wealthy or even put me on the right path.. Im making a resolve to keep one tenth of everything i earn, never letting that money escape from me in a lifetime, and the rest pay off debts, save, and continue to support my living standards. eventually i can have enough to make wise investments and multiply the capital. anyway. nighttt

LOGICAL PROOF OF GOD
by Patrick

1) Whatever begins to exist at some point in time has a unique state of information derived from outside itself.
a. It could be said that the universe began as a single quantum event, but the universe must have gotten its quantum state of information from outside itself anyways. Furthermore, even quantum events must have a unique initial set of conditions and, therefore, “instructions” (i.e. logical rules or patterns, e.g., “if electron A flies too close to electron B = ‘repel'”).
2) History has its end in the present (the future is not history). So, if the past was of infinite duration, an infinity came to its end, but this is a self-contradiction since infinity never stops (Luke Wadel; derived from the Kalam Cosmological argument).
3) Similarly, by Olber’s Paradox, the universe is finite in size because the night sky is not a solid color of starlight (i.e. if the universe was infinite, there would be an infinite number of stars which would light the night sky).
4) So, by 2 and 3, the universe began to exist, and by 1, something “instructed” it by supplying it with initial information from outside itself.
5) By Godel’s incompleteness proof (supplimental explanation at the end), these instructions (as logical systems) cannot be demonstrated to be true by using the logical machinery of the system unless moving up to a time of “metasystem”, therefore, they are not derived from the system called “universe” (we could incorporate information theory as the logical structure of the universe, by the way).
6) However, logical instructions or systems cannot ultimately exist apart from some mind.
7) Therefore, a mind “instructed” the universe into initial existence since logical instructions cannot originate apart from some mind.
8) There must be a limit to the degrees of mind because if there were no end to intelligent levels, then God is not the end of the line since there is a mode of mind more intelligent than he is. However, let God or God’s mind = G. Let’s also define G as infinite since the potential is unbounded (i.e. G = infinite). Furthermore, let G’ = infinite + 1 (G’ means “G prime”; something other than God). “Infinite + 1” still equals infinite, therefore, G’ = infinity.
9) By the transitive principle, if G = infinity, and G’ = infinity, then G = G’. So, G’ must be a part of G if not G itself. Therefore, there is nothing that can be smarter or more intelligent than G as infinite and less than G’s.
10) All other minds are, are therefore, finite, but by 5 there are hierarchies. Furthermore, the universe cannot hold all types of intelligent minds because there is a limit placed on energy and the amount of minds it can hold. Hence finite minds cannot be sustained indefinitely in hierarchal levels. So, the number of hierarchal minds must be finite at all times of existence even though the potential is infinite.
11) By Godel’s incompleteness proof, the highest hierarchy must be infinite. So, either the highest mind is infinite, or there are an infinite number of finite mind hierarchies. However, as in 2, these hierarchies would never come to an end and we could not reach our present state of human existence. They, therefore, must be finite (as in 9)
12) Let’s assume that God did not directly “instruct” or create our universe, but that some other finite mind created it instead.
13) However, by 1 and 5, God is ultimately responsible for creating that mind, and by 7-9, he creates all minds as the limit to the Godelian hierarchy (i.e. there must be nothing greater than the infinite).
14) Since no other mind can create God, he must exist uncaused out of necessity to the Godelian hierarchy which is finite.
15) Therefore, God exists and he created the universe by either creating it directly (as the mind in 6), or by creating the minds that lead up to its creation.

——————————————-
Essence of Godel’s incompleteness proof:

Let us call a particular system of logic, “Tom” the computer. Tom is supposed to know the truth or falsity of any statement (by following a set of instructions). Anyone can test Tom’s infallibility. All Tom has to do is spit out the answer of “true” or “false”. However, there is one statement that we know the truthity of that Tom cannot demonstrate to be true. It is:

Statement A: “Tom cannot prove this statement to be true”.

The answer could not be “true” because then the statement will have been falsified, and if “false”, then Tom will have arrived at a false conclusion. A paradox! It is only when we move up a higher order system of “human” logic that we find the answer to be “true”. Hence, the information must be derived from outside the computer system of instructional logic. That is, we know that “Tom cannot prove this statement to be true” is true but only from outside its system.

http://www.voy.com/32229/398.html

Be careful with who you associate yourself with. This is a topic Ive read extensively about and its weighed heavily on my heart.

There are people who are going up and people who are going down… or essentially nowhere. you only want to put yourself around those you can learn from. Those who inspire and encourage you to grow as they do. Its easy to find those willing to pull you down. its harder to find those who want to pull you along as theyre climbing up the ladder of success. If you too are climbing you will see that they are eager to see you succeed as long as your efforts are genuine. No one likes to waste time on those who put forth as little effort as possible. I realize i cannot afford to waste major time with minor things and minor people. I have as much time as anyone else and one lifetime to maximize my life. I can choose to be careless with how i use it, by thoughtlessly putting myself around instances which deter growth or i can use it wisely by being proactive and surrounding myself around those who encourage my success and my disciplined efforts. anyway. every minute it valuable. how are you using your time?

http://www.lifeoptimizer.org/2007/02/10/grow-yourself-by-meeting-people-and-reading-books/

This quote inspired me:

The art of being wise is knowing what to overlook.
– William James

so did this one, alot:

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
– Henry Ford

and this one:

The superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions.
– Confucius

and this one:

The tragedy in life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.
– Benjamin Mays

basically i feel real inspired right now.
the past week had been hazy. My goals and aspirations are strong but they seem distant. Im working two jobs and its becoming exhausting. I try not to let myself think that its exhausting, i tell myself there are people who work more than the 70 hours a week ive been working… people that work around the clock day and night for days and maybe weeks. like soldiers and important politicians and what not. the only thing is… this is not waht i want to do with my life. wait tables. its humbling really. i must say for all that i want in life the past two years have been a humbling experience. ill be able to relate to my humble becomings later on. im 20. sometimes i think i have all the time in the world. (which i might) and other times i feel that every passing second i dont take advantage of enforcing my beliefs with sound efforts by acting upon them, is a second ill never have again. i feel that a second in my youth is worth a day in my old age. i want to rationalize my idleness and my occasional lack of enthusiasm and drive but i only feel it the next day. i need to be disciplined and retain my focus daily without fail or hesitation or doubt. doubt and worry sap my stregth and ambition. i need to spend energy on th ehere and now and whats to be accomplished with the daylight and time i have left. not with regret and wishes and shouldhaves. i need to focus on being the person i envision myself to be instead of wishing. “great men have purposes, others have wishes” i keep that in my wallet as a reminder anytime i daydream and think of things other than my goals and how ill overcome them.

i get down sometimes. i think about what i should have done, instead of doing what i can be doing and planning for my next move. hm. i get caught up in thoughts that lead me no where. and i feel confused. and blah. and that neutral feeling is a negetive feeling. anytihng not distinctively good is bad. so that sounds an alwarm in my head. fortunately ive have some mornings off this week due to passover. The free time i have will be spent doing errands and raeding. READING. its amazing. its like this.
Your mind is soil. Your thoughts are seeds. You have a strong desire for something and youll think more of it and youll plant the seeds. Reading is like that water that reinforces and ensures the vitality of those seeds that theyll grown into the vision you planted in your mind. you as the caretaker need to weed out bad thoughts and weeds in the garden of your mind. you need to ensure that the mind is clear and open and is breathing. like ensuring there is enough sunshine and the weather is right for optimaal growth. yes. heres is a quote i remember “do not judge a day by the harvest, rather by the seeds youve planted”- i forget who wrote it but that basically mativates me to do alot with life. and with every seed you plant will only birth more fruit and more seeds. its up to discipline and desire to ensure proper and healthy growth. anyway. im gonna go read now. night 🙂

My personal statements for school.

1.) What types of skills and strategies do you believe you will learn at Landmark College?

“Skill is the refinement of our current abilities added to the acquisition of new talents.”(Jim Rohn)

My goal for attending Landmark College is to acquire and solidify any additional or pre-existing learning strategies and talents that would be supplemental in my progress towards personal refinement. I’m looking for any additional knowledge and tools that would compliment the vision and goals I’ve set before myself, that I might be fully equipped with an arsenal of knowledge and strategies for success and learning that would allow no room for lack of confidence in confronting the inevitable challenges and obstacles that arise in life. Every endeavor I set before myself I look at with optimism and confidence. I have hope that as long as there is a vision beyond the challenge and difficulty, the insatiable desire and determination to make that vision a reality will propel my efforts far beyond the precedent, and pave the way for success.
I believe that my purpose for attending Landmark College is the preparation of necessary skills and success strategies I’ll require as my goals become more specific, and the vision I hold for my life expands. I’ve told myself, “You don’t know what you don’t know, until you know.” I want to provide myself with an environment where I’m submersed in commitment to acquire, develop, and sharpen these tools. Specific skills and strategies I hope to absorb, and implement through habit, include efficient and effective goal setting strategies. Strategies that encourage an efficient and effective success, as well as the refinement of organizational skills needed to complement that success. I’m interested in the introduction of new and meaningful approaches to studying, as well as forming additional study habits and efficient time-management techniques. I feel that Landmark College will provide the environment and work staff that would encourage all this, with the opportunity to employ these skills and strategies towards the college education I’ve chosen for myself.

2.) In general do you feel that you have been taught academic skills and strategies that enabled you to perform to your academic potential in the past?

I’ve been taught by a variety of teachers, many brilliant and successful practitioners who’ve mastered the art of conveying information to their students in a way that leads to successive achievement. I remember those teachers because I remember seeing the power within me when they pressed me with challenges. Challenges presented in a light that sparked desire and confidence for a yearning of more than I previously offered. I’ve had teachers that saw my grades, but paid them no attention because they knew there was an unlimited reservoir of potential that was crying out to be heard. These teachers may not have had the skills or answers I was looking for, but they encouraged me to look in myself and find the answers. They were patient and hopeful, never critical or negative towards my undertakings, even though I’d struggle and consider the possibility of giving up. Those teachers I hold in the highest regard. They stand apart and will be remembered by every student whose life was touched.
I’ve also had the unique pleasure of standing before the teachers who’ve presented me with the truths and answers that go unchanging throughout the course of time. They were firm in their faith in every student’s potential. They were teachers that knew the formula for success. They allowed neither excuse nor any kind of rational for the lack application of these principles and values. These teachers would continually remind us every time we stepped into the classroom why we were producing our best efforts. I admire these teachers. These teachers provided every tool needed for success, and most importantly why success is important. They instilled the principles that provided the foundation and framework for my aspirations. They taught me that any noble and honorable pursuit was specifically held together through discipline, self-sacrifice and the art of being pro-active. Integrity and the preservation of character in every work you undertake will only leave lasting results. As I progress as a young man, I see that you will find whatever it is you’re looking for, as long as you search earnestly. The truths and good I’ve learned throughout life, and through these teachers, will never cease to reappear and continually qualify as necessary elements of a life worth living as I search for real success and worthwhile achievement.

3.) How as your learning disability or AD/HD affected your academic progress to date?

I’ve come to accept a reality that use to otherwise discourage me from doing my best, the reality that I learn differently. I would shrink away from challenges that I knew I was more than capable of overcoming, simply because of fear. Things were to be done a certain way and I did them a little differently. I did my best to conform to the ways other student’s grasped the information and it left me discouraged. The possibility that my individual learning approaches were just as effective, if not more effective, came to me only recently in my journey of personal development. I realized I was no longer limited in any area of learning. I could progress and learn and store whatever material and concepts that I was presented, as long as I took the proper approach and attitude. I realized there was no excuse to avoid tackling problems and challenges. Faith in my ability emerged as the wick that held the flame as I walked into the unknown and faced my fears.
Throughout high school there was no place or classroom I felt incompetent in. I could absorb anything if my desire led me to do so. The continual monotony of a specific way of instruction and a certain way of learning stifled my enthusiasm and creativity. As I produced mediocre grades, and grades were the standard reflection of the student’s ability, I scoffed at the system, yet it simultaneously left me doubting my full potential and abilities. Eventually my frustrations led to lack of motivation, producing even more unsatisfactory results. I began to think school was not for me, which caused incredible confusion considering my insatiable thirst for knowledge and understanding in every academic area. I did what I had to get by, while trying to sort out and pursue my life’s meaning and purpose. It wasn’t until after I left high school that I spent time in the real world and had time to make sense of it all. It was then that I discovered the rewards of personal development. It was a revelation like no other. You aren’t just born a certain way. You have a mind that you have full control and power of. You can control every thought and form any habit you choose. I never knew how to make myself into the person I always envisioned myself to be, nor did I think it was conceivable. Now I know it can be done. It will take time but there’s nothing I can’t do. The ups and downs along the way I accept as apart of life that everyone faces. I learned that every failure is a stepping stone to success. I’m no longer afraid to try because every time I make a mistake, I see it as a opportunity to learn and try again, only better.

4.) Describe a situation where you had to advocate your needs as an individual with a learning disability or AD/HD.

Throughout high school there was always confusion as to why my efforts didn’t appear to equal my potential. Before I learned how to harness and focus my energies I was endlessly frustrated by the lack of mind power I was able to commit to my studies. Although I knew all too well the importance of time-management and organization, implementing it was something quite unfamiliar to me. Essays specifically took an unusually long time to complete. As a result, the majority of the time they were handed in late, and docked points. I would always draft excellent compositions that deserved the very best grade, but it didn’t mean a thing if it was late. This would prompt me to produce mediocre works just to get them in on time. This kind of work ethic was contradicting to the perfectionist inside me who despised producing average work. The answer was I needed more time. I was stubborn however, and it would take a lot of me to ask for these extensions because of pride. My parents and I learned that it was often necessary for passing to go to teachers asking for additional time for completion regarding reports and essays. This allowed me to progress my way through high school with more confidence.

5.) How does an associate degree from Landmark College fit into your long term academic and career goals?

My hope is that Landmark College will prepare me with the education, as well as a good foundation for future success, to move onto more specialized interests of study. My goal is to double major in business and psychology, eventually earning two bachelors and moving onto a master’s degree program for Industrial Organizational Psychology. I plan on becoming a business consultant and eventually own my own business. The idea behind my vision is to provide a service that would allow people to boost productivity as individuals as well as a company. By addressing individual mentalities and philosophies, a healthier and more productive work ethic and drive can be created in the company. Coupled with the refinement of the business plan, tapping into the potential of company executives would allow for better leaders and managers. Overall I would like to share my knowledge and services with a company in order to encourage stimulating growth factors such as effectiveness and efficiency. I see Landmark College as a place where personal development is a necessary part of the education process and that is encouraged in every classroom. I see that landmark would fit perfectly into the overall academic and career plan I’ve set out for myself.

6.) Describe a teacher who made a difference in your academic life.

My sophomore year as a cadet at Valley Forge Military Academy provided me with an opportunity to learn from one of the most challenging teachers I’ve encountered throughout my academic schooling. I’ve had the blessing of learning from many excellent and passionate teachers who really cared about the student’s individual success. Many of whom I’ve connected with, and their love and hope for my success fueled me towards reaching my higher goals. My honors modern world history teacher Colonel Medearis was unlike any other teacher I’ve had before and after. Stoic and reserved, he was determined and focused in every endeavor he set before himself. He stood as an example of what discipline, honor, and excellence really exemplifies, never wavering from his ideals or his conviction.
The real difference in his instruction was his ability to convey those very ideals onto his students in a way that motivated us to make no excuses for a weak and lazy mind. He provided us with every opportunity to learn the material, and some. The only reason for anything less than an A in his classroom was the individual lack of ambition and drive. He knew our potential, and he allowed no excuses for anything but our best efforts. I can close my eyes and visualize myself stepping into his classroom, mentally preparing myself for the next hour of maximum absorption and development of every detail in the lesson. Not just absorbing the matter, because I could simply read the book, it was the lesson in every lesson that was to be learned. It wasn’t cut and dry textbook material, read this and that, and if you’re smart you’ll get a good grade. It was a character based classroom, with efforts based on our character as a person. We want our efforts to reflect our character and integrity- our attention to detail- because the details add up in the long run. Like a painting of your life, there are long strokes and short strokes, vibrant and dull. Every stroke or action, no matter how insignificant, adds up to construct an expressive canvas of idea and color, personality and character. It’s up to the artist to be precise in every stroke if his aim is to paint the most beautiful work.
This was the first time this approach was ever presented to me. Everything I knew of school prior was simply a place where material was presented to me, with the basis for academic advancement, so we could be allocated with grades that reflected our ability to crunch information and regurgitate it in a manner that could be awarded with a good grade, deeming us worthy on the spectrum of A through F. There was never motivation to be excellent in all challenges. I never saw school as something that should be taken as an opportunity for a personal challenge that would allow for refinement of my being, whether it’s characteristically, mentally, or physically. I remember him so distinctively because for the first time in my life I could make no excuse for myself. I couldn’t muster up the courage to tell myself any of his challenges were impossible, although at first glance anyone looking at the workload and expectations would indeed raise their eyebrows and write him off as ruthless. I knew Colonel Medearis provided the most academically challenging classroom with no excuse for lack of resources. The memory of him, his vision, and the experience lay in the back of my mind as I endured a variety of trials in the years that followed. It’s comforting to know that truth never changes and as I pursue my personal development I can look back and recall those who took the time to instill the unchanging qualities that really matter in success and achievement.

7.) In what ways do you hope to contribute to the Landmark College community?

My life experiences have brought me to confront cold realties that many people would never dream to face. At a very young age I was different in a variety of aspects. The mix of intense enthusiasm and creativity, coupled with my inquisitive fascination of the world around me, proved to be too overwhelming for the tastes of the standard elementary classroom. The teachers recommended that I be clinically evaluated in hopes that some answers for the unusual behavior would be addressed. I was diagnosed with AD/HD and medicated thereafter. My family traveled across the country, moving from California to Virginia, up and down and in between, attending first grade at three schools in separate states. This trend continued throughout elementary school until we settled in New Jersey.
My seventh grade year marked the beginning of the dark span of tribulations that would shape me indefinitely. I slowly began drowning in a world of depression as I struggled to balance academics and a social life for the first time without the crutch of medication. It occurred to no one around me as the decision was made, that much of my academic consistency and stability was contributed to the crutch medication offered the seven years prior. I had never been faced to cope with the realties of life without it. I had never been forced to learn and employ any coping habits regarding my individual learning abilities that would allow me to function successfully in a classroom or social setting. I lost ground in myself and my self confidence. Behind a mask I huddled in a dark comforting corner filled with hopelessness and chaotic confusion. I sought refuge in other hurting people whom I could relate these foreign feelings of unbearable pain and suffering. This confused mentality was the basis for the majority of my relationships for the next many years. I developed deep emotional relationships with many hurting people. I tried my best to relate with them in hopes I could maybe find answers to my pain and suffering. The ending result was destruction and death. My seventh grade year began that dark obsession with finding my cure, and ending the pain for good. Suicide became the only option after self-mutilation yielded weak results. That year I formed a suicide pact with my best friend which led to his devastating death. Coping was not an option. I swallowed the guilt and it became a part of me that kept me from finding the truth for many years. I was hospitalized a variety of times for severe depression, anxiety and suicide ideations as well as attempts. I was medicated each time to no avail as psychiatrists and psychologists scratched their head and introduced new medications, tweaking the dosages at each evaluation. There was no improvement. I was smarter than the majority of the Dr.’s rightfully accredited me. I began to accept this demon that possessed my mind and soul.
I must say I knew God, and I knew his truth, because for the brief moments I sought to dwell on the truth, clarity entered my life. Clarity that resonated and lifted my spirit and brought me out of the depths of confusion and chaos and brought a vision beyond the walls I built for myself. One of the determining elements that might have sooner brought me to the vision I now have for myself was the lack of unchanging truth, rightful knowledge, and tested tools in my life. These were necessary for the continual development and repair that I desperately needed to salvage the wreck I had become. I was blinded with false information and lies. I put my faith in things and habits with no foundation and they would consistently collapse all around me time and time again, leaving me more and more discouraged and bitter and sad. I was a lifeless zombie that acted with little thought of consequence. I eventually, almost inevitably, found my way into the realm of drugs. They offered the escape I longed for. It was a place free of pain, and filled with endless possibilities and realties. I dwelled in this world and my fascination remained until I learned it offered no answers for the mounting questions as the hurt and confusion remained.
My junior year reopened the past wounds as I was faced with another compounding reality. My close childhood friend committed suicide. I was left to deal with the coping on my own as I rejected any help or comfort from anyone other than the close friends I had who were just as affected. I soon thereafter began deteriorating noticeable inside and out, no longer able contain the hurt and depression. I delved headfirst into drugs and began residing there full time which led to successive overdoses and my eventual emergency hospitalization. The most frightening awakening experience occurred when I was committed to the state adolescent mental health ward. After spending a short while in the confinement of those walls, I realized that my issues were minor in comparison to those who earned the right to be there. I knew I could escape the depression I faced if I willed myself so. I realized I had to be responsible for myself more than ever. After appealing my evaluation to the state board of psychiatrists, I was reevaluated and left in the care of my parents under strict circumstances. We would move shortly after to Florida in order to start fresh. I started my senior year knowing exactly where I came from and I did everything possible to make sure I’d never enter depression again.
My confusion and search for amidst the world mislead me down a variety of paths. The first major breakthrough in my developmental processes came as I harnessed my ability to cope with my feelings. I was still lacking the mental knowledge and tools of achievement to cope with my mind in order to succeed in school and individual against challenges and obstacles. I failed my senior year which, for the first time, was a failure I was comfortable with. I saw that I wasn’t ready for college and that I’d be ready in due time. I reflected and searched for answers that would eventually renew the faith I had in my abilities and rekindle my self-confidence. For the first time I realized books provided answers that might take a long time for me to learn for myself. After each book I consumed I became more and more empowered as I groomed my mind and weeded out negative thoughts and habits, and planted new seeds of thought. I dwelled on every good, time tested, constructive thought pattern I learned, saturating my mind with information that supplemented these foundational truths, until habits slowly developed through discipline. As time passed and I put my faith into the men who’ve mastered success and attaining every life goal, the character I’ve always wanted for myself emerged and took shape. I continue to mold and add to it with every newly acquired thought.
My unique life experiences have led me through an immense amount of confrontation that many people would never experience in a lifetime. I would say it is not entirely uncommon to meet a brilliant mind full of potential that started with no ambition or hope, and rose from the dregs of unfortunate circumstances to find his place is the world of success. That’s almost a proverb. What would make this proverb unique are the circumstances, and everyone’s circumstances are different. It’s up to the individual to make them worthwhile. The realities I’ve been subjected to face have been instrumental in orchestrating the life I’ve played out thus far. I wouldn’t be who I am today, and know what I know, if it wasn’t for the experiences. The spectrum of struggles and challenges I’ve been faced with, and the decisions I’ve made to handle them, and eventually overcome them, reinforce the creed that anything is possible. I’ve had the opportunity to be in a wide array of places in my life that constitute as being on the far ends of positive and negative extremes. My mind has led me to dark realizations as well as enlightening revelations. I think the deep contrast between the two provides me with an obligation to help others discern as they are faced with decisions and confrontations in their life. I feel deeply convicted, knowing what I know, to create opportunities for others to succeed. I want to help and encourage anyone who has a desire to want more for them by providing any insight, tools, or direction I could possibly offer so that their eyes might be opened as mine are. “If you hold to my teaching…Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8) As I progress on my own journey I’ve learned that it’s necessary to earnestly seek truth in everything you do. There is not enough time in life to allow room for the weeds of negative thoughts to fester. Nor is there time to save room in a beautifully groomed garden for a patch of weeds reserved for the vices and limitations you allow. The beautiful garden of goodness and character you’ve prepared in your mind will bring forth the most fruitful rewards, surely surpassing any imaginable vision you’ve set for yourself. My goal in everything I do is to exemplify a life founded on truth, and attract those in search.

you always have up and downs. Thats just apart of life. you’re lying to yourself if you think you’re the only one in the world. i use to tell myself i had serious problems because i got sad. and that would just get me more down. but eventually, and it took a long while- cause im stubborn- I realized that its pretty normal. and what makes people great is when you acknowledge the up and downs, but seize control of your thoughts and make the most of your life, despite circumstances and trials and feelings. the only feelings worth having are good feelings. I use to enjoy being sad. i dont know why. i had serious mental problems. i would seek comfort in it. but i never really lived life to the fullest like that. i was lying to myself and life would continue to progress in a downward spiral. maybe it was the disappointment i didnt like, so i chose to always expect the worse so i wouldnt be disappointed. thats a really crappy way of living tho. anyway. im rambling. I realize life can be beautiful if you take control of it and envision greater things for yourself. if you believe you will be great you will be great. but you need to back it up with action. You believe things are the way they are now, not because they are reality, but because you made them a reality by acting upon what you chose to believe really is. hopefully you follow me cause its serious stuff that changes lives. im not gonna write it all out for you but its genuine stuff. anyway

always be positive. always be optimistic. You’re attitude determines the intensity of your actions. very important if you want to be effective and efficient in achieving- anything for that matter. you must always have a vision. a goal. something you can have to backup and reinfornce every word and action with. a why. never mind that how. the why is pressing. the how is knowledge. the why is desire. and it needs to be worthy if it will take you as far as youd like to go in life. when you know the why, and your desires are identified- you can begin to fill your mind with the arsenal of knowledge required to bring you there. the how. anyway. i thought id share. its rare when people hear this stuff in the world we live in nowadays. everyones confused, and lost, and misguided. no faith. or all thier faith is in themselves and not in the higher power I call God. if youve ever put faith in yourself, you should know if you’ve done any living and gotten disappointing results that you cant rely on yourself. youll let yourself down and fail time and time again. put your faith in things above- in God- and he’ll never let you down. youll never be disappointed if you do what your convictions tell you as long as you want more for yourself. and wanting more-the desire for progress- is a constructive quality- which is good- and since bad is always decontructive you should want nothing to do with any negetivity, bad people, and most of all- thoughts. cause repeated thoughts form habits. and habits for character and your character will determine your destiny. so want good and your life will prosper and happiness and job will follow. be disciplined in these things. There are two pains we must face- the pain of discipline which weighs ounces and the pain of regret which weighs tons. dont hestiate to take action today. anywayyyyyyy. sorry. i could go on forever.

anyway. I work two fulltime jobs. not so fun. my goal is to pay off bills and debt and save up before i leave for school. Im finding it difficult to find personal time. When im not working im sharing my free time with friends. it needs to stop. eek. only for a little bit tho. priorities are priorities.

This past week has left me exhausted emotionally. no matter how tough you think you are you can always get hurt. you may be in denial but you feel it. I feel it. im not in denial. This world is full of messed up people. i really ask ‘why god?’ when i see that these people find thier way into my life. maybe im suppose to help them? i feel like i continually get hurt tho. Im excited about college. !! landmark college. woot. um. what else. i dunno. im exhausted i havent had a day off in like… a couple weeks. i work doubles 5 days out of the 7 days i work. geeze. anyway. night 🙂

p.s.
exciting news. i got my IQ test results back. The school i applied for required IQ testing as part of the application. it took 5 hours to complete. i did suprisingly well which makes me happy. i thought it was pretty cool. good experience. and now i know what areas i need to work on. I’ll give a summary.

WJ III and Acheievement test

Verbal Ability 136
Thinking Ability 142
Cognitive Effeciency 92 <-(Indicator of AD/HD)

Processing speed 98
Phomenic Awareness 153
Working Memory 99

Verbal Comprehension 136
Visual Auditory Learning 115 <-(Indicator of AD/HD)
Sound Blending 137
Concept Forming 128
Incomplete words 174

Broad Reading 129
Broad Math 108
Broad Written Language 161

I left out sub-sections cause the analysis report is like enormously long and confusing, so i just put the familiar self-explanatory and central major clusters in.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

gosh
i need to tell you- i think you’re pretty sick for even entertaining the idea that I’d cheat on my girlfriend- and i think you’re really sick for actually trying to get me to do it. I would never cheat. Not with someone i care about and especially not with someone who cares about me as much as Ariel does. i almost laugh when i think about it. sometimes i think you’ve got it together and it looks real attractive. other times i think deep inside you’re the same girl i decided to stop talking to years ago. confused and confused. i thought you grew up but gosh i was wrong. maybe you still need to grow up and i need to give you a few more years. maybe its not about growing up- maybe its just the way you are and not any amount of time can change that. its sad to watch the people you love or once loved fail to surprise you with behavior not suitable for someone with so much positive potential.
9:45 AM

As we grow up we learn that the one person that wasnt supposed to let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once, and its harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend and lose friends you thought you would always have. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing so fast, and you’ll eventually lose somebody you’d never think you could live without, so laugh too much and love like you’ve never been hurt because for every minute you spend angry you lose 60 seconds of happiness you’ll never get back.

What if you have a disease- what if that disease caused excruciating pain, pain so deep that if you let it it could potentially take the will to live from your fingers leaving you to contemplate the posibility of death? What if you were wanted to overcome it with your heart and your will. You refused all other treatments because you knew that in the end, if you let it run its course, it would make you a stronger person. Would that make you mad? What if that disease was love?

Smoking: Not Smart
According to research findings released in 2004, smokers and former smokers did not perform as well on tests as nonsmokers. Four hundred sixty-five subjects had taken a test that measured cognitive ability in 1947 at age 11. They took the test again between 2000 and 2004. Based on the results, smoking appeared to cause a one percent drop in cognitive function. A possible explanation for this correlation is that smoking-related lung damage caused less oxygen to reach people’s brains.

The iron never lies to you. You can walk outside and hear all kinds of talk, get told you’re a god or a total bastard. The iron will always kick you the real deal. The iron is the great reference point, the all-knowing perspective giver. Always there like a beacon in the pitch black. I have found iron to be my greatest friend.It never freaks out on me, never runs. Friends may come and go. But two hundred pounds is always two hundred pounds.

-Henry Rollins

I’m going to the doctors today. They’re administering me an IQ test. more specifically the woodcock johnson cognitive achievement test. they wanna see if there’s potential im not living up. I’m applying to this college and its a requirement.im well rested.

For all of you that think you have a “chemical imbalance” here’s some interesting evidence and articles providing some insight to your inaccurate claims.

http://psychtruth.googlepages.com/refrences

It’s a weak mind, or a ignorant mind that fails to overcome such ‘disorders’. not a chemical imbalance. if your thoughts caused any kind of imbalance, dont you think your thoughts can get you out? given enough mental exertion is exhibited ofcourse. then again that may be asking far too much from a person. to think. one of man’s most challenging obstacles. where is the desire to want more from this life? why do we crumble so easily? why are the standards set so low for oneself? i think a lack of creative vision- more specifically a lack of God since he’s the inspiration for all things- that prevents people from reaching their full potential. where is the hope? where does the world put its faith? its SAD to think that people rely souly on eachother and themselves for lifes answers and the answers to the universe. no wonder we drug ourselves with simple pleasures and addictions of the mind.. prescribed, or self medicated, or just consistently entertained, we’re pathetically engrossed in keeping ourselves preoccupied from thought. it breaks my heart.

THINK.

” A Loving Doe, a graceful deer- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love”
– Proverbs 5:19 (The Holy Bible)

” Be very careful, then, how you live-not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil”
-Ephesians 5:15-16 (Holy Bible)

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength”
-Mark 12:30 (Holy Bible)

“Intellectual Passion drives out Sensuality”
-Leonardo Da Vinci

“A Problem can’t be solved with the same thinking that created it”
-Albert Einstein

“Do or Do Not. There is no ‘Try'”
-Yoda

“There are people who appear to think only with the brain… While others think with all the body and all the soul, with the blood, with the marrow of the bones, with the heart, with the lungs, with the belly, with the life”

“What we fear is not death. What we fear is that we have wasted life. In our darkest moments we are afraid that our highest calling will go unanswered.”
-Garret LoPorto

“Genius begins great works; labor alone finishes them”
-Joseph Joubert

” I searched the Internet looking for answers… I found none. I searched my heart… and found many”
-Garret LoPorto

“There are no problems-only solutions”
-John Lennon

“Why does the eye see a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination when awake?”
-Leonardo Da Vinci

“God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons we could not learn in any other way. The way we learn those lessons is not to deny the feelings but to find the meanings underlying them”
-Stanley Lindquist

“Oh Screw It. Let’s Do It!”
-Richard Branson

“Your Time Will Come”
-Iron Maiden

Personal Development, Personal Expression, Innovation, People, Business, Finance, Investing, Science, Psychology, Philosophy, Neuro Linguistic Programming, Creativity, Nature, Art, Music, Guitar, Ralph Emerson, Henry Thoreau, Journaling and Writing, Spirituality and Christianity, Health and Wellness, Fitness, Space-time, Adventure, Traveling, ADD, Inventing, Wikipedia,

Favorite Quotes:
“The american of Boston had built themselves a Carthage, a land stuffed with money but void of culture, destined to vanish without a trace of existence. What had Plato said of the citizens of Agrigentum? These people build as if they were immortal and eat as if they were to die instantly.” – The Dante Club

“Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.” – Desiderata

“You are a child of the Universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.” – Desiderata

If you love me then Thank you!
If you hate me then fuck you!
Love me or hate me, its still an obsession.
Love me or hate me, that is the question.
If you love me then Thank you!
If you hate me then fuck you!
-Lady Sovereign, Love Me or Hate Me

this is interesting:

http://tinyurl.com/yxewot

“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.”- Thoreau

On the way to achieving the many endeavors we set out for ourselves, there are many destinations . There are even more paths to take you and guide your steps. One might consider his path the most efficient way of travel, but only until you’ve walked the path of another man can you make that judgement.

i love people who think they know things. I can be one of those people. I am often times. but i love seeing people talk about how much they know things. how certain they are of things. its funny. Its awesome cause it reminds me of how god-aweful i sound. The God’s honest truth is, the more i know, the absolute more i know i DONT know shit. and i think when this happens to people… they become proud of thier realization that they unlocked more secrets than the next man, instead of humbly accepting that there is no amount of knowledge and intellect he could possibly retain to grasp it all, not even in a specific field. know what im sayin? Intellect. here’s a quote from emerson that i found while reading earlier:

“In the fog of good and evil affections it is hard for man to walk foward in a straight line. Intellect is void of affection and sees an object as it stands in the light of science, cool and disengaged. The intellect goes out of the individual, floats over its own personality, and regards it as a fact and not as I and mine. He who is immersed in what concerns person or place cannot see the problem of exisitence. That is why intellect always ponders. Nature shows all things formed and bound. The intellect pierces the form and overleaps the wall, detects intrinsic likeness between remote things and reduces all things into a few principles.”

im not saying it relates to what i was saying but I found that to be enlightening none the less and thought it ought to be shared.

http://www.lorettalux.de/

Im going to Europe, March 1st through the 13th.

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson