Sol

Creation begins in solitude. I’ve grown misanthropic over the years, less patient with my fellow-man. I’ve come to believe that solitude is where the penetralia of being resides, where the citadel of mind abides, the garrisoned cathedral of the heart. I like to think that all great thoughts and passions germinate in these chambers.

Self-conformity is the only conformity I endorse.  This requires that you love yourself. I don’t think anyone is capable of liking me more than I like me, even if they were paid. As Hillel said, “If I am not for myselfwho will be for me?” So long as I fortify my spirit with solemn reflection and meditation, I am unbreakable. I feel that we’re obligated to respect and love ourselves. Too often the world would have us believe, would lead us to think, that our worth is limited, when in fact, I believe, it is proportional to the love and devotion we pay ourselves. I don’t think loving yourself necessarily means you don’t hate yourself from time to time. Love and hate, being the most powerful of affections, seem to go hand in hand. Indifference is what I fear the most: the true absence of self-love. We are the gods of our existence, the arbiter of our destiny.

No more breaking

Thursday, April 14, 2005


i dont want my heart to break for no reason. sometimes i find it necessary to break my own heart. i get complacent with my feelings and i become numb to the happenings around me. i have to hurt to feel again. people get upset with me for being insensitive. they dont realize its unintentional. although alot of times when i recognize the insensitive state i choose to stay cold… sometimes… i try far too hard sometimes… and not nearly hard enough other times. people try far to hard sometimes… and not nearly hard enough other times. i dont like being taken for granted.. and i do things to avoid being taken for granted. i dislike when people go out of thier way to give a shit… just so it can be noted that they gave a shit… when in their heart they dont give a fuck. they dont even make the effort to make thier efforts worthwhile. useless. i started lifting again.. i cant wait. i want to gain 20 lbs in the next 3 months. 185bs. i met my neighbor for the first time last week. shes an interesting person. fun. i like being creative. i like writing. ive been beingh creative and writing alot lately. its been… refreshing. i like expanding my mind. love is painful and difficult. its also absolutely amazing. i want to be in love forever.
10:42 PM