for all its worth, discontent might be the most helpful burden ive ever carried. Ive struggled my whole life to be content. chronic discontent. i think its a perfectionism that thrives inside me. i need ideals to be exact without any room for vague aim. I thrive on hitting it on the mark. and thats the only thing that brings me a ray of happiness. at any rate. i love pursuing the unattainable. Just the feeling of gaining that confidence and understand at the metaphysic level of any of my passionate endeavors is more satisfying than any prolonged noble responsibility ive carried out; no matter how much character its suppose to build in the longrun. i love understanding. i love reason. anyway. its a blessin in disguise.